Chapter Text
“Oh come ooooon, otherwise we’ll be late!”
Øystein hurried me when I was tying the shoelaces before we left for school. As impatient as always! Anyway, I was glad that nothing changed in this matter, even though our lives got turned upside down.
“Well, you can see I’m almost done! Okay, done,” I said and got up. “Won’t you get cold like this?”
“Hey, don’t be my mother,” he teased me and rolled his eyes. Latterly, I got a bit too overprotective, maybe he was right! But how could I be not like this if it was snowing outside and he put on – as usual – his sweatshirt and leather jacket?
“Alright, alright, I’ll stop,” I said and put my hands on his face to give him a short kiss. What a relief it was to not be obliged to hide anymore! Øystein mumbled something with pleasure, letting me kiss him. It took us a bit longer than planned, so after a moment we heard Helge’s unhappy tone of voice:
“Boys… you’ll be late for math’s,” he groaned, not giving a damn about us kissing, but that we’d arrive late for the test on quadratic function.
“Dad!” Øystein gasped, blushing. He always looked very cute then, I couldn't stop myself from giggling nervously.
“Alright, quick, I’ll give you a lift to school.”
“No, no, we’ll manage on our own!” he said quickly and pulled my sleeve, almost forcing me out of the house. “Bye!”
Helge waved his hand, giving it a rest, and we left the house, giggling. And holding hands. Just as it should always have been. Even though everyone probably knew about us at this point, we wanted it to be official – and we planned to go to school like this.
I was a bit stressed, but I didn’t want to pretend anymore to be somebody I wasn’t.
Anyway, today we had the first court hearing against Einar. I needed some strength to be able to stand in front of, well, our abuser again. We were both his victims, even though at that moment, I didn’t feel like this. We were survivors, anyway, Øystein was one for sure. Despite some momentary problems with walking and memory, he was doing really well.
I was really proud of him. And I was incredibly happy to have him by my side again.
“Ready for the big entrance?” he giggled when we got onto the bus.
“Never been more ready,” I replied, squeezing his hand. We were still quite sleepy, so we shared the headphones, he took the left one and I took the right one, and we were listening to Watain. Nothing feels better than music about Satan worship and lustful rituals during a morning ride to school.
“Good, cause so do I,” he added, closing his eyes as he rest his head on my shoulder.
Still, I felt slight nervousness when we reached the school, Elvebakken. However, I grabbed Øystein’s hand bravely and we headed like this to the entrance. We had separate first lessons – I had citizenship education, he had English. However, I decided to follow him to the classroom and give him a short kiss.
“See you later,” I said, feeling a few surprised looks on us. Let them look and get jealous, it flickered through my mind. I smiled wider when I realized how happy Øystein was. And that was really the only thing I cared about.
“See you.”
I think we made a small sensation because when I left for a break, later on, to look for my friends, I heard some whispers behind me.
“Hi, what’s up,” I approached Tomas and Manheim who were sitting outside in puffer coats. Gylve joined us after a moment, spreading enthusiasm wherever he went.
“Tomas is planning to ask Katrine out, she’s from 3B,” Kjetil mentioned shortly, so I followed where their eyes were. My friend’s love interest was standing in a small group with my friend, Sigrid, and two other girls. After a moment, they realized that we were looking in their direction, so the redhead waved at me and headed towards us with her girlfriends – much to my friends’ horror!
“Fuck, what should I do?” Tomas gasped, panicking.
“Just act naturally,” Gylve replied quickly and fixed his hair.
“Varg! So nice to see you!” Sigrid hugged me with a smile, then said hi to my deadpan and stressed out friends.
“Well, we’ve heard that you go out with Øystein from your class,” the platinum blonde said, staring at me.
“We wanted to tell you that it’s super cute and we like it,” the other one added. “it’s sweet when two guys are together, you know.”
I think my eyebrows went all the way up to the line of my hair. I chuckled and nodded. Well, that was fuckin’ stereotypical but I took it as a compliment anyway.
“Cool,” I replied.
“So, if you ever feel like it, drop in together to our party. Now, we’re having a Friday Yule party at my place at Tåsen,” she added. “And you’re always welcome.”
“Oh, we’re actually planning to go to hytta with our parents but thanks for the invitation,” I replied, wiggling out of socialization with strangers. In reality, I was planning to go to the cabin which belonged to my mother alone with Øystein, but they didn’t need to know that!
Only then did I notice the angry and shocked looks of my friends.
“That’s too bad, but well, there’ll surely be more occasions,” the blonde said and the girls slowly left.
“Varg… what the fuck was that?” Tomas groaned.
“What?” I asked.
“You’re talking about a fuckin’ *hyttetur while the gates to paradise are standing open right in front of us! What the hell?” Manheim asked as if I just lost the chance of my life. I cackled shortly and twirled around.
“Gentlemen, you need to start picking up ladies yourself, without my or Øystein’s help.”
“Life is so fuckin’ unfair,” I still heard Tomas lamenting. “So, so fuckin’ unfair!”
***
The first court hearing against Einar ended without a verdict – all the cases were combined in one and the court decided to reargue the case and all the evidence in a month.
But still, the judge decided to extend his custody until then, which we all took with relief.
“I’m glad it’s over for now,” my mum sighed, she appeared as a witness. Helge put his arm around her, and I put mine around Øystein. After all, he spoke to most of us, about his relationship with Pelle, about his childhood. I could sense that he was all shaking and no wonder, after all, he spoke about difficult things.
“You’ve done so well,” I whispered, kissing him on the top of his head. He just looked at me and nodded. He was exhausted.
“Let’s go back home,” Helge decided, shaking hands with our lawyer. We didn’t need a barrister but Esben Landvik helped us a lot, giving us advice on what we should say and what we should rather keep to ourselves.
After a moment, the police walked the handcuffed Einar out of the courtroom. I could immediately sense Øystein’s body get tense and shudder. I brought him closer to myself, instinctually.
“Dad… dad, how could you let them do this,” he gasped, struggling. “Øystein…! Øystein, tell them I didn’t want it! I didn’t want to make it happen!” he groaned dramatically, causing worse scenes than during the process. My head was aching and I had enough of his voice, his presence, just him, I swear to gods.
But Helge made the grade.
He approached Einar and pushed him with his index finger.
“Don’t you ever call me a ‘dad’”, he hissed. “I have just one son. And it’s not you. Don’t you ever descend on us or contact us. If you try, I will call the police. Get the hell out of my life, Einar. Mine and Øystein’s. Once and for all.”
I was impressed by his explicit words. For a second, I wanted to clap and applaud but it was neither place nor time for that.
These words closed Einar’s foul mouth. Helge turned away, took my mum by hand and led us out of the court building.
“You told him the right thing,” she approved when we got into the car which I took with relief.
“I told him the truth,” Helge said as he started the engine. I noticed that he furtively glanced at Øystein, enwrapped in thought, in the rearview mirror. “Shall we go home?” he made sure.
“Drop us off by Valhall Arena if you can,” Øystein asked suddenly and looked at me. “I need some fresh air. Then we’ll come back.”
I didn’t ask more questions. Neither did Helge.
“Just don’t come back too late,” my mum asked us, worried as always. After all, she had reasons to be worried, it was a hard day, we were all quite overwhelmed.
Øystein lit a cigarette when they left and nodded at me. He didn’t say a word but after a moment I realized that he was leading me towards the cemetery, Østre Gravlund. I could feel it, from underneath my skin, that I know why we were here, so I decided to stay silent and let my boyfriend lead me. We didn’t need words for that.
Øystein knew the way perfectly; even though there was a lot of snow and it was getting dark, he navigated like a local. I realized that he must have been here many times before. He was weaving between the graves until he found the right one.
He put his hands into the pockets while I crouched and read the writing:
Per Yngve Ohlin
16th January 1998 – 8th April 2012
Rest in peace
I glanced at Øystein, watching the clouds of air coming out of his mouth in the freeze.
He took me to this sacred place, he shared it with me. I felt special and moved at the same time. I got up and wondered what I should say. However, Øystein started first:
“Everything you’d heard at the court today is true. Pelle was my first boyfriend… and Einar contributed to his suicide,” he sighed sadly, not looking at me. I took him by his freezing hand but didn’t interrupt. “He took pictures of him when he was sleeping at my place… his half-naked photos with cuts on his forearms ended up on Facebook. They were published anonymously but…” his voice faltered here. I squeezed his hand tighter. “but I quickly figured out who had done it,” he looked at me then. In his eyes, there was suffering and deep sadness. “It was calculated and well-thought. Einar knew well what he was doing. He couldn’t stand me being happy, so he had to destroy it.”
Øystein stopped for a second, calmed his voice. I could sense how hard it was for him. I could feel this weight on my shoulders – but now, I could at least help him carry it. After all, it’s always easier to do it in twos than completely alone.
“Pelle had never been popular but after that incident, the bullying started also from kids from different classes… whenever I could, I tried to protect him but that was a fucked up school. I couldn’t always defend him… Yes, he had suffered from depression before that but he was taking SSRI meds and he was doing better,” he sighed again. “He was an artist, he was really sensitive. That brought him down. His mother transferred him to another school but then, it was too late-“
Øystein paused, I could feel his pain, his whole body was crying. I embraced him. He didn’t need to finish this story, we both knew how it ended.
“I’m so sorry it happened to you, both of you,” I whispered, feeling him snuggle up to me. That melted my heart. “You should have never been through this… but… thank you that you’ve shared it with me, kjære. Thank you.”
Øystein nodded and sniffed. I gave him a moment, stroking his hair.
“I just wanted you… to understand why I had been behaving like this,” he said at last. “And… why I reacted the way I did when I realized that Einar would want to take you as well from me. I knew that I shouldn’t have attacked him but-“ he paused.
“Øystein,” I started firmly, grabbing his arms. I looked him in the eyes. “Landvik will defend us. It’s a difficult case but the court will understand that we all have been Einar’s victims. I know that you’re scared but they cannot send you to jail,” I smiled gently. “you’d roughhouse there too much! Anyway, the court didn’t even mention it.”
Øystein returned my smile which was a more beautiful view than Northern lights over the fjord. I took it with relief.
“You’re probably right,” he said. “They’d have enough of me even in prison.”
“Oh, come on,” I rolled my eyes, smiling gently. “I don’t have enough of you, after all.”
I gave him a moment in that place, holding him close. I felt that he needed me, so I stayed with him as long as he wanted. I didn’t rush him, I felt really calm. That feeling was like katharsis, it flowed all over me and overwhelmed me. It felt right. Øystein opened up for me at last and all these events had brought us even closer together.
There was no frustration or jealousy left in me. There was only understanding.
“Let’s go,” he decided at last when the darkness fell.
“Maybe we should come back one day and drink in remembrance of Pelle,” I suggested hesitantly, hoping that I wouldn’t offend my boyfriend. However, Øystein took up the idea and applauded it.
“Oh, shit, alright, let’s do it! Let’s take the guys and drink at the cemetery, as befits the true metalheads who consume cats,” he chuckled, already in a much better mood. I accompanied him.
“Don’t even think I’m going to haul you back home,” I said jokingly, recalling what I told him once, before our first party. Øystein smiled like a cat and nudged me in the ribs. He understood immediately what I had in mind.
“But of course, you will!” he replied just the way he did back then, kissing me shortly on the lips.