Chapter Text
It was a few days of sleeping in separate bed when Sammy got a call on his cell. It was still early and Dean was trying not to wake up, which was impossible as he had barely slept the last few nights.
Sammy was already up and making breakfast – eggs and toast by the smell of it, Dean really wish there was bacon in the motel – when the phone rang.
Sammy quickly answered it.
‘Hello?’ he asked tentatively.
‘Oh! Hi Uncle Bobby!’ he answered excitedly. ‘We’re hold up in Iowa; Dad’s hunting a Phantom in Des Moines.’
‘Are you serious?’ Sammy’s voice got high and excited. Crap. ‘He’s still asleep, but I’m sure I could wake him!’
Dean heard the familiar sounds of Sammy quickly padding across the floor to his bed. Instead of shaking him awake like he thought, Sammy jumped on him and straddled his waist with his legs.
‘Wake up! Uncle Bobby wants to talk to you,’ Sammy shouted, holding out the phone to him.
Dean shifted so he was on his back, wanting very much to push Sammy off of him but refrained, starving for any sort of contact.
‘Hey Uncle Bobby,’ Dean said, his voice hoarse from not using it all night. It was always hoarse in the mornings.
‘Hey Dean-o. I just told Sammy the good news. I’m sure you know he wants to stay with me for a few months,’ Bobby said.
‘Yeah, I know,’ Dean said trying, and probably failing, to hide his disappointment.
‘Anyway, I talked to your dad last night and he said that the hunt was going to take longer than he thought. I suggested you boys get in a car and drive out here now. No point in waiting around at a motel,’ Bobby said.
Dean thought it over. A couple days, or even a week, at Bobby’s would be nice. Sammy would be able to settle in and it would give him a few days with him instead of just dropping him off and leaving with Dad for a hunt like he thought was going to happened.
‘Sounds great. We’re only a couple of hours away, should be there before dinner,’ Dean replied.
‘Good,’ Bobby said, the happiness in his voice not lost on Dean. ‘Oh and Dean, be careful about getting a car.’
Dean just laughed. ‘I haven’t been caught yet,’ he said. ‘See you in a bit.’
‘Tell Sammy I said bye, too,’ Bobby said.
‘Will do,’ Dean replied and hung up the phone. He held it out to Sammy who grabbed it eagerly and held it up to his chest.
‘This is great! There’s two weeks until school and hopefully Dad’s still hunting by then. It’ll be like a mini-vacation for us,’ Sammy said, his lips curling into a wide grin.
‘Yeah, Sammy, it’ll be fun,’ Dean said, again failing to hid his disappointment.
Sammy rolled his eyes. He leant forward and pressed their foreheads together. ‘Don’t sound so happy for me Dean,’ he said sarcastically.
Dean thought that sleeping in separate beds was a mutual decision – Sammy because he was mad at Dean for not … not what? Not allowing them to do something that Sammy would regret later? Later being in a few weeks when Sammy would actually have a “semi-normal freaking life.” And Dean because he was trying to get used to not being able to be intimate with his brother like he wanted – but the way Sammy was pressing against him made him think that Sammy’s emotions had only lasted that one night.
‘I am happy for you Sammy. I know you want this,’ he said. His hands twitched by his sides, itching to rest them on his brother’s thighs.
‘It’s just you’ll miss me,’ Sammy said, filling in his words for him. ‘More than you think you should, I’d imagine.’
‘Don’t,’ Dean warned.
‘Not even if we’re on vacation?’ Sammy asked smiling. Dean could feel the smile against his forehead since his brother’s mouth was, thankfully, not in his eyesight. ‘You’re allowed to do things on vacation you wouldn’t normally do.’
‘This isn’t like cheating on a diet,’ Dean pointed out.
‘Sort of is,’ Sammy said laughing.
Dean couldn’t believe the dirty mind of his baby brother. His instincts were telling him to flirt back, but instead he just shoved Sammy onto the other side of the bed.
‘Oof!’ Sammy exclaimed cartoonishly. ‘You’re no fun.’ He propped himself onto his elbow close to Dean’s face. The proximity wasn’t any better. ‘What if I get you drunk? Then can I take advantage of you?’
Dean closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands. He couldn’t take this anymore. ‘Sammy, I said no, okay? Just let it be.’
Sammy was quiet for a long time. After awhile he finally he got back on top of Dean and pried his hands away from his face, pinning them against the pillow.
‘We aren’t going to see each other. For a long time Dean. Why don’t you get that?’
‘I get it,’ Dean said loudly. ‘I get it. And I don’t like it. You don’t like it. But you’re doing it anyway. And we’ll be better off for it. You’ll finally understand what I’m trying to get into that thick skull of yours.’
Sammy pulled back slightly confused. ‘And what’s that?’
Dean sighed. Did he really have to explain? Sammy just sat there staring. He guessed he had to. ‘You’re going off to school. It wont be just me and you. You’ll finally make friends. Meet a girl, probably. God knows you’ll be able to if you just try ….’ Dean paused, closing his eyes. ‘It wont be like this for you forever.’
Dean was too busy internally freaking out that he had actually said the things that he barely admitting to himself out loud to notice Sammy leaning forward. He didn’t snap back to reality until their lips were touching. It wasn’t even lightly, Sammy had smashed their lips together forcefully.
Dean was tempted to give in, to press his lips back. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t! Instead, he flipped over pinned Sammy to the bed, grabbing hold of his wrists in the confusion.
‘What part of what I just said did you not understand?’ Dean yelled.
Sammy glared. ‘I understand perfectly, Dean. I just don’t agree.’
‘And this is the part which I point out that I am the older and the wiser brother,’ Dean said.
Sammy sighed. ‘Maybe I grow up, go to college, meet a girl, fall in love. Sure. But why should that stop us? Plenty of people have ex’s.’
Dean groaned. The word “ex” bothered him, that Sammy would or could ever think of him as that. To Dean it wouldn’t be like dating his brother. It would just be them, being brothers. Even if they stopped being intimate, they wouldn’t be exes. They’d probably just be more well-adjusted brothers. Instead of trying to convey those feelings he just said, ‘but I wouldn’t just be another ex. I’m your brother.’
‘So what?’ Sammy said. ‘Love doesn’t care about that sort of thing!’
Dean sat back surprised, allowing Sammy to sit up, too. At first Sammy raised his eyebrows in confusing at Dean’s surprised face, but then he smiled. ‘What? You didn’t think I’m in love with you?’
Dean didn’t know what to say. He had tried so hard to just put his feelings for Sammy into a little box of “Lust” that those thoughts never even occurred to him. And, of course, he tried to rationalize Sammy’s feelings as confusion and teenage hormones.
‘You really are an idiot, aren’t you?’ Sammy said, filling in the silence.
Dean shook himself out of it. ‘Well of course you love me Sammy. I’m your brother,’ he said, trying to rationalize Sammy’s feelings again.
‘Did you mishear me? I did say in love. There’s a difference.’
‘Yeah, Sammy, I know there’s a difference,’ Dean said angrily. ‘But you can’t be in love with you own brother.’
Sammy reached up with one hand and set it against Dean’s chest. ‘So you’re not in love with me?’
‘Of course not!’ Dean spat.
Sammy tilted his head and thought for a moment. ‘But you want to have sex with me?’ He said, his fingers curling around Dean’s collar.
‘No,’ Dean said, getting as little emotion into those words as he could muster.
‘You’re lying,’ Sammy said, getting closer to Dean. ‘You’re lying about both.’
‘You’re my baby brother,’ Dean said, more like a plea.
‘And I’m saying yes,’ Sammy answered, so close that their mouths brushed against each other.
Dean wanted to give in, to close the distance between them, whatever little was left. But he couldn’t. It was his baby brother and no matter what Sammy was saying, he was still a kid and didn’t know what he wanted.
Dean pulled Sammy’s hand away from his collar and pulled his leg around to sit on the edge of the bed. ‘Sammy, stop. Please.’
Dean felt Sammy’s hand on his shoulder and before he could stop him, Sammy placed a kiss on his cheek. ‘Fine. But if these two weeks go by without you believing we can do this, I’m going to be pissed.’
‘Then you better prepare yourself,’ Dean said determined. He got up and walked over to the kitchen area where Sammy had forgotten his breakfast on the place. He started eating. It was cold, but was a welcomed distraction.
‘Hey, that’s my breakfast,’ Sammy said.
‘Big brother,’ Dean pointed out.
‘You’re a jerk,’ Sammy said.
‘You’re a bitch,’ Dean replied with a smile. It surprised him how fast they could go from being like how they were to normal brotherly bickering.
‘Fine. Finish the breakfast while I pack, like always, but then I get to hotwire the care and drive.’
‘Dude, please. Like I’d let you hotwire your first car.’
‘I have to learn sometime,’ Sammy said.
‘Fine. But I’m driving!’