Chapter Text
Wind whipped through Jean’s air as he took a drag from his cigarette, smoke puffing into his slightly furrowed brow. From the rooftop of their apartment building he looked emptily past stars scattered across the Badon sky, his demeanour calm, unreadable. But inside he was a whirlpool of emotions, a cluster of questions yet to be answered.
Nino. The name sent chills up his spine. He pulled the blanket wrapped around him tighter, eyes now looking down at the streets below. After the faux coup d’état that ACCA had staged, it seemed like everything was back to normal again in the kingdom of Dowa. A few months had passed: Lotta took multiple trips back and forth to visit the king, and he himself had been continuing his inspections with ACCA. But it was peaceful now, and Furawua didn’t seem like they were going to start anything anytime soon. Jean’s eyes pierced the empty streets below. Silence. The name Nino flashed again in his mind. He blew cigarette smoke into the night air.
“It seems like we haven’t changed…”, Jean blankly muttered to himself, recalling the words Nino said to him the last time they saw each other. And now he’s disappeared. Jean felt Nino had been acting somewhat strange that night as they drank, the two of them exchanging soft glances and laughs. But then he left town and didn’t tell Jean where to. Smoke fell softly from the cigarette, its warmth now gone. Jean took one last look at the dark shadows that engulfed the streets, and stepped back inside the apartment.
He remembered now that he was alone again. Lotta was in Dowa, and Nino… who knows where Nino was. Nino. The name used to wash over him like a sigh of relief, but now it filled his body with something between anguish and concern. He sat down on the couch. Jean was the one who told Nino to live his life freely without worrying about him all the time, but this empty feeling told him that it was Jean himself who couldn’t leave Nino’s side. He stomped on the thought immediately. Hypocrite… hypocrite. His expression remained blank as he stared at his phone. Not one call. His stomach sank. He wished tonight was different; he wished something would happen to change this state he had been in for the past month, silently waiting. His body sank further into the couch, his eyes contemplating the case of cigarettes he had left on the table; but one was enough for tonight. He waited. Silence.
Ding. The doorbell. Jean glanced at the door. Who would-? He stopped. His body immediately shot up from his seat and instinctively moved toward the front of the apartment, his eyes widening with every step. It couldn’t have been Lotta; she would have just walked in. It was almost midnight. It couldn’t have been anyone else. The name slipped off his tongue before he could stop himself: “...Nino?”
Jean opened the door. And there he was, blue hair and dark glasses, grinning slightly in his black jeans and black turtleneck. “Hey, Jean.”
A lump formed in Jean’s throat.
“I’m back. How’ve you been?”
Jean’s mouth opened but nothing came out. Thousands of questions swirled in his mind as he stared at the man in front of him. Jean was furious, irritated, worried, but most of all, relieved that he was safe. And that he was finally back here with him. The only words that left his mouth after a short moment of silence were, “Welcome home.” He bit his tongue. Damn, there was this sinking feeling in his stomach again. Nino’s expression changed into something he couldn’t decipher, but that would be something he’d have to figure out later. “Come inside,” Jean continued. Nino closed the door behind him.
Jean thought he must have been hallucinating. Maybe there was something in the cigarettes he was smoking. He wanted to grip Nino by the collar and start yelling at him for leaving his side without telling him why and where to, but he reminded himself again that it was he himself who told Nino to live his life freely without protecting him or Lotta anymore. Still, the anger didn’t subside.
“You disappeared,” he said, looking at Nino as he brought two glasses and a bottle of red wine to the living room table.
“Yeah…” Nino responded, half chuckling. “I took your advice and tried living for myself. It was fun.”
Something stung in Jean’s chest. “Is that so? Where did you go?”
“Just drove my motorcycle around and took pictures. I got hired by some magazines so I did some photo shoots, but it’s mostly nature shots and the like. How have you been?”
He didn’t want to answer that. Pointing your camera at things other than me… that’s new. A pang of jealousy struck his entire body. “I’ve been fine,” he answered. “You know, the usual inspections and paperwork. It gets repetitive after a while.”
“But you like that, don’t you?”
“I guess.” Jean’s eyes directly met Nino’s for the first time since they sat down. The look Nino gave him took him aback; it wasn’t his usual cocky smile or I-know-everything eyes. He looked somewhat… vulnerable.
“Did you,” Nino started but cleared his throat before continuing, “did you miss me?” What Nino had wanted to come off as a playful joke instead came off as a nervous wreck of a question, one that gripped Jean’s entire body and threw his mind in circles all over again.
Jean was always good at reading people and figuring out why they did what they did and said what they said. But now he was lost. He took a large gulp of the red wine as tears welled up in his eyes. “You idiot, you disappeared for a month and now you’re asking if I miss you?” Maybe the alcohol was getting to him. “I waited here everyday for you, asshole. Not even one text telling me where you were or what you were doing. Lotta told me you were probably busy but I never felt your presence anywhere. I thought you were gone.” A puddle of tears fell from his half-closed eyes. “Nino…,” he whispered, but the words he wanted to say afterwards got lost as Nino abruptly pulled him into a hug.
“I’m sorry,” he softly spoke into Jean’s ear, arms wrapped around his back.
“And now you’re taking pictures of everyone and everything and I know I’m the one who told you to live for yourself but I got so lonely and I waited for you everyday to show up and now you’re here and,” his words began to slur, “Nino… I did miss you. When you’re not next to me, it feels lonely. Don’t go anywhere without telling me.” Each word came out with another tear. He was a mess.
Jean couldn’t see Nino’s expression because of the position they were in, arms wrapped around each other, chests almost pushing against one another. ”Nino,” Jean cried. Finally, after what felt like an eternity of silence, Nino sighed.
“Jean, I’m sorry.” His hug tightened. “When you told me I didn’t have to protect you anymore… I just left. I thought I was being a bother. I thought you didn’t want me next to you anymore. Jean, I-“
Jean abruptly got up from his seat, breaking away from Nino’s grip. He seemed to have sobered up a bit. God, what am I doing? It’s not even his fault and now he’s apologizing. Jean, you idiot. “Nino, I’m so sorry for being a hypocrite like this. I… I didn’t mean to put this all on you on your first day back.” He tried to return to his usual blank expression, anything to hide the wreckage unfolding in his mind. “Let’s get some sleep. You need to sleep.” He started making his way to the bedroom, trying not to trip on his own feet, when Nino’s arm slammed against the wall in front of where he was. He cornered Jean against the wall, placing both hands on either side of Jean’s face.
“Jean, wait.” Their eyes met again.
“Nino?” The name left his lips in a soft whimper.
Nino’s expression turned into something indecipherable again. “Does this mean…” His face rested softly, his eyebrows slightly furrowed, his eyes gentle and now looking directly at Jean’s.
“Does this mean what?”
“I mean the way you’re acting. Does this mean… I have a chance?” The last words came out in a rush.
“What?”
“When you look at me like that… when you say all the things that you said… it makes me think you might…” Nino paused and looked deeper into Jean’s eyes.
“Might what?” That look again. Jean was becoming scared. What was Nino saying? He couldn’t read his expression at all. His back was pressed against the wall and Nino seemed to move closer every time he spoke.
“Listen, Jean. This month, I’ve been thinking about everything. And when you told me to do things for myself and what I wanted, I began to realize there was something I wanted that I never felt I could…”
“….That you never felt… you could get?”
Nino’s body tensed up at his voice. His eyes looked down to see a confused Jean, waiting blankly for what he was to say next. “You’re driving me crazy, Jean.”
“What?”
“The one thing I wanted…” his expression softened again, “was you.”
Jean’s eyes widened slightly. “What?” Blush slowly crept up his face as the reality of the situation unfolded before him. “You want… what?”
“I want you.”
Oh god. Jean could pass out. The alcohol was coming back.
“If you give me… permission,” Nino placed one hand on Jean’s cheek. “I would like you to seriously consider me as more than a friend. If you want me to do things that I want to, then please start taking me seriously as,” he breathed in, ”a possible… well, partner. I can’t hold back my feelings anymore. I’m sorry, Jean.”
Silence. Jean couldn’t register what was happening. He felt blush threatening to paint his entire body red, and the burning sensation where Nino’s hand was softly placed on his cheek didn’t allow him space to breathe. “I- I didn’t know you-“ he swallowed, “I mean I didn’t think about… about this.”
Nino smiled. “I understand.” He kissed Jean’s forehead gently. “Now you know so you can think about it. I hope you can start seeing me as more than a guard or a friend.” He laughed to himself softly. “Don’t worry about it. I’m gonna go home.” He tucked a strand of Jean’s blond hair behind his ear. “Good night, Jean.”
And with that he released Jean from his position against the wall and left, leaving Jean to sink to the floor with shivers all over his body. Oh, God. Jean covered his mouth with both hands. This is bad.