Chapter Text
“It’s not a date!” Jayce says for the 1000th time. He, Vi, and Caitlyn are standing in his room, barely an hour after his departure with Viktor.
It's giving Jayce emotional whiplash, but he had come home to a well-rested Vi and not much later Caitlyn returned in an equally good mood. The note Jayce retrieved from Caitlyn’s bedroom is crumpled in the trash can under his desk, a few feet away. Its presence seers into Jayce’s mind as he debates outfits for tomorrow with Vi and Caitlyn.
“Call it whatever you want, you’re not going in sweatpants!” Caitlyn’s tone is incredulous, snatching the pants Vi had suggested out of her hands and flinging them back into Jayce’s closet.
This is not the help Jayce pictured when he jokingly asked the two of them what appropriate study-buddy attire is when you want to be actual friends later with said study-buddy (and prove you’re not a complete fuck up). Of course, they misconstrued it to mean Jayce wanted to impress his study-buddy (aka, a potential date).
They weren’t wrong, but Jayce can’t go back on his assertions now. Then he’d have to admit they’re right. And that always comes back to bite Jayce in the ass.
“Casual is better! He’ll look like he’s trying too hard,” Vi argues. “But that’s what Jayce does,” Caitlyn counters. “Hey, rude-” “The point is to help him not do that.” Jayce watches Caitlyn mumble something in response about “he doesn’t own any jeans” as she digs through all of his drawers.
Elbow deep in his shorts drawer, Caitlyn pulls out a pair of gray ripped jeans he bought in high school. “What about these?” She holds them out for Vi to inspect. “There’s no way those still fit him.” Vi squints at the jeans and then at Jayce, “Well, maybe…” “Are none of my new clothes good enough?” Jayce whines. “All you own are dress pants and gym clothes,” Caitlyn says, no room for argument because she’s right.
And that’s how Jayce ends up shirtless and squeezing into a pair of jeans from high school just to prove he can. Barely. He’s a lot more muscular than he used to be, but the pants were meant to be a loose style. Now they just look like not-too-skinny skinny jeans.
When he stands in front of his full-length mirror, they don’t look terrible. In fact… “Oh.” Jayce’s thoughts are confirmed by Vi, who lets out a low whistle. “Lookin’ good, pretty boy!”
“I told you to stop calling me that,” Jayce grumbles and watches his face go red in the mirror without his permission. He’s emotionally vulnerable right now, that's unfair. Jayce never should’ve admitted to why it embarrasses him… although, in his defense, the night he did he was very very drunk and very very excited to play truth or dare.
The two girls just laugh at him, and a sweatshirt gets tossed his way. It only takes a glance for him to realize just which sweatshirt it is. “Absolutely not,” Jayce drops the article onto the floor like it’s made of acid. “WOah! I bought you that! Be nice,” Vi says as she and Caitlyn burst into laughter.
The sweatshirt laying in a heap at Jayce’s feet was a gag-gift from Vi from his 21st birthday just a few months ago. A very bright color block sweatshirt in pink, yellow, and blue: the colors of the pansexual flag.
Jayce still remembers when he unwrapped it. How could he forget: “Please, I’m going to get hate-crimed wearing this!” Jayce drunkenly stumbled over the words, making himself laugh way too much at the not-very-funny-if-you-think-about-it-too-hard joke. “I’d like to see someone try,” Mel giggled, wrapping a hand around his bicep - intent obvious. It felt like a hot iron. She strokes her fingers across the muscle. An uncomfortable shudder runs up Jayce’s spine from the touch. Jinx chooses that moment to finally look up from her phone and drop a truth-bomb: “No one who isn’t gay will know what it means.” A good point. But thinking about it to make sure it’s true makes Jayce’s head hurt. The sheer amount of vodka he had drunk is really kicking in. Ah, memories.
“Why not? This way, your not-date will know exactly where you stand!” Caitlyn laughs even harder when Jayce’s blush grows. “I’m moving out. I hate you guys…”
But he doesn’t. And the sincerity of this whole moment is about ten seconds from making Jayce burst into tears. He can’t believe he was willing to give this all up less than two hours ago. Maybe it’s the sentimentality or the emotional exhaustion, but Jayce caves before either of them can try to convince him further. “Fine, I’ll wear it, but only because it’s cold in the library.”
He goes to bed that night holding on to the love and happiness Vi and Caitlyn bring him, hoping that’s enough to keep the reality of his situation at bay, at least for the night. The tears he lets out are ones of relief. The consequences of his quiz grade can wait until morning.
-
Jayce never considered that it could be a thrill to simply be alive. But, when his eyes open on Saturday morning at 9:00am to the ringing of his alarm clock, that’s exactly what he feels. Excitement. Thrill. Joy.
It’s tainted by a fair dash of sorrow, though. Happiness marred by what-ifs and concern for the future and regret for even thinking he could have- that he would have-
He really shouldn’t dwell on that.
So instead of laying in bed and replaying last night in his head (tempting as it may be), Jayce opts to get up and take a shower. He strips and cranks the water as hot as possible, hoping it’ll be enough to distract himself from his thoughts.
Stepping in, the water burns at his back, boiling and lighting his nerve endings on fire. A reminder that he’s alive.
Jayce hums a tune and grabs his shampoo bottle, forcing down the worst of his intrusive thoughts. But, as showers tend to do, memories from last night crop up.
Embarrassing ones.
Like the fact that he told Viktor he hooked up with his RA freshman year to regularly use the guy’s bathroom so he didn’t have to use the collective one. Why the fuck did he tell him that? It’s true… well, partially.
The reality was some guys in his dorm hall had all followed each other immediately after moving in and, only a handful of photos back (from when he was 17), had been a coming-out post.
That night, in the collective washroom, Jayce had been subjected to some pretty gross comments from 4 other dudes in there while trying to shower.
It wasn’t anything beyond verbal harassment; he suspects even assholes don’t want to get kicked out of college on day two. But, he didn’t exactly want to watch them get bold as time went on. So, instead, he told his RA, who told the dorm director. Without any better options available, the dorm director asked the RA to let Jayce use his shower for a while.
Said RA was very attractive and nice… and gay.
And, maybe, Jayce caught him staring openly when he left the shower shirtless one time. And, maybe, they hooked up the next time Jayce went for a shower. And, maybe, that meant Jayce never stopped using his shower.
It was a win-win situation. He wonders now if RA-with-benefits is a legal setup or if he could’ve gotten the guy fired if he told the wrong people… good thing his roommates only wanted to hear about his female hookup endeavors.
Reminiscing aside… Why did he tell Viktor?! Jayce barely knows the guy. He usually saves that story for close friends and drunk acquaintances.
“Well, you can’t use a guy's shower every day for 8 months without giving anything in return.” Why did he say it like that? And why did he wiggle his fucking eyebrows after at the poor guy as if Viktor didn’t already get it? Was he that desperate to communicate to Viktor that he’s into men?
To be fair, his brain was a little foggy and his emotions were on overdrive after everything that had happened. Wires must have gotten crossed and confused adrenaline for horny. Wouldn’t be the first time.
Not that Jayce wouldn’t hit on Viktor otherwise!
Even in the state Jayce was in last night, or maybe because of it, Jayce could not help but admire the shape of Viktor’s cheekbones in the warm lights of the parking garage roof. His hair had been a wonderful wavy mess, a long day of work visible in how the gel styling was clearly pulled out of place with frustrated fingers looking for something to do; A look Jayce is very familiar with seeing on himself in the mirror after a long day in the office.
When Jayce was driving Viktor to his dorm, he had glanced at Viktor mid-conversation and was struck by how much his smile-crinkled golden eyes looked like the glow of the streetlamp behind him. An angel with a fluorescent halo, yellow and artificial, but inexplicably nostalgic. Like driving home at 2am or walking around your childhood town when no one else is around.
So yeah, Jayce finds Viktor attractive. There’s no use in denying that. Jayce has eyes, sue him.
The shower is definitely not a safe place to be thinking about the shape of Viktor’s upper lip or the smirk that had warped it when he teased Jayce just before leaving: “Thank you very much for the ride, Vice President Talis.” The mental image makes heat rise in his stomach. It shifts and changes in his imagination until it’s that smirk staring at him from across the couch. After pulling away from a kiss. From between his legs- Oh no. Absolutely not. Definitely not doing any of that right before going to see Viktor!
Jayce quickly rinses his hair and ends his shower before his brain can cook up any inappropriate thoughts.
-
Stepping off the elevator to the third floor of the library, Jayce makes his way towards the room number Viktor had texted him, drinks and pastries in hand.
It was a smart call on Viktor’s part to rent them a private study room so they could use a white board and talk without pissing everyone off around them. It also meant Jayce could blatantly flirt with Viktor without feeling embarrassed about being watched.
However, as the thought crosses his mind, Jayce realizes: Viktor has quite literally only been around him when he’s a mess. The Fluid Systems quiz, the top of the parking garage… Why on Earth would Viktor be receptive to someone that much of an absolute mess flirting with him?
Jayce suddenly feels very sweaty and awkward in his sweatshirt.
He wishes the walls to the study rooms weren’t made of glass windows so he could take a moment to collect himself in front of the door. But, of course, Viktor spots Jayce through the glass as he’s making his way over and waves. Jayce can’t do much but nod back because his hands are occupied, and by the time he reaches the door, Viktor is already opening it for him.
“Good morning!” Jayce tries to be enthusiastic despite the self-doubt that settled in just a moment ago, and it comes out way too loud and fake. “Good morning, Jayce,” Viktor replies at a far more appropriate volume and level of enthusiasm for the hour.
“How are you this morning?” Viktor asks casually, moving to sit back down, but his eyes dart to Jayce’s sweaty forehead with concern. Jayce is thankful for the clear option to answer with a lie. “I’m… as good as I can be, I guess.” Jayce sets the drink carrier and food down and rubs the back of his neck. Viktor hums with understanding; How Viktor seems to hear 100 things underneath Jayce’s statement despite knowing him for all of a week, Jayce has no idea.
His answer is, for the most part, honest. The emotional rollercoaster of the last week and all the stress he’s been under has taken a large toll on his well-being (obviously, given last night). But he’s in a pretty good mood, all things considered. His time with Vi and Cait last night was fun and he woke up excited to see Viktor.
The only thing tainting it is the insane up and down of his thoughts about Viktor: from attracted, to confident, to insecure, to dejected - all in the span of 4 days (or, really, the last 12 hours). Maybe Jayce should go to therapy.
Speaking of Viktor, though… He looks fantastic today.
There’s no styling in his hair like the last two times Jayce has seen him. This time, his (surprisingly) wavy hair is pulled into a low ponytail, not catching any of the front pieces because they’re too short. Jayce has only been here for 60 seconds and Viktor has absentmindedly re-tucked the same piece behind his right ear 3 times.
On top of the casual hairdo, he’s wearing a maroon university-branded matching sweatshirt and sweatpants. It’s a little silly and over the top, but he looks unbelievably small and comfy in it despite his height. It makes Jayce want to scoop him into a soft hug.
Fuck. Jayce is so fucked.
“Excited to learn Fluid Systems?” Viktor jokes as he rearranges his spread where he was sitting. Jayce catches a glimpse of some really interesting looking machine designs, but doesn’t think they’re close enough friends yet to warrant Jayce demanding to get a look at his work. “I’m not sure excited is the right word,” and if Jayce’s nervous chuckle doesn't say it all, he’s not sure what will.
He’s immediately distracted from a potential dramatic spiral, though, when Viktor lifts the chai to his lips and takes a sip. He closes his eyes to do it, almost in reverence, giving Jayce the perfect cover to stare at how Viktor’s lips push against the lid and bask in the tiny happy noise he makes when he tastes it. When he pulls back, Jayce forgets that he’s not supposed to be looking directly at Viktor and they make eye contact. A red blush blossoms across Viktor’s cheeks and Jayce has never wanted to poke someone’s cheeks more.
“Ah… how would you like me to pay you back for this?” Viktor asks as he turns away from Jayce and moves to the whiteboard, maneuvering awkwardly around the tight space.
(Jayce makes a mental note to talk to Mel about the accessibility of these study rooms. There’s no way a wheelchair user could move around in here. He should write that down before he forgets...)
“It would be so mean of me to make you pay for your drink after you agreed to basically teach me Fluid Systems! There’s no way I’m giving you my info.” As it stands, Jayce is sure he owes Viktor a lifetime of coffee. Even if he can’t really afford it. “You are under no obligation to pay for my drink,” Viktor seems put off by Jayce’s assertion, mouth scrunched into a grimace and brows furrowed enough that it might be anger. Shit- What did he say to make Viktor’s posture so closed off all of the sudden? Was it the way he said it?
God, Jayce hates analyzing semantics.
“I know I don’t have to. I want to! I even bought you a pastry if you want it.” Jayce pushes the two muffins he bought towards Viktor, hoping he gets the message to choose one, and continues, “I could joke that this is still cheaper than a tutor. But, really, it’s because I wanted to say thank you. For… everything. I’m not the best with words, so I thought I could do something nice, instead,” Jayce hopes the sincerity works to reassure Viktor, blinking up at him with the most toned-down version of his puppy dog eyes he can muster (and feels a bit bad about using it to his advantage). What isn’t forced, though, is how Jayce’s cheeks warm up at the honesty and how he drums his fingers against the table in an anxious habit.
It must work because Viktor sighs in defeat. “Fine, but only this one time. Next time, you will let me pay you back or I will not drink it.” It feels like scolding, but Jayce counts it as a win, perking up again. “Deal!”
Viktor picks the blueberry muffin, gets comfortable in front of the whiteboard, and asks: “Ready?” “If I answer that truthfully, we’ll never get started,” Jayce laughs. He fidgets with the edge of the notebook he pulled out - remembers to jot down his note about accessibility in the margin of a used page - and regrets he wasn’t looking up to see the chuckle Viktor replies with. “Fair enough,” he laughs. “Now, chapter one focused on introductory thermodynamic concepts and basic equations-”
Jayce has never paid this much attention to a professor, a TA, a tutor, or anyone trying to explain something to him in his life. He feels rapt, enchanted by Viktor’s words. Fluid characteristics should really not be this fascinating. But the way Viktor talks about these things so passionately, like they’re life-changing, and at an intellectual depth Jayce loves - he knows every lecture he sits in from now on is ruined.
Every time Jayce manages to think of a good question, pushing at the edges of Viktor’s knowledge, Viktor gives him a look that Jayce’s need for reassurance (read: praise kink) wants to print out and hang on every surface in his room. It’s a micro-expression, a subtle lift of Viktor’s eyebrows, the left one more than the right, and a slight downturn to the edges of his mouth, and a slighter lift at the center. It’s always accompanied by a tiny nod and a filler noise, tiny “eh”s and “ah”s filling in the gaps until Viktor formulates an answer. It’s addicting.
The only distraction is that one piece of hair Viktor keeps tucking away: a tiny, wayward curl. Every time it falls in front of Viktor’s eye, Jayce comes closer and closer to standing up, walking around the table, and fixing it himself. He feels his fingers twitch with the thought.
Again, to reiterate, Jayce is so fucked.
6pm rolls around before either of them realize it, finally finished going over the information Jayce missed from the first few lectures. It wouldn’t have taken so long if they hadn’t had other things to work on, taking a few breaks here and there so Jayce could answer Student Government emails and Viktor could work on stuff for his lab.
Jayce is waiting for the right moment to ask Viktor about his lab work. Mel is always telling him he’s too nosey…
But they’re packing up to leave, and now seems like the perfect chance to start a casual conversation. “So what’s this lab you work at? Pretty cool to be doing that as an undergrad!” The question catches Viktor off guard, causing him to whip his head up with a blush.
“Ah, it is nothing…” “It’s definitely not nothing if the seven hundred papers you had out are any indication!” Jayce gestures to the mess in Viktor’s backpack where he’s currently stuffing papers back into it. Viktor glances down and chuckles at the obvious mess as he says, “I cannot deny that it has been a very rewarding experience. But I’ve mostly been assisting with the lab director's work. He said once I am a graduate student I can begin my own. Even though I have seen undergraduates do their own work in other labs…” Viktor’s tone changes at the end and Jayce catches the stiffness that makes its way back into his posture.
“What would you research if he let you?” And that gets Viktor to give Jayce his full attention, a look in his eyes so bright and searing that Jayce has to fight to not look away. “My lab director, Dr. Heimerdinger, does work with brain-computers and nerve interfacing. I want to do research into taking prosthetic limbs that use nerve interfacing and enhancing their function with AI integration.” There’s so much behind Viktor’s eyes with his statement that Jayce can’t decode.
Jayce takes a full 5 seconds to digest the words and make sure he’s fully wrapped his head around what Viktor is implying before he comments: “That sounds awesome. If it works, I have to imagine it would be revolutionary… Has anyone ever tried it before?” Viktor shakes his head, the short curls falling into his face. He doesn’t fix them this time, too focused on the conversation. Jayce has to physically restrain himself from reaching over and re-tucking them, grabbing his own elbows and hugging his arms close to his chest.
“I’ve looked through every semi-related reliable journal I can get my hands on and I’ve only seen the idea get tossed around in theory or some early untested AI coding. No one has just gone for it yet and built it,” Viktor says as they exit the tiny study room, Jayce holding the door.
“What about you, Jayce? What are you hoping to do with your degree?” Jayce laughs, knowing how this conversation always goes.
“Do you want the serious answer or the batshit-crazy answer? Neither are anywhere near as noble of a pursuit as yours.” Viktor hums like he’s actually considering which answer he wants. “Both? Serious answer first and then the crazy answer,” he says.
“Serious answer is my parents- well, just my mom, now- owns a construction company. I’ll probably end up being a civil engineer,” Jayce says, shrugging as they step into the elevator. He can’t talk about it with much passion, he never really wanted to follow in his parent’s footsteps.
“Respectable, but you do not sound very excited,” Viktor quirks an eyebrow and gives the tiniest hint of the smirk Jayce loves. The elevator dings, letting them out on the first floor. “I can’t say that it’s ideal. Which leads me to my crazy answer, and the reason I didn’t just get a degree in civil engineering. Growing up I was really interested in the idea of perpetual motion machines and how, if they were real, how much good they could do for the world,” Jayce rushes through the end of the sentence.
It’s embarrassing, admitting his fascination with what is basically pseudoscience to other engineers. He’s had people laugh in his face, launch into lectures about why they don’t work, look with disgust- any negative reaction you can imagine. This is why he always leads with “growing up” , so he can backtrack if needed.
Viktor, though, seems curious. He side-eyes Jayce, saying, “Is that so? That is… intriguing. How come?”
No immediate dismissal? It’s the most positive reaction Jayce has ever gotten.
He might be in love (haha). Wait- don’t joke about that-
“Well, while I’m sure that all the theories about vacuum and zero-sum energy are pretty useless, I do think there’s something to it for sustainable energy consumption. The first person who thought of solar-powered motors thought it was a perpetual motion machine. So I think if I had my choice, I’d do research on that! Near perpetual motion machines that could reduce energy consumption and increase energy accessibility around the globe without further damaging the planet.”
“That is a very noble pursuit, Jayce. Do not sell yourself short.” Viktor’s words make Jayce’s heart sing. Viktor sends him a tired smile and once again Jayce finds his fingers twitching, desperate to reach out and touch. “I’d like to talk about it more when my brain is not so fried from fluid systems,” Viktor says.
As they step outside, free from the library for the first time in 7 hours, the moon is blocked by rain-heavy clouds, leaving the bright lights from the library windows to do their best to illuminate the sidewalk.
Jayce turns to Viktor. “Want a ride? Wouldn’t want you getting caught in the rain.” Jayce gives him a winning smile and wink. “My dorm is a five minute walk away, Jayce,” Viktor rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t immediately say no… “And a two minute drive!” Jayce places a hand on Viktor’s shoulder. He can hear both Mel and Cait’s voices in his head begging him to stop being overly touchy with strangers, but he elects, for once, to ignore them. Surely, after spending an entire day together, a friendly touch wouldn’t be the end of the world.
Viktor’s eyes go wide, staring at the hand and blinking for a very long second before he recomposes himself with a sharp breath and flicks his golden eyes back to Jayce’s face. His eyelashes flutter and Jayce feels his heart stop. “A ride home would be… nice.”
The ride really is only two minutes, so Jayce feels like he doesn't get nearly enough casual time with Viktor before they’re pulling up to their destination. Light rain taps against the windshield.
“See you on Tuesday, Viktor!” Jayce doesn’t voice his disappointment that he has to leave. “Don’t forget to review chapter 5 before then,” Viktor says as he opens the passenger door. Exiting and then leaning back in to grab his backpack, Viktor pauses like he’s thinking about something he’s not sure he should say. When he stands back up, backpack in hand, he smirks at Jayce and says, “I like your sweatshirt, by the way.” What? The car door closes.
Jayce can only blink at the spot where Viktor was just standing. His sweatshirt? His- oh my god his fucking sweatshirt. The flag sweatshirt. Viktor’s walking around the front of his car, letting the drizzling rain hit him, when realization dawns on Jayce. They make eye contact through the wet windshield and whatever Viktor sees, it makes him hide a giggle with his free hand.
Unable to do anything with his short-circuited brain other than watch Viktor retreat through the rain into his dorm hall, Jayce sits with his fingers digging into the steering wheel. What does that mean?
-
He asks Vi and Caitlyn the same question the second he gets home. “He said he likes it. Does that just mean he’s pan too? Or that he’s interested in me? Or was he making fun of me? I don’t feel like he’s homophobic-” “Will you shut the fuck up?” Vi throws a couch pillow at him where he’s standing across from her and Cait, blocking the TV; Jayce catches it against his chest.
“I think it means he likes you. Surely he recognized it when you were studying together. It seems too strategic to wait until the very last moment to say it for any other reason…” Caitlyn is using her detective voice, so Jayce is not at all surprised by the next words that come out of her mouth. “Does he have any social media?” Vi groans. “You can’t insta-stalk every single person vaguely interested in Jayce, you know?” Vi tries to lean around Jayce’s frame to look at the TV again, already disengaging from the conversation. “I can, and I will,” Caitlyn says as she turns her expectant eyes on Jayce, waiting for the information she requested.
“I… Actually, I don’t know. All I know is his name is Viktor, his phone number, and that he works at a mechanical engineering lab for a professor named Dr. Heimerdinger.” He can tell the small amount of information disappoints Caitlyn. “You don’t even know his last name?!” Jayce pauses. “I- I guess not.” “Oh my god, Jayce. I’ll see what I can do,” and then Caitlyn’s phone is out and the conversation is over. Better to leave her to her digging.
When Jayce makes it to his room and closes the door, his phone dings. He looks at it immediately, heart racing in the event that it’s Viktor. Oh, it’s from Mel. Disappointment runs its course, followed by guilt. <[( We need to meet up before Tuesday. Dean Kiramman wants to see our budget plan before we propose it to Senate on Thursday )]
So soon?! They haven’t even begun to find where extra money is going to come from and their only idea was immediately shut down.
Great. Just another thing to worry about.
[( Monday afternoon work for you? I can come to the office)]> Jayce replies. He knows Mel’s schedule, so he knows the answer will be yes. Without even texting a response, Mel sends him a calendar invite to block off the time. He accepts.
Grabbing his laptop and a notebook on his way to the bed, Jayce lays down on top of the comforter, propped up by an old pillow. Better get started on new ideas for their budget proposal.
Jayce spends the night working diligently and wishing for a text from Viktor that never comes.