Chapter Text
Yangyang was helping Renjun pack when he spotted the forgotten letter under his bed.
“Oh? What is this?” The boy inquired as he wiggled his eyebrows, “A love letter?”
“Hey! Don’t read that!”
Renjun hurriedly tried to grab the dust-covered piece of paper from Yangyang’s grasp, but Yangyang dodged and raised it higher so he could get a better read.
“Why?” He grinned, his eyes twinkling with mischief, “Is it that embarrassing?”
📃
One month. Renjun and Yangyang had been living together for one month. One month of constant teasing after Yangyang discovered the scrap of paper under Renjun’s bed while helping him pack.
They had promised to move in together at the beginning of the year, and they had finally done so after having gathered enough money. Nothing, however, could have prepared Renjun for the way Yangyang had found the letter he had poured his heart out in.
Yangyang nevermissed a chance to poke fun at Renjun, bringing his ‘secret crush’ up at any given opportunity.
“Hey, I think I’m gonna go home a little early today.”
“And write letters to your love?” Yangyang teased.
“Shut up,” Renjun grumbled under his breath.
Even when he was feeling ill – “Oh, is loverboy lovesick now?”
It was humiliating and a huge blow to Renjun's pride. However, he usually just shrugged it off.
“Renjun Hyung!”
Renjun turned around to find a familiar face walking up to him during his stroll around campus alongside Yangyang.
“Chenle!?” He exclaimed, surprise painted across his features, “What are youdoing here?”
The younger boy was grinning from ear to ear, “I got in!”
“No way! Congratulations, oh my god!” Renjun engulfed him in a hug, unable to contain his excitement for the boy.
📃
After Chenle’s enrollment at the same university as them, Yangyang felt as if Renjun had forgotten all about him. Yes, he was jealous. He admitted it. I mean, who wouldn’t be if their best friend suddenly started making more time for a childhood friend that unexpectedly reappeared in their life, causing them to practically abandon their current partner in crime? He didn’t mention it at first, though, because it’s not like everything went exactly as planned, and he’d accepted that.
But was he really wrong for feeling that way? He couldn’t exactly control how he felt, but was it really unreasonable? And childish?
Yangyang made every effort to avoid the subject and divert his attention away from it. He decided it was high time he started keeping himself busy, which resulted in regular visits to the library and, eventually, finding a job for himself.
Despite living in the same house, their interactions became less frequent, and although there were occasional moments when Yangyang remembered how good Renjun’s company always felt, his schedule would be too packed to dwell on it for too long, and thus, he’d just brush it off.
Slowly, the whole situation stopped affecting him and he began to adapt to his new way of living. It wasn’t easy, but he managed to pull it off.
Maybe this was a good idea after all, he reasoned.
But, perhaps, he was mistaken.
📃
Renjun let out a deep sigh of relief. Hefinally finished assisting the librarian in stocking the library with the newly arrived books.
“Miss Irene, I’ll be taking my leave now!”
“Okay, thank you so much for helping me out!”
“No worries, ma’am.” He flashed a smile and walked towards the exit.
Renjun muttered to himself as he made his way out of the building. God, this semester is getting way too unbearable.
During his mental complaining of how draining everything had been for a while, he heard someone call out to him and the sound of their soft footsteps approaching.
“You didn’t have any classes in the evening today, did you?” Yangyang’s brows were furrowed, “What are you doing here?”
Renjun groaned, “I had to help Miss Irene with the library today, and let me tell you, stocking up the shelves isn’t just tiring for the body; I feel like even my head’s about to explode! It took us two whole goddamn hours and now, I’m afraid my bones will give out before I reach the age of 50.”
Yangyang shook his head fondly and smiled as he turned to face him, “I suppose you must be hungry then.”
“Starving, actually.”
“Wanna grab a bite together?”
“Delivery, please. I feel like I’ll pass out if I have to stay out any longer.”
“Tsk, dramatic as ever.”
Renjun collapsed on the sofa as soon as they entered their shared apartment.
“God, I really feel like my arms are about to fall off any minute now.”
“See, this is why you should work out on a regular basis,” Yangyang looked at him pointedly, “and running to class every morning because you couldn’t get out of bed and were late does not count as exercise, by the way.”
“Whatever,” Renjun pouted and folded his arms across his chest, “I’m hungry.”
“What do you want to eat?”
“Hotpot!”
“I should have expected that,” Yangyang chuckled, “I’ll order it. In the meantime, you should get changed.”
Renjun couldn’t tell if it was just his imagination, but Yangyang had been acting strangely distant lately. He made a mental note to confront him about it later.
After taking a shower and changing into a fresh pair of clothes, Renjun walked out of his room to the strong smell of hotpot wafting through the apartment. He’d been craving it for so long but couldn’t have it due to that hectic schedule of his, and now, he couldn’t wait to dig in.
The two sat down on the floor behind the table placed in front of the sofas — The sofas are way too uncomfortable to sit on while eating, Renjun had claimed — and instantly started scoffing down what was in front of them.
The first few minutes went by in pleasant silence, the two of them preoccupied with their food. That was until Renjun figured it was a good time to bring up what he had been itching to talk about with the other.
“Hey, what have you been up to lately?”
Yangyang creased his eyebrows, “What do you mean?”
“I mean, I barely see you anymore, even at home.”
“Oh, yeah,” Yangyang responded in apprehension, “I actually happened to find myself a job.” Renjun was taken aback by this.
Why didn’t he tell me? He tried to suppress the pang of hurt that threatened to cross his features.
“Oh? Since When?”
“It’s been about a month now. I thought I needed to keep myself a little busy,” Yangyang sounded mature, which left Renjun even more exasperated. “I can’t just keep living off of my family forever.”
Renjun agreed with a nod.
“I’m surprised you’re not hanging out with Chenle today,” Yangyang commented.
Renjun rolled his eyes. Okay, so he still hasn’t matured all that much yet.
“Jesus, you make it sound as if all I do is hang out with him. I only did it at first because he was new and needed time to adjust, you know. Besides, I’ve been so busy lately that I don’t even have time to sleep.”
“Welcome to college,” Yangyang chuckled, which earned him a grumble in response.
“I would give anything to be able to attend school again.”
“Of course the teacher’s pet would say that.” This statement was enough for Yangyang to be met with a smack on the back of his head followed by a glare.
“Sorry,” he grinned cheekily.
They had finally finished eating and were cleaning up the table. Maybe it was because it was late and he was tired, maybe he was influenced by Renjun’s sudden question, or maybe it was because it had been a while since he’d last seen his best friend, but this was when Yangyang was suddenly hit with a surge of courage to ask Renjun something he’d been curious about but had held back in respect of his privacy. He may have enjoyed joking around, but he would never go out of his way to meddle in someone else’s affairs and make them uncomfortable.
“Hey, I have a question.”
Renjun hummed in response.
“I was thinking…” He started.
“About what?”
“I was wondering if… the person you wrote the letter about was Chenle.”
“Letter? What let— Oh,” It only took a second for Renjun to figure out what Yangyang was referring to, “Where did you get that from?”
“I mean, it’s totally fine if it’s actually him. I swear I’m not gonna expose you or anything.”
“It’s not him,” Yangyang internally winced at how sharp Renjun’s reply was.
“You can trust me, Jun. I swear—”
“Chenle’s my cousin, Yang,” Renjun deadpanned.
“Oh.”
“Is that what this is about?” Realisation suddenly dawned on him, “Oh my god, is that why you’ve been avoiding me?”
“Avoiding you? Come on, Renjun, You were the one who never made it clear,” Yangyang stared at him bewilderedly, “I apologise for assuming and backing off in respect of my friend’s privacy and thinking that giving you time would eventually end up—“
“Shut up. Shut up, Yangyang,” Renjun cut him off, raking a hand through his hair in frustration, “Did you ever wonder for a split second that maybe I can’t tell you who it is because it’s actually you—” Renjun halted.
Oh no.
He was hurt. There had never been such a grave misunderstanding between the two of them before. Furthermore, Yangyang called him Renjun. They never addressed each other by their given names; it was always Jun and Yang. And now he fucked up.
“Fuck,” Renjun closed his eyes, took a deep breath and broke out into a ramble, “Okay. I’ll say it. It’s you, Yangyang. It’s you, and I’m telling you this right now because I’m sick and tired of having to hide my feelings. Do you know how hard it was to do that while the guy I liked constantly made fun of me for liking somebody, not knowing it was him? Not only was it fucking annoying, but what made it worse was how you looked so damn good every-time you had that smirk on your face, which frustrated me to the core because it was supposed to infuriate me and now I really don’t think I can take it anymore because for some inexplicable reason, you seem to have assumed that the person I like is my cousi—”
"Calm down," Yangyang gazed at him softly, tenderness evident in his tone as he abruptly covered Renjun's mouth with his palm, stopping him from going any further and allowing him to catch his breath.
Renjun's eyes were welling up with tears by this point. Staring at him, it struck Yangyang that all this time, that indescribable feeling he felt around Renjun wasn’t merely platonic. That clenching feeling in his chest every time he saw him with Chenle wasn’t the kind of jealousy he initially thought it to be. All this time, he was trying to deny his real feelings towards Renjun, blinded by the thought of losing the one person he cherished the most, not realising that this way, he was hurting him instead. He, too, was utterly in love with his best friend.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, “I love you too.”
Yangyang wrapped his arms around the boy who was in emotional turmoil, this being enough for Renjun to break out into a sobbing mess.
“I’m sorry for not realizing it sooner.”
They sat silently in the same position until Renjun’s sniffles finally subsided.
“Are you asleep?” Yangyang asked as gently as he could, and received a muffled ‘No’ in reply due to Renjun’s face being snuggled up in Yangyang’s chest.
“Do you want to go to bed?”
Renjun sat up straight this time, and shook his head.
“Do you…” He hesitated, “Do you really mean it?”
Yangyang placed both his hands on either of Renjun’s cheeks, and left a fluttering peck on his lips.
“Yes,” he said with a smile, “I love you.”