Chapter Text
SOONYOUNG'S POV
"Congratulations, Engineer Kwon!"
I sighed in relief when I saw my names on the list of who passed the board exams. My hard work paid off, I guess. I smiled and thanked my friends who also passed their exams God-knows how they passed it. Mingyu was with me when we took the exams. We studied together and spent sleepless of nights just to pass the exams.
"Where will you celebrate?" Mingyu asked me, shaking my shoulder a little. "Come on, let's drink with our friends."
I shook my head. I had other plans in mind, plans that I made before this day arrived. Either I passed or failed, I would still pursue the things I scheduled for today.
"Go ahead," I said and grabbed my car keys. "I'll catch up later."
Mingyu pouted. "And when is that later, Kwon?"
"You'll know when you see me."
I left Mingyu in my apartment and got to my car. I drove back to the hospital and every time I see the white building that was too familiar to me, it pains my heart a little. All the memories I had there doesn't haunt me anymore but they still live in my heart rent free. Happy memories that I was willing to keep. Because not everything that happened there turned out to bad. Some were pleasant and has shaped me to the person who I am today.
After arriving and parking in the basement, I rode the elevator to my mom's floor. Fortunately for me, she is still fighting and staying strong from her illness. She never gave up on it so I learned to never give up on her. I had a basket of fruits with me and a graduation photo because she asked for one. She felt sorry for not attending my graduation last month but I understood her and told her that she couldn't. Because of her illness and all that.
"Hi, dear," my mom immediately greeted me when she saw me enter her door. "You didn't have to, Soonyoung."
"But I wanted to." I placed the basket of fruits on her side table and also my framed graduation photo. "Your son is now an engineer, mom. I passed my exams."
Her eyes widened when I told her the oh-so big news so casually. It looked like she just wanted to jump out of her bed and hugged me. I managed to not roll my eyes when I saw her expression and her glistening eyes that were looking straight at me.
"My son! Congratulations!" She cheered instead. "I'm so proud of you!"
I gave her a wide smile and silently thanked her by bowing my head. I couldn't have done this without her - without them.
We caught up for a while because I haven't visited her after I graduated due to studying for the board exams. I felt happy and safe with her presence. So warm and airy that I couldn't help but to melt in her arms once she hugged me. I have become a sap without even recognizing it.
After an hour, I left the hospital to go to a flower shop and buy a bouquet of sunflowers. I placed it at the backseat of my car and drove to the place that comforted me the most.
Jihoon.
I parked at the side of the road and stepped out of the car to bring out the bouquet plus dinner that I prepared for myself. I'm going to have a date with him and he better like it. I worked so hard to cook this dish because I'm not really into cooking. I haven't tried it in my life but for him, for him I will try. It may not be amazing but at least it's edible.
"Hi, love..." I placed the bouquet on his grave. I picked out sunflowers since his favorite color is yellow which totally fits his personality since he is bright and bubbly. "I got this for you and I cooked rice cake, seaweed soup and spam kimbap. Okay, this might be the easiest dish ever but don't judge me. At least, I tried."
I laughed and sat on the grass while unpacking my dinner. I also lit up some candles to make the atmosphere lighter.
The first times I've been here, I never did anything but cry. Blame everyone including myself because we lost you. I lost you. The only good thing that happened in my life was gone and I couldn't even do anything about it. But I know Jihoon doesn't want me to keep blaming myself so I wanted to heal. I even visited a psychiatrist to deal with my anger issues and depression - I didn't even know I had depression until I got diagnosed with it.
I'm getting better as time passes by, the pills help a lot and I've been getting anger management therapy. I've been more calmer and less angrier. This is helpful and beneficial for me in the working environment. And it's all because of Jihoon.
"I passed the board exams, love," I said, I can already feel the tears forming in my eyes. I just wanted to hear him say he's proud of me but the voice recording doesn't do me justice. I want to hear it live. "Wish you could be hear to celebrate this big milestone with me. The therapist said I'm getting better. Love, you're still looking after me, right? You'll never leave me alone..."
I took a deep breath before I start breaking down again. Healing from the loss of the love of my life is not going to happen overnight. There are steps and I can take it slowly. There's no need to rush.
"I'm also thinking about running a... dance company," I said. I let out whatever thoughts I kept for weeks and rant it out to Jihoon. It was way better. "Not now but soon, when I have enough money, you know? I still need to think of a name for it. But it'll definitely be inspired by you so don't worry, love. Love, it's been tough without you but I only wish you don't feel any pain anymore. Stars bring no pain, huh? You've been suffering a lot so you finally get to rest."
Jihoon said he really loved the stars. Jihoon loved it so much that he became one. Shining bright within the many arrays of stars and I can only look up and wish that Jihoon was also looking down at me. Smiling at me, admiring me and missing me. Because I really miss him a lot.
"Hope you're happy there..." I whispered and cleaned his grave a little. "I'll try to be happy soon so just sit back and watch. You'll see the happiest version of me someday and you'll still be in my heart. Because I will never know the real meaning of happiness if it weren't for you, love."
Jihoon had always made a big impact on me. He made me see things the way he does and it changed my mindset and perspective a lot.
After finishing my dinner, I cleaned up and placed it inside the blanket again and wrapped the blanket around and tied it together. I gave his grave one look and smiled at it.
"I love you so much," I whispered. "See you in our next lives, doctor."
He was a doctor wanting to save other peoples lives without thinking about his own. But he definitely saved mine.
While I was walking back to my car, I heard a rustle of the grass that weren't my footsteps. Instead they were small pitter-patters. I looked back and saw a small golden dog which I know was a golden retriever. It looked like he was less a year old because he was still tiny. He was thin and his hair was shaggy and long.
It was looking at the blanket I was holding and then I squatted down to its level and opened the blanket again. I had some leftovers so I decided to feed it, it definitely looked hungry. I tried to see under him and found out that it was a boy.
"Where's your owner?" It didn't have a collar so I bet it was a stray dog.
When he finished eating, I kept it away and was getting ready to walk away when the dog bit the ends of my pants. I looked around and picked him up even though he smelled a little. I'll keep him as mine now. What's a stray dog doing here in a cemetery anyways? I also didn't want the poor guy to suffer.
I didn't end up going to the drinking party Mingyu invited me to. I just went straight home to give the dog a bath. I bought dog shampoo and conditioner on my way home in a little pharmacy and the next day, I took him to the vet to see if he had rabies or any other diseases that he might carry. When the doctor said the dog was cleared, I was happy and bought some dog essentials like food and a bed for him.
When I arrived home, I realized I haven't named him yet. Let's see... I found him in the cemetery right at Jihoon's grave...
Couldn't it be... there's no way, right? That dog can't possibly be Jihoon. But maybe Jihoon sent that dog to me as a substitute of his presence instead. That made more sense. The dog was lively and energetic like Jihoon.
"Haven sounds good, right?" I asked the dog like it would answer me but I was surprised when it barked.
Jihoon was my safe haven and maybe this dog would be too. I will try my best to love and take care of this dog and love it as much as I love Jihoon.
Love wasn't so bad after all. Because love heals all.