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Published:
2020-02-02
Updated:
2022-04-18
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11/?
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Horticultural Techniques for the Cultivation and Care of Bonsai

Chapter 11: make every day count

Summary:

Paper-nin in the accounting department are extremely popular for exactly one (and only one) day a year. Tax day. It's said if you can hunt one down to help you file your nin-taxes, you get a bigger refund and you will be blessed with good missions for the next six months.

On the other hand, tax day is an extremely dangerous day for paper-nin in the accounting department. RUN GIRL! YOU'RE IN DANGER!

The letter for the day is "T" for "today", "taxes", and "tragicomedy horror."

Regretfully, the count of dogs is 0 in this chapter. Clearly, all the mistakes have been made. I apologize for this terrible travesty.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

There are many days of the year that Tomoe does not particularly like due to bad memories associated with the date or just seem to be generally unlucky and problematic - Wednesdays, for example, seem to fall into this category on a troubling regularity.

However, there is one day of the year which she loathes above all other - the dreaded Tax Day.

Tax season is stressful for everyone, but truly tax day is the most stressful and cursed of any day within a single calendar year.

All day, Tomoe has had the distinct and unpleasant feeling that she forgot something - an anxious and foreboding fluttering in her stomach.

Even escaping the office early does nothing to abate the sinister feeling.

About to turn a corner to the next street, Tomoe freezes, her foot hovering in mid-air as an ominous shiver suddenly runs down her spine. The impending sense of immediate doom sends panic bubbling in her stomach as her fight-or-flight senses activate. Her brain suddenly makes a connection, and the feeling of dread suddenly makes sense.

Oh no, no, no, no no nonononono NO

“CHOUSEKI,” a booming voice screams in the distance. “WHERE ARE YOU?”

She dives face first into a tree.

The date hangs over her head as the horror dawns on her. Tomoe curses herself. How could she forget tax day?

“I THINK SHE CAME THIS WAY,” another voice screams shrilly.

"PSPSPSPSPS!"

Tomoe holds her breath.

A small mob gathers searching the street, checking behind every sign and post.

“CHOUSEKI-CHAN I HAVE SOME FUN MATH FOR YOU~!” screams another voice. "ONE - TWO - THREE-"

“I’M GOING TO FIND YOU CHOUSEKI-CHAN~” threatens another. "COME OUT, COME OUT, WHEREVER YOU ARE!"

A herd of her former academy classmates run past her hiding space, the deafening thuds of their feet harmonizing with her racing heart.

Thud - thud - thud - thud - thud - thud - thud - thud

“WHICH WAY DID SHE GO?!” screams the ringleader, as he skids to a stop right under her tree.

Tomoe darts her eyes around looking for an escape from her current hell and unfortunately meets the eyes of an amused ninja who is lounging a few branches above her in her tree.

Help me, she begs the other tree ninja with her eyes and body language. I will reward you greatly if you help me escape.

She prays and prays and prays.

The ringleader begins to look up.

Tomoe sweats. She wants to beg for the sweet release of death.

After what feels like eternity, her fellow tree ninja nods.

“CHOUSEKI! DO OUR TAXES!”

Kawarimi no Jutsu

Later

"You saved my life. You are my personal hero - how can I ever repay you?”

“Do my taxes,” her fellow tree ninja replies.

Notes:

And the rumored author finally emerges from the den of hibernation... and finally filed taxes.

My new, completely baseless theory that I just came up with: Kakuzu was the top employee of the ninja IRS for 20 years in a row until he had to defect. He holds the record for most deductions taken on a tax return and even has a tax loophole named after him. He still occasionally receives fan mail from the ninja IRS.

I spent way too long considering if the Inuzuka clan would claim their ninken as dependants or if ninken would file their own returns. I find the idea of nin animals having to file their own tax returns amusing and also incredibly chaotic.

Tomoe: *scribbling numbers down as she sits at her work desk*
Tomoe: Great, so next let’s look at the credits you qualify for.. As a teacher, how much expense did you incur on supplies?
Chunin: *spends 2 minutes digging through their pockets before pulling out one extremely torn piece of paper*
Tomoe: *sighs* this just says IOU.

Tomoe: *scribbling numbers down as she sits at her work desk*
Tomoe: Great, so next let’s look at the credits you qualify for.. As a teacher, how much expense did you incur on supplies?
Jounin: *spends 10 minutes pulling out wrinkled and charred receipts*
Tomoe: *squinting and trying to read* How exactly are cigarettes teaching supplies?

Tomoe: *scribbling numbers down as she sits at her work desk*
Tomoe: Great, so next let’s look at the credits you qualify for.. As a teacher, how much expense did you incur on supplies?
Academy Instructor: *pulls out a itemized binder of receipts with a table of contents* Here, I prepared this binder for you.
Tomoe’s coworkers: *gasp* *faint* *heart eyes*
Tomoe: *softly but full of emotion* holy shit

There are dogs planned for the next chapter. I've been debating which ninken should make an appearance first ;)

Notes:

In order for the villages to exist, there must be economics and accounting. Which brings us to important questions: Is there ninja accounting? What is ninja accounting? And also, how does the ninja economy work?

I have so many questions and no answers. Also, I just really like the idea of adding ninjas to any random career. So, officially, ninja plumbing is the most dangerous of all ninja careers to learn.

I am not an accountant so if you are an accountant or actuary or studying accounting in any form, I apologize for the very poor understanding of accounting.

This has been sitting in my google docs for a year, but I guess I might as well post it.