Chapter Text
Squeezing four thousand people into an auditorium only meant for three thousand is a highly impressive feat. Unfortunately, it means that the room is stifling. Aeri’s graduation robes cling to her sticky skin despite the air-conditioning turned on at full blast. She hardly registers the contents of the dean’s speech. She opts to kick the back of Mark’s chair, who’s sitting right in front of her. He turns back and sends her a piercing glare. Aeri stifles a laugh and they exchange middle-fingered salutes.
To her right, Shotaro and Somi are keeping track of the number of times the dean slicks back his thick locks of non-existent hair. To her left, Chaehyun’s mouth hangs open, drooling as she sleeps. Aeri thinks she should probably see a doctor for narcolepsy.
She tries her best to take it all in. After all, this might be the last time they are together like this. Chaehyun has already secured an internship at Seoul National Hospital. Shotaro is going to Cambridge to do his PhD. Mark plans to move back home, so he can be closer to his family in Vancouver. At least Somi is staying, which is a huge relief.
Aeri’s still figuring everything out. But she knows she’ll get there with time. The only problem is, she doesn’t know how much time she has left, or whether she has any time to be hesitating about her choices.
It feels like everything is changing, too quickly, all at once. Aeri wants time to stop. She doesn’t want to be left behind. She doesn’t want to say goodbye.
Minjeong and Yizhuo are not in the audience today. Taeyeon had to take them to the foreign affairs bureau to settle their passports. Aeri wanted to be angry, but Taeyeon had been surprisingly apologetic. She’d toned down on the aggression over the last week. Perhaps Jimin had something to do with it? Taeyeon promised to bring the kids over as soon as they were done, but there’s a chance that they’d miss the moment Aeri goes up on stage to receive her degree.
Aeri tries to force down the bitter taste in her throat. She’ll have to get used to them not being around sooner or later. Better to start practicing now, than to be caught off guard later.
When Aeri snaps back into focus, she realises that her view of the stage is obscured by Mark standing up, followed by everyone in his row. Then everyone in her row is standing up. She’s swept along in a tidal wave of bodies, all of them heading towards the stage.
“We would like to invite our graduates onto the stage to receive their diplomas.” The dean’s voice booms across the auditorium.
Aeri watches as her fellow graduates step onto the stage to receive the product of their blood, sweat, and tears. She thinks back to the first time she stepped foot into this school, not knowing a word of Korean. Four years on, and many breakdowns later, she can proudly turn the page and close another chapter of her life.
Oh god. College is over. Now she needs to find a job. She needs to start adulting. How can this be? She swears that she only started high school yesterday. Where did the time go? Why is everything happening so fast? And why does Aeri not feel ready at all?
A wave of fear seizes her, strangling her like a vice. She wants to be ten years old again, back in her family home in Japan, where her only worries were trying to convince her parents to get her a dog, and what’s for dinner tonight. She wants to be a kid again, nestled in her parents’ warm cradle. She doesn’t want to grow up anymore. She doesn’t want to say goodbye anymore. To friends, to family, to chapters in her life that passed by in a flash. It was too fast, too soon.
She feels a nudge behind her back. Shotaro and Somi are behind her, prodding her up on stage, where the dean is standing. He’s holding her diploma, the key to her new life, and the lock to her old one.
Warily, she makes her way up the steps, and onto the stage, barely registering the polite applause of the audience. The dean smiles and hands over her diploma. They face the audience to pose for a picture. Aeri can only manage a queasy smile. Her eyes search for Jimin and her parents. She spots them, waving their arms in the air, calling out her name. Then she eyes the two empty seats between Jimin and her mother, and she has to suppress a frown.
For such a significant event in her life, graduating feels somewhat mundane. Sad, even.
From her vantage point on stage, she spots two tiny figures burst through the door from the back of the auditorium. They run through the walkway and skid to a stop. They’re pointing towards the stage excitedly. Aeri’s heart soars. They made it.
Minjeong and Yizhuo are jumping up and down, trying to get Aeri’s attention. Their arms are put over their heads in the shape of giant hearts. Taeyeon lingers behind them, cradling a bouquet of flowers. And Aeri doesn’t want to think about the future anymore, or the pain that comes with growing up. She has everything she needs right here, in the present moment. There’s not a moment to waste.
Aeri grins and blows a kiss in their direction. Shotaro strides up the stage and whispers in her ear to get off the stage, because he wants to receive his diploma too. And that’s what Aeri does. With purposeful strides, she bounds off the stage, ignoring the directions to return to her seat. She’s running now, in her awkward high-heeled shoes, not caring whether she makes a scene. Minjeong and Yizhuo are running toward her. They meet in the middle, as the kids crash into Aeri’s waiting arms.
“We made it!” Minjeong exclaims in between smothering Aeri’s face with wet kisses.
“Yeah,” Aeri breathes, her heart feeling so full that it might burst. “You did.”
-
After flinging their mortarboard hats into the air, followed by the arduous process of finding their own in the resultant mess that followed, the students disperse into smaller groups, meeting friends and family, mourning the end, and anticipating a new beginning.
Aeri makes her way through a sea of bodies, her heart acting as a natural compass. She finds them eventually, closer to the walls, away from the chaos.
“Mom! Dad!” She calls out to them. They barely have time to turn before Aeri launches herself into their arms.
“You came,” Aeri says.
“Of course we did.” She feels her father smile against her forehead.
Her mother presses a kiss on her cheek. “You’re our daughter, Aeri. We can’t always be there to protect you. But we will be there even when you falter. Every time.”
Aeri hugs her parents tight. Amidst a sea of change, her parents have been the defining constant. Her unbreakable anchor. She doesn’t know where she’d be without them.
To her surprise, Taeyeon is the next one to approach her. She holds out the bouquet of flowers, averting her gaze.
“I got these. For you.” Taeyeon stutters. “Uhh… Congratulations?”
Aeri can’t help but feel amused. She receives the flowers. Lilies. How did Taeyeon know what her favourite flower was? “Thanks. It means a lot.”
“A-and… I’m sorry. For being an ass. There’s been a lot on my plate.”
“Don’t be sorry. I forgive you.”
“Oh. Good.” Taeyeon scratches her neck. “Can we start over?”
Aeri smiles. “Sure.”
Minjeong and Yizhuo nearly knock Aeri over as they crash into her. Aeri laughs and ruffles their hair fondly, making extra effort to mess up Minjeong’s hair as much as humanly possible. Her heart aches when Minjeong whines and slaps her hand away. She’s going to miss doing that.
All this time, Jimin stays in the peripheral, observing Aeri with a soft smile on her face. And now Aeri is face-to-face with her girlfriend. Even after a month of dating, Aeri still gets awe-struck by Jimin’s beauty. Her sleepy face in the morning. Her concentrated expression when she’s cooking. The way her face blushes red when Aeri leans in for another hungry kiss. The gentle youthfulness of her face when she sleeps, fresh as a dewdrop.
Aeri has seen every version of Jimin. She loves every single one just as deeply.
Jimin smiles. Aeri is just about to open her mouth when four bodies slam into her, screaming like a bunch of hyperactive monkeys.
“I don’t know how we did it, but we did it!” Mark slaps her hard on the back, golden hair peeking from the edges of his mortarboard.
“Aeri… I’m so proud…” Somi full-on sobs into Aeri’s shoulder. Aeri rolls her eyes and comforts her over-dramatic bitch of a best friend.
“Moving out was the best decision I ever made.”
“I’m gonna pretend you never said that.”
Aeri just laughs and hugs Somi back.
When Mark approaches Jimin, Aeri starts to feel apprehensive. After four years of knowing Mark, she still isn’t really sure what’s going to come out of that scatterbrain’s mouth.
“Yo, you’re Jimin, right?”
“The one and only,” Jimin replies with an easy-going smile.
“Aeri talks about you a lot,” Shotaro smirks. Aeri feels Jimin’s eyes on her. Heat rushes to her face.
Chaehyun’s jaw hangs wide open as she shamelessly ogles at Jimin. Somi nudges her. “Told you she was triple spicy hot.”
A student photographer chances upon the group. “Would you guys like a picture?”
Aeri readily agrees, and the group squeezes into the frame. Her mother on her right, her father behind her, and the kids in front of her. Jimin snuggles into Aeri and slips their hands together. Aeri is surrounded by love on all sides, and her heart swells in her chest.
Nothing could ever ruin this moment.
“Everyone say sweaty balls!”
“MARK!”
-
The courtyard isn’t any less crowded than inside the auditorium. Families take pictures, while groups of friends mingle and laugh.
Jimin, Taeyeon, and Aeri’s parents are engrossed in conversation. Aeri is glad that they’re all getting along. Minjeong and Yizhuo get to play with people their own age, as they join the rest of her friends in beating up Mark, probably for something stupid he said.
Aeri sits by herself on a bench, happy to watch from a distance. The sun is out, and her robes are stifling. She wants nothing more than to have lunch and take a nap. It’s been a long day, and Aeri just needs a moment to herself.
Minjeong and Yizhuo are departing in three days. The past few days were mainly spent packing and trying to fit Minjeong’s entire toy collection into two suitcases. It still hurts to think about the fact that they won’t be around anymore, but god knows that Aeri is trying to dull that pain. She’s been mentally preparing herself, trying to accept things that she cannot change, but it’s not easy.
Some of her friends are moving away. Some will be very busy. Aeri knows that true friends never really leave. She loves her friends, but how certain can she be that they will stay in contact even when they’re apart? When they inevitably drift, will she be okay with that? Aeri doesn’t have the answers. All she can do now is trust in her friends and hope for the best.
Aeri sighs and massages her throbbing temples. No matter where she turns, someone she loves is leaving. It makes her question the point of loving someone. When someone leaves, they take a piece of Aeri’s heart with them. Aeri doesn’t know how many more pieces she has left to give. Or maybe, having to part ways with someone is a lesson in itself. To teach Aeri the importance of cherishing the time spent with loved ones while they’re still around, and not to worry about the inevitability of separation.
Either way, it’s a bittersweet feeling that’s hard for her to swallow.
Her thoughts are interrupted by the sudden weight of someone sitting beside her. Aeri turns her head, and she jumps slightly in surprise.
“Yeji?”
“It’s been a while.” Yeji grins.
Aeri chuckles. “It has. How have you been?”
Yeji waves her diploma around. “Well, I graduated.”
“So did I.” Aeri mimics Yeji and unfurls her own diploma.
“I’ve been good. Gonna take a short break, then I’ll start job hunting.” Yeji tilts her head slightly. “How about you?”
“Well…” Aeri wrings her hands. “It’s complicated.”
“Oh, you don’t have to tell me if you’re uncomfortable-”
“No! No, that’s okay. I want to share, actually. It’s just something I’ve been bottling up for the longest time, and I’m not sure how to explain it. Does that makes sense?”
Yeji throws her head back in a laugh. “Yeah, I feel you. It happens to me a lot too. When that’s the case, sometimes I’d rather not tell anyone anything.” Her eyes soften. “But you can take your time, even if you don’t get the words right. I’m not going anywhere.”
Although Yeji can hardly be considered a friend, Aeri immediately feels comfortable in her presence. But hey, crazier things have happened on graduation day. She figures that Yeji wouldn't be a bad person to overshare to.
“How do you deal with… people leaving?”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s like, all my friends are leaving. They’re going overseas, they’re going to the other side of the country. And I know I won’t be able to see them as much as I used to. And it’s just… upsetting to me.” She thinks of Minjeong and Aeri, of Shotaro and Mark. Her parents. A lump forms in her throat.
Aeri’s voice is small when she speaks. “I don’t want them to leave. It’s like everything is changing before I’m prepared for it, and I won’t be able to handle what happens after that. It’s scary. I feel like my heart is going to break.”
Yeji has a thoughtful look on her face.
“I think that it’s better to be sad about losing something precious than to have nothing precious to lose.”
Aeri sits up straight, considering Yeji’s words.
“So you mean…”
“You made the conscious choice to form a bond with someone. You guys spend time together, you have fun together, and you make incredible memories together. Maybe, something happens down the line that forces you two to part ways. But it doesn’t mean your bond is gone.”
“But I don’t want them to leave.” Aeri laments. “Why can’t I keep them close to me? Why must I always have to let them go?”
Yeji just smiles knowingly. “I can tell you really love your friends.”
Late night movie binges, sleepless nights spent camped under Somi’s bed, that one time Shotaro put salt in Mark’s coffee instead of sugar. Last summer, when they decided to go camping only to lose Chaehyun in the woods.
Then there was Minjeong and Yizhuo. She remembers despising Minjeong at first, thinking of her as nothing more than a brat. Six months on, and Aeri doesn’t think she can see anyone else other than Minjeong as her daughter. The same goes for little Yizhuo, who always cried at the slightest inconvenience. Now she can run and jump and ride the swings. She’s starting to copy her sister’s way of doing things, much to Minjeong’s chagrin.
Aeri was there to witness it all. She’s glad she did.
“I do,” Aeri says. “But I just wish there was more time.”
“Unfortunately, I’m not a time wizard. I wish I was! But I’m not. Anyway,” Yeji pauses for a moment as if to gather her thoughts. “Since you can’t stop time, the next best thing is to use it to the fullest. Don’t waste any more time being sad about the future. The time to make more memories is right now.”
Aeri nods solemnly. She’s thought of the same things before, but it sounds more reassuring coming from Yeji. It won’t stop Aeri from getting hurt, but maybe she is okay with that. Time does heal all wounds, after all.
“You’re right.” Aeri finally says. “I’ve been spending so much time in my own head, worrying about the future. I could’ve been having fun instead.”
“Parting ways is part and parcel of life. Sure, it’s never easy. But life goes on. You’ll find new friends. You’ll catch up with old ones. In the end, you never really say goodbye.”
“More like a see you later?” Aeri suggests.
Yeji smiles. “Something like that.”
“Aeri! Hurry your stupid ass up!”
“We’re gonna get lunch. I’m starving.”
“Huwwy, huwwy!”
Aeri turns to the voices. She sees her family and friends looking at her expectantly. The fact that she is capable of loving and being loved by so many people, fills her with emotion.
“One sec!” Aeri takes a deep breath to regain her composure.
“Go to them. They’re waiting for you.” Yeji says, smiling fondly.
“What about you?”
“Oi, Light Fury! We’ve been looking for you.”
A group of girls is calling out to Yeji. Aeri recognises Yuna from econ, and Lia, the pianist of Mark’s biggest rival band over the last four years.
Yeji nods to them before turning back to look at Aeri. “Well, I’ll be seeing you.”
“Thanks for introducing me to Jimin.” Aeri blurts out. She needed to thank the girl who made it all possible in the first place.
Yeji blinks in surprise, before an amused smile blooms on her face. “No problem! And give yourself some credit.” Yeji bumps a good-natured shoulder into Aeri. “I just planted the seeds. You did all the work in the end.”
“We’ve come pretty far, yeah?”
“Yeah.” Yeji hesitates. “You got LINE?”
They exchange contact numbers, with light promises to meet again soon. Aeri huffs a heavy sigh, to expel the stress in her system, to ease the ache in her bones. She allows herself to smile.
“Aeri! Come on!”
“Get over here!” Mark puts on his best Scorpion impression. He must be really hungry.
Everyone is waiting for her. There’s not a moment to waste.
“Coming!”
-
“What’s America like?”
Aeri and Minjeong walk together, hand-in-hand. They’re walking toward the airline terminal, after getting their luggage checked in. The vibrant sights and vivid smells of the airport never fail to excite Aeri. Now, maybe not so much.
“Well, America is really big. There’s going to be a lot of things to do. And there’s going to be a lot of new people to meet.”
“Whewe is Amewica?” Yizhuo enquires from the comfort of Taeyeon’s baby harness.
Aeri stares at Yizhuo for a while. How on earth is she expected to answer that?
“America is like… in America? But on top? Sorry, I flunked geography.” Jimin and Taeyeon giggle at that.
The atmosphere is calm. Gentle, even. It’s weird. Aeri had been dreading this day for so long. And before she knew it, the day arrived like any other sunrise. They ate breakfast together like any other day. Minjeong and Yizhuo watched cartoons on the tv like any other day. It almost felt as though the day would pass, and Aeri would wake up the next morning to see a sleepy Minjeong in her maltese-themed pajamas. She’d walk into the kitchen to see Jimin preparing a milk bottle for Yizhuo, who was in the living room playing fetch with Cooper.
Of course, that didn’t happen, which is why they’re here.
The memories are so vivid that Aeri questions whether they’re real or fabrications. Was it because they were etched into fragmented pieces of stolen time? Probably, Aeri hopes. Something to tide her over the inevitable feeling of hollowness that will follow.
Aeri sneaks a glance at Jimin. She looks okay. A little tired. But Aeri knows better. Felt the shifting of the bed they all shared during their last night together. Followed Jimin down the hallway and into the living room, where she finally broke down. She held Jimin as she wept for hours. There was no need for words. Jimin just needed someone to be there.
“Terminal thirty-four, Incheon to San Francisco, is now ready for boarding. I repeat…”
Taeyeon gently puts Yizhuo onto the ground. This is it. The last time, for a long time.
While Jimin fusses over Yizhuo, Aeri turns to look down at Minjeong, who is gripping her hand incredibly tight.
“You okay?”
A lip wobble, followed by a sniffle.
“No…”
Aeri’s heart breaks. This is so much harder than she thought it would be.
She squats down and opens her arms. “Come here.”
Minjeong buries herself in Aeri’s embrace and cries into her shirt.
“I don’t want to go.” Minjeong tries to talk in between her hiccups. “I want to stay here with you.”
“Hey, don’t cry. It’ll be okay.” Aeri uses her hand to wipe the tears away.
“It’s not.” Minjeong sobs.
“Hey, listen to me.” Aeri puts her hands on Minjeong’s shoulders, stares into Minjeong’s red, puffy eyes.
“We’ll see each other again. I promise. Maybe not for a while. But one day. And when that day comes, we’ll have so much fun together and we’ll make up for all the time we lost. Until then,” Aeri tenderly cups Minjeong’s cheek. “Stay healthy, listen to your parents, and take care of your sister. That’s all I ask. Can you do that?”
Minjeong raises her arm to wipe away her tears. Her eyes are ablaze with a newfound resolve. “Okay.”
Jimin and Minjeong share a long hug. Jimin seems to be nagging Minjeong to take her vitamins every morning or something because Minjeong is rolling her eyes at Jimin’s words.
There’s a tug on Aeri’s pant leg. Yizhuo is looking at her with wide eyes. She isn’t crying, still too young to understand. Aeri supposes that’s a good thing.
She snakes an arm around Yizhuo and Minjeong, pulling them both into another hug.
“I love you. Both of you. I love you two so, so much.” Aeri says fiercely, as tries her best to keep her voice steady. But she’s glad that she managed to tell them before it was too late.
“Will you make Aunty Jimin happy?” Minjeong mumbles into Aeri’s ear.
“I will.” Aeri hugs her tighter. “I promise.”
“As long as Aunty Jimin is happy, then I can go.” Minjeong squeezes Aeri’s arm one last time, then she lets go. She takes Yizhuo’s hand. “Come on, Yizhuo.”
They walk back to stand with Taeyeon, who had just finished sharing a hug with Jimin. Aeri walks up to shake Taeyeon’s hand.
“Take good care of them,” Aeri says.
“I’m literally their mom,” Taeyeon says drily, although there’s no malice in her tone.
Aeri smiles. “Just making sure.”
“This is the final call for passengers boarding terminal thirty-four…”
Taeyeon, Minjeong, and Yizhuo stop by the entrance of the terminal, the gaping entrance of the service walkway seeming to consume them whole.
“Well, this is us,” Taeyeon says.
“Call us when you arrive.” Aeri hears the fragility in Jimin’s voice, raw and strange with unshed tears.
They watch as the young family has their passports stamped and cleared. Taeyeon slips Yizhuo back into the baby harness. She takes Minjeong’s hand. With one final look and wave back, they start off down the walkway. Aeri and Jimin wave until they round the corner, out of sight.
Aeri lets her hand fall to her side. Saying goodbye is also mundane in its own way. Sad, even.
She notices Jimin looking a little lost, and takes her hand in her own. “You good?”
“Mm.” Jimin’s gaze is trained on the floor. “It’ll probably hit me when we get back, though.”
Aeri smiles bitterly. Home. She’ll have to get used to that word without associating Minjeong and Yizhuo with it.
For now, Jimin’s apartment will be too large, too silent, too empty. But Aeri knows better. The world is made of miracles, incredible twists of fate, souls that collide and combine. Sometimes, all it takes is for management to kick you out of the dorms for illegally harbouring a pet for your life to truly begin. With the girl beside her, anything is possible.
Aeri gives Jimin’s hand a squeeze. “Come on.”
“Where are we going?” Jimin asks, but she lets herself be dragged along.
“I’m not sure.” Aeri’s gaze is trained ahead. To tomorrow, to the future, to all the loving she plans to do. “It doesn’t matter though. We have plenty of time.”
Jimin doesn’t question it, somehow reveling in the peculiar tension in the air. She throws her head back and laughs, expelling the bitterness settling in her lungs.
That’s the laugh. Aeri smiles to herself. As long as Jimin is laughing, smiling, beside her, Aeri knows that she can take on the world.
After all, home is not a place, but a person.