Chapter Text
Twenty three years.
The amount of time held quite a bit of significance to him. It was the age he was when he joined the academy. It was practically the length of his marriage to Kathy.
And it was the amount of time that had passed since he had last held Olivia in his arms.
He felt so painfully old as he opened his eyes that day. Maggie had graduated college just last year, and she surprised him by going into victim’s advocacy after finishing her degree. He looked at his night stand, crowded with pictures. There was a group shot of him with all five of his kids, a candid of Maggie in her cap and gown as she accepted her diploma, and a framed picture of Olivia holding Maggie hours after her birth.
The memory made his eyes well up. He had thought with the passing of time, it would get easier. But the fact was it had gotten harder with every moment that passed.
He missed his best friend.
He reached out and touched the picture before forcing himself out of bed. Maggie was coming over to visit with him and he was looking forward to it. He hadn’t seen her in a few weeks and video chats just weren’t the same. He stepped into the bathroom and took a shower, taking time to shave as well before he got dressed.
Maggie showed up at the apartment just as he finished tidying up the apartment. Her long dark hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she grinned as she rushed to hug him. “Hi, Daddy. I’ve missed you,” she murmured, patting his back.
“Hey, baby.” He smiled, returning her hug. Maggie looked more like Olivia with every year that passed. She had her warm eyes and height and most of all, her determination and compassion.
Maggie pulled back and kissed his cheek. Then she set her bag down. “Guess what? I was texting with Maureen, and she’s going to come by later and have dinner with us.” While she loved all of her siblings, Maggie absolutely adored Maureen.
“Yeah? That’s great.” He gave her a smile.
“I’m so excited. I know I’ve been busy at work, but I’ve missed you guys.” She sat down with him on the couch, turning so she could look at him.
“I’ve missed you, too. I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too.” She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. It didn’t escape her notice, how pale and tired he looked.
Elliot returned the squeeze. A year ago, he’d suffered a massive heart attack that had nearly killed him. Maureen had begged him to move in with her, but he’d stubbornly declined, refusing to burden any of his kids with having to look after him. He recovered well enough, even if he felt tired most of the time.
“How have you been?”
Maggie’s smile widened. “Really good. Work is… amazing. I actually got a promotion last week!”
“Good.” His smile widened. “I’m proud of you.”
Maggie beamed and rested against his side. After a few moments, she murmured, “I wish you’d let us help you more.”
He shook his head. “You don’t need that. I’m fine.”
“But I want to,” she replied firmly. “You’re my dad. I have a good job, plenty of room...”
“I know. But I can’t do that to you.”
“You’re not doing it to me. You’re doing it for me.” She nudged him gently. “Besides, you always were the best cook.”
“Can’t argue with that,” he agreed with a chuckle.
“So, what do you say?” She gave him her best pleading look.
“I’ll... I’ll think about it,” he relented. “Okay?”
“Okay. Thank you.” She hugged him closer.
“You’re welcome, honey.”
Her hand came up and rubbed his arm. “What should we get up to before dinner? We could take a walk, visit the park...”
He nodded. “A walk would be good to get out of the house for a while.”
“A walk it is.” She patted his arm before standing up. Once she was on her feet, she held her hand out to him. Elliot gladly followed her, tired but never turning down a chance to spend time with Maggie.
They made their way out of the apartment and into the cool fall air. It was a perfect day for a walk, and Maggie looped her arm through his.
As they walked toward the park, comfortable quiet fell between them. Maggie picked out an empty bench by her favorite pond for them to sit. Once they were both seated, she rested her head on his shoulder.
Elliot relaxed, making himself more comfortable and enjoying the light breeze on his face. “Your mom and I used to come here a lot.”
She nodded against his shoulder. “Sometimes if I close my eyes… I can almost imagine her here.”
He nodded, smiling softly. “I can, too.”
“I wonder about her sometimes.” Even if Maggie had never had the chance to meet her mom, Elliot had always made sure Maggie knew how much Olivia had loved her and never hesitated to tell her stories.
“Me too. One thing I know is she would be so proud of you.”
“Yeah?” She teared up a bit at that.
“She would,” he assured her, squeezing her hand.
Maggie returned the squeeze. “I think she’d be proud of you, too.”
That made a lump form in his throat, but he gave her a soft smile. “You think so?”
“I know so.” She gently tugged him closer. “I know I am.”
His face softened and he leaned into her a little. “She loved you more than anything.”
“I wish I could have known her.” She ran her fingers over her dad’s hair. They sat there for a while, enjoying the peaceful quiet. When she noticed he was struggling to stay awake, Maggie kissed his head. “Let’s get you back home, hmm?”
“Okay.” He nodded, standing up with her.
She linked their arms together and they started back to his apartment. When they got inside, she kicked off her shoes. “Do you want to take a nap before Maureen gets here?”
“I think so. I’m feeling a little tired.”
“I’m sure you are.” She walked with him to his bedroom and helped him sit down on the bed. He looked so tired that it worried her a bit. “Let’s get you comfortable,” she murmured as she eased him back against his pillows. Then she tugged a light blanket over him.
Elliot closed his eyes, settling in comfortably. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, Dad.” She leaned over and kissed his forehead. “Do you need anything?”
“No. I think I’m fine.”
“Good.” She settled her hand over his as she checked her phone. “Maureen just texted me. She’ll be here in an hour or so.”
He nodded. “You can wake me up then.”
“Okay, Dad.” She squeezed his hand before letting go. “Love you. Have a good nap.”
“Love you,” he yawned. In a matter of minutes, he was asleep.
Maureen arrived an hour and a half later, and she enthusiastically greeted her youngest sibling. “Hi, Mags...”
Maggie hugged Maureen tight. “Hey, Mo. Get settled in. I’m gonna wake Dad up.”
“Oh, you don’t need to-“
Maggie shook her head. “He told me to wake him up when you got here,” she insisted, already heading down the hall. She walked into her dad’s room and sat down on the bed. “Daddy? Maureen’s here.” She reached out and lightly touched his cheek.
Elliot stirred, blinking drowsily as he awoke. “Hey...”
Maureen came in a minute later. “Hey, Dad. Didn’t mean to interrupt your nap time.”
Elliot shook his head, giving her a smile. “Don’t worry about it. I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too.” She came closer to his bed, holding her hand out to him.
Elliot took her hand and squeezed it as he sat up slowly, his movements slightly labored. Maggie noticed and immediately placed a few more pillows behind his back to make him more comfortable.
Maureen sat down with him, squeezing his hand. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m still tired,” he admitted hesitantly.
“Okay. You don’t have to get up.” She squeezed his hand again. “We can just hang out with you in here for a while.”
“That sounds good.” He relaxed against the pillows.
Both of his girls wound up sitting on either side of him, shoes off and a familiar ease about it. Maggie gripped his hand and began telling Maureen about her job and latest promotion.
Elliot listened to their conversation, a soft smile touching his lips for a moment before he absently rubbed his chest.
Maureen slipped an arm around his shoulders, absently patting his arm. “I’m proud of you, Mags.”
Maggie’s doe eyes lit up. “And I think I’ve convinced Dad to come stay with me,” she told her big sister in a conspiring tone.
That made Maureen perk up. “Really?”
“Haven’t decided, but I said I’d think about it,” Elliot admitted. It was something he was still reluctant to do, but the relief in both of their eyes put him at ease about it.
Maureen let out a deep, relieved sigh. “Good. That’s… that’s so good.” Elliot insisted that they didn’t need to worry about him, just as he did for all his years on the job, but she still did, and the thought of him being alone as his health worsened worried her.
He nodded, closing his eyes for a moment.
Maggie snuggled closer to him. “We went on a walk earlier,” she murmured to Maureen.
“Yeah? Where did you guys go?”
“Just down to the park. Like we used to when I was little.” Maggie smiled at the memory of going to the park, learning to ride her bike and spending hours on the playground.
That made Maureen smile as well. “He did the same with me.” And it felt like a lifetime ago.
“I remember that,” Elliot mused, squeezing her hand.
She returned the squeeze, her eyes a bit misty as she realized his grip was weak. “You let me chase the ducks.”
“That was your favorite part.”
“Mm hmm.” Maureen hugged him closer. “You okay, Dad?”
“I’m okay...” He couldn’t contain a grimace when he felt his breathing shallow a little. He felt a pressure on his chest that wasn’t particularly painful, but made it difficult to take a deep breath.
Maggie looked worried when he winced. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure...”
Maureen had always been able to tell when he was lying. She patted his arm gently. “Dad…”
“I’m fine,” he repeated, managing a tired smile.
Neither of his daughters bought it, but they stayed there with him. If he was too stubborn to admit when he wasn’t feeling right, the least they could do was keep him company for now.
“Did Dad tell you I’m thinking about getting a masters degree?” Maggie finally asked Maureen.
The older woman nodded. “He mentioned it.”
“I’ve been applying to schools. It’ll be hard, but not impossible.”
“You should do it,” Elliot encouraged.
Maggie beamed and squeezed his hand. “How is it at home, Mo? I know I haven’t been there since Christmas...”
“You’ve had your hands full with the job. And it’s good,” she replied easily. “Carl is great. The kids are amazing. They miss you.”
“I know. I miss them, too.”
Elliot relaxed, making himself a little more comfortable. He closed his eyes but remained awake, listening to their conversation as Maggie told Maureen about the graduate programs she was looking into at NYU and Columbia.
After a little while, Maureen looked at her watch. “I should make us something to eat.”
He wasn’t particularly hungry, but he nodded. “Sounds good...”
Maureen started to get up, but something held her back. She didn’t know how to explain it, but she needed to stay there with her dad. So she shifted back into her spot, catching the curious look Maggie sent her.
Elliot felt a twinge in his chest and he absently rubbed at it but said nothing.
The movement worried Maggie. “Are you having any pains, Dad?” she pressed cautiously. She remembered the night of his heart attack last year, how frightened she’d been when she left her last final exam of the semester and her phone rang with the call from Kathleen telling her their dad was in the hospital.
They’d all been terrified when the cardiologist explained the severity of the heart attack and pointed out that Elliot was lucky to have survived it and that they should make plans in case he were to take a turn for the worse.
But he pulled through, even if his health had been poor ever since.
“No, I’m just... just a little short of breath...”
Maureen touched the back of her hand to his forehead. It was clammy to the touch and she frowned. “I’m going to call 911, just to be safe.”
He shook his head in protest. “I think I’ll be okay.”
“Dad, this isn’t something to play around with.” She shifted her fingers to check his pulse and her own heart dropped. “Maggie, hand me my phone.”
Elliot shook his head again, gently stopping her. “No, I’m... I’m okay. Don’t call.”
“Dad.” Her eyes stung a bit but Maggie didn’t reach for the phone.
He felt surprisingly calm and gave her hand another squeeze. “It’ll be okay...”
Swallowing hard, Maureen motioned for Maggie to return to her spot. Maggie nodded and shifted back to where she had been.
For a moment, they both listened to his slightly labored breathing. Maggie curled her fingers around his. “What can we do, Dad...?”
“Just… just stay…?”
Both girls traded a look. “We’re not going anywhere,” Maureen said firmly, her eyes glistening a bit. “I’m going to call everyone else, but I’m not going anywhere.”
Her voice trembled as she picked up her phone and called Kathleen and the twins, instructing them to get there as fast as they could. She didn’t need to explain much for them to understand the urgency, and they all promised they were on their way.
“They’re all coming,” she informed her dad softly as she ended the last call.
He nodded softly and relaxed, squeezing both of their hands weakly. “Just keep talking…” he murmured.
Maggie sniffled softly. “Maybe I can come for a visit next week, Mo.”
“The kids would love that. And I’m sure Carl would be happy to turn them over.”
Comforted by their presence, Elliot closed his eyes.
“He always is.” Maggie wiped at her eyes. It wasn’t fair. She couldn’t lose her dad already.
Maureen reached out and gently squeezed Maggie’s hand. “It’ll be okay,” she whispered.
Elliot gripped her other hand a little tighter. “You’ll be okay... I promise...”
This time she couldn’t hold in the soft sob. “Dad...”
His grip tightened. “I love you. So much.”
“I love you, too.”
Maureen tightened her arm around his shoulders. “Maggie, do you remember when you were eight, and you beat up that boy...”
Confused, Maggie wiped at her eyes. “Brandon? Yeah. He said Julie was going to hell because she had two moms.”
“And you gave him a black eye and a split lip.” Her youngest sister had always been a fierce protector of those she loved.
Elliot chuckled quietly, a fond smile forming on his lips at the memory.
Determined to keep him calm and comfortable, Maureen smoothed her hand over his forehead. “Did Dad ever tell you I did something similar?”
Maggie’s eyes widened. “You did?”
Elliot nodded, giving Maureen’s hand a squeeze as she remembered the story.
“Mm hmm. This little jerk… I think his name was Aaron. He told my best friend Janie that she was going to hell because she didn’t have a mom. So I laid his little ass out.”
The younger woman couldn’t stifle a snicker. “It’s like when I was in first grade and I hit that kid for talking about my mom. Daddy bought me pizza.”
“I remember…” Elliot nodded, remembering that day well.
“He’s always had the belief that pizza can fix anything,” Maureen teased.
“Yeah...” Maggie smiled shakily. “He always knows how to make me feel better.”
Maureen felt their dad’s head settle heavily on her shoulder. “When I was little, he was always the best at that. I loved my mom, but she was never the one I went to when I scraped my knee, or got into a fight.”
Maggie nodded. “I remember when I learned how to ride a bike without training wheels. I told him I was ready for him to let go. Then I drove straight into a bush and cried until he held me and gave me a Band-Aid.”
“Sounds right. But when I was a little baby, Mom says I absolutely terrified him.”
The thought of her dad as a young and nervous father made Maggie smile despite the situation. “He said he always panicked over every little thing when you were little, but he got better about that with Kathleen and Dickie and Elizabeth. And then by the time I was born, he was a lot calmer.” Maggie let out a soft laugh. “Except when I had my appendix out.”
“That was… a little terrifying…” Elliot agreed.
“Well, it did almost rupture,” Maureen hummed placidly. “I think it scared all of us.”
“I think I lived off Jello for a week. And Dad got me that stuffed duck I dragged around everywhere. I still have it.”
Maureen’s eyes lit up. “Hermie, right?”
She nodded, smiling. “He still lives on my bed.”
“I have this stuffed bear Dad won for me at a fair. He probably spent fifty bucks trying to win a two dollar bear...”
“I think I did,” he agreed, closing his eyes again. His breathing had shallowed, but he was calm and not in pain.
“That’s Dad,” Maggie murmured, her grip tightening on his hand.
“Mm hmm. He’s always been my best friend.” Maureen rested her hand gently against his head.
Elliot leaned into her, sighing softly. His breathing was slowly becoming more labored, his face pale.
Maureen checked his heart rate again, and Maggie chewed her lower lip. “Are you sure he’s comfortable?” she whispered.
“He is. You know I would do something if I thought he… was suffering.” The word was heavy on her tongue.
“I’m fine,” Elliot assured them. “Doesn’t hurt...”
Maggie snuggled closer to him, her lower lip trembling.
Nodding slowly, Maureen started to weave another story. From where he was curled against her, she could feel each labored breath. She had been a nurse for years, and she knew all the signs of what was happening.
Her knowledge didn’t make this easier in the slightest.
“I remember when I had to have my appendix removed,” she recalled to her sister. “My mom thought I was being dramatic until I threw up on her.”
“I threw up on Dad. Twice. On his brand new shoes, too.”
The blonde let out a soft laugh. “Did he tell you that I accidentally wound up at a crime scene with him one time?”
Her eyes widened. “No.”
“Mm hmm. I was fourteen and at a beach party.” She sighed softly at the memory. “I was dancing with this really cute guy, and Dad just came over and messed it all up.”
“Sounds like Dad.”
“It does, doesn’t it?” She stroked his hair again. “We were driving home when we came across a crime scene. It was… horrible. But he never complained about the nightmares and missed sleep.”
Maggie nodded softly. “I remember when I was little, if I ever had a bad dream, he’d let me sleep with him.”
“Me too. Sometimes Mom complained, but Dad never did.”
Elliot’s face softened as his grip on their hands weakened a little.
Maureen rested her head gently against his, her voice softening. “It’s kind of funny,” she murmured to Maggie. “When Olivia was pregnant with you, Kathleen and I had just assumed he wanted another boy. But when he found out you were a girl… He kind of drove Olivia nuts with all the pink stuff he bought.”
Maggie smiled shakily. “He told me that.”
“It was really sweet. Liv wanted more neutral colors, but he was all about pink and purple for you.”
“He said he spent hours on it.”
“I did...” Elliot nodded softly.
“And he decorated your entire nursery. He wanted you to have the best.” Just as he had done with his four oldest children.
“Yeah...” she nodded softly and blinked back fresh tears.
Maureen squeezed Maggie’s hand again. “It’s going to be okay, Mags.”
“She’s right,” Elliot managed tiredly.
Maggie teared up again. It wouldn’t be alright, because she wasn’t ready to lose him. She snuggled deeper into his side.
Elliot opened his eyes for a moment, but it took more effort than he could manage and he closed them again. “Love you...”
“Love you, too.”
Maureen inhaled deeply. She could fall apart later. Right now she needed to be strong for them.
Elliot’s breaths shallowed to slow, soft gasps as his grip loosened on their hands.
Maureen held him tighter, kissing his head. “Did he ever tell you...” She sniffled a bit and wiped at her eyes. “Did he ever tell you that he fainted when my mom was in labor with me?”
“No.” Maggie shook her head.
“Oh yeah.” She rubbed his shoulder and inhaled softly when he barely responded. “They were seniors when Mom got pregnant with me. Dad went straight into basic training for the marines, but they let him be with her when she went into labor.”
Maggie nodded softly. “He said it terrified him.”
“Yep. So much so that when Mom was ready to push, he looked down and passed out. Scared Mom half to death.”
At that, Maggie and Elliot both chuckled softly. Maggie wiped at her eyes. “He never told me that.”
“It gets better.” She smiled tearfully. “So he passes out, right? And Mom is getting ready to push. One of the nurses wakes him up and gets him back on his feet in time to see me be born.” She continued to rub his arm gently. “He gets to hold me, and when he gives me back to a nurse, he passed out again.”
“Wow...” Maggie shook her head, smiling in amusement.
“He was better with Kathleen and the twins. But Mom was worried every time she went into labor.”
Elliot’s face relaxed a little, his breaths becoming softer but less labored as he listened to them.
Maureen checked his pulse again and winced when she barely felt it. He wouldn’t last much longer. “I remember when the twins came home. Mom let me hold Dickie first, and Kathleen cried so hard that she threw up.”
“I was always so glad to be the baby. I liked not having to share him with a little sibling.”
“You just had to share him with us,” Maureen teased, giving a shaky smile.
“Yeah…” Maggie nodded, squeezing her dad’s hand tightly. Elliot gave a weak squeeze in response, remaining peacefully quiet.
Maureen held him gently. “You’re doing great, Dad,” she whispered.
He tried to squeeze her hand again, but his grip was weak as his breaths slowed even more.
Maureen met Maggie’s eyes. “He’s going,” she whispered, her voice cracking. “We should keep talking to him...”
She nodded sadly. “Okay... I remember my first date. I was sixteen and I thought Dad was gonna have a conniption.”
The blonde let out a soft laugh as they both hugged their dad tighter. “It couldn’t have been as bad as his reaction to mine.”
“Really?”
“Mm hmm. He sat at the table and polished his service weapon.”
“Oh god.” Maggie laughed. “He didn’t do that with me.”
“Told you. He must have chilled out somewhat in his old age.” She wiped at her eyes again.
“He must have.” Maggie sniffled.
“Still the best dad we could have had.” Maureen squeezed his arm lightly. She looked up for a moment when they heard the front door open and the rest of their siblings slipped into the room, teary eyed and breathless from the rush to get there in time.
They moved over a little to give their siblings room for each of them to hug their father. Elliot leaned into each hug, his heart aching a little when he could see how hard all of them were fighting back tears.
Maureen and Maggie remained settled next to him while Kathleen and the twins sat nearby as well, surrounding him and each of them keeping a hand on him so he’d know they were all there even as his surroundings faded. Maureen touched her fingers to his neck again to monitor his pulse.
Elliot didn’t respond to the touch this time, and when she finally felt his pulse it was barely there.
Maureen carefully adjusted him again, cradling his head to her shoulder. She saw Maggie squeeze his hand again and she nodded slightly. “Keep holding his hand, Mags,” she managed thickly. “Don’t let go.”
Elliot didn’t respond as their voices grew more distant. His chest tightened, making it more difficult to breathe. He let out a long, shallow breath.
Maggie leaned over, resting her forehead against his as he struggled to take another breath. Her free hand came up and rested on his chest. “It’s okay, Dad,” the young woman murmured. “We’re all here. We’ve got you.” She was starting to babble but she didn’t care. She just didn’t want to see him struggle. “Let go.”
At her words, Elliot let the tension leave his body and he slowly settled against them.
Maggie brought their linked hands up and she kissed his knuckles. “I love you so much, Dad. Go… go be with Mom.”
One more breath escaped him, and then he went still.
Maureen gave it a moment, then checked his pulse with trembling fingers. “He’s gone...”
“I... I know...” Maggie’s shoulders slumped as her eyes watered.
She kissed their dad’s head again before easing him back against the pillows. Then she hugged her little sister tightly while Dickie hugged Kathleen and Elizabeth.
Maggie returned the hug, letting out a choked sob.
“It’s going to be okay, Maggie. It’s going to be okay.”
When Elliot opened his eyes again, he was standing next to the bed, watching as his kids started making calls.
“Elliot,” a soft voice breathed behind him.
The voice brought tears to his eyes. Elliot inhaled shakily and turned around, his heart skipping as he took Olivia in for the first time in decades.
Olivia stood there, her arms outstretched and a beautiful smile on her face. “El...”
Elliot closed the distance between them, hugging her tightly for the first time in over twenty years.
She returned the hug eagerly, running her fingers through his hair. “I’ve missed you so much, El,” she choked out.
He leaned into her, his arms tightening around her. “I missed you...”
She finally pulled back just enough so that she could look into his eyes. “I’m never leaving you again.”
His hands cupped her cheeks, pulling her closer. “I love you.”
“I love you too, El.” Her eyes watered as she smiled at him. “So much.”
He leaned closer, pressing his lips to hers in a longing kiss.
Olivia melted into the kiss, winding her arms around her husband’s neck.
It was everything he’d dreamt of for years, and still not enough. Elliot deepened the kiss, holding her even closer.
When the kiss finally ended, Olivia looked up at him with misty eyes. “I’m so sorry I had to leave you both...”
He touched his forehead to hers. “We both missed you.”
“You did an amazing job with her.” Her hand cupped his cheek tenderly. “She’s everything I hoped for.”
“I always told her how much you loved her.”
“I know you did.” She kissed him again before taking his hand. “Come on. I want to hear all about it.”
He gripped her hand tightly and smiled. “There’s a lot you need to hear.”
“I’m sure there is.” She began walking him away from the bed, into their forever.