Chapter Text
Jason and Tim got to the safe house without any incidents. Though, through the whole ride with Tim plastered over his back, holding him a little too tightly, Jason kept wondering. His mind was working at full speed, and unanswered questions kept popping in his head; how the hell was he going keep sane with Tim in his apartment during this whole time? Where the fuck was Roy when you needed him? How was he going to hide the fact that he crushed on Tim –older version or younger- like a twelve years old girl!
But most important of all, he couldn’t shake the impression that Tim wanted to stay with him for a whole different reasons than those he stated earlier, even if they were actual legit reasons. A sudden hope sprang into him; hope that his pitifully crush on Tim maybe returned. That he chose to go with him because he actually wanted his company. But Jason crushed it with all his willpower. Hope wasn’t something he could afford having, because feeling heart broke wasn’t in his priority list, no thank you. He will spare himself the additional pain.
So Jason held tighter on his motorcycle, and sped some more to get those depressing thoughts out of his head.
When they finally got to the safe house, Jason parked his motorcycle in a hidden garage, and they silently made their way up the fire escape to the window –don’t expect them to actually go through the door-. And as soon as they were in the apartment, Jason went to his bedroom, grabbed some sweatpants, and an old t-shirt as well as a pillow and a warm blanket, and returned to the living room where Future Tim was standing awkwardly, and threw what he brought on the couch.
“You can sleep on the couch for now, until I get the other room ready for you. It full with my weapons. There’s a bathroom in the room just behind you. If you're hungry there are some pizza leftovers in the fridges. “
Jason knew that his voice was cold, uninviting, but he just couldn’t help it. And just as finally looked in Tim’s way to wish him goodnight, he realized how much of an asshole he was being. Tim looked like he was ready to bolt –and by the tightness in his shoulders and thighs he most likely was- and Jason could visibly recognize the hurt in his deep blue eyes.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t stop to think if you actually were comfortable with me being here. I mean, I remember that by this time we’re good friends, but I didn’t know I was stepping my boundaries. I- I’ll just go to the manor. Sorry”
Jason resisted the urge to kick himself, just because he was feeling all depressed and sorry for himself, didn’t mean that he should take it out on the poor guy. So with a groan, he quickly made his way to Tim, who was making his way to the window. He grabbed his elbow firmly and gently turned the smaller man to face him.
“Wait. I’m sorry. I’m being a complete dick here.” Said Jason with the most sincere voice he could manage.
Tim just hooked an eyebrow with an expression that could clearly translate to ‘no shit!’ And Jason couldn’t help but huff a small laugh.
“It just, so much shit happened lately, and I’m still wired up. And then suddenly you’re coming from the future. And it’s just too much in one week. Sorry”
“So you don’t mind my being here?” declared Tim with hesitation, and clear hope in his eyes. And this why Jason got so jittery in the first place, this Tim, this version of him, could be read so easily, like an open book. Jason could see hope, and fear, and other emotions so easily in eyes. With his Tim he couldn’t know anything, everything with him was pure guessing and hoping that he didn’t fuck it up too bad when they were around each other. He could see affection in this Tim’s eyes in the brief moments he looked at him. And that scarred the shit out of Jason.
It’s frightened him that he felt ready to give up the last parts of himself to those intense blue eyes, that he was ready to give everything, that he hadn’t already gave, to Tim if he asked.
But now was not the time, Jason gulped his fears down, and without another word, lead Tim to the couch and sat beside him, Tim’s eyes never leaving him, still waiting for his answer.
“No. I don’t mind you being here. I wouldn’t have accepted for you to come back with me if I actually minded Tim.”
Apparently his answer was deemed honest enough, because he could feel bearded Tim relaxing into the couch, and take a look around the apartment.
Jason’s house wasn’t anything fancy, but he liked just the way it was. It’s been a long time since he settled in one city, let alone one apartment. The couch was large and comfy enough that you could sleep in it without a problem. Facing the said couch was a small coffee table, and a large TV screen. On the far corner and surrounding the door were several bookshelves, all littered with books. On the left side of the living room was a large door leading to the kitchen, and from where they were seated they could see the counter and the small dinner table, and just beside the kitchen was another door –Roy’s and Kory’s room when they were around- . On the right side there was a small corridor with a door on each side. One being Jason’s room, and the other the room where all the computers, the tech, and the gear was kept.
It was Tim who broke the comfortable first; “So, where are Roy and Kory?”
Jason groaned. “They wanted some time alone. So they took and ship and went god knows where, and annoy people with very loud sex.”
Tim winced “Yeah, they can get pretty loud”
Jason couldn’t help but feel the smirk tugging at his face, and to fall into the usual ‘let tease Tim mood’.
“Ho, so you listened, enjoyed yourself baby bird?”
But he didn’t get the usual blush, and the stuttering. What he got was a small but wolfish smile, and Tim getting a little closer to him.
“I’m not the only one who actually enjoyed myself. Jaybird.”
And this close, Jason could see how blue Tim’s eyes where, how much the beard actually fitted him, how nice he smelled. And God where did that confidence came from. And suddenly Jason was feeling dizzy, and all the alarms in his head started going crazy. Blood was flowing down way too fast, and he had to mentally shake himself not to have an erection in the middle of a fucking simple conversation.
“Hell no! I can't believe you even suggested that! And where does that cocky attitude come from nerd wonder?” luckily Jason was the king of landing back on his feet.
“I've been around you too much that what it is. Now your awkward flirting doesn’t really affect me anymore.” He gives Jason frozen form a little pat on the shoulder “But don't worry, it'll still affect your Tim for a little while longer”
Yeah, maybe Jason wasn’t the king of landing on his feet anymore, because right now his mind just stopped, no back flips, no landing; it was frozen. And suddenly the nagging feeling of Tim being here for other reasons than convenience was back at full force. The feeling didn’t really have any grounds or any special reason, it was just a hunch. And Jason trusted his instincts.
So he braced himself and asked.
“What are we? In the future? I mean, what are we to each other?”
Tim face turned grim all of a sudden, and all the openness that was there from the beginning faded. He knew that look by heart, it Tim’s way to dealing with pain, by building impenetrable walls around him so no one can reach him, so he wouldn’t be hurt again. And Jason’s heart clenched, he hated that look.
He reached for Tim’s shoulder, and gave it a tight squeeze, and just as he opened his mouth to take back his questions, but Tim beat him to it.
“We’re nothing.”
And the way he said it, the way ‘nothing’ came from his lips. It was like poison, it was like Tim hated that nothing with all his soul. And he knew Tim; the young man didn’t really hate things that passionately. Hell, Jason tried to kill him more than once and he still talked to him, and trusted him enough to sometimes fall asleep on his couch, on his shoulder, and told him he understood his reasons.
“We drew apart… we were never a thing. We continued dancing around each other for years, like the stupid stubborn people we are, and no one ever made a move. So we drew apart. Life drew us apart, and the last time I’ve seen you was a year ago” as he said the last part, he looked Jason in his eyes, and suddenly the walls were down again, and sorrow was so clear in Tim’s shimmering eyes that he could help but reach for him, his hand curling gently around his neck. And Tim just continued talking.
“And the problem is I know you like me Jason, and you know that I like you, and we still didn’t do a damn thing about it! And now, I don’t even know if you’re still on the planet or not, Hell I don’t even know if you’re alive or not!! And it’s killing me. It’s killing me that we could have had something but we threw it away in favor of our stupid insecurities!!”
Tim was talking softly, but Jason could hear the sadness and the Rage in his voice. And he couldn’t do a damn thing but listen, and hold him tighter.
“And now we are with other people, living different lives. And the fucked up thing is we still think about each other. I still see you in every tall guy wearing a stupid leather jacket. And sometimes you still call me in the middle of the night, drunk and crying about how much you want me!!”
Tim was breathing heavily now, and tears started flowing down his cheeks and disappearing under his beard. And Jason felt his heart split into two. How stupid the future version of him was not to just rush back to him, to come and take Tim only for himself. But in a way, a part of his mind tried to resonates, he could understand. Theirs future versions drifted too much from each other. It was too late; they couldn’t do anything because too much has changed, even if they wanted each other desperately, there was nothing they could do about it. They had to act sooner, to hold to each other and never let go, to face the changes together and not apart.
But who was he kidding. He didn’t make any move to let his Tim know how he felt about him, and he wasn’t planning to do it any time soon. He was too comfortable in their current situation, the pleasant hanging out, their joined patrols, their movie nights…
He was making the same mistakes as his older version. Hell he was actually building that future situation.
And in some part of his mind, Jason was in the process of making a decision. So as he waited for his brain to actually set order in his thoughts, he reached for Tim and pulled him into a tight hug. And he just held him, held him tight as if his life depended on it. And in some way, it did.
After what felt like hours of Tim silently crying on his shoulders. He finally spoke.
“I don’t want him, or you, to feel like this. Ever.”
And by now, Jason has already reached a decision.
He wasn’t going to let go of Tim. Not after seeing their future if he doesn’t make a move soon, not after seeing how much Tim liked him and cared about him, not after seeing Tim so wrecked and knowing there’s a version of himself out there just as fucked up.
So he gently pushes Tim away by his shoulders, and look directly into his puffy red eyes.
“So. If I actually go out with Timmy at this time stream, would that change your future? Wouldn’t it fuck up all your reality?”
“It would change things. And for us it could change everything. But it could be worse than it already is Jay”
“Okay then, it’s decided” Jason took a deep breath, and braced himself for what he was going to say, and actually do later on. “I’m going to ask Tim out”
And as the word came out, he suddenly felt light, like there was a weight shifting from his chest, that’s until-
“You can’t do that Jason!”
“What? Why? You just said that- he doesn’t like me yet? It that it?”
And at his panicked tone, Tim just stared at him for a few seconds before bursting into laughter. And how dare he, seriously! Laughing in a situation like this.
But Jason couldn’t really be mad at him, not after seeing him so heartbroken just a few minutes ago. Laughter was welcomed, even at his own expense.
“When you’re done jerk wonder, I’m all ears”
Tim wiped some tears from his eyes, and still smiled like an idiot when he began talking. “I’m sorry, but you were just way too cute panicking like that”
“’m not cute replacement! ‘m manly as hell! “
“Cute is what you are Jay. Anyways, I’m not saying he doesn’t like you; he’s crazy about you Jason. It’s just that around this time, it was hard. The problems with Bruce and Damian, so much shit going on with the titans. My life was a mess around this time. And I had a shit tons of insecurities. If you just came out of the blue and confessed your flame to him, he wouldn’t believe you; he’ll think you’re mocking him”
Jason groaned “That just typically you babybird, no wonder my flirting isn’t affecting you”
“Yeah, I just thought it was your way of teasing me back then. So Jason what you have to do, is make him believe, slowly but surely, that you are interested in him. It a process.”
“With a taste of how our future will be if I don’t anything about it, I say I have all the time in the world. So with what should I begin?”
Tim started biting his lower lips while thinking intensely on their plan, and wasn’t that just too distracting.
‘heh! Tim distracting me from Timmy’
“With the shit he’s going through right now, taking a little care of him would be good. Like preparing him a nice meal and such”
“I do that to him all the time”
“Yeah but this time make special maybe? Make him homemade pizza? I love your cooking”
“Flattered baby bird. But if I’m feeding him, it’s not going to be pizza, I’m cooking something healthy!”
“You and your healthy cooking Jay”
"You love it Baby bird"
A big goofy smile was stuck on their faces by now. And they were so close to each other. So close that-
“So a dinner date for Tiny Timmy huh”
“Yeah, he’s not that tiny though jay”
“Tim?”
“Jason”
“Has he- have I ever kissed you?”
“…No he didn’t”
And Jason closed the space between then, and placed his lips on Tim’s. His lips were warm, and still a little puffy from the crying, and Jason sighed into the kiss.
It was chaste at first, just a pair of lips pressed against each other. Jason started moving his lips over Tim’s, and the smaller man licked his lower lips, and demanded entrance. Jason obliged happily. And suddenly it wasn’t chaste anymore; it turned desperate, passionate, and downright dirty. Tongues were moving against each other filthily, and Tim was moaning into his mouth, like Jason’s mouth sucking and biting on other parts of him. Jason groaned some more and gripped Tim’s hair tightly.
Tim broke the kiss, gasping for breath like he’s been underwater for hours. His pupils were dilated, his lips red and puffier, he looked straight into Jason eyes.
“Jason. Woo the hell out of me”
“Gladly” Jason grinned and kissed him again.