Chapter Text
Erika is, for lack of a better word, absolutely ecstatic. She thought she was just going to spend an evening with Haru watching a movie about a bunch of dragons beating the shit out of each other, and yeah, that did happen, but then Haru told her she had lied about liking Manami and that she also wanted to kiss Erika, and they held hands, and now she’s spending the night at her house!
This is crazy!
“Um, Erika?”
Wait, was she saying something?
“Um, where am I going to sleep?”
Shit.
“O-oh,” Erika stutters, “I-I, um, I don’t actually… I don’t really know.”
The two sit in silence for a moment. Erika rubs the back of her neck.
Haru starts giggling.
“Y-you don’t know? You told me to stay over at your house and you don’t know where I’m going to sleep?”
“Well, I… I wasn’t thinking, okay? Geez, sorry for wanting to spend more time with you.” Erika lifts herself off of the loveseat and starts pacing around the room. She claps her hands together.
“Okay, so, sleeping arrangements. I’ve got a bed, I’ve got a small couch, and I’ve got a floor.” One lap around the table. “I’m not gonna make you sleep on the floor, and I’m not sleeping there either.” Another lap. “I’m, like, way shorter than you, so my bed would be way too small. So, that’s off the list.” Third lap. “The loveseat,” she points for emphasis, “is still small, but it’s easier to curl up on. It’s also got a back, meaning… I don’t know, but it’s a plus.” Fourth lap. “So, the best course of action is you on the loveseat and me in my bed!” She stops in the middle of her fifth lap, a little out of breath from all the walking and talking.
“So? Does that sound good?”
Haru mutters something under her breath.
“Hm?” Erika leans in closer, a hand cupping her ear. “Didn’t catch that.”
Haru blushes fiercely and pulls her coat up over her chin. “We… we can both fit on the couch, I-I think. So, we could both… s-sleep there.”
Oh.
Erika’s blushing now, too. She certainly didn’t expect Haru to say that. Two thoughts run through her head simultaneously.
The first:
Oh, that’s a good point. She was able to pretty comfortably sit on the loveseat with me. Good thinking, Haru!
The second:
Oh my god oh my god oh my god i want to fall asleep in her arms so bad
Haru hides her face in her hands. “S-sorry! I shouldn’t have said that. I like your idea, we can just g-go with that one…”
“No,” Erika retorts, “your idea makes sense. This room looks kinda… creepy… when the lights are out, so I-I’d feel bad leaving you alone here.”
Silence. Haru is still hiding her face and Erika is not looking down at her feet. They are both very clearly embarrassed.
Great bit of reasoning there, Erika,” she thinks. Really knocked it out of the park. She starts to walk out of the living room.
“I’ll go get some blankets.”
-----
The awkward feeling hasn’t gotten any better for either of them. Erika and Haru are both under quite a few blankets now, and they’re sitting… somewhat close together? They had been closer earlier tonight, but that was only for a little bit. Emotions were high, and neither of them had really been able to process what was going on. Now, however, they’re painfully aware of just how… present they both are. It’s so quiet that Erika can hear Haru breathing. It’s nice, in a way. After a while, though, Haru breaks the silence.
“Hey, Erika?”
“Hm?”
“Are you… are you sure about this?”
“I mean,” she replies, “if you want me to take the bed, that’s fine.” Haru stammers and shakes her head.
“N-No, no, not that. I mean…” She takes her hands out from under the blanket and gestures first to herself, then Erika. “This. Me and you, um, being together. If you want to call it that.”
Erika smiles slightly. “I mean, yeah. I think so. Last week I said that I didn’t really know what I wanted, and that’s still sort of true, I guess? But…” She sighs. “I’m, like, 99% sure I want this. And that’s close enough to 100%, if you ask me.”
“Oh, that’s good.”
More silence. Erika looks over at Haru. She looks sad.
“Are you sure about this, Haru?”
“Yeah,” she says. “I mean, I think so. I know I liked, um, holding your hand earlier, so that’s… something. I just, I feel like I don’t…” Haru pulls the blankets closer to her chest.
“Don’t what?”
“I feel like I don’t deserve it, I guess.”
Haru’s statement is barely even a whisper. She utters it with a resigned sort of guilt, almost like she’s admitting something that she’s been thinking about for a long time.
Erika doesn’t know how to respond. She’s sad. She’s angry. She thinks she’s about to cry. She’s at a complete loss for words - so instead of saying anything, she reaches over and holds Haru’s cheek in her hand. It’s a gentle touch, her fingertips barely even making contact with the skin. She gently pulls Haru’s face towards hers, the two now looking straight at each other.
“Please don’t say that.” Erika’s voice is shaky. “Don’t say you don’t deserve anything. You’ve been such a kind friend, to me and to Manami. Sure, maybe you’re not always down to hang out. And maybe you don’t always respond to our messages. But that’s okay.” She strokes Haru’s cheek with her thumb. Haru can’t bring herself to make eye contact.
“I wish I could see myself… like how you see me.”
Erika smiles. “Do you want me to tell you what I see?”
Haru nods.
“I see… a pair of lovely brown eyes with long, pretty lashes. I see a pair of ears that glow bright red whenever you get embarrassed. I see a cute little nose that scrunches up when you smile really big. I see a nice, strong jawline. I see a pair of lips that I really want to kiss. I see a long, lovely head of brown, wavy hair. And most of all, I see a girl who was given a raw deal by life. One who deserves every single good thing that has ever happened to her, and one who deserves none of the bad.” She pushes a loose strand of hair behind Haru’s ear.
Haru sits.
Haru stares.
Her lip quivers,
her shoulders start to shake,
and Haru starts to sob.
She looks down at the ground and tears start to fall onto the blankets that she so carefully wrapped herself in. “Th-th-thank y-you for *hic* m-making me feel *hic* n-n-normal.” She can barely get the words out, she’s crying so hard. Tears roll down her cheeks, taking with them all the mascara that she spent so long applying all those hours ago.
Erika grabs hold of one of Haru’s shaking hands, lifts it to her face, and kisses the back of it. It counts, she thinks. A kiss is a kiss. A tear falls onto Haru’s hand. It’s Erika’s.
She’s crying, too.
-----
Eventually, Haru runs out of tears. Her breathing is steady now, and she’s stopped shaking. She wipes her eyes and looks at Erika - the first eye contact they’ve made all night.
“Tha-”
Haru’s eyes widen and she puts a hand over her mouth.
Erika leans forward. “Haru, are you alright? She tries to put a hand on her shoulder, but Haru flinches and backs up.
Is she okay? What happened, did I do something wrong?
“P-please, Haru, what’s wrong?”
Haru picks her phone up off of the table and starts typing something. Erika waits with baited breath, when all of a sudden, her phone vibrates. It’s a text from Haru.
HARU: throat hurts from crying, cant talk normally. dont want you to hear my real voice. almost said something. im sorry.
Erika sighs, relieved. Thank God, she thinks, I thought that I had done something wrong. She looks up from her phone at Haru. She’s buried in blankets, the only visible parts of her being her eyes and the top of her head. Erika considers saying something to Haru, but she can tell that she doesn’t want to talk right now. She starts typing.
ERIKA: thats ok, you dont have to talk
ERIKA: but you dont have to worry abt me hearing your voice
ERIKA: im sure it sounds lovely
Haru waits for a moment, and then texts back.
HARU: i know, but
HARU: i just
HARU: i dont want to hear it. my voice, i mean.
HARU: i know you dont mind but i do
HARU: i dont like how deep it is
ERIKA: fair enough
ERIKA: but to be honest deep voices are hot
Erika looks over at Haru. Her ears are bright red.
ERIKA: shit sorry was that too weird
HARU: no, its
HARU: thanks
HARU: that makes me feel a little better tbh
HARU: knowing that you think im
HARU: um
HARU: attractive
HARU: i already said it when i was over here last week
HARU: but it feels nice
HARU: to be wanted by someone
ERIKA: i mean
ERIKA: whats not to want?
ERIKA: youre great, haru
Erika sees Haru begin typing out of the corner of her eye. Her thumb hovers over the send button. She pauses. She puts her phone down on the table.
“Thanks,” she mutters. Her voice is clearly shot - deeper than usual, just like she said it would be.
“I like your voice.”
“I wish I liked it as much as you do.”
The two sit in silence for a moment.
Erika wishes she could do something. She wishes she could find the specific order of words that, when spoken, would make Haru magically feel better about herself. A sentence that would make her go, “Oh my God, Erika, you’re right! I am a wonderful person!” But, unfortunately, that’s not how people work. You can’t just make someone instantly feel better. Erika knows this.
But she’s still going to try.
Because what kind of friend would she be if she didn’t try?
She shifts in her seat a bit. “Haru… can I sit closer to you? It’s fine if you need space, but I just thought, I don’t know, It’d be nice. It’s cold, too, so, you know.” She blushes. “Body heat, and all that.”
God, I suck at this. And here I thought I was supposed to be the confident one - Huh?
To Erika’s surprise, Haru is the one to close the distance, not her. She scoots up next to Erika on the couch, to the point where the two’s shoulders are almost touching. Haru’s foot bumps into hers. She apologizes under her breath.
“Sorry, I’m a little clumsy. Not used to being this close to someone else.”
“It’s okay. Neither am I.”
Haru and Erika sit for a while, listening to the rain pick up outside. Glad I convinced Haru to stay, she thinks to herself. That dinky little umbrella wouldn’t have helped her much out there.
“Hey Erika?”
“Hm?”
“Could… could you hold me?”
Of all the things that Haru had said thus far, this is the one that catches Erika off guard. Heat floods her face as she tries to respond, but she‘s far too flustered to form any coherent thoughts.
“I-I, um, w-well I, it’s, i-if you, um,” she stutters, “If you w-want me to?”
Good enough, she thinks.
Haru nods her head. She’s blushing too, almost as much as Erika. Erika hesitantly snakes an arm around Haru’s back, worried that she might protest, but she doesn’t. In fact, as soon as Erika gets her arm around her, Haru leans in and rests her head on Erika’s shoulder.
Oh god shes so close oh god ohhhhh my god
Erika tries to do… well, anything. But she’s stuck. Not physically stuck, but just completely unable to think about anything. Any time a coherent thought dares to form, it’s immediately dispelled by the sound of Haru’s gentle breathing. Erika can feel her move ever so slightly with each breath, and it is so unbelievably cute and also so unbelievably distracting.
“You’re…” She struggles in her attempt to say anything of substance. “W-warm.”
“You’re warm, too. Comfy.” Haru presses up closer to Erika, nuzzling into her neck. Her legs are tucked up beside her on the loveseat and her hands are clasped together and resting on her lap. Erika can’t help but stare. She’s entranced by Haru’s little mannerisms - the way she fiddles with her hair, the way she hides her chin under her coat when she’s embarrassed, the way she hums songs to herself when she’s bored. Even back when they first met at the hot springs, she noticed how cute it looked when Haru hid her chest with her towel.
“…you’re staring.”
Shit. “U-um, I’m sorry, I was, I was just-”
Haru laughs. “No, no, it’s fine! I just thought it was funny. Normally I don’t like being stared at, but when it’s you, it feels nice, I guess.”
“Then you’re lucky I like looking at you so much.” Erika gently lifts Haru’s chin up with her free hand and Haru turns to look at her, a dusting of red across her cheeks. Her eyes twinkle as they catch the lamplight, framed by rings of smudged mascara and eyeliner. Her lips are parted ever-so-slightly, and bits of hair have fallen across her face. Erika can’t believe how beautiful she looks right now. She’s about to open her mouth to say something, but Haru gets a word in before she can even start.
“Erika,” she whispers, “kiss me. Please.”
Erika’s eyes widen. Haru continues.
“I-I know I said I didn’t know how, and that I was nervous, but I’ve wanted to kiss you this entire time and I know that if I don’t do it right now, I’ll - Mmph!”
Erika physically cannot wait for Haru to finish her sentence. She moves the hand on Haru’s chin to the side of her face and pulls her in with the arm around her waist. After hours and hours of waiting and wanting, the two’s lips finally meet. The kiss is careful, gentle, hesitant. Erika doesn’t want to push Haru too far and Haru doesn’t want to mess up the kiss, so it’s slow and awkward and honestly not all that great, but that doesn’t matter. It’s perfect, because it’s them. Haru wraps her arms around Erika.
I’m actually kissing Haru, Erika thinks.
I’m finally kissing Erika, Haru thinks.
-----
The kiss lasts for a while - it never gets any more intense, but the two certainly become a bit more confident. Unfortunately, however, all good things must come to an end, and Haru pulls away from the kiss. She assumes her previous position, her head nuzzled into Erika’s neck.
“You know,” Erika says, “it’s funny.”
“What is?”
“I’m way smaller than you, but I’m the one doing all the holding.”
Haru glances up at her. “Do you want to change places?” Erika nods.
“Yeah. I was thinking earlier, when you suggested that we both sleep here, that I would, uh, I w-wanted…” Now Erika’s the one hiding most of her face under the covers. “I-I kind of wanted to fall asleep. In your arms. If that’s okay with you?”
God, I suck at this.
Haru blinks a few times in mild disbelief. “U-um, okay! That sounds good. Let me just…” She attempts to reposition herself, but the blankets make it harder than it would be normally. She thinks about removing them, but it’s too cold for that. She manages to position herself in such a way that allows her to hold Erika tightly to her chest without either of them being at risk of falling off the couch. It’s a little precarious, but that’s okay. Under the sea of blankets, Haru has her arms wrapped tightly around Erika. It’s weird - Erika always saw Haru as the one who needed to be protected, and here she is surrounding Erika like a cocoon.
It’s strange. But it’s nice.
Erika closes her eyes and falls asleep to the steady rhythm of Haru’s chest rising and falling, and Haru does the same.
FIN.