Chapter Text
“Georgia… wrap me up in all you…
I want you in my arms
Oh let me hold you
I’ll never let you go again like I did
Oh, I used to say…”
She was wearing one of his t-shirts. And her pajama shorts she loved so much. Her messy hair was pulled into a soft braid and she wore no makeup. But she was the most beautiful sight to him. “Come on,” she said, taking his hand and pulling him from the bedcovers.
“It’s midnight, Nat,” he said, pulling his hand back and pulling her with it. She laughed and a curl fell into her eyes. “Get in here,” he muttered.
“Not till you dance with me,” she said, pulling again. She’d worked two weeks in D.C. at the new S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters and was still too awake. She seemed on cloud-nine and he couldn’t expect less. They’d made extreme headway in the mission. They’d be done within the month. He was happy for her. But he was ready for her to done with it. He missed working side-by-side with her as Avengers. And after two weeks, he just wanted to get in bed with her.
“I said I would never fall unless it’s you I fall into,” she sang with the music, her voice low and smooth— as if she wasn’t beautiful enough, she was now serenading him. He laughed and she stumbled back, tugging on his hand. “Dance with me,” she said in her most inviting tone.
He allowed her to pull him out of the bed and he stared down at her for a second. His wife. She looked up at him for the second before pulling his hands around her waist. He didn’t resist the feel of her warm skin and slowly swayed with her to the music. She continued singing with the lyrics, “I was lost within the darkness but then I found her,” as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She tipped her head back and forth. He just stared at her, soaking it in. She was so happy, so at peace. And she smelled good. He wanted to capture the moment forever.
She pulled away from, taking one of his hand over her hand so he twirled her. He chuckled but followed her lead, twirling her twice around. She came back to his chest and this time, he kept her tight in his arms, planting kisses along her neck. She hugged him tight, resting her chin on his shoulder. “I missed you,” she muttered.
He pulled back just to look down at her, slowly smiling at her. “I love you.”
She grinned and then planted a small, languid kiss to his lips. “I know,” she whispered, when she came back up, opening her eyes, dreamily. “But then I found her… I found you,” she sang…
Of course, Stephen Sanchez’s voice and old melody sang across the bar’s speakers that night. Dancing to the song had been one of his last happy memories with her. Steve scoffed and took another swig of his beer. Ferg’s was the place to be on a Friday night to think, drink, get taken home, meet new friends. Your best local bar. Steve spent a good amount of time there, and besides the fact that he couldn’t get drunk, his time there was always good and they did have the best beer he’d ever had.
The bartender, Eddie, was one of the first persons he’d met in Florida but he’d been on vacation for the week and instead his best friend’s niece worked the bar that night. Eddie’s employees worked their shifts as normal but there was a relaxation among them since their boss wasn’t there. He saw a few of the waiters taking shots with a few guests. Everyone knew everyone here and it was a party on Friday night.
But Steve wasn’t in the mood.
Natasha Romanoff. Natasha Romanoff— Agent Romanoff— had been in his house that afternoon. She had smelled as intoxicating as ever. Her voice was steady and sharp. She had done her signature smirk. It’d been so long since he’d seen her or heard her. But when she’d stood right in front of him, it took him all back to his life in New York. As Captain America. As her husband. It felt like yesterday.
And yet the very thought of her being in Florida made him uncomfortable. It’d been a hellhole for them both five years ago in New York. It felt dangerous for them to be around each other again. And with no communication of any kind, nothing more than just her popping up on his porch, how could it be any different?
He felt proud of how he’d handled the afternoon. He’d been calm and yet clear. He would have something to say for Nick Fury. Natasha couldn’t possibly be in the mission with him. And not just because he hated the very idea of them having to work together. Natasha was never one for settling down, living in a small town or even taking care of children. Sure, she was an aunt to Clint Barton’s kids but this was infinitely different. This was parenting on a different scale. He was glad Mary didn’t have to chance to meet her. She didn’t need to look up to a beautiful woman who promised things just to be disappointed and abandoned.
“You fell, I caught you
I’ll never let you let you to again…
like I did Oh, I used to say…”
The song made him feel sick.
But he couldn’t help also knowing it made him sad.
He could see feel the curve of her waist when he’d danced with her in their tiny apartment in the Avengers Tower. Could still hear her whispers of I love you and I missed you…
He took another sip of his beer.
Another person came to sit with him at the bar but he didn’t need to know it was her by the deep voice. He could smell her from around the corner of the bar. “I’ll have a vodka,” she said, resting her arm on the wood counter. “And can I get another beer for my friend?” Eddie’s niece nodded and turned away, getting the orders.
Steve set the beer bottle on the bar and looked at her. He was surprised to see she was now a blonde with short hair. She’d changed into appropriate clothes for a Florida; linen shorts, a tank top. A pair of sunglasses sat on her head, keeping hair behind her ear. She looked perfect in the setting… and she knew it. She cleared her throat and eyed him. “You know you oughta change up your routine every now and then? Keeps people guessing.” She looked around the room, amused at the party in the corner. “I didn’t have to ask many eligible, beautiful ladies if they knew you and where you might be on a Friday evening. “Ferg’s, for sure” they said. They also admitted they stick around here every now and then, hoping to get picked up by you… Thank you,” she said, as their drinks were dropped in front of them. Natasha took hers and slid the beer closer to him.
Steve didn’t respond. He just stared at the beer. He would never have even thought about picking up any of the girls in the bar but he wasn’t going to tell her that. It was what she’d do to him. Let him guess. “What are you doing here?” he asked instead.
“Told you,” she said, taking a sip from her glass. “Okay, maybe you’re right. I follow orders. I’m best at that. There’s worse traits.” She set her glass back on the counter. “But I also haven’t seen the end of this Smirnov case. His work’s not done. Not as long as these kids are here. Fury knows that.”
“And?” he asked.
She looked at him and smiled weakly. “Fury would like his best duo back together again.”
Steve stared at her. Unbelievable. “I’m not doing that.”
“I know. But that’s not why I’m here. We all have dreams, even Nick. But he’d not going to get Captain America and Black Widow back as his best S.H.I.E.L.D. henchmen. I’ve always worked better alone in that department, anyway.”
Steve’s jaw tightened. As if her blood, sweat and tears in her role as a team member, a partner, an Avenger meant nothing. As if she could’ve done it better on her own. He hated it. He picked up the beer she’d bought him. “I told you to leave.”
“I did. I found a condo up the street.”
“I liked your red better,” he said, taking a sip of the beer.
She laughed and drank the last of her vodka. “Well… nothing lasts forever.”
“Including you staying in Florida,” he said, nodding. “You know that’s what I meant when I said ‘leave’.” He dropped the beer back on the counter and turned to face her. She raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. “What do you want?—” He lifted his hand when she started to respond. “And stop giving me to the bullcrap. Tell me the honest truth.”
Natasha sighed and pushed his beer closer to him. “I just wanna talk.”
“You do know you’re a little late for that,” he said, dipping his head. He caught her eyes drop to his lips and then back to his eyes. Maybe it was just the music in the background but he couldn’t help but thinking she was studying his face like she’d done that night in their apartment.
She frowned, her carefree and confidence breaking a bit. “I know. I’m late for a lot of things. But… just give me a chance?”
He’d given her too many chances in his lifetime.
But like every other time, Steve had a little hope.
Deep down.
He raised his eyebrows. “Okay. Do your best.”
He didn’t mind her smirk in that moment so much.
______________________
They’d talked for more than an hour by the time they left the bar and moved to the beach. She hadn’t spent enough time at the beach but she loved the feeling of the sand and the quiet waves on a mostly empty beach in the early night. There was a bonfire further down the beach and there was a couple rolling around in the sand closer to the water, but Steve and Natasha were mostly alone as they walked in Ferg’s lighting across the beach.
He told her everything about his life in Florida. His job. “I repair boats. And car motors. I’m pretty good at it too.” Mary had started school just a few weeks before and she was finally enjoying it. Roberta was the next door neighbor and she mostly knew everything. He’d made friends but she knew the ins and outs of his life like no one else. It used to make him uncomfortable. But he admitted he wouldn’t have pulled off anything without her.
By the time Natasha was pulling off her shoes and socks, she was telling him about the last of her time in the Ukraine. The women and men she’d worked with, finally catching Smirnov, working with Clint again. They dodged ever mentioning how either of them got in their respected missions— the failure of their marriage— but Steve didn’t seem as interested in what she’d been doing all these years besides when it came to Smirnov. If he wanted to only listen about that, though, Natasha didn’t mind. It was about the only thing she was proud of these days. Mostly. She’d left out a few details.
He was quicker than she’d thought. “What are you leaving out?” he asked, his hands in his pockets as he stared out across the beach covered in the darkness. She frowned up at him. He chuckled but there wasn’t must amusement to it. “Come on. I got pretty good at knowing when you weren’t telling me everything.” Natasha turned away, ignoring the jab.
She kept her pace with him, deciding to just go with it. “I almost killed him.” Steve looked back this time and she shrugged. “I almost put a bullet in Alexander Smirnov’s head and I almost didn’t care.”
“What stopped you?” he asked, kicking some sand with his boot. “Clint. I would have done it. But Smirnov wanted me to do it. He wanted to prove I really was the killer he and Dreykov had created.”
He stopped and she dug her toes in the sand and now it was her keeping her eye on the beach. There was some whooping from the bonfire and Natasha saw a young girl running away from a boy with something in her hands as if she stole something from him.
“You know you won’t find that kind of action out here,” he said, walking past her and into the wet sand. Water lapped along the beach but he didn’t seem to care in his shoes.
Natasha followed, sticking her hands in her pockets too. “But there is Disney World. Have you been?”
He laughed. “Mary wants to go.”
“Of course she does. What else does Mary want these days?”
“Said she wanted a dog two days ago— she already has a cat,” he said, shaking his head. “Wants a piano too. But mostly just new math books.”
Natasha smiled at him. “She loves math, huh?”
“Can’t get enough of it,” he said, glancing at her. “I want her to play, though. You know, be a kid before she’s math genius.” Natasha nodded, playing her toes along the water lapping the beach. “What about this new kid? A genius too?”
Natasha shrugged. “Well, she’s just a baby. We won’t see any affect for some time. I haven’t spent much time with her. I don’t really know.” He kept his eye on the beach and Natasha thought the quiet space was meant for her. He was wanting to hear something. “Look, I know you don't appreciate me being here. I don’t have much of a thumb with kids and the mission is not exactly my level. It doesn’t seem ideal for Natasha Romanoff.”
“Mmm-hmm,” he said, looking down at her. “You’re right.”
“But no matter what we think is Fury’s intentions, I do think he’s right that the kids need to be together.”
“I agree,” he said. “And I’m supposing because you’re also a victim of Smirnov, he thinks you can keep an eye on the kids better. Understand them and help them.”
“No one said anything about ‘victim’,” she said, her skin crawling at the adjective. And she never thought it consequential to mention she needed to lay low anyway from Sminov’s goons.
“Let me just be honest,” he said, putting a hand out to her. “This is perfectly and only about the kids. My focus is only on raising Mary and giving her the best and somewhat normal life. I’ll do the same for the baby. But Natasha…” He bit the inside of his cheek, considering his next words. She just studied him. “Our goals, our views of life, our very existence are polar opposites. We’re on totally different pages and that’s why—” He stopped himself but he didn’t need to continue, anyway. Natasha knew he was talking about their marriage. He sighed. “This would never work. We both know it.”
Natasha nodded. “I suppose it depended how much we wanted to make it work.”
“I’m not interested.”
Natasha didn’t feel hurt, didn’t feel surprised. She just dropped the question. “Why do you wear the wedding ring?”
He frowned at her. “Changing the subject.”
“Not really,” she said, chuckling. “Be honest if you say you’re going to be honest.” Steve turned away but she grabbed his elbow. “You have enough to say about me— enough you actually want to say to my face. But you haven’t.” He pulled his arm away from her but she didn’t stop. “You’re not interested in fixing things between us? I get it… but—”
“I buried that a long time ago, Natasha,” he finally said, turning to her. Natasha took a step back and raised an eyebrow. He needed to just say it. She wanted to get it over with. He sighed and took a hand out of his pocket, turning into a fist. “You left everything for a mission that never had any time for a life, communication, people who actually loved you. You chose tracking down a psychopath over anything else in your life.” Natasha swallowed down an argument she felt stirring up in her brain. But it wasn’t really an argument. It was just excuses. “It was your choice,” he continued. “I’m not angry with you anymore. I’m proud you finally succeeded in everything you worked so hard for. But I’m not willing to just let this back in my life. Not when you could run off again.” Natasha opened her mouth but he shook his head. “I’m raising a kid, Natasha. She doesn’t need this— this thing between us, this past… Dangerous relationship.” He looked away as if saying that had been hard.
Natasha sucked in a breath.
Steve ran a hand through his hair. “You really should go, Natasha… There’s nothing here for you.” He sighed and walked past her, leaving her on the beach.
Natasha groaned but didn’t look back at him. She made her way further to the water, allowing the cold hit her legs, leaving water droplets on her ankles. Well, that was that. She remembered what Tony’d said. It would be a living hell for quite awhile. She’d prepared for it. She would still prepare for how hard it would be.
But it still wasn’t easy. To see Steve Rogers look at her with bitterness, pity, regret. She would never get over the look he’d given her. The same look he’d had for her five years ago.
Natasha dropped her head, reaching her hands in her pockets. The movement made her wedding ring snag on some threat of the pocket lining. Something swelled in her chest. He’d never given an excuse for why he wore his ring…
Maybe it wasn’t so much a lost cause.