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With the news of Zhang Jiale’s retirement at the end of season 7, it’s somehow not anyone from Hundred Blossoms but Zheng Xuan who is hounded by reporters.
“Zheng Xuan, what’s your opinion on Zhang Jiale’s retirement?”
“Zheng Xuan, are you aware that you are now the number one Spitfire in the alliance?”
“Zheng Xuan, as the new number one Spitfire, would you consider transferring teams to Hundred Blossoms?”
Zheng Xuan quickly becomes tired of having a harem of headline-hungry mediafolk hunting him down. In fact, Zheng Xuan has already received an offer from Hundred Blossoms, but he tells the reporters the same thing he told management. Transferring? Integrating with new people? Becoming the core of a team?
“Sounds stressful. I don’t wanna.”
Zheng Xuan is all too happy to forget the matter with Hundred Blossoms and title of number one Spitfire, that is, until season 8 comes along.
After a particular game where Zheng Xuan’s spectacular play as sixth man turned the tides and secured a surprise victory for Blue Rain, Huang Shaotian slaps him on the back as they’re heading out of the venue.
“AHAHAHA! That’s our number one Spitfire for ya! Keep this up and you’ll be voted into All-Stars in no time!”
Zheng Xuan instantly stops cold. All-Stars?
Yu Wenzhou nods, ignorant of Zheng Xuan's discomfort like a proud dad whose kid just played a cringey off-tune rendition of Smash Mouth on the violin.
“It wouldn’t be strange if you were voted in," he says. "Now that Zhang Jiale has retired, there's no guarantee his successor will make the cut. Spitfire fans may look to you to fill that gap.”
All-Star Weekend is stressful enough, but participating as one of the 24 All-Stars? Zheng Xuan's brain swirls with mental images of sentient question mark God Ye completing seven straight rookie challenges at the first All-Star Weekend. This title of number one Spitfire... wasn’t it just painting a big red target on his face?
How stressful!
That’s it. Zheng Xuan is making Zhang Jiale un-retire and take back his title. Number one Spitfire? Who’s that? Not him!
Zheng Xuan first tries to search for Zhang Jiale in the pro player’s chat, but he quickly finds out that Zhang Jiale left the chat long ago. So Zheng Xuan turns to Weibo.
bullet rain V @howstressful
looking for senior zhang jiale. senior if ur here say here
...
ZhangJiale2 here
zhangjialele here
TheRealZJL here
zjl2222 here
TheRealestZJL here
ActuallyZJL here
Within seconds, Zheng Xuan has gotten countless replies. He briefly considers the possibility that Zhang Jiale has a bazillion clones of himself all clawing at each other to assume the original's status, but what’s more likely is that some Zhang Jiale fans are trolling him. But Zheng Xuan is too lazy to wade through pages and pages of fan accounts to find the real Zhang Jiale. He types out another post.
bullet rain V @howstressful
Idk which 1 of u is real so u all get 1 chance to prove ur the real senior zhang. Meet in game @9pm (HD 22.2, 222.2) for a battle royale. 2nd to last one standing must the real zhang jiale.
Thankfully, he receives a reply from an official account fairly quickly this time.
Zhang Jiale V I’m literally right here and I’m verified????? Also why would I come in second in a battle full of casuals?!?!
Having successfully attracted Zhang Jiale’s attention, Zheng Xuan moves to DMs.
bullet rain: senior zhang, dont be mad. i believe in u, i just also believe in ZJLuck
bullet rain: anyway, come back to the alliance
Zhang Jiale: You...!
Zhang Jiale: Ugh. Whatever. Don’t pester me about this. I don’t have the energy to think about making a comeback right now.
bullet rain: pls come back i dont wanna be #1 spitfire
bullet rain: didnt u say u wanna be #1
Zhang Jiale: Look, even if I did plan on coming back, I’ve still *officially* retired.
bullet rain: pls? if u do i will throw in captains noise cancelling headphones. guaranteed to block out even the noisiest huang shaotians
Zhang Jiale: Tempting... but no.
Hmm. Zhang Jiale didn't seem to be budging, so Zheng Xuan takes a page from Yu Wenzhou's book and tries to catch him off-guard with a different tactic.
bullet rain: senior zhang, where do u live?
Zhang Jiale: ...Why do you ask?
bullet rain: i will send u a retirement gift
Zhang Jiale: That’s a bit sus, but if this means you accept my retirement, then fine. I will accept.
Of course, Zheng Xuan isn't just going to give up and accept Zhang Jiale's retirement when All-Star Weekend is just around the corner. This is a life or death situation for him. He needs to get people talking about Zhang Jiale’s comeback before the voting period ends. So Zheng Xuan goes online and places an order to be delivered to Zhang Jiale’s address.
When Zhang Jiale opens his door later that week, he finds a huge gift basket with toys, candy, and a big balloon number two tied to the handle. A vein starts to tick in his forehead as he opens the card.
Dear Mr. pls come back i dont wanna be #1,
Congratulations on your 2nd birthday! Please enjoy this gift basket of goodies I sent!
With love from, pls im begging u
Zhang Jiale's reaction is to be expected.
Zhang Jiale: You gave me that gift basket on purpose, right? 😠
bullet rain: yeah, i wouldnt send u a basket on accident
Zhang Jiale: Well, screw you.
bullet rain: see, when u come back to the alliance, next time ill give u a 1 basket for #1 spitfire
bullet rain: if u announce it b4 all stars, ill throw in captains headphones *and* huang shaos girl power scarf
Like a true gunner, Zhang Jiale zeroes in on the important part with bullet-like accuracy.
Zhang Jiale: All-Stars? Is that what this is about?
bullet rain: i dont wanna get voted into all stars, pls come back n take back ur title
The chat goes suspiciously silent for a moment, and Zheng Xuan wonders if maybe he’s been successful? But then a notification pops up.
Zhang Jiale V @Zhangjiale
This post is dedicated to my two favorite spitfires! Please go vote for Zou Yan and Zheng Xuan for All-Stars!
...!!! Zheng Xuan types out a frantic message in the chat.
bullet rain: senior!!! y would u do this 2 me?!!
The answer he gets back is simple.
Zhang Jiale: Payback.
Zheng Xuan dissociates from his body for a moment. He can feel his All-Star ranking rising by the second. He quickly heads to the comments to see what the fan reaction is.
zxbestboy Omg yes! Vote for zx! His performance has been fire lately!
bleedingblossoms Man, I want to vote for zy since I’m a hb fan, but his performance this season is just too lacking. I guess I’ll vote for zx...
cheezitz now that im looking, zx is kinda hot... dont mind me and my thirst vote...
Zheng Xuan scrolls through, dismayed that people actually seem to be listening to Zhang Jiale. How stressful!
Zheng Xuan’s grand plan has backfired. The only thing he can do now is throw someone else under the bus. He glances around the room looking for a suitable sacrifice when Yu Feng walks in. Zheng Xuan mentally apologizes to his teammate as he types out a new post.
bullet rain V @howstressful
yu feng is good looking and plays berserker very well. go vote for him
He waits nervously as the replies start to filter in.
yufengyum omg yu feng! i already voted for him
burrrritos lol dont tell me yu feng is gonna tell us to go vote for some other guy hahaha
fishnships Ohoho do I sense a love triangle? Zjl/zx or zx/yf, pick with your votes!
bluRAINfreeze KYAAAHH same team dynamics! 😍 zx/yf OTP! Will accept zjl as 2nd ml only!
spitFire223 Double spitfires is better! DON’T vote for yf!
Well, he seems to have accidentally started a shipping war among the fans, but since Yu Feng was originally decently popular, hopefully this will dilute the vote enough for Zheng Xuan to drop out of the top 24, right?? Hopefully???
Zheng Xuan wonders if he should promote some Zheng Xuan/Yu Feng fanworks just to lend the Throw Yu Feng Under the Bus agenda some weight. He prays for this to work before he has to resort to sketchy black magic or faking his untimely death.
As expected, being number one Spitfire was too stressful.
In the end, Zou Yan and Yu Feng both get voted into season 8 All-Stars, while Zheng Xuan miraculously slips out of the top rankings at rank 29.
When Zheng Xuan hears the news from Yu Feng, he hugs the Berserker in elated relief. “I’m so happy,” he tells Yu Feng. Yu Feng is so touched by his teammate’s support that he never hears Zheng Xuan’s implied ‘that it’s you, not me.’ The picture posted of them hugging instantly goes viral among rpf fans and is used to flaunt the supremacy of same team dynamics.
Because he accidentally forgot to cancel the 'find the real Zhang Jiale' battle royale, Zheng Xuan unknowingly starts a new annual tradition where Spitfire fans of Zhang Jiale battle it out in the heavenly domain to see who has the most Zhang JiaLuck. After the winner is announced, it’s agreed that the second annual Zhang Jiale Battle of the Kinnies will be held on February 22, two days before Zhang Jiale’s birthday.
Despite their little tiff, Zheng Xuan and Zhang Jiale keep in touch. Zheng Xuan is much less stressed without the pressure of voting looming over him, but he still occaisionally pesters Zhang Jiale to say he’s waiting for Zhang Jiale to take back the title of number one Spitfire. It was annoying, Zhang Jiale admitted, but somehow Zheng Xuan’s casual roasts always seemed to encourage him to keep gunning for glory.
When Zhang Jiale agrees to join Tyranny, Zheng Xuan is the first to hear about it.
Zhang Jiale: Hey so... I accepted an offer to join Tyranny! I’ll be back in the Alliance next season. Does the offer for the number 1 basket still stand?
bullet rain: 4 real??? thank god. being #1 is too stressful
Zhang Jiale: ...
bullet rain: uhhh i mean gratz!
bullet rain: and yeah, offer still stands
bullet rain: same address?
Zhang Jiale: Yeah.
When Blue Rain goes to welcome Zhang Jiale back to the pro scene before Season 9’s first Tyranny vs. Blue Rain match, Huang Shaotian notices something very interesting.
“Hey, Zhang Jiale! Where did you get that scarf? I have one just like it, same colors and everything, though it’s gone missing somehow... Wait. Is it the exact same one? Let me check! Is there a Huang Shaotian written on the tag? Take it off and let me check! Hey are you even listening to me?!!! Hey!!”
In response to Huang Shaotian’s barrage of comments, Zhang Jiale merely grins and pulls on his new pair of noise cancelling headphones. Yu Wenzhou’s eyes narrow, and Zheng Xuan innocently looks away as Zhang Jiale sends him a knowing wink.