Chapter Text
Home of Viktor Mironov.
May 18, 1889.
Anna Viktorovna Mironova.
Dear Anna,
Let me immediately relieve you of any doubt you may harbor with regards to being forgiven. I, of course, forgive you. I know your faith in me, ill-placed though it may be, has never faltered. My brusque retreat that day was only in part a reaction to your remark. If the truth be told, I am not completely certain that I have not turned a blind eye, unintentionally, but also, unforgivably, to some of Miss Neginskaya’s past deeds. It troubles me to accept that I may have let my association with her interfere with an investigation.
I, too, was made aware of Nina’s double-dealing during my time with Gruchowski. The extent of her deception I have yet to uncover. I would have dismissed Grochowski’s accusations altogether, deeming them just another delusion that criminals create for themselves, had not the Prince, and now you, corroborated his story. I am mystified by your revelation - not the content of what you learned but of how you came to know it.
There are certain aspects of my life before Zatonsk of which I am not proud. Gambling, particularly with the level of fervor that led to the disastrous losses that accompanied my initial interaction with Gruchowski, is one of those. Your father rightly regards this as a critical flaw in my character. I will not argue against such a judgment. On the contrary, I cannot defend your associating with me when my past disrupts your life, threatening your safety. I repeat what I stated at our last meeting. You should stay away from me, Anna Viktorovna. And I should stay away from you.
I repeat this mantra, knowing full well that I cannot follow its injunction, no matter how reasonable. What has become clear in this near year that I have spent in Zatonsk is that we cannot avoid each other. Even if both of us wished for it to be so, my work and your proclivities would doubtless lead inevitably to our interacting. And we do not wish for it. It is quite the opposite, I fear. I dare not speak for you, but your actions are easily interpreted. As for myself, I cannot deny that I regularly seek your company.
At this point, you must understand that I care for you. What are we to do about this? I cannot answer. Your family regards me as unacceptable. Despite our camaraderie, our growing familiarity, and undeniable attraction, I am still reluctant to pursue a serious relationship. (It should not need be said that I reject the consideration of anything else.) It is precisely because you have touched my heart that I wish for you to separate yourself from my muddled and scarred existence. It would cause me great distress, however, if you chose to cast me aside as I ask. But, yes, let us meet again soon.
Yours truly,
Yakov Platonovich.