Chapter Text
You weren’t exactly sure what to call your arrangement with Loki anymore. It went beyond just seeking him out as a substitute pain killer, and even beyond a ‘friends from work’ sort of thing. No, it had morphed into something deeper -- and something more confusing.
Or perhaps indescribable would have been a better word. Because, in all reality, the relationship wasn’t confusing for either of you. You really couldn’t have described it if someone asked you to, but something about it just made sense. And really, neither of you cared if everyone else didn’t get it. You were fine with that.
So life went on in the compound, and you and Loki fell into a sort of rhythm.
Most nights, the two of you shared a bed. Usually, it was his, but sometimes he came to your room. Your bed was much smaller, and therefore sleeping in it took a little bit more problem solving -- especially when one of the occupants was a frost giant who, even in his human form, was very… very large. His legs nearly stuck off of your bed, which had made you laugh hysterically the first time the two of your tried to maneuver your way into a semi-decent sleeping position.
As a result, you both typically preferred to sleep in Loki’s bed.
It was strange, you hadn’t really had a discussion about it, besides that one night in the kitchen. You never specified when the two of you would share a bed, it just sort of… happened. Like you got a feeling deep inside your chest that pulled you in the direction of Loki’s room.
Or sometimes it was him who got the feeling, and then he sought you out at the end of the day, trailing after you until you’d finished your nighttime routine before leading you back to his room. You remember the night you noticed that he’d begun to keep your brand of toothpaste and an extra toothbrush in his bathroom. You’d had to fight the desire to smother him with hugs, and he next time you stayed over, you brought a few changes of clothes to store in his dresser. “For quick morning getaways,” you’d told him with a wink.
It was kind of ridiculous, considering you slept a few doors down from one another -- not to mention in the same building -- but something about it just felt right. Plus, it was more convenient that way, as it turned out you wound up spending more mornings in Loki’s bed than your own.
You found that you liked waking up next to someone. You liked waking up next to him specifically. Early morning Loki was your favorite Loki. He always woke up uncharacteristically genuine, as if it took him a little while to construct the facade that he maintained throughout the day.
In that time, you got the opportunity to hear Loki talk without any filters. It was during those early morning conversations that you learned the most about him. The god was an absolute sweetheart, though he would have smothered you in your sleep if you ever suggested such a thing. He was also the biggest dork you’d ever met -- and you lived with the Avengers, so that title wasn’t given lightly.
He liked to talk. You’d known this, of course, but it was different when it was just the two of you. Hushed conversations beneath the sheets, Loki thinking aloud as though you were a part of his mind, so he had nothing to hide. These conversations became your favorite.
And then, once he’d woken up -- which took longer than you had expected, for someone like him -- then he turned into a little monster. He could be astoundingly childish in the right setting, and that mischievous side of him that seemed to be reserved just for you also brought with it a level of innocence that made your heart warm.
Those early morning smiles, gilded by the warm sunrise slanting through his window, were your favorites.
How no one else at the compound knew about your little arrangement, you had no idea. Perhaps they did know, and they were simply sparing you both from knowing that they knew. You kind of doubted that, since you were sure that Thor would tease his brother relentlessly and even more sure that Tony would take it upon himself to have a fatherly intervention.
You definitely didn’t need to have that conversation with your boss -- especially because nothing had happened between you and Loki. You had been a little surprised, at first, unable to stop yourself from assuming that he’d expect more from you. But eventually you realized that maybe this was all he really needed -- a friend to share his space with, to fall asleep with in the darkness of night, and wake up next to in the light of the morning.
The more you thought about it, the more you realized that maybe that was all you really needed.
Ultimately, you were fine with just letting it happen, no matter how weird it might have seemed to other people. It worked for you, and you assumed that it worked for Loki, too -- and that was enough.
However, you did have to admit, not having a straightforward understanding of your relationship did make things a little hard sometimes. Needless to say, Loki wasn’t always the easiest person to understand. You’d always known that -- it wasn’t like he kept it hidden, or anything -- but you didn’t begin to truly feel the effects of it until a few months after your conversation in the kitchen.
By that point, the two of you had already fallen into a comfortable routine -- one that hadn’t been outlined in words as much as it had actions. But this would soon change as Loki began to grow a little more… grumpy.
At first, you’d thought it had just been one of those days where he was a little snarkier than usual. No big deal, you could live with that. He was Loki, after all. But then a day turned into two, and two into three, and his mood only got worse.
By mid-week, everyone in the compound was walking around on eggshells, and anyone who had to interact with Loki was at risk of getting their head bitten off by the peevish god. He was in a truly disastrous mood. According to Thor, he “just got like that sometimes,” but you weren’t convinced. Something was wrong, and it was killing you to not know what it was.
Because, as difficult as Loki was to understand, you were his friend, and you knew him better than he probably thought. You knew that for him to be this mean to everyone -- especially you -- something must have been wrong.
But unfortunately, it seemed that you would not be finding out what that was.
Because even though you were friends, Loki made no exception for you. Which only solidified your theory that something really was wrong, because he’d always had a bit of a soft spot for you. While you’d been on the end of his teasing, you’d never been on the end of his cruelty.
At least… not until now.
At best, he was short with you. At worst, his usual teasing jokes turned into something more like malice. But you could see glimpses of your Loki in the way that his eyes flashed with regret every time you quietly apologized for bothering him and left the room. You knew he didn’t want to hurt you, but he was.
So you left him to himself as you grappled with what to do. How could you make it better if you didn’t know what was wrong in the first place? And how could you find out what was wrong if you couldn’t even talk to him without a god-tier glare and a cold remark?
It seemed that, for whatever reason, Loki had thrown up his walls and sent out his re-enforcements. No one would be getting inside the tower he had constructed for himself. So, not wanting to make it worse -- and wanting to give him time to work through whatever was wrong -- you decided that the best course of action was to give him some space.
And that’s what you did.
You didn’t avoid him, but you didn’t seek him out, either. You went about your daily routine, and then when night came, you went back to your own room, figuring that if he wanted you in his, he would come and find you.
Three days passed and you heard nothing from the god.
You couldn’t help but feel hurt, wondering if you’d done something wrong -- or maybe Loki had gotten bored with you. Had your relationship really meant that little to him? But the more you thought about it, the more your hurt turned into worry.
You knew Loki -- at least, more than most people -- and you knew he wasn’t that heartless. You knew that he didn’t form friendships with people left and right. Relationships like yours didn’t come easily to him.
It was then that you decided you weren’t going to let this affect your relationship with him. Loki was obviously pushing everyone away, but you would still be here once he was ready. If this was something that Loki just did sometimes, then fine. You could deal with that. You valued his friendship too much to allow this to end it. So rather than let yourself be overwhelmed by your hurt, you made a resolution to be there for him the moment he needed you.
That moment came a few days later.
Loki had been increasingly reclusive, hardly showing up at all around the compound. He skipped mealtimes, which wasn’t exactly uncommon for him, but he also wasn’t in any of his usual spots. The library remained empty and the hallways were void of his looming presence. The first time you saw him in days was during a team meeting.
He looked… tired.
You had wanted to go over to him, wanted to check in and see how he was feeling, but the second the meeting ended, he was gone. You shot Thor a concerned look, but the god simply grimaced and shook his head.
That night, however, you found out why Loki looked so exhausted.
The rest of your day had gone by as usual, besides not seeing your friend anywhere. Unable to sleep, you stayed up late, deciding to spend some extra time in the library with one of your favorite books. After an hour of reading, you felt your eyelids growing heavy. Perfect.
Hauling yourself to your feet, you tossed the book onto the coffee table and headed for your room.
After changing into some pajamas, you settled under the covers and tried not to let your mind wander. Thankfully, it seemed you were tired enough that not even your thoughts could keep you awake, and soon enough you were drifting into unconsciousness.
A few hours later, you woke to a soft knocking at your door.
It was so quiet that it took you a minute to realize you’d heard it at all. But then it came again, even softer this time, and sure enough, you could see the shadow of someone from underneath the crack of your door.
Throwing your covers off, you scrambled to open it before he chickened out and went back to his room. You knew how he was, and if he thought for even a moment that you weren’t awake, he’d be gone.
Fingers closing around the handle, you whisked the door open.
Sure enough, there was Loki. Straight away you noticed several different things. Firstly, he was still in his clothes -- a stiff looking suit that was nearly as black as the hallway behind him. Secondly, his hair was disheveled, and unless it was a trick of the light, it almost looked like he’d been crying.
At the very least, he looked like something had rattled him.
“Loki?” You whispered, instinctively reaching a hand out to him, but he took a step back.
“Forgive me, I shouldn’t have come,” he said, looking like he was seconds away from bolting.
“No,” you quickly blurted. “No, please -- it’s not a problem.”
A pained expression pinched Loki’s face, and twisted your heart in turn.
“You can come in, if you want,” you offered, silently begging that he would.
He opened his mouth, shaking his head weakly. Glancing down each end of the hallway, he looked so much like a wounded animal that you had to physically resist the urge to take him in your arms.
“Loki,” you said again, tilting your head sympathetically.
His brow bunched up, but he set his mouth in a firm line and nodded before stepping into your room. You let out a breath, searching the darkness in front of you for a moment before swinging the door shut.
Loki stood in the center of your room like a ghost, gaze trained on the floor. His mouth was open, and it looked like he was trying to work out what to say, but he couldn’t. He looked so utterly hopeless, and you found yourself wondering what you could do to help him like he’d helped you.
“Take your clothes off,” you muttered before even thinking about it. Resisting the urge to clap a hand over your mouth, you stared evenly at him as, finally, he lifted his eyes to meet yours.
“Beg your pardon?” he asked, and the phrase that usually substituted for something along the lines of ‘fuck you’ was instead asked out of genuine bafflement.
“I mean, you’re not gonna sleep in a three piece suit, are you?” You replied, smirking weakly.
Loki opened his mouth, eyes searching yours. When he was able to see that you weren’t joking, he snapped it shut.
Raising his eyebrows, he began to undo the buttons of his shirt. Your heart did a little leap as you came to terms with the fact that Loki of Asgard was getting undressed in your bedroom. While the two of you had slept together enough that you no longer felt awkward around him, you had always been fully clothed.
Oh well. Times of crisis call for drastic measures.
Loki slipped off his shirt, letting it drop onto the floor. Sending you a somewhat hesitant glance, as if he were asking for permission, he slid off his shoes and began do undo his pants. You turned around, heading for your bed.
Loki’s pants joined his shirt on the floor, and then he remained standing in the center of your room, looking very far away from himself.
“Hey,” you murmured, smiling gently at him. His eyes drew slowly to yours, and you patted the mattress next to you.
He took a deep breath and then crawled into bed. You threw the covers over both of you. Loki was laying like a corpse, stiff on his back and staring up at the ceiling like somehow that would make him disappear. You mirrored his posture, laying flat on your back and decidedly not looking at him.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Loki took a deep breath, which he seemed to try and hide from you, and then stretched an arm above his head.
“No,” he replied, his voice a deep growl that would have had a normal person concerned. You, however, were not. Not for yourself, anyway.
“Okay,” you nodded, the wheels turning in your mind, desperate to find something -- anything to help him when he was determined to be so far away from you.
And then, just like that, you threw all caution to the wind.
Rolling onto your side so you were facing him, you lifted your hand and slowly extended it. Loki didn’t move, didn’t even spare a glance, as you carefully placed your palm on the center of his chest. You splayed your fingers out, pressing a little firmer, and Loki’s breath caught in his throat.
His heart was beating a mile a minute -- and you knew it wasn’t because you’d touched him. No, this was something else entirely. Something that, perhaps, you knew all too well. After all… who’s to say gods couldn’t get anxious?
“Loki, breathe,” you murmured, noticing that he hadn’t since you’d laid your hand on him. Nodding shortly, he let out a heavy breath.
Removing your hand from his chest, you dug beneath the covers until you found his. Gently grabbing his wrist, you maneuvered his hand, placing it in the center of your own chest. Loki looked at you then, eyebrows furrowed and eyes wide with something like panic.
But you simply pressed his palm flat against your sternum and took an even breath, letting it out slowly. You repeated the process, closing your eyes, and gradually, Loki began to breathe with you, taking deep, measured breaths. Feeling his pulse through his wrist, you noticed that it had slowed a little.
You heard Loki shift as he turned onto his side, and then you felt the unmistakable weight of his eyes on you. Still, you kept yours closed for a minute longer, feeling how his fingers began to twitch curiously across your shirt, like he was trying to feel you.
“Nightmares,” he whispered, voice hoarse.
You opened your eyes, brow drawing together in sympathy. Loki glanced up at you before lowering his gaze to where his hand was splayed on your chest.
“I’ve always had them, ever since I was a boy. But Norns, they’ve been awful lately. Don’t think I’ve slept all week.”
“Jesus, Loki,” you whispered, your hand finding his arm in a comforting gesture. “I’m sorry.”
He shook his head, but his face twisted painfully.
“No, I’m sorry. I’ve been horrible lately, haven’t I.” It wasn't a question.
“Well, I can understand why,” you breathed, running your fingers down his arm. You watched as he fought back a shiver, and wondered vaguely if you should stop.
“Look, you know that you can talk to me right?” The pained expression on his face grew deeper, the lines cutting into his skin.
“I know it’s not always that simple, though, so even if you don’t want to talk, we can just do this.” You took your chance and ran another small sweep across his arm. He closed his eyes.
“You just… don’t have to be alone, okay? You always tell me I’m not a bother…” You lifted your hand, running a finger along his cheek. It did the trick, and his eyes flew open.
“Well, now I’m telling you: you’re not a bother either, okay? So no more cutting me out when things get shitty, yeah?”
Loki opened his mouth, gasping slightly as he grappled with what he could say, no doubt sifting through an endless supply of snarky comments or elusive jokes.
In the end, he didn’t say anything. Instead, he lifted his hand, hesitantly trailing a finger down your wrist. His eyebrows twitched together in a mixed expression of confusion and gratefulness. And then he sighed, letting his eyes fall shut again.
“Is,” you began, your voice suddenly sounding out of place -- like it was too loud for the room. “Is there anything I can do? Or… anything you want me to do?”
“I…” Loki breathed, face scrunching. “Uh, I…”
You could practically feel the words that were forming on his tongue -- words that were so painful for him to let past his lips. Words that, in the end, he didn’t have to say.
Sliding his hand up your wrist, he covered your own hand beneath his, pressing it hesitantly to his cheek. You thought you understood. You took another chance.
Shifting your weight, you maneuvered your right arm from underneath you. With a fraction of hesitation, you hovered -- and then you let your other hand slide between Loki’s face and the pillow. He tilted his head up, inadvertently leaning into your left hand while allowing room for the right.
His eyes were still clamped shut as he lowered his head back onto the pillow, and now your hand. You felt as his face shifted against your palm, like he was trying to feel if you were really there. If you were real.
Slowly, you swept your thumbs along his cheeks. You barely grazed his skin, but he shuddered like a draft had blown through the room.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered, but he shook his head -- or tried to, with you holding his face.
“No,” he replied, matching your tone, and finally he opened his eyes. You saw something nostalgic making its way out of the depths of the alluring green.
“My mother… she used to do something like this when I was a boy. Whenever I couldn’t sleep, I’d,” he stopped, smiling faintly. “I’d sneak into her room and call out for her. I don’t know how I didn’t wake my father…” his voice trailed off, eyebrows knitting together for a moment before shaking himself off.
“The… the hallways were always so dark, so she’d use her magic to light the way as she took me back to my room.”
You traced another line just below his eyes. He took a deep, shuddering breath.
“I’d tell her all the horrible things I’d dreamt of, and she would… she would look into my eyes and tell me ‘Nothing can harm you. Not when I’m looking after you. Not when you’re my boy.’ And… and then she’d sit with me and…”
You nodded, eyelids fluttering. As your thumb wandered across his cheek, you dragged a finger from his temple down to his jaw, snaking back up to smooth the wrinkle between his eyebrows. Loki sighed, eyes falling shut as he leaned heavily onto your right hand.
“She sounds lovely,” You murmured, running a finger down the bridge of his nose.
“Mm… lovely,” he breathed.
You could feel him fighting it, the pull of sleep, but he was helpless beneath your hands -- and after a few more gentle touches, his breathing began to level out as he drifted off.
You never woke up before Loki. It just didn’t happen. Somehow, the god was always at least halfway coherent by the time you began to stir.
Not today.
You woke up slowly, gently easing out of sleep until you were awake enough to peel your eyes open and get your bearings. This quickly led to somewhat of a shocking discovery.
At some point during the night, you and Loki had rolled onto your sides. One of your arms was pinned beneath his body, the other draped across it in an embrace, and his back was pressed snugly against your chest. You were still on your side of the bed, but Loki had wiggled his way to the center. If he’d gone any further, you both would have wound up on the floor.
Tilting your head, and staring at the back of Loki’s, you decided that he must have been asleep because there was no way on Earth he’d let you wake up to him being the little spoon. But he was pressed so firmly against your chest that there was no way he hadn’t put himself there. As if to solidify that suspicion, you realized that he’d taken your right hand -- the one that was trapped beneath him -- and was holding onto your wrist, his grip slackened in sleep.
You smiled, trying not to laugh for fear of waking him up -- and instead, you were hit with another realization. You couldn’t take many more of these, you thought as your breath caught in your throat.
Loki was curled up in the fetal position, legs pushed back so they were practically underneath you. In your sleep, you must have hooked your own legs around his, because the end result was no doubt a tangle of limbs beneath the blankets. You really hoped the god didn’t panic when he woke up because if he tried to make a break for it he’d likely drag you right along with him.
As your mind wandered, you began to trace a finger along his chest, feeling the sharp bone of his sternum down to the soft flesh of his belly, rising and falling with even breath. He seemed almost content, and your amusement deepened. If you had to guess, you’d say Loki was enjoying being the little spoon. Oh, he was going to hate this.
As if on cue, you heard his breath hitch slightly before he drew a deep inhale. Letting it out as a sigh, there was a moment of peace as the god began to get his bearings. And then his whole body went tense.
“I swear I had nothing to do with this,” you whispered, trying not to startle him further.
“What?” He croaked, then cleared his throat.
“I’m pretty sure you put yourself here.”
Loki’s head shifted as he looked down at your hands -- one still in his grip, the other laying still against his stomach.
“Oh dear,” he muttered, sounding so completely baffled at his current predicament that you couldn’t help but laugh.
“Oh, Loki,” you hummed, smiling as you snuggled closer.
“Do not take that tone with me," he shot back, releasing your wrist and starting to roll towards his side of the bed.
“Wait -- Loki, wait,” you whispered, pressing your hand gently against his chest. You knew even if you attempted to keep him there he could easily overpower you, but you didn’t want to make him feel like you’d ever try to force him to do anything.
But even at your gentle touch, he allowed himself to be guided back against your chest.
“This is okay,” you assured him, palm growing warm against his skin. “I mean, unless you’re not okay with it -- in which case, please don’t let me stop you.”
Loki was silent for so long that you were sure you’d messed up somehow. You let your hand fall off of his chest, pulling it back so it was laying on your side.
“I just,” Loki finally began, sounding like it was taking everything in him to speak. “I’m… not used to this sort of thing. It’s not… distinctly unpleasant.”
You smiled. Taking that as a good sign, you slowly reached out, brushing your fingers along his back. When he lifted his arm, you took that as an even better sign and wrapped your own arm around him. He let out a soft sigh.
“How did you sleep?” You asked, a slight edge to your voice that made it clear you were really asking about his nightmares.
“Well enough.” He cleared his throat. “I, uh, had a nightmare, but considering you didn’t wake up to me screaming, it must not have been too horrible.” He laughed humorlessly.
“Oh Loki,” you whispered, pulling yourself closer to him. You leaned your head on his back. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be, love,” he replied, shrugging. “It’s just a burden I shall carry for the rest of my days.”
“But,” you tugged your arms tighter around him. “You know you don’t have to carry it alone, right? Maybe… okay, don’t hate me--”
“Oh Norns.”
“But… maybe it would help if you saw a therapist.”
Loki scoffed.
“I do not need to see one of your Midgardian shrinks. I’m a god, I don’t have mortal problems.”
“Uh, nightmares are pretty across the board as far as problems go, you dork. And anyway -- you remember when you found out about my cramps? How you asked me to go see a doctor because my pain wasn't normal?”
You took Loki’s silence as a yes.
“Well, waking up screaming isn't normal, Loki.”
“I--”
“You don’t deserve to suffer just as much as I didn’t. I went to see a doctor, and they helped me. Now I’m in less pain. Just… think about it, that’s all I ask,” you mirrored the request he’d given you all those months ago.
You had gone to see a doctor after Loki suggested it to you, and because of it, you were in less pain. All you wanted was for Loki to realize that he didn’t have to be in pain either. That there were ways of making things better for him. But you supposed that him coming to you in the first place was a good start. You said as much.
“Either way, whatever you decide to do, I’m glad that you came to me.”
“Yes… I’m… glad too, I think. I almost didn’t, to be honest. I didn’t want to,” he stopped, clamping his mouth shut.
“What, bother me?” You asked, raising an eyebrow teasingly.
“Don’t even start,” he muttered, but you were starting.
“See, that’s how it feels. It’s hard to not feel like your constantly annoying someone.”
“Darling, rest assured that you only annoy me sometimes.”
“Hey,” you protested, laughing as you tried to roll him over top of you so you could throw him off the bed. Yeah, it wasn’t working. You could barely get him to budge an inch.
“Damn you’re heavy,” you grunted, giving him another fruitless tug. Loki laughed low in his chest.
“Now, I don’t know much about Midgard, but I’m fairly certain that is the one thing you shouldn’t say to someone.”
“Okay, fair enough,” you snorted, falling still against his back. But then you felt the overwhelming need to say everything on your mind -- which was a horrifying urge, really, but one you couldn’t seem to stop.
“You don’t annoy me, Loki. I don’t think you ever annoy me, actually. Sometimes you’re really confusing, but you never actually bother me. I like spending time with you -- more than anyone I ever have in my life.” You stopped, realizing that you might have just dug yourself a very deep hole.
Loki was silent for a minute, and you could practically hear the wheels turning in his head, his thoughts consuming him whole as he tried to process what you’d just said.
“Are you… how can you even…” He closed his mouth, letting out a frustrated huff of air.
“Take your time. The ordeal of being known is a notoriously painful one.”
It did the trick, and Loki laughed shortly.
“But you don’t know me,” he insisted.
“Fine,” you shrugged. “Don’t need to. I still like you anyway.”
“That is absolutely absurd.”
“No,” you insisted, leaning your chin on his shoulder. “It’s just how friendship works sometimes. It doesn’t have to be complicated, Loki. It can just be… this.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever had a friend before,” Loki muttered, so casually considering it that you didn’t know what to say.
“Do friends always sleep together?” He turned to look at you, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Or does that only apply to us?”
“I’m sure not just us, but… yeah, I guess so.”
“Hmm,” Loki hummed, turning away to stare thoughtfully across your room.
“But hey, we’ve learned something very important through this whole ordeal.”
“Have we now? Do tell.”
You leaned closer.
“We’ve learned that Loki, Price of Asgard, likes being a little spoon.”
That single sentence was enough to activate him, and in a flurry of movement that happened too fast for you to even register, Loki was rolling over, throwing your left arm off of him so he could lean overtop of you, his arms planted firmly on either side of your head.
“Absolutely not true, I did not like it,” he argued. Your eyes widened slightly, and you tried to repress the smug grin that was dangerously close to surfacing.
“That was quite the reaction. You know defensiveness is like the first sign that someone’s lying.”
“Don’t be absurd,” Loki snarked. You shrugged innocently.
“I’m just stating the facts, Your Majesty. You for sure liked being the little spoon -- there’s nothing wrong with that. I haven’t seen you sleep that well in all the time we’ve known each other.”
“I’m a thousand years old, darling -- that’s barely a drop.”
“And yet,” you arched an eyebrow. “Already I’ve helped you discover something about yourself.”
Loki narrowed his eyes, but you could see a smirk tugging at his lips as he reached for his pillow -- which he then threw over your face. As your view of the god was covered by the cotton pillowcase, you remained totally still.
“Is this the part where you smother me?” You asked, voice muffled.
“Precisely,” he waited a moment, and you could feel his hand hovering over the pillow before he sat back. “You’re not even a little bit scared.”
It was a statement, not a question, and you wondered if he had read your mind or something to figure that out, or if he could just tell.
“Uh, no,” you confirmed. “Why would I be?”
Loki sighed thoughtfully, rolling off of you and laying flat on his back.
“Most people would.”
“Seriously?” you gently scolded. “Do I seem like most people to you?”
“No… no you don’t.”
He sounded almost disquieted by this fact, like he was annoyed that he couldn’t figure you out.
“There we go, problem solved.”
“Hmph.”
You turned onto your side, suddenly growing worried.
“Hey Loki… are you gonna be okay?”
Loki gave you a vaguely sad look before smiling softly.
“Yes, most likely. I’ve dealt with myself this long -- surely it would have killed me by now if it was going to be a problem.”
“Hey,” you whined, laying an arm across his stomach. “Don’t be mean to yourself like that.”
Loki huffed, but he laid a hand on your arms, fingers trailing absentmindedly across your skin.
“Uh, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m a rather mean person. It’s nothing personal, love.”
“Um, excuse me,” you demanded, rolling over to now you were on top of him. “Self-deprication is always personal.”
“Oh my,” Loki purred, raising his eyebrows. You rolled your eyes, grabbing the nearest pillow and smushing it over his face.
Unfortunately, it didn’t have the desired effect.
“Mmm, I like this. What are you going to do now, hm?”
“Kidnap you and drag your ass to therapy.”
“Aw,” Loki gave a disappointed sigh. “I was hoping for something a little more exciting.”
“In your dreams, Your Highness,” you teased, rolling off of him.
He stayed frozen for a moment before dragging the pillow off of his face. Turning towards you, then, he watched you with a quiet, careful intensity.
“Wh-- What?” You chuckled, and Loki took a quick breath before responding.
“Thank you,” he whispered, sneaking a hand over the mattress. His fingers brushed along the fabric of your shirt, and when you didn’t shy away, he allowed himself to lay a hand on your stomach.
“And I’ll have you know I don’t just say that to anyone,” he added, eyes lighting up in a way that was reminiscent of his usual self.
“Well then, I’m honored, and you’re very welcome,” you smiled back, enjoying the way his palm warmed your skin.
Loki took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he closed his eyes, looking at peace for a short moment.
“You're far too nice of a person, love,” he muttered, peeking one eye open. His nose scrunched so adorably that you almost forgot to respond.
“No,” you finally managed. “You’re just my friend. This is what friends do.”
“I wish you’d stop saying that.”
“You, Loki Laufeyson,” you rolled over, poking him on the nose until he looked at you. “Are my friend and I love your dumb, grumpy ass very much. So there.”
“By the Norns,” Loki groaned, turning onto his back and looking like he wanted to portal himself to antarctica. “How’ve you made it worse? How is that possible?”
“You’re so dramatic, you know that?”
“And you just told me you love me.”
You stopped, holding your breath as you realized that you had. Oops?
“Yeah, well,” you shrugged, trying to play it off like you didn’t care. “It’s true.”
“How?”
“What do you mean?”
Now it was Loki’s turn to stop. He closed his mouth, eyebrows twitching slightly as he thought.
“I don’t know. It just… all seems very unlikely.”
“Well, you’ve got me now, nothing you can do about it. And don’t even think about trying to escape ‘cause I will kidnap you and keep you in my basement.”
“Oh, I’d love to see you try, darling,” he purred, smirking in that way that reminded you so much of the grinch that you immediately promised yourself you’d sit him down and make him watch the movie.
“Maybe I will,” you shot back.
“You don’t even have a basement.”
“I… okay, you’ve got me there.”
“Uh-huh,” Loki narrowed his eyes, but his smirk grew.
“But really,” you murmured, nodding your head to catch his attention. “Let me be here for you, ‘kay?”
Loki groaned softly, rolling his eyes and doing a very poor job of not smiling.
“Yes, alright. Fine.”
“Good,” you grinned. “Now, put your clothes on, I want pancakes.”
Loki’s nightmares didn’t go away. He had many more sleepless nights, the same old horrors playing through his mind, seeping into his veins and making him feel like they might burst open. But things were different than before.
Now, he had someone to seek out when things got bad. Now, he didn’t have to go through any of it alone.
In the face of all his ailments, your company really was the best medicine.