Chapter Text
“Komui.” He can’t hear. He can’t even see past the stacks of paper on his desk. He keeps tripping over the ones on the floor and so he decided he just won’t get up again until he’s finished going through the ones on his desk.
“Komui, are you in there?” Of course he is. His shoulders are hunched over and the way that his head droops over the desk is reminiscent of someone resting their head beneath the blade of a guillotine. This is a slower death.
“I’m coming in.” You’ll regret it.
Lenalee stops in her tracks after barely walking three paces into Komui’s office. It’s really no worse in terms of appearance than normal, but Komui is a different story.
“Brother, you need to take a break.” Lenalee recovers from her momentary shock and closes the door behind her as she tiptoes around the papers littering the tiles. She takes to rubbing Komui’s back as he reaches up a hand to rub away the tiredness in his eyes.
“Soon. I have much left to do, Lenalee.” each word seems to barely get past his cracked lips. His throat is as dry as his eyes.
“You need to rest now, when was the last time you ate anything?” Lenalee takes to moving stacks of paper around the room so that things appear more manageable.
“I’m not sure, Lenalee. It doesn’t matter either way, I’m fine. I’m sure that I ate not so long ago. I just have so much work to do and I’ll be finished with it all soon enough. I just need to keep at it.” He’s beginning to raise his voice. He rarely does this with his darling sister.
“You kept at it until you landed yourself in the infirmary last time. Please, just for a short while. Bak was looking for you as well.” At this, Komui freezes.
“What is he looking for me for?”
“He said he hasn’t seen you in a few days. I just assumed you two needed to work on something together.”
“I’ve been sleeping here. I suppose I need to start keeping a calendar in the office.”
“A schedule would do you some good. And some proper rest. I’ll clean up around here. Maybe Mr. Reever can help out with a bit of your workload? Just please go eat and speak with Bak. Take a nap or something, you can come back to all of this.” Lenalee clutches several papers close to her chest as though holding just a few out of his reach will prevent him from working any longer.
Komui leans back in his chair, extending his limbs, tensing for a moment before curling back in on himself. Taking a long breath in, he stands at long last.
“Very well, then. I’ll take a brief break.” The light and noise that begin to pour in from his surroundings as he walks through headquarters. His blood is flowing for the first time in days and the sensation is strange to say the least. It[s questionable whether it’s really blood and not caffeine that is pumping through him. His first stop is his bedroom so that he might change and wash his face, and really wake up for the first time since…when was it that he started working?
His room looks clean and untouched. Nothing is out of place which of course means that everything is out of place. Lenalee must have cleaned it. Maybe it was Bak. What day is it? He can’t remember what day it is. He can’t remember the last time he showered either.
The steam billowing up from his tea mimics that of the hot shower Komui just got out of. Jerry and several others were glad to see him out of his office and wandering the halls after breakfast. Komui seems to have run into anyone who knows him at least once in just the past hour. Somehow, he has still yet to see Bak. Maybe if he checks in with the rest of the science division someone will know where he is.
“Chief Komui!” Johnny is the first to notice his return.
“Johnny, it’s good to see you.”
“It’s good to see you, too, Chief! Are you doing alright?”
“I’m fine. Though I seem to have misplaced Bak in my time spent in my office. He isn’t where I left him. Have you seen him anywhere?” Komui has been surveying the office and only noticed the usual business and members.
“Oh, I’m not sure that I have seen him anywhere. He must be spending more time over at the Asian Branch these days.”
Days. The date. “Johnny, what day is it?” Any progress that Komui had made towards regaining his energy and spirit was lost the moment Johnny finished speaking. He is running out of the door, eyes wide and more awake than he has been in days. More panicked than he has been in weeks. More ashamed than he had ever been. He keeps going, running, keeps at it until he is in the Asian Branch and until he makes his way to Bak’s bedroom. Even then, he only stops because he is being forced to.
“For. For, let me in.” Komui’s breathing and hair are ragged. He isn’t sure whether his heart is beating too fast or not at all.
“He told me not to let anyone in.”
“You know better than I do that he should not be alone right now.”
“And yet he has been all week. He was looking for you. He stopped by your office. This is the first I’ve seen you in two weeks but you were also all I heard about for one week. Until he didn’t have it in him to talk at all except to tell me that he is to be left alone.”
“For, please. I need to be in there. I need to be with him; I need to apologize. He needs to not be alone. He doesn’t need me, but he needs someone and I am begging the both of you to let it be me. Please let it be me. Bak, please let me in.”
For disappears. The doorknob clicks. Bak falls into Komui’s arms.
“Bak, I’m sorry.”
“Shut up.”
“Please I need to tell you how sorry I am-”
“Komui, be quiet, please. I just need you to hold me. Can you do this? Just be here, like you said?”
“Yes. Yes, I’m sorry.”
“Apologize later.”
“Okay.”
They hold onto one another, desperately so, and there will be other moments like this. Moments when they have no one to lean on except for each other. Moments where everything is empty, where they feel empty because their parents are not there and have not been for so long. Moments where Komui cannot let anyone see him weak, especially not his sister, but when he knows he can turn to Bak. Moments when Bak is so aware of just how long it’s been since his parents died. Moments where Bak thinks about how at least Komui and Lenalee had each other. Moments where Bak is glad he has Komui. Komui's arms wrapped wholly around Bak because he fits so well melded into Komui. Komui's much larger hands holding him close. And Komui is glad he has Bak. Bak's head beneath his, Bak's arms around his waist. Bak's tears soaked into Komui's shirt.
Moments like the anniversary.