Chapter Text
“The pleasure that is in sorrow is sweeter than the pleasure of pleasure itself.”
―
“One almond croissant to Table 4, please.”
I stood to look at the café, bustling with the morning rush of people grabbing their breakfast before heading to work. It was early morning and usually on the weekday this was our busiest time. Lunchtime was busy too but I guess our breakfast food was the best which is why all these people kept coming back. Not that I’m complaining. I nodded to my sister, Anya, and grabbed the croissant from the display.
“Do they want it toasted or warmed in the microwave?”
“Oh shoot, I forgot to ask.” She looked at me apologetically but I waved it off. She worked way too hard and it was the least I could do helping her out during my job hunting. I gave her a pat of reassurance as she dealt with a businessman duo at the register as I headed to Table 4. I was surprised to see a man in royal uniform. The sight made my heart ache slightly. The man looked up and I saw the same eyes of the man who’s heart I broke in the garden. That was 4 months ago. It was odd to see him in uniform, since he always came in some casual clothing and ordered a caramel macchiato after his shift. San hadn’t changed much: he still has the same mischievous glint but there was also sadness in the way he sat. I felt incredibly bad knowing that I was the one who caused that. After all, I was the one who brutally rejected him. We tried, in all honesty. After the incident at the palace, I said to San that it’s the least I could do to try. I lived with him for a month and I couldn’t do it. I cried myself to sleep knowing that the prince was out there starting a new life without me, and it hurt that I realised my stupidity so late. San was so accommodating and patient and even when I said this it wasn’t working for me he smiled and said that we could be friends and that he’d always be there for me.
“Maya, hi”
“Hey, Sannie. Why the sudden change in order?”
“Woosung told me the croissant was the best thing he’d ever tasted. I wanted to see what all the hype was about so I thought I’d have breakfast here before heading to work.”
“Well, do you want it warmed, toasted, or just as it is in the display?”
“I don’t know, princess, do what you see fit.”
I nodded and walked back to the counter and put the croissant into the toaster. It tasted the best when warm but microwaving it made it lose the flakiness. I looked back at San, who was now looking at a phone that sent him updates on his day. Since he was dining in, I assumed he had some more time on his hands. While the toaster was doing its thing, I got started on the espresso machine and started to froth up some milk, slipping some caramel syrup into it. Anya didn’t know I did this but San had an immense sweet tooth plus it tasted really nice. I didn’t waste the syrup on other people unless they asked for it in that way. One customer was in queue once when I had made San his usual to takeaway and then asked for the same thing. I charged him a fortune for the coffee and he didn’t come back. Oh well. I drizzled the caramel sauce in the tall glass and poured in the espresso, topping with the milk and drawing a heart on top with some more caramel sauce. The toaster seemed to be done so I plated the croissant and took the macchiato in my other hand walking to table 4. The queue seemed to have died down a lot which was a relief.
“I didn’t order the macchiato, princess”
“It’s on me”
“But ever since I first stepped in here, every single drink I’ve ordered has been on you.”
“Why don’t you give me your shortbread recipe and then I may consider it”
“Over my dead body, princess.”
“Excuse me!” An elderly woman on table 7 called me over. I gave San a mock salute and gestured to his food, silently communicating to him to eat or it’ll get cold. I moved to the table and smiled at the woman.
“Is everything okay, ma’am?”
“Would you be able to pack the rest of the panini of for me? It’s an awfully big portion but I don’t want it to go to waste.”
“Of course, would you like anything else?”
“No that’s all. Thank you very much sweetie”
I took the panini and started wrapping it up and putting it into a bag. There was no queue to be seen and Hazel, the part timer Anya had hired, had started wiping surfaces down. Anya came over to the coffee machine.
“That for Mrs. Kim on Table 7?”
“Yep.”
“The poor woman never finishes her panini, she ought to eat more.”
“At least she’s taking it home.”
Anya took the portafilter and emptied the ground coffee from it. She made an espresso to which she added some frothed milk, expertly making the fancy patterning that I hadn’t quite mastered.
“Put in a slice of pecan pie for her and don’t say anything. The pie hasn’t been eaten much recently plus I know she really likes it.”
I put a slice in a container and put in in the bag. Anya noticed San in his uniform, drinking the macchiato.
“When did San come in?”
“It’s been about 15 minutes now.”
She looked around the shop and then spoke: “Go sit with him, I’ll call you over if we get a sudden influx of customers. Let me take that to Mrs. Kim.”
She took the bag out if my hand as I hugged her briefly from behind and went to San’s table. He looked up at me from his phone, half a cup of macchiato left. The croissant seemed to have disappeared.
“So how was the croissant?” I gestured at the leftover crumbs.
“Give compliments to the chef, it’s really good. I was contemplating taking one for my Ma.”
“I do think we just sold out of them today so you’ll have to come another day unfortunately.”
“It’s not so unfortunate if I get to see my friend in action. I miss seeing your face every day. Since I don’t have a specific person to guard, my shifts have been all over the place.”
“What are things like at the palace?”
“Same old. Ma has been trying some new recipes out but I’m not sure if they’re going down well with the current guests. The Vladivostok family are currently here and the princess is vegan. Ma’s trying to accommodate but it’s not normal for her to make food without having things like eggs and milk and the like.”
“Remind me to write up Hazel’s mock BBQ Beef recipe. Her sister is currently going through the vegan phase and apparently tried this recipe with her family. Hazel brought some in the next day and it was quite nice, I have to say”
“BBQ isn’t exactly royal food though, princess, you of all people should know that”
“Give the recipe and my regards to Ma anyway. If anyone can make a dish fancy, it’s your mother.”
He laughed and drained the last of the drink. “So are you going to bring me the bill, princess, or am I going to have to ask Hazel for it?”
“Ha! As if Hazel would hand you the bill. She has been told that she isn’t allowed to accept a mere penny from you and she’s more than happy to oblige. The other day, she said to me ‘why did you break the handsome guard’s heart, now he looks like a sad puppy’” I suddenly wanted to take the words back, thinking it was a sore subject for him.
“She thinks I’m handsome?”
“Oh hush, you know you are”
“She’s a sweet girl, is Hazel. Always stuttering when she takes my order and her hand shake dreadfully when she hands me my coffee. But she works hard, Anya definitely hired a good one.”
“Please, she stutters because she’s smitten by you.”
“That’s really sweet. Who would’ve thought someone was capable of being smitten with the likes of me?” He fawned as I slapped him on the arm.
“Hey, don’t go stringing her along. She’s young and impressionable. She still hasn’t grown out of her boyband phase if that doesn’t tell you anything.”
“Never. I know first-hand how much that hurts. Not a good feeling.” Ouch. I was suddenly fascinated by the crumbs on the table.
“I am so sorry, San, I wish there was a better way of telling you.” He clutched my hands.
“For the last time, it’s fine, It was bad of me for joking about it. I have gotten over it, don’t worry. Look at me,” I met his gaze and he smiled. It was a genuine smile and it made me feel even worse that I was the one who hurt him. San really deserved the world. “I’m fine. I’m actually doing really well, Maya, don’t you worry about me.”
“Can you stop holding hands with the customers and swap with Hazel, she’s going on a break” Anya came to our table and picked up the empty cup and plate, smirking at me. I scowled at her and San laughed. I got up as Hazel walked out, wrapped up in a coat. She smiled at waved in our direction, but something tells me she wasn’t waving at me. San gave her his winning Cheshire cat smile as she left. I started cleaning as Anya decided to turn up the volume of the TV. She had a TV installed as it tended to keep customers in the shop. People tend to enjoy tuning into the news in the comfort of the café, and often we stream sports games in the café with a ticket system. I guess people enjoy the ambience of the café to sit and enjoy the game. I usually drowned the news out like white noise and today was no different. I started cleaning some dishes. San came over to the desk so say he was going.
“It was nice to see you, Maya. Maybe I’ll come in more often.”
“You definitely should, it’s nice to see your face again. Anya always loves it when you come in, she says it’s like having a professional taste tester around. She might not say it but she loves the brutal honesty.”
“Ma wouldn’t have it any other way,” He looked around the café as I switched the tap off. “Anya’s not here, do you reckon I could sneak a hug before I go?”
“Oh she was joking before, she’s a right comedian, is Anya.” He engulfed me in a hug and I held on tightly, communicating my apologies with the pressure of my arms.
“You might as well give me one, pretty boy, I haven’t been hugged like that in an age.” We broke apart, me gawking at Anya for being so bold but San laughing, genuinely laughing and it lit up his face like it did months ago. Maybe he was doing alright. San hugged her, smiling and shaking his head at me. Anya was shorter than me to her dismay but San fit into her petite frame easily, tucking her head under his. It was just like how Dad hugged Mum. It was sweet and I swear I could see a blush creeping up on Anya’s face. So Hazel wasn’t the only one smitten by the handsome guard. It was probably because of the stories I told her about San, how he really did deserve the world. My sister hadn’t meddled in something mundane like love in years, working her butt off with her café because our parents didn’t think it was a decent profession. Now she had a thriving business so maybe she was ready for love now.
San released her and smiled. They began having a conversation, Anya asking how San’s mother was and for him to bring her whenever he could. I started drying some glass cups. For some reason the voice had changed on the TV and it was annoying me. The voice was familiar but I didn’t know why I recognised it. I looked up to the TV and froze.
There he was.
4 months. I had not seen Seonghwa in 4 months. And there he was, materialised on the TV screen, talking. He had that woman stood next to her and she was holding his arm. His eyes shone and sparkled and when he looked at her, making my hands shake, causing the glass to fall from my hand. Anya and San’s conversation was cut short at the violent breaking of the cup. They looked at me then saw the TV screen. It had been so long since I last saw Seonghwa. Once glance at him and all the memories came flooding back, and I felt like I was plunging into an ice bath. He looked at me like that once. I fought the urge to cry out. It was too cold, way too cold, I felt like I couldn’t feel my legs, my hands, my anything. My legs gave way as San caught me.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
It was the day after the ball. I remembered the events of the night before like the back of my hand. San kissing me and proclaiming his love. Me rejecting him because I was in love with Seonghwa and I had only realised now. He walked back to Seonghwa’s chambers and I asked San to call for my maids, ask them to bring some night clothing and for him to stay stationed outside my room. He wanted to protest, saying that it was part of his contract that he was assigned to guard me and that meant he should be stationed outside the chambers.
“No. I don’t want to see your face. Please leave, Officer.” I was hurt, beyond hurt, it’s like someone had ripped my heart out and mutilated it but I could not feel the mutilation because I was so empty. Seonghwa didn’t know anything but the guilt weighed heavy on me. I didn’t blame San for anything, it wasn’t his fault for falling in love. I just wished there was a less complicated way for all of us to be happy. He stepped out without a word.
I sat on Seonghwa’s bed, lined with a fluffy duvet that was so soft to the touch. I lost myself feeling the fabric. My maids arrived and I swiftly changed, asking them to take the dress and to hang it up. They gave me my pendant and I wore it, feeling somewhat at ease. Anya had given it to me when I left for the palace, telling me that it was like she would be there for me whenever I wore it. We were very close as kids and I knew deep down she was hurting from me being so far away. I didn’t dare lie on the bed, since I’d never been in Seonghwa’s room before. I sat patiently, waiting for him to enter. He did, about 10 minutes after. He didn’t look at me initially and went straight for his closet. I fiddled with my thumbs.
“Which side of the bed do you want?”
His voice wavered a bit and I looked up. My lips parted in shock. He was stood, chest bare, slight as a bird but corded with a sure layer of muscle. My heart ached at the sight but I forced myself to look down. I missed the pink tinge on his face, made that colour in desperation to hide the fact he was crying. But Seonghwa looked at himself in the mirror and decided to give me one last shot, hang onto one line of hope that whatever he saw conspiring in the garden was a humongous mistake. He slipped the cotton shirt on and climbed onto the bed. I stiffened.
“I don’t mind, Your Grace, anywhere will do”
Seonghwa wanted to remind me to call him by him name but bit his lip. Officer Choi said my name so easily, and here I was, struggling.
“Seonghwa” At that he looked up. I felt my body shake but I willed it to still, slipping under the covers and Seonghwa following suit. Ever the gentleman, he left a gap between us but every fibre within me wanted him close, I wanted to feel him.
“It’s just, you’ve always been in my room, and I’m a bit anxious since this is the first time I’ve actually been in your room”
“How is it?”
“Tidier than I expected.” Seonghwa chuckled. My heart felt so heavy hearing that delicate laugh, so light. If only he knew what I had done. I hated myself, wanting to scream into a pillow. But instead, in the darkness of the night, I allowed myself to weep silently, talking to Seonghwa like nothing was wrong.
At some point in the middle of the night, Seonghwa woke up. He found his limbs entangled with my limbs, me frighteningly close, he couldn’t hold himself back. He kissed every inch of my face, softly, feather-like, feverishly. He tasted the salt of dried tears. His finished on my lips and marvelled the way they were soft. I parted my lips, because he didn’t realise that I was wide awake but I didn’t want it to end so I let yourself lie there, to be kissed, really kissed. He kissed me again on the top of my head and folded me into his arms. I slipped away into the darkness, missing Seonghwa’s next sentence.
“I love you, Maya.”
I woke up the next day to an empty bed. Seonghwa was buttoning his jacket and my maid was stood ready to dress me.
“Morning, sweetheart. Make haste, we are meeting my parents about something very important.” He turned to the maid, who averted her eyes. “Will my closet space be alright for you to dress the princess in?” She nodded hurriedly, a blush creeping on her face. I left the bed and smoothed the blanket, tucking the corners so the bed looked at presentable as I found it last night. I didn’t see Seonghwa’s wistful smile as I walked into the closet and got ready.
We walked together, Seonghwa close to me but not touching me. When we reached the study, he then offered his arm which I accepted. He knocked and the Queen asked us to enter. They were both poring over some papers. On closer examination, there were reports about the recent rebel attacks. Upon our arrival, The king hurriedly piled the papers and gestured for us to sit in front of them.
“Son. You called upon us and we’re here. What is it you require?”
“Father. Mother. I-We bring news to you, some that we had discussed last night.” I tried desperately to hide the shock on my face, worried about whatever news was going to leave his mouth. We hadn’t discussed anything at all last night.
“We are deciding to postpone the marriage” I probably looked like a gawking fish at this moment.
“Son!” The king exclaimed standing up. “We had organised for you to be wed in 6 months.”
“And your efforts will not be in vain. The truth is, Father, ever since these attacks picked up in frequency, I’ve been trying to think of a way for us to cease all the mess that it is creating. And I propose that I marry the princess of Vladivostok. I spoke with Maya last night and she is happy for this to go ahead for the sake of our country.”
I don’t know what Seonghwa was on about. I tried to school my features into agreement, because surely there was some bigger reason for this that he would let me know about.
The queen finally spoke: “The media we can work with, the story can be angled with the both of you sacrificing your love for the sake of the country and your reputations shouldn’t be damaged. My question is why, Seonghwa?” There was a raw emotion in the way his mother said his name.
“Can we discuss this another time, mother, please?” Seonghwa sighed in exasperation. It was odd to see him like this but clearly a lot was on his mind. “Now if you’ll excuse me my-Maya and I will be leaving. I will discuss logistics with you both in the evening.” He bowed at his father and mother and I curtseyed. “Mother, Father, I bid you farewell”
“Thank you for your company, You Highness” I mumbled as I followed Seonghwa out, still very confused. As soon as we left the study and weren’t in complete earshot of the King and Queen and grabbed Seonghwa’s hand.
“What was that about?”
“Well, the rebel attacks have been preying on my mind quite a bit and I thought this would be a good solution?”
“Well, don’t you think it would be good to discuss this with me first before?”
“You played along like I wanted you to, what’s the point?”
We had reached Seonghwa’s chamber. He stood outside and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Seonghwa, I’ve told you countless times I’m ready to be a princess, that’s fine-”
“Look, Maya, if anything, I’m doing you a favour here. I saw you dancing with Officer Choi last night.”
“Wait, Seonghwa, please, you’re misunderstanding-”
“Enough. I don’t want to hear it. We had a really nice time together but I expect you to have packed your things away and leave within the next hour. There will be a car that will escort you to wherever you wish.”
“But Seonghwa”
“It is Your Highness, The Prince of Bomulia to you. I bid you farewell”
And with that he left, closing the door of his chambers on me, an apology hanging on my lips.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
I hate the fact that I am so emotional. I cry at literally everything. Tears of joy, tears of sadness, tears of anger. I cried silently on the way to my sister’s bakery, because I knew my parents would never let me back into their house after blowing such an opportunity. They saw my engagement with Seonghwa as a mere business deal, where ‘it would benefit my career by placing me in a more influential position’ but also there would be grandparents to future heirs to the throne. Anya saw me with my suitcase on the doorstep of her café around midday on that day. She closed the shop momentarily and I was so thankful to have Anya by my side.
Seonghwa on the television had concluded whatever speech he was saying on the TV now and announced the wedding date. Our wedding date, I thought numbly. I shivered violent shakes that make San hold me by my sides, willing me to still. He asked Anya for a cloth and puzzled she obeyed. He slipped the cloth over my eyes tying it securely so all I could see was black. I had begun shaking and there was a pain in the hollow of my heart, like holding on to something cold for too long. Tears slipped down my face, soaked the cloth, making me feel even more cold. I could still hear him.
“Turn it off.” His voice was authoritative and the sound was cut off, probably from Anya turning the TV off with the remote. I heard footsteps and San’s arms hoisted me up. It was like I was suspended, San’s arms resting under my knee and another across my shoulders. He held me well considering the fact I was thrashing in his arms. I mumbled Seonghwa’s name in whimpers. He laid me down somewhere soft.
“What are you doing?” That was Anya’s voice, muffled by the shuffling of feet as they got quieter. The café sounded quiet and I didn’t realise the door has been open until the bell made a noise, signalling its closure. Not another sound came after that, suggesting we were alone.
“Maya struggled to sleep a lot when she stayed with me. I used to do this so she could sleep. Do you have any blankets or anything of the sort?”
“I have my scarf, would that do?” Anya’s voice came from a lot closer, directly above my head. I moved to pull the cloth from my eyes, sick of lying in the dark with Seonghwa’s face, the one I had just seen, flashing in the back of my eyelids. I wanted to get rid of the image, will myself to work, to forget, like I always did. Why was I being so immature? San held my hands down then lied down behind me, his chest pressed against me. He must have stripped off his jacket because I couldn’t feel any badges prodding into my back. He held my arms in front of me. Then Seonghwa’s voice started talking to me.
“You know I love you Maya? C’mon now, fall asleep.”
“It’s so cold, Seonghwa”
“I know, honey, I know. I love you Maya, now c’mon, fall asleep for me.” Seonghwa’s voice repeated these words. The body behind me, San’s, Seonghwa’s, I didn’t know, left. It was still so cold but something was put on top of me. It didn’t help but I slept.
“Is she asleep?” Anya asked when San moved away.
“Yeah.”
“How long’s this been happening?”
“Well, I don’t actually think she’s seen the prince until today because she’s been telling me she’s fine. When she stayed with me, she would cry a lot at night. I don’t think she thought I noticed. It got progressively worse, with her panicking like this. She told me that the Prince would sneak into her room and she’d fall asleep near him so it might be because she’s missing it. So I started doing this. I learned how to imitate the Prince, then the next time she did this, I blindfolded her and said the same words. And she’d fall asleep eventually. I must admit, today she was a lot worse.”
“Oh, Sannie” San looked up to Anya calling him by his nickname. He had to admit, he liked the sound of it from his lips, the way she made the second syllable like a cute whine. Anya did look similar to me, but there was something about Anya, the caring nature showing in her eyes the moment you met her. Anya coughed at the sudden eye-contact, continuing. “My baby sister has been going through so much and I didn’t even realise. But you – you know, one of the things that Maya constantly mentioned was that you deserve the world and it pains her that she couldn’t be the one to give it to you. She used to wish that she didn’t love Prince Seonghwa and could make you happy, and she’s so thankful to have you in her life as a friend. She finds it hard to say that’s all.”
“Well I’ve witnessed the 2 together. They are a match made in heaven and I was kidding myself for thinking she would love me after seeing what she had with the Prince. I just think she didn’t realise how much she loved him. I wish she could get back with him, he makes her so happy and I know she makes him really happy too.”
“Well, I guess you are heading off then?” Anya walked over to start putting chairs on top of the tables.
“No, not after this. I want to make sure she’s okay. You don’t mind me sticking around, do you?” San went to the chair next the one she stood and looked her in the eye.
“Never, you’re always welcome here, San.”
I woke up and looked at the clock. I had been asleep on the sofa for 2 hours. Anya’s scarf was wrapped up around me. The chairs and tables seemed to be pushed to the edges, the floor mopped, even though the café isn’t set to close for another an hour. I sat up to find San and Anya sat on a table in the corner, San eating a panini and Anya eating some pasta. San seemed to have gotten changed in the time I was asleep, now sporting a charcoal grey shirt that clung onto him like water. No wonder Anya was blushing. They seemed to be laughing about something. Anya glanced in my direction. She got out of her seat and walked towards me and clung onto me. San looked at where she was heading and followed suit. They both clung onto me for what felt like forever.
“Umm, as much as I love the sudden love, could you guys get off me, it’s kinda hard to breathe”
“How was your nap, bumblebee?” it was a nickname that Anya gave me as a kid, since there was a show that had a bee called Maya in it. She rarely used it now.
“Fine. Weren’t you supposed to go to work, San?”
“It’s fine I called in a family emergency. They didn’t need me after all.”
“You shouldn’t be using your personal days on me, San, sorry.”
“Relax, princess. I’m not ‘wasting my personal day on you’ at all because I see you as family, you’re really important to me. Besides, I couldn’t go into work after that, I’d be worried about you the whole time. Stop apologising, I want to be here.”
“I’m-” I stopped before I apologised again. San ruffled my head and went to grab his panini. Anya sat with me.
“Are you okay? You gave me quite a fright.” She looked concerned. I held her hand.
“I think so. I just didn’t think I’d react to seeing Seonghwa like that. I thought me missing him had faded but it hit me like a wave.”
“It’s okay to feel that way but try not to bottle up your emotions so much. There are people that are here for you so you can lean on them, like me. And don’t for one second think you’re burdening me, got that?”
I nodded at she got up to warm some food for me. Once she had, San brought their food to the table I was lying down near and we ate in silence. At some point while we were eating, San’s phone went off. He excused himself and stepped outside the shop. Anya looked at he walked away. I smirked.
“Something you want to tell me, sis?”
Anya went beet red and held her cheeks to cool her face down. It was funny to see her like this, normally she was so composed and collected. “Nope.”
“I think Hazel isn’t the only person with a crush on our favourite guard.” I said it a little loudly and Anya clapped her hand on my face to muffle my voice. She looked over to see if San heard anything but he was still on his call, facing the wall. I licked her hand as she released me and I started laughing.
“Fine, yes, so what if I do? You messed his heart up and here I am to pick up the pieces while he acknowledges me as the ‘good friend’, my foot” She sounded irritated and it made me laugh.
“No, I’ll be honest I think that San is over me. I don’t know, when we were trying things out, I felt like I was accommodating to his hobbies. Like he’d talk about cooking but I have no passion for it, you know. I think he’d appreciate someone who actually enjoyed what he likes, or even someone to question his tastes to show they truly know what they’re on about. Like he’s obsessed with the Brownings and thinks they are the best literary couple known to Man.”
“Wait he’s into poetry?”
“Yeah, I mentioned this.”
“Mentioned what?” San walked over to us, slipping his phone into his pocket.
I perked up. “Oh just that I’d mentioned you’re-”
“Hobbies!” Anya interjected me and I raised my eyebrows at her. She glared at me. I didn’t know why keeping San love for poetry a secret was such a necessity but I didn’t push it.
“Ah yes, my love for the gym and protein. Got to build these guns while I can” I sniggered and Anya choked on her iced latte. She coughed but waved away San’s attempt to thump her back, saying she was fine with slightly red eyes.
“What was the call about, Sannie” Anya spoke as I raised my eyebrows once again at this newfound nickname. San eyes seemed to glint a little when she said it and I did everything within me to not scream on the top of my lung for the both of them to get a room.
“My leader-in-command was calling to ask if I could cover an evening and night shift since they needed extra guards on site. Something about a big event, he didn’t say much over the phone.”
“Probably something to do with the wedding.”
I didn’t want to look either of them in the eye after the wedding was mentioned. Anya immediately looked over to me but San seemed to have other plans
“Wait, what are you doing tonight, Maya”
“Nothing, why?”
“Come with me to the palace.” Anya and I gawked at San like he’d grown 2 heads. “No, hear me out. You come, I’ll get you inside and you speak to Prince Seonghwa.”
“But you could get fired, that’s a security breach.”
“I’ll talk to my leader-in-command and have you screened in the guards section. And even if I do lose my job, it’s fine, at least I know I lost it giving a chance for you and the prince to try again.”
“But I thought you didn’t like the Prince?”
“I don’t. I mean, I don’t hate him, but I don’t exactly love him. He had it out for me ever since I called you by your name. I’m lucky to have kept my job even after…you left the palace. I was sure I was going to be kicked out as soon as I heard you were leaving. But anyway, the Prince does love you. Somewhere. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. Just give it a shot.”
I took a deep breath and nodded. What else did I have to lose?
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
“Arms up.” I obeyed the tall man stood in front of me. He waved some long electronic device that buzzed methodically. When he hovered it near my pendant, the buzzes became quicker and the man asked me to show him any jewellery I had on. I showed him the pendant and he asked if I could take it off and leave it with him until I’d been and gone. I obliged, knowing it would take too much effort to argue but it felt weird knowing I was going to go through this completely alone. I hadn’t even planned what I was going to say goddammit. I wanted to turn back but San was there, rubbing the small of my back with a smile on his face. The tall man then said I was good to go and to stand to the side while San armed up on some basic emergency equipment before escorting me. I wanted to say I knew the palace like the back of my hand but not many people actually knew I was the princess to be and it would just come up as a big security threat.
I head the man talking to San.
“What does your girl want with the prince? You don’t satisfy her enough or something”
“She ain’t my girl chief, she knew the Prince from university and wanted to clear up an incident”
“But your eyes are pining for her. Why give her up to the prince when you could have her all to herself?”
“She wasn’t happy, boss. And I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing I caused that.”
I don’t think San knew I overheard the conversation but I wanted to thank him anyway. We walked to the kitchen that he took me to the first time we came.
“Hey San, hang on.”
He pulled me to the side of the narrow corridor. It was a servant corridor so it was dimly lit and I didn’t now exactly where in the castle we were underneath. It was a network I wasn’t familiar with at all. “What’s up, Princess”
I hugged him, knocking the wind out of his chest. “Thank you so much for this. I wish I sincerely wish I could’ve loved you San I really did.” I kissed his cheek while he stared at me in shock.
“I-I mean you’re welcome princess but I have come to understand that we weren’t forever. I think I was in love with the idea of you”
“Is that supposed to mean I’m ugly”
“NO that’s not what I meant c’mon, princess, don’t joke with me like that,” He held my shoulders as he looked down at me. “You are amazing really but I sort of noticed our differences when we lived together. You and the Prince are made for each other. You fit so seamlessly together and I was initially too blinded by love to see that. I really hope you can get your forever after because I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I was the one that caused this. Go get your Prince.”
I smiled, my eyes blurring my vision from being slightly damp. A single tear rolled down my face and San swiped it away with his thumb with precision. He then kissed the top of my head and held my hand as we continued through the corridor. We made it to an opening where San said he could go no further. I clutched him tightly and I felt him somehow praying for everything to be alright for me. We broke apart and he walked away, waving at me with the same Cheshire cat smile I adored, dimples in their full glory. I turned away and walked through to the same study where Seonghwa told his parents about the breaking of our engagement. It felt odd to be back, like I’d completed a full circle. I shivered at the thought that this was the last place I was physically near Seonghwa. I looked around to see if the windows were open but no, I was still chronically cold. I took a deep breath and opened the door.
My fingers and toes felt numb. I couldn’t move. The scene in front of me was so much to take in. Seonghwa currently occupied the room along with his fiancée, sorry the woman leaning over his arm to look at some things that they’d laid out on the table. I couldn’t see Seonghwa’s face but I could see the woman’s and it was carefree and light, like Seonghwa had cracked a joke. Both looked up and I wanted to disappear. That proved to be difficult because the loss of sensation in my toes spread to my legs. I could see something behind Seonghwa’s eyes but I couldn’t pinpoint. He turned to the woman and spoke
“Bek, can you give me a few minutes with this young lady?”
“Is this the woman, Hwa?” Seonghwa never let me give him any nicknames. Come to think of it, actually, I never tried. But the way Bek (or whatever her name is, I didn’t bother to learn it) said Hwa made my arms feel heavy and I couldn’t feel them. I’d eventually start shivering unconditionally so I held the wall.
“Not now, Bekevsky. Ill meet you at dinner,”
She curtsied “As you wish, your grace.” She left with a small smile in my direction. The door closed. The numbness had completely taken over and a pain spread in my legs, like leaving them in ice for too long. I was about to cry out but I supressed it, willing myself to be strong. A whimper left my mouth and my knees buckled. Seonghwa made his way towards me and clasped my arms. It suddenly felt like strips of sunlight directly hit the specific places where Seonghwa was touching me. I wanted to curl myself into his, to be engulfed in his warmth.
“Are you alright, Maya?”
“I’ve been alright, Your Grace”
He opened his mouth to say something but stopped himself. I then pulled myself away from him and sat down, Seonghwa doing the same to be sat a distance away from me. He composed his features and I felt like there was a layer of glass that was put up between us.
“Why are you here, miss?”
“I wish to discuss… What happened 4 months ago.”
“No.” Seonghwa interjected, throwing me off my train of thought. “I did it so you could be happy and I am happy too. You don’t need to come to feel pitiful towards me-”
“Seonghwa” He turned to look at me very quickly. “Sorry, Your Grace, I just”
“Just call me Seonghwa and get whatever this is over with.”
I gulped and closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see Seonghwa’s facial expressions otherwise I wouldn’t be able to get through it all. After all, I didn’t walk into here thinking I was going to solve anything. Seonghwa himself said that he was happy and I didn’t want to get in between that. I just wanted him to know the truth.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
Maya sat in front of me, eyes closed. The sight brought a pang to my heart. She was so vulnerable and small.. I willed myself to still because I was the prince and I had a future securing an alliance with the Vladivostok kingdom. It had been so very long since I’d seen her in person. I recognised her scent, a deep orchid and patchouli. The scent lingered on my sheets the night she slept in my chambers and I desperately hired a perfume connoisseur to pinpoint the smell. A week later he produced the same perfume. I’d spray it every night on the adjacent pillow so it felt like Maya was there. Sometimes I’d have a guard discretely check on her wellbeing. It seems she moved in with her sister and that Officer Choi would visit them often, suggesting Maya was happy with him. I hope she was happy because it made things easier.
Bek was nice and to be completely honest, she didn’t romantically like me at all. She told me once in a walk through the gardens that she loved women in the way I did and she was doing this for her country. Even though marriage of that kind was allowed, she was scared to tell her father what she truly felt, even with it possibly jeopardising the future of their kingdom. She was happy that I was nice to be around and proposed that we only looked at this relationship as platonic from then on. I decided to tell her about my situation with Maya and Bek was really helpful. We had a mutual understanding of not having what we wanted and it helped build our friendship up that much more.
Maya took a deep breath in and began speaking. Her eyes were closed. All I could do was stare at her as she spoke
“One night, I was really hungry” I didn’t expect the story to start out like that. “you had come over to talk to me, like you always do but I think you need to head off so you could sleep to wake up early. Something about visiting another kingdom. Well you left and I decided to try to go to the kitchen to try and get something to eat.” I was shocked and slightly hurt that Maya didn’t say anything to me about it. It was probably because she didn’t want to trouble me. It hurt.
“I went and I didn’t find anything but San-Officer Choi”
“It’s alright, call him by his name, just continue the story” I pinched the bridge of my nose at the mention of Officer Choi but her eyes are closed.
“San found me and took me to the staff kitchens so that I was fed.” I had to hand it to the man – he knew the true way to get to woman’s heart. I hope the both of them are happy.
“He joked around with me a lot and then we…sorry… we had a moment and I felt like my skin was on fire. I kept looking around multiple times to see if anyone had noticed. He then would take me out at night to just eat. I realise now that the burning feeling I would get with him was actually the worry of being caught. I stopped meeting with him and started ignoring him when the party was being organised. He then started sending notes and food to try to contact me.”
“When we were in the garden, it had been the first time I’d seen him in so long. And I don’t know if you know this but he kissed me.” He did what! I was speechless. Maya continued. I could sense the fact she wanted to get through this. “I felt like I was plunged into an ice bath, I was drowning and I couldn’t get out. You might not believe me but I called out your name. That caused him to stop. He was very upset but I told him I physically couldn’t be with him.”
“Wait.” Maya opened her eyes and they glistened with tears. My arms twitched but I willed them still. I stared at the bright light as I continued, willing the blurring of my own eyes to go away. “What do you mean, I thought you and Officer Choi were together”
“No, Your Grace, we are not together. I realised who I loved in the moment I kissed him. You see, I don’t comprehend love with my head because it confuses the living daylights out of me. It’s not like Comparative Politics or World Affairs. I can’t brain my way through it. For the longest time I’ve been waiting for a signal within me, like a rush of butterflies, blush rushing to my face and I honestly felt none. With San, I would get jittery and that was because I was worried of getting caught. I initially confused that for butterflies. I wasn’t until he declared his love for me that I realised the way I felt mine,” She looked me straight in the eye, tears gone. I couldn’t turn away. “When you are near, I feel warm, comforted, like a toasty room on a winter’s day. I never realised this warmth until you left. I remember reading something once – you don’t feel cold, what you feel is an absence of heat. That’s exactly what I felt. Whenever you where away from me, whether that was because you left to go to bed or even just pulling away from me briefly, it felt like someone opened a window in this warm room, sucking all the heat from the room, leaving it dreadfully cold to the point it feels like a knife cutting across your skin and your features become numb and then there’s a dreadful pain and you can’t rid of it because the window is impossible to shut and the fire has long blown out and… I’m rambling aren’t I”
I realised I had zoned out, focusing on Maya’s words. I couldn’t breathe. Something about this speech took my breath away. It was like my lungs where incapable of inhaling or exhaling, it felt so tight. My voice was slightly hoarse as I spoke “No you’re not. Continue”
She rose from her seat and I got out of mine. “No that’s pretty much what I wanted to say. I’ll take my leave. Thanks for listening. I just,” she trembled slightly as she stood to look as me. “I just wanted to say have a happy marriage and that…” She mumbled something that I couldn’t quite catch.
“What was that?”
“I loved you so much, Seonghwa.” Maya gasped and clapped her hand over her mouth for saying my name but I nodded, gesturing for her to continue. He turned her back towards me and head towards the door, holding onto the doorknob.
She continued. “I know that’s not going to change anything now but I wanted you to know it. Erase it from your mind if it will make the future difficult but I needed you to know. I couldn’t live properly these past few months knowing… I will learn to unlove you, but this is the first step. I’ll take my leave. Thank you for your time, You Grace.”
I ran. It felt like millennia had passed by the time I crossed the room but I just wanted to move faster. Maya had opened the door and I clutched her, folded myself onto her, stopping her from going anywhere. I could hear all the rules of propriety running incessantly through my head but I didn’t care, I did not care one bit. She halted at my touch, clearly shocked. The tears that I’d held back came down and I felt like I could breathe. I took big gulping sobs and with every inhale my chest expanded so I was flushed against her. She held my arms as I leaned partially on her, trying to get the words out.
“It’s you, it’s always been you, Maya, my wife, my princess, my queen.” She turned around as I held her close, whispering into her ear about how I was sorry that I misunderstood and she muttered the same phrase again and again. We sunk down to sit on the floor clutching each other and Maya took my face in her hands. She kissed me and she tasted like salt and desperation. I kissed her back, deeper than I ever did, because I was worried that she never felt whatever we have with the same intensity that I did but now I know. I her the phrase she said continuously in my head, repeating like a mantra:
“I love you, Seonghwa,”
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
San walked to the café a month later. He was very happy. The royal wedding had just occurred and he couldn’t be happier at the new Princess of Bomulia. He opened the shop door to find Hazel wiping some tables at the front. The café was fairly busy but nothing unusual.
“Hey, Mr. Choi, how are you?”
“C’mon Hazel, we agreed you’d call me San from now on”
“Sorry Mr- I mean San. You here for your usual?”
“Actually I wanted an almost croissant and possibly a bottle of water?”
“Coming right up!” She disappeared behind the counter and went to get the water and went to pick up the croissant before hurriedly running in San’s directions. San chuckled at the déjà vu.
“Can I have it toasted please?”
Hazel nodded, a bit bashful that she forgot to ask initially. She toasted the croissant and handed it to San with the bottle of water as he eagerly grabbed it and drunk almost half the bottle in one go. She tried not to stare. Anya spotted San and made her way over.
“Sannie!” San saw her and smiled, his cheeks warming at the sound of the nickname. They hugged briefly as the bell rang and Hazel let out a tiny squeak as she ran to the door. Anya looked unphased as she sat on the armchair next to San’s but San glanced over in curiosity. Hazel had jumped on a figure that had a band t-shirt he’d clearly altered to have bare arms and longish black hair that framed his face. He put her down gently as San took a good look at the man.
“Who’s that” San asked to no one in particular, looking at the two people conversing. Hazel had the biggest smile on her face as the tank top guy pulled her chin up for a kiss.
“That’s Hazel’s boyfriend. His name is Wooyoung I believe. He’s the lead singer in some rock band that she discovered about 2 months ago and she managed to snag him.”
“What happened to her pining over me and my heartbroken ass?”
“She moved on. You never really gave her a second glance.”
San looked at Anya incredulously “Well she never really gave me a chance to give her a chance now did she? I didn’t know that she was going to get herself a boyfriend, and I hate to admit it but a hot one at that. But I think I’m taller than the rascal so there’s something”
Anya chuckled at the way San was unnerved. San usually attracted a lot of attention and he may sort of enjoy it too “Oh hush, San, she’s very happy, apparently Wooyoung is like a puppy.”
“Who’s like a puppy?” Hazel had made her way towards us, holding Wooyoung’s hand. When she stopped, he walked into her so that her back was flush against him. He held her elbow delicately as he listened into the conversation.
“Your dear boyfriend”
“Oh” Hazel went a light pink as Wooyoung laughed. She remembered what she came to say. “That’s why I’m here. I wanted to introduce San to Wooyoung”
“So this is the infamous San” Wooyoung’s eyes narrowed at San. San stood up to shake Wooyoung’s hand. He was right. He was taller. Wooyoung still held onto hazel as he locked eyes with San. “You’re right, Haze, he is quite the looker. I’d pine over that.”
San spluttered as Anya started laughing and Hazel was saucer eyed. Hazel dragged her boyfriend to the cloakroom as she waved goodbye to the 2 of them. Hazel grabbed her purse and they left.
Anya sighed. “He always seems to surprise me does that Wooyoung.”
“enough about the man who stole my number one fan. How are you doing Anya? Did you enjoy the wedding?”
“Oh my baby looked absolutely beautiful. They really outdid themselves the royal family, it was such a grand experience.”
“Oh I agree. It was nice to experience one of these events as a guest and not on duty as a guard. The prince himself invited me, as a peace offering. He was sorry for the mess he’d made and for taking Maya away from me but I told him that Maya was always his to begin with and he almost started to cry. He is a really nice guy once he doesn’t start jumping to conclusion”
“And what of you, San?”
“What about me?” San rested his elbow on the arm of the chair, looking Anya straight into the eye. It made her nervous.
“have you any special women in your life? Surely you have by now.” Anya tried to keep the light-hearted cool she always did
“Nah, not anyone yet.” Anya’s heart skipped a beat at that so she decided to take a chance.
“‘soul meets souls on other’s lips’”
“What?”
“Its Percy Bysshe Shelley. I love his work and the work of Mary Shelley too. I think of them as the best literary couple known to Man.
“No.”
“What?”
“Wait you read poetry?”
“Avidly, Sannie. You?”
“So much”
“So do you agree with my statement?” Anya looked smug. There was a lot of tinkering going on behind San’s eyes behind his head. She hoped he took the bait.
“Of course not. Any critic knows that Elizabeth Barrett Browning and Robert Browning are the best literary couple known to Man. It’s scientific fact.”
“Haha keep telling yourself that sweetheart”
San moved to get up and instinctively grabbed his hand. He looked shocked and – flushed.
“Um there’s a café that I want to visit. Would you like to come with me?”
“oh is this a trying things out, scoping the competition out cos-”
“No, the café is attached to a really cool library and I really want to go with you to check it out and look at the work there, that is- is- that is, of course, if you’d like to come?”
“As friends?”
“yes-no as a date.” Anya blushed heavily but was happy she finally said it. If he rejected her she’d busy herself in her work like she always did, find a way to distract herself.
San chuckled. He hoisted Anya up and pulled her towards his chest. He kissed her on top of her head. Anya couldn’t breathe and her throat was so dry.
“So when I went to the castle with Maya, she may have told me that she’d told you that I loved poetry and she mentioned how you did too. I sort of knew that you had feelings for me and I was honestly waiting for you to make a move because I wasn’t sure if I was reading things right. But I’m glad I am.”
“But are you ok with dating the sister of the girl who broke your heart?”
“Why wouldn’t I be? You’re really pretty, amazing, kind, hard working and we have the same interests. Maya is lovely but Prince Seonghwa was the better fit for her. She may have her happy ever after but what about us? Why can’t we have a happy ever after?”