Chapter Text
In hospitals, they say you know. You know when you’re going to die. Some doctors say it’s a look patients get in their eyes. Some say there’s a scent, the scent of death. Something. There’s just some kind of sixth sense. When the great beyond is headed for you, you feel it coming.
Whatever it is. It’s creepy.
Because if you know, what do you do about it? Forget the fact you’re scared out of your mind?
If this was your last day on earth, how would you want to spend it?
**
The armour Cirel insists on strapping around him is thick, made of a waxy substance that rubs against the exposed skin of his neck. Lance presumes this is the equivalent to a flak jacket, he hopes it’s just as – if not more so – effective.
“You realise how stupid that was, right?” Cirel asks while strapping his chest. Lance opens his mouth to defend himself but is cut off by Shiro.
“It was Lance. Incredibly stupid.” Lance sighs and looks around at his team. Despite his earlier insistence, they had stayed with him. He appreciates the gesture even if it is stupid of them. Then again, sticking his hand inside someone’s body is seen by them as really stupid too. They’re all on an even keel with making bad decisions.
Shiro looks stressed, eyebrows furrowed and jaw clenched. Pidge looks close to tears; her brown eyes are watery and she sniffles every so often. Hunk is actually crying, messy sobs that make Lance want to move to comfort his friend. Keith isn’t moving at all, past staring wide eyed down at the floor. His posture is tense. I did that, Lance thinks with a heavy heart, I’m the reason they’re all this upset.
“Ok, you know when you don’t need to be made fun of? When you’ve got your hand inside a body with a bomb in it and stranger is velcroing a flak jacket to your crotch.” Lance shuffles uncomfortably as Cirel fastens the straps around the tops of his thighs.
“Ok.” Shiro says. There’s no further argument, cementing in Lance’s mind just how serious this is.
“You’ve really got a sense of irony.” Cirel chirps up from behind up. Lance almost screams because he is beyond frustrated with the bomb squad leader who only seems to be getting more incessant with his quips, as if Lance sticking his hand on a loaded bomb had given the Akorin a full pass for mocking Lance.
“Only when things are ironic.” He mutters back. Lance turns to Hunk. “I had a feeling.” Hunk responds with a sigh and a roll of his eyes.
“What’s that?” Sarki asks, her position by the ambu bag unchanged despite the ever-present danger, the only difference being the protective vest she now wears. In the fleeting time he’d known her, Lance had learnt enough to gather that she had never been exposed to a life-or-death situation like this. She’s done better than anyone could have expected of her and still continues to remain calm, even when everyone else is panicking.
“Nothing.” Lance responds with a soft smile.
Any response she may have had is cut off as the door opens and Doctor Kaashi enters the room. Cirel moves away from Lance to stand by the wall, watching intently for any information the doctor may have.
Doctor Kaashi turns to look at the rest of the paladins. “It’s time for you to leave.” He says, voice lacking the soft tone Lance had come to associate with him. Almost immediately, there is uproar as his teammates protest the decisions.
“I’m not leaving.” Hunk says, crossing his arms over his chest and standing defiant, a fire of determination burns in his eyes.
“There’s nothing more you can do here. We’ve got it covered.” Doctor Kaashi gestures towards Sarki and Cirel, who nods back at the paladins in response.
There’s another uproar as they protest his words and Lance sighs, he just wants to know they’re safe. That no matter what happens to him, his teammates will be okay. He couldn’t leave Allura and Coran alone, not after everything they’ve been through. And sure, they would grieve his death, but they would get over it given time. “This isn’t just another mission.” Lance says, trying to articulate the importance of the remaining paladins leaving the room. “This is live ammo, that could go off at any time and kill every single person in this room. I don’t want to be the one who caused you all to die. Just please leave.” His voice cracks on the last few words but they don’t comment on it.
Shiro looks around at the paladins, then nods at Lance. A mutual understanding passes between them. “We’ll wait by the elevator, but that’s it.” Lance breathes a sigh of relief.
“We’ll be fine.” He mutters, mostly to reassure himself, “It’s okay.”
Shiro leads the paladins out through the door, Keith follows until the door, then hesitates. He looks back to Lance, eyes wide and showing exactly how scared he is. The red paladin opens his mouth, then shuts it again, as if he can’t decide whether or not to talk. Eventually, he must decide to say whatever is on his mind. “You know how in movies there’s always the heroes, then there’s the other guy. The one who runs away from the danger.” Keith wets his lips. “Be the other guy.”
Keith turns around and leaves, not waiting long enough for Lance to respond. He takes a deep breath to try and fight away the tears that are threatening to fall. He turns towards Doctor Kaashi. “You have a plan, right? A way to get me out of here?”
**
Keith walks over towards the elevator where the other paladins are stood, trying to ignore the nagging voice in his head saying that this is the last time he will ever see the blue paladin. There’s a heavy weight in his stomach that aches for something he isn’t sure if he ever even had.
When he reaches the wall, he collapses against it and slides down to the floor. After a moment, Hunk joins him and Pidge quickly follows suit. Shiro takes a couple of seconds longer, but even he joins them on the floor.
“I feel like colours are brighter.” Hunk says after a few moments of tense silence. “Does anyone else feel like the colours are brighter?” He leans his head back against the wall with a groan.
“It’s adrenaline.” Keith mutters. “Do you have the smell thing? Cause I have like this crazy –”
“Shut up!” Pidge snaps from besides Hunk. Her voice is higher pitched, she must still be fighting off tears.
“Are you okay?” Keith asks, then winces internally at how tactless that was.
“Of course, she’s not okay. How could she possibly be?” Hunk sighs deeply.
“God.” Pidge snaps. “Would you two just shut up! Nobody cares if the green is greener or if you have super smelling powers. Lance could die. Any minute now he could just,” She takes a deep breath; her voice is quieter now. “die. Actually stop living.” There’s a noise like a muffled sob. “Dead… Corpse.”
Pidge tucks up her knees and buries her face, Keith recognises the noises she’s making as laughter. She’s laughing at this? He thinks, and is fully ready to start an argument when Pidge speaks again. “Quiznack. I’m sorry, I just have really inappropriate reactions to this kind of stress. I’m sorry.” She says in between giggles, and Keith relaxes, taking comfort in the fact that everyone else is as stressed out as he is.
“Okay?” Shiro says.
“Yeah.” Pidge mumbles in response, face flushed red.
“Should we like do something?” Hunk asks, his voice is quiet and Keith wonders how he is handling this so well, he’s knows Lance the longest out of them all, been best friends with him for years longer than Keith even knew Lance existed. Surely this must be harder on him than the rest of them.
“What would we do?” Keith asks. “Call Lance’s family?” It’s a stupid suggestion, aimed to pick at how unfair this entire situation is.
“We are Lance’s family, in space anyway.” Shiro responds, staring down at his Galra prosthetic and shaking his head softly. There’s a few seconds of silence until Pidge starts laughing again, she looks horrified at herself and her face flushes a deeper shade of red. Nobody says anything in the few moments it takes her to get it under control.
“I laugh at funerals.” Pidge says, as a way of explanation when she’s calm again.
“I don’t go to funerals.” Keith mutters at the same time that Hunk pulls Pidge down into a hug. The youngest paladin tenses at first, as if considering resisting, then she relaxes and crumbles, crying into Hunk’s shoulder. “I was jealous of Lance for being in the emergency room. I thought it would be more interesting and now he might die and I’ve spent the last few hours silently hating him.” She sobs out.
Keith watches this all happen, feeling entirely indifferent. A small part of him acknowledges that he may be having some form of anxiety attack, but this also feels like the best way to be. If he’s indifferent, he won’t feel, and if he doesn’t feel, he can’t react to knowing that Lance may die.
He’s interrupted from his musings by Shiro placing a hand on his knee. “Lance will be okay, you know. He’s stronger than we ever give him credit for.”
Keith just has to pray that Shiro is right.
**
“Is this the strangest thing that’s ever happened in this hospital?” Lance asks Doctor Kaashi, who’s stood beside Sarki as a constant reassuring force while Cirel has stepped out of the room.
“Perhaps not the strangest. The most dangerous though, I think.” The doctor responds after a moment of quiet contemplation.
“Good, because I’m very competitive.” Lance laughs nervously. His hand is entirely numb now but he can still feel the wetness of the blood through his gloves and the smell alone is enough to make him want to vomit. Now his team has left, he feels more alone than ever.
“All the best warriors are.” Doctor Kaashi replies, smiling softly and calmly at Lance.
**
Cirel enters the room around a half hour later. He gestures Doctor Kaashi over and whispers something to him. Lance watches them for a second, then turns to Sarki who just shrugs at him. They’re obviously having a heated discussion while they whisper, exaggerated hand gestures and the negative looks on their faces are enough to confirm this. It makes Lance feel anxious. What won’t they tell us?
“Stop it.” He mutters after another moment of watching them. Cirel turns back, eyebrow quirked in a silent question, but at least their discussion has stopped. “Stop treating me like I’m a victim. The two of you are looking at me like I’m about to freak out at any moment. I’m not about to do that, so just tell me what’s going on.”
Lance expects them to protest, to tell him he doesn’t need to know and take their conversation outside the room. Instead, Cirel moves away from the door to stand in front of Lance. “The main oxygen supply to the hospital runs directly underneath this room.”
“Okay.” Lance says, Cirel just stares at him blankly. “Not okay? …Well? I need one of you to explain exactly what this means. Because I have an idea, but I’m feeling very glass half-empty today so I’m not going to trust what I think this means. Because I think this means that if the bomb were to explode over the oxygen line, the whole hospital could blow up. And that’s just crazy, right?”
**
It turns out, his idea isn’t that crazy at all. Now, the entire hospital is at risk, every single person they helped to save today is at risk. Lance wants to scream, he wants to pretend this isn’t happening. More than that, he wants to move his fingers. He’s starting to get fidgety after spending so long still, and although fear is effectively paralysing his entire arm, it’s not stopping his desire to move his hand, ever so slightly.
Doctor Kaashi steps forwards from the wall. “Lance, all it means is that we have to move.”
“Wait.” Lance says, jaw dropping open in shock. “You’re telling me that I can’t wiggle my fingers in fear of detonating a bomb, but we have to move rooms? How the quiznack are we going to do that?”
Doctor Kaashi looks down and Lance follows his eyesight. Wheels. The table is on wheels.
“You want to roll out the entire gurney.” Lance says, feeling fear settle into his bones.
“It’s the safest option.” Cirel replies, looking just as nervous as Lance feels.
Fucking great. Lance thinks bitterly. At least this will be one hell of a story to tell the grandkids.
**
When the operating room door is pushed open, Keith isn’t sure what he expected to see. Lance walking out unharmed, Cirel or Doctor Kaashi running around looking for some form of information. Perhaps even Sarki leaving the room. He definitely is not expecting to see this.
The door is pushed open slowly and held open from the outside by one of the bomb squad members, the first thing through it is the edge of a table, then a head. Followed closely by a torso, and a tan hand attached to said torso. Lance looks terrified, his eyes flicker up from the ground to meet Keith’s and Lance shakes his head subtly, Keith stands up anyway. Besides him, the other paladins are pushing themselves to stand.
The doorway is easily big enough for the gurney to fit through, but they’re moving really slowly. It’s a few moments later until Keith realises why. “They’re moving the bomb.”
When the gurney is turned around fully, they start moving in the opposite direction to where the paladins are. Keith pushes himself off the wall and walks over towards them, slowing down around five feet away. Lance is looking at the floor carefully, so doesn’t notice him at first.
“Go over the plan again with me, one more time.” The blue paladin asks, his voice tight and Keith can hear the stress there. Cirel doesn’t take his eyes off the gurney to answer Lance.
“The device is shaped like a rocket, roughly eight inches long. We will have everything ready, the surgeons will be ready and the bomb disposal team will be ready. We will need you to move your hand slowly to wrap it around the device and then –”
“And then I pull it out.” Lance finishes.
“Level.” Cirel stresses. “Pull it out while keeping it level.”
“You know,” Lance utters after a few moments, “I don’t like you very much.”
“I’m not particularly fond of people who place their hands on live ammo, so I guess we’re even.” Cirel responds, a biting tone to his voice.
At this point, Keith has seen enough. “What are you doing?” He asks. Cirel’s head snaps up, bright eyes widening in either shock or anger, Keith can’t tell.
“Stop!” Cirel shouts. “Stop what you’re doing.” The gurney stops moving and Lance’s head lifts up to look at Keith. “I thought Doctor Kaashi told you to leave?”
“We’re moving to a room further away from the oxygen line. You know, in case we go boom.” Lance talks over Cirel who just glares silently at the paladins in response.
“Just stay over there.” Cirel snaps, pointing down an adjacent hallway. “Stay out of our way. If you get killed, it’s not my fault.” Keith moves down the mentioned hallway, standing a few feet in. Far enough away where he is not in immediate danger but close enough for him to be able to see Lance.
“You ready?” Cirel asks, turning back to Lance, who just nods in response.
“Tell me something.” Lance says after a moment. Keith raises an eyebrow. “Keith, I have my hand on a bomb. I’m freaking out but most importantly, I really need to pee. Tell me something, anything.”
Keith thinks for a second, thinking about what he could tell Lance to distract him. “I love you.” He says quietly, Lance’s head snaps up to meet his eyes. The worst part is he’s not even lying. He does love Lance, had liked him since they first met but getting to know and becoming friends with his former rival had further cemented everything. He loves Lance.
“You love me?” The Cuban mutters, eyes wide and face vulnerable in a way Keith has never truly seen on the blue paladin.
“Yeah.” Keith says, for lack of a better response. He catches Cirel glancing up to look between him and Lance. “Mind your own business.” He snaps at the bomb squad leader.
“You love me.” Lance murmurs to himself, smiling softly.
“Everybody has problems.” Keith mutters, irritated at the lack of response regarding Lance’s own feelings. “Well are you gonna say it back or…”
“I could very well get blown up today.” Lance says, voice tinged with sadness. “If we both make it out of this alive, I’ll tell you then.”
What does that even mean? Keith thinks, does he like me back? He thinks for a second about how cruel it would be for Lance to die today. “I’ll be waiting.”
They’re still moving along the corridor when the gurney hits something and jolts worryingly. After a few moments where Keith is frozen in place, too scared to move, nothing happens and Cirel deems it safe to move. “Is everyone okay?” He asks, followed by “Are you ready to move again?”
“Yeah.” Lance swallows roughly.
“You had to say you were going to die today.” Keith suddenly understands why Pidge laughs when she’s stressed because suddenly everything is funny. Lance likes him back and now they might both die because Lance was foolish enough to stick his entire hand inside someone’s body. Who has luck that terrible? Keith, obviously.
Lance – stupid, selfless, kind Lance – just shrugs. “I told you so.”
**
Pidge watches Keith run after Lance, is two steps behind him herself when Shiro places an arm on her shoulder and holds her in place. She turns her head to glare at him and he fixes her with a look that seems to say I can’t put you in danger. Suddenly, she understands how terrible this must be for him, how selfish it would have been to run after them.
She settles back against the wall. Or at least she means to, because before she can start to get comfortable, there’s a sound which distracts her. A soft sob coming from down the opposite corridor to where Lance is. Pidge pushes off the wall and follows the noise, Hunk and Shiro make no move to follow after her.
She walks down the corridor for a few seconds, until the noise sounds again from behind a door. There’s a bloody hand print on the door handle so Pidge settles for just pushing the door open by the wood instead.
The room appears to be some kind of washroom, only containing deep sinks with long taps. Stood in front of one of the taps is Marje, there’s water running down the sink, tainted pink by blood.
“Hey.” Pidge says quietly, “Are you okay?” Marje looks up at her, the Akorin’s face is streaked with tears and Pidge is with brief thoughts about how similar Akori biology must be to human biology.
Marje doesn’t respond, instead she looks down towards the sink where the blood is still running off her hands. Pidge notices a nasty red mark on one hand. “Did you cut yourself?” She asks softly, reaching out a hand to place it on Marje’s shoulder. She isn’t good with physical contact but it seems like the other needs it.
“I, I think I fell.” Marje stutters out. “When I was running. It’s okay.”
“I’ll go get you a bandage. Stay here.” Pidge responds, trying to think about which room would be best to find what she needs.
She leaves the washroom, hearing the door close behind her, and tries the door opposite. It opens to reveal a surgeon, operating on a patient’s brain. “I thought they evacuated everyone?” Pidge asks.
“I could ask you the same question.” The surgeon responds, not pausing in his moves. “I’m not leaving this patient to die, which is what the bomb squad wanted me to do. She deserves to at least have a chance to live.”
“I’m not leaving my friend to die either.” Pidge says and the surgeon tilts his head at her. “Do you have any spare bandages in here?”
The nurse beside the surgeon turns to point at a cupboard near her. “In there.”
Pidge mutters a thanks and grabs a few, not knowing the extent of how serious Marje’s injury is. She exits the operating room, leaving the surgeon to do his job. When she returns, Marje has slowed down her crying but is still clearly distressed.
Pidge gently moves her hands out from the spray of water, which has been on long enough to have turned cold, and dries them quickly, using a towel she picked up from besides the sink. The blood is still flowing from the cut on Marje’s hand, but it doesn’t look to be too serious.
“You might need a few stiches, but I’m not entirely sure how to do those.” Pidge admits. “We’ll need to get someone to look it over for you, but I’m sure you’ll be fine.” Marje nods. “Is there anyone you’d like me to get for you, friends? Family?” Pidge asks her.
Marje thinks for a second. “Lance?” She asks, voice rough and scratchy from crying.
“He’s still there.” Pidge responds, unsure of what exactly Marje wants to know.
“So, he’s alive?” Marje asks and Pidge understands. She thought she might have killed him.
“He’s alive.” Pidge says, hoping that’s still true. Though she guesses she would have heard if a bomb had gone off down the corridor. Marje sighs in relief before dropping her head forward onto Pidge’s shoulder, arms coming up to wrap around the green paladin. Pidge returns the hug cautiously, but that seems to be all it takes for Marje to break again and she starts crying again, softer this time.
“I ran away…” She takes a deep breath. “You always think you’ll be different, you think you’re the kind of person who stays and does something. A hero. I’m supposed to stay and do something cause that’s the kind of people we are, the kind of thing we do. I’m not supposed to run away. I’m not supposed to hide in a bathroom because I left you all to die. I ran away.”
Pidge rubs her back gently, murmuring comforting words into Marje’s ear. “This wasn’t your fault. Nobody blames you for running away. Besides, by sticking your hand in there in the first place, you probably saved a lot of people.” Marje pulls back from the hug and wipes her face with her hands.
“I guess.” She responds quietly.
“Are you sure there’s nobody you want to see?” Pidge asks again, now that Marje is starting to calm down.
“There’s my children, they should be outside somewhere.” Marje says, sniffling.
Pidge holds out her hand. “Then let’s go find them.”
**
“We’re ready when you are.” Doctor Kaashi says as the gurney is settled in the operating room, far enough away from the oxygen line to not pose any threat to the rest of the hospital and also in a suitable enough position so that the entire hospital would not collapse if the bomb went off. They’ve made the best out of a terrible situation.
“We’re good.” Cirel says, then turns around to face the blue paladin. “Lance?”
“Yeah.” Lance says quietly, his voice shakes ever so slightly.
“Okay.” Doctor Kaashi nods. “I’m going to extend the wound, ever so slightly, and the bleeding will intensify. If we are going to save this patient, you will have to pull the ammo out immediately.”
“But remember to keep it as level as possible while removing it. Nice and easy. No quick movements.” Cirel orders.
“Right, nice and easy. Says the guy who doesn’t have his hand on a bomb.” Lance huffs. Cirel has the audacity to laugh at that and Lance glares at him.
“Are you ready?” Doctor Kaashi asks, voice filled with compassion, a start contrast from the bitter tone of Cirel.
“Do I have a choice?” Lance asks, wishing more than ever that Keith had stayed, even just so Lance could tell him he loved him, even just once.
“You have to be ready.” The doctor responds.
Is he ready? Lance thinks about that day, the people he loves like family sitting down that corridor waiting for him to return, the man he loves waiting for a confession he might never hear. Carie waiting for a girlfriend she may ever see again.
“I’m ready.” Lance says. Doctor Kaashi moves to make the first cut.
**
“How is he?” Shiro asks as Keith sits down against the wall, he wonders briefly where Pidge went but decides it’s not currently important.
“Well he’s not dead.” Keith says, trying to ignore the unspoken yet.
“How are you?” Shiro asks this time, quieter, more personal.
“I don’t know.” Keith replies, and it’s the truth. Whether or not he is okay depends solely on whether or not Lance will walk out of that room alive, so until he knows for definite the safety of the blue paladin, Keith can’t answer that question.
I’m waiting for you, Lance. Don’t let me down now.
**
Doctor Kaashi moves his hands away from the wound. “I’m good, he can go.”
“Alright now Lance. Take your hand, and wrap it around the nose cone.” Cirel says, rather impatiently.
Lance wants to move, but all of a sudden he’s left paralysed with fear. What if I die? He thinks, and almost sobs. He wants to live, more than anything. He wants to be able to kiss Keith for the first time, tease Pidge and cook with Hunk. He wants to see Shiro be happy. Heck, he wants them all to be happy, and that won’t happen if he dies today.
Lance doesn’t want to die, not today.
“Lance.” Cirel snaps from in front of him, but Lance can’t move, can’t do anything except fall deeper into this pit of fear and panic he’s building. “Lance!”
Lance reaches up with his spare hand, runs it through his hair. “Tell Keith I love him too.”
“No.” Cirel frowns. “You can tell him yourself.”
“Just make sure he knows, please. Promise me this.” Lance is pleading now, desperate for Cirel to understand that he needs Keith to know. If Lance is going to die, it’s without any skeletons in his closet. “And make sure that Hunk knows he’s the greatest friend anyone could ever wish for. Tell him to make sure Pidge eats and gets enough sleep and doesn’t get too caught up with looking for her family. Tell him that when Shiro has nightmares, he can be calmed down by soft music, I usually use my iPod. In fact, tell Shiro he can have it. And tell Keith to look after himself, to make sure they all look out for each other.”
“Lance,” Sarki looks at him with eyes wide and Lance cuts off his ramble. “You’re going to live.”
“But I need them to know, just in case.” Lance is crying now. “I need to know they’ll be okay.”
There’s a beeping from a machine beside Lance. “Her pressure is dropping, Lance come on.” Sarki begs.
“I can’t. No! I can’t.” Lance hyperventilates. “This is crazy, you three should go. Please I need you to go.”
“Nobody is dying today, Lance.” Kaashi reiterates.
“Lance, I want you to look at me.” Cirel says, and Lance obeys, turning his head ever so slightly to make eye contact with the bomb squad leader. “I know this is bad, and I know I’m some ass who’s been yelling at you all day. So, you pretend I’m not. You pretend I’m someone you care about, someone you like. Whatever you need. But you need to listen to me.”
Lance looks down at the place where his hand enters the body, he sees the blood spreading across the table, dripping onto the floor. He shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath, the beeping fades away into nothing but background noise. When he opens his eyes, the room seems brighter; the colours more intense. He looks up, where Cirel was stood is Keith, smiling gently at Lance and reaching out a hand to rest on his shoulder.
“I’m scared.” Lance murmurs, taking in the sight of the red paladin, as if it’s the last time he will ever see him. He looks into Keith’s eyes, the familiar deep purple colour that makes Lance’s heart spasm in his chest.
“I know.” Keith says. “You can do this. It’ll be over in a second. You can do this Lance.” Something in Lance’s chest explodes at daydream-Keith’s unadulterated faith Lance will succeed in not killing everyone.
“Okay.” Lance looks into Keith’s eyes for any sign of a lie, he finds nothing.
“Okay.” Keith replies.
Lance looks at the red paladin, he blinks once, twice, three times. The image of Keith fades to show Cirel. He squares his shoulders, a newfound determination burning within him.
Lance starts to pull out the bomb.
The room is silent. He can’t even hear anyone breathing. To be honest, Lance isn’t even sure if he is breathing. He’s also about ninety percent certain that he’s about to either cry or scream. His hands are shaking. Too much. The room is going to blow up. Lance is going to die. They are all going to die.
“Gently.” Cirel whispers and it’s enough to calm Lance slightly.
He pulls out more of the bomb, he can see the end of it now. It’s black with purple engravings, far too pretty to be this deadly. Lance pulls some more, aware of how cold his hand feels now that it’s been partially removed from the body. A small part of him is disgusted by that, the rest of him is too drained to care.
After a few tense moments, the bomb is free from its confines and Lance is lifting it up. Cirel is stretching out his hands ready for it to be passed on. The bomb is lighter than he expected. Lance can see his hand shaking slightly.
Then, he’s passing it to Cirel and his hands are empty. He’s free of the bomb. He’s going to live. Cirel is turning around, the door is held open by a bomb squad member with bright red hair who smiles at Lance as he follows behind Cirel and lets the door close.
Lance glances at Doctor Kaashi who nods at him, a look of respect in his eyes. “You did good Lance. You may go now, if you wish.”
Lance turns and walks out, not even hesitating. He does have a promise to keep after all, multiple if he counts his promise to Carie, but that’s not his first priority right now.
He pauses in the doorway and turns around to face Doctor Kaashi and Sarki, the two people who supported him from the very beginning of this whole ordeal. They’re working silently to try and save their patient. “Let me know how she is, if she lives.” Lance says and Doctor Kaashi acknowledges him with a nod.
Sarki looks up and grins at him. “Go get your man.” She winks at him and laughs, Lance leaves the room feeling lighter than he has for a while. The door shuts behind him, a glance to the left shows the paladins sitting beside the elevator, they’re all watching him.
Lance glances to the right, Cirel is slowly moving down the corridor, only around seven feet away, ready to pass on the bomb. He watches for a second, eyes transfixed as Cirel edges further and further away.
Then, there’s nothing.
The ground underneath Lance disappears and he is floating, suspended in the air. There’s silence so strong it envelopes him, everything around him is too hot and he is being eaten alive by the flames. It burns with an intensity he didn’t know could exist and he wants to scream but his body doesn’t seem to obey him and Lance has no choice but to let it happen.
Then, just as quickly as it started, it ends. Lance is falling, he hits the ground hard and his vision blurs, fading into black for a second. The world is ringing, everything smells like smoke and nothing seems to make sense. He tastes copper in his mouth.
He was going to do something? To tell someone something? But he can’t remember what. What happened?
There are colours swimming in front of his vision; primarily red but also black, green, and yellow. He knows those colours, or more specifically, the people associated with them. But Lance can’t think past the thick haze that settled over his mind, his thoughts swimming away while he is unable to chase after them.
Lance’s ears ring and it’s the only noise he can hear until it fades slightly and he can hear voices. There’s someone calling his name, hands touching him. None of it registers and Lance is tired.
Lance feels his vision fade and the last thing he feels is a warm hand brushing through his hair.
**
Lance drifts in and out of consciousness as a doctor checks his wounds. Thankfully, they don’t find anything too worrying: in the patches of conversations he hears, Lance learns enough to discover he’s not about to die.
He also learns that Allura thinks he is incredibly stupid, Coran is just glad he’s okay, Pidge would have killed him if he’d died and Hunk is relieved more than anything. He doesn’t hear anything from Keith or Shiro.
Lance opens his eyes, looking at the white ceiling and the faded walls. There’s movement from beside him and suddenly, there’s a face obscuring his vision. Dark skin and a yellow headband and eyes too soft to truly exist. Then, he’s being crushed into a hug so tight it threatens to cut off his oxygen supply. After a few seconds, Lance manages to coordinate his movements enough to reciprocate.
“Careful Hunk. You don’t want to kill him.” Shiro laughs and Hunk sheepishly releases Lance who’s too tired to do anything other than flop down back into the bed.
“But he’s awake! And coherent this time!” Hunk practically shouts and Lance groans.
“What the hell happened?” His voice is dry and cracked and his throat burns slightly.
“You were blown up, again.” Pidge chimes in, Lance can see her from the corner of his vision and tries to push himself up on the bed as his memories return. He’s still wearing his paladin armour so he can’t have been out for long. In fact, he’s still wearing the bloody glove from earlier, the flak jacket is gone though. He looks at the glove with distaste before reaching out a hand to pull it off.
Someone is thrusting a bin besides him and he drops it in there, then looks up to see the arm is attached to Shiro.
“How long was I out?” He asks, curious.
“Not long. Twenty minutes, maybe? You have a pretty bad concussion and some minor cuts and burns. But, man, Allura was right about the Akori having advanced technology because they put this cream on your skin and then boom you were healed. Couldn’t do anything for the concussion though so you’ll just have to suffer through that. Apparently the Akori have thicker skulls so these are really rare or something like that.” Pidge rambles. “Oh, and Marje got to reunite with her children. It was cute, if you like women crying and children. Which I do not. So… yeah that’s pretty much a summary of what you missed.”
“Oh.” Lance says, his head is still ringing and his vision is still blurred slightly. “How are Doctor Kaashi and Sarki? They were down there when the bomb exploded?”
“Oh, they’re fine. The hospital has pretty solid walls.” Hunk replies.
“What about Cirel and the other guy?” Lance asks. The three paladins sat by his bed share a look and Lance feels his stomach drop.
“They didn’t make it, Lance. I’m sorry.” Shiro places a hand on Lance’s knee, offering comfort but it has no effect.
“Pink mist.” Lance mutters, frowning.
“What?” Hunk asks.
“Something Marje said to me. When you blow up in the bomb squad they call you pink mist because it’s all that’s left. Just a cloud of bloody rain.” Lance hears his voice crack. “Cirel deserved to be better than bloody rain.”
“He was an ass.” Someone says, standing in the doorway. Lance looks up and sees Keith.
“Yeah, but it was because he had to be. As part of his job. We were best buds deep down.” Lance says, joking softly despite the crushing ache in his chest.
“I literally heard you say you hated each other.” Keith moves to sit at the opposite side of his bed to the other paladins.
“Just a bit of friendly banter. Besides,” Lance frowns softly, the smirk wiped off his face. “when it mattered, he was nice. He was caring and supportive and he didn’t deserve to die.”
“I know.” Keith murmurs.
“He didn’t deserve to die.” Lance repeats and that’s all it takes for the damn to break. He sobs messily and grips the blanket covering him, there’s movement and someone is hugging him. Black hair and pale skin and words whispered in a soft voice reserved specifically for Lance.
Lance holds onto Keith and cries until he’s drained. And then he cries some more because this isn’t fair.
But really, who is he to decide what is and isn’t fair?
**
When Lance has calmed enough to raise his head from Keith’s shoulder, he becomes aware of two things. One: they are completely alone in the room, the other paladins probably having left sometime while he was crying. Two: Lance is covered head to toe in assorted dirt, blood, dust, and grime.
He feels disgusting and he can’t imagine that he looks any better.
Keith seems to pick up on his discomfort and stands up, reaching out to grab Lance’s hand and helping him off the bed, muttering calming words of encouragement that Lance is too tired to completely understand. He’s leading Lance down a corridor he doesn’t recognise and inside a large cream coloured room, the floors are tiled and there’s a large shower on one wall. Keith locks the door behind them and twists the shower on, warm water shoots down.
They’re both fully clothed still, wearing their paladin armour sans the helmets, and clinging to each other. Lance wants to laugh at how ridiculous this whole thing is, but he’s too exhausted to do anything other than comply when Keith starts pulling off pieces of his armour and dropping it in the shower, letting the water rinse away the muck.
When Lance is left standing in the black body suit, Keith pulls back and faces him. Then, he grabs a wash cloth and starts running it over Lance’s neck. Lance looks down and sees the dirt and blood swirling down the drain.
Keith’s attentiveness makes his heart swell with longing and Lance gets the urge to run his fingers through Keith’s hair. So, he does, bringing his hand to rest on Keith’s neck, just below his jaw. And then he’s leaning in and brushing his lips gently against Keith’s.
He pulls back, facing Keith. “I believe I owe you a confession.”
“I believe you do.” Keith smiles as he runs the washcloth over Lance’s face.
“I love you.” Lance watches as Keith pushes him back gently until his head is under the flow of water, washing the dirt out of his hair.
“I love you too.” Keith says as he reaches for a bottle of shampoo.
**
Lance stands outside the doorway to the room, too nervous to enter. He’s wearing his casual clothes and his hair is mussed from him running his hands through it repeatedly.
From the end of the corridor, Keith is watching on. He raises his hands in a thumbs up and nods his encouragement. Lance takes a deep breath, steels himself, then pushes the door open. In the room, sits Carie watching her girlfriend sleep. When the door creaks open, Carie snaps her head around to look at him.
“Lance?” She asks, quietly.
“That’s me.” Lance replies. There’s a second where she stares at him so intensely he thinks about running away, then she’s hugging him; arms wrapped around him so tightly Lance feels like he might suffocate and crying softly into his shoulder.
“Thank you.” She sobs, Lance hugs her back.
“How is she?” He says when Carie pulls away, gesturing towards the girl lying on the bed. “You know, I spent all that time with my hand inside her body and I don’t even know her name.” He adds as an afterthought.
“She’s doing great! She should be waking up at some point in the next few hours.” Carie says, eyes wide and mouth turned upwards. “Her name is Meri by the way.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” Lance replies, fingers absentmindedly playing with a loose string on his hoodie.
Before Carie can say anything else, the door opens and someone calls out. “Well look who it is.” Lance turns only to see Sarki stood in the doorway, she smiles at him softly, long hair flowing down around her face now, instead of the tight bun he was used to seeing her in. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
“Me too.” Lance says as he stands up. Shiro had told him he had five minutes but that time had quickly ran out. He’s almost sad to be leaving. “I’m glad we’re all okay.” Lance says quietly.
Sarki nods. “Me too.”
**
Lance is staring at the ceiling in his bedroom, contemplating the events of the past day, when his door slides open to reveal Keith. The other paladin looks as exhausted as Lance feels.
“Hey.” Lance says softly.
“Hey.” Keith says, remaining stood in the doorway. His face twists into a more serious expression. “You almost died today.”
“Yeah. I almost died today.” Lance says, because it still doesn’t feel real. Even though he will never fully be able to clear the memories of the blood or the fear he felt from holding the bomb, it still hasn’t properly sunk in that it really happened.
Keith stares at Lance for a long period of time, before turning, as if to walk out of the door. “Stay.” Lance calls out after him and Keith pauses, before turning back around. “Okay.” He mutters, crawling into the bed besides Lance and lying on his back, their shoulders touching.
“All I could think of, when they wanted me to pull the bomb out, was you. Your stupid face and mullet and that ugly cropped red jacket, but all I could think was I’m going to die today and I never actually said how much Keith means to me. How freaking pathetic is that?” Lance says into the night after a few moments.
For a while, it’s quiet enough where Lance thinks Keith has fallen asleep. Then, there’s a quiet whisper from his side.
“I’m glad you didn’t die today.”
**
If this was your last day on earth, how would you like to spend it?