Chapter Text
Tally had never seen Raelle so...giddy? Gleeful? Excited? She wasn’t sure. But whatever it was, it was annoying. Then again, what didn’t she find annoying these days? There wasn’t much. Not that she could recall.
“-- hot sugar buns!” Raelle practically squeaked, her high-pitched tone breaking into Tally’s brooding.
Tally blinked. “Huh?”
Raelle rolled her eyes and looked as irritated as Tally felt. “You haven’t been listening to a word I’ve said, have you?”
Tally’s lips stretched in an approximation of a smile. She hoped it placated her friend because she didn’t have it in her to muster up a real one. “Sorry. I was just thinking.” Raelle’s eyes took on a knowing, almost pitying glint, and Tally rushed on, hoping to put a stop to that immediately. The last thing she needed today was another reminder of how sorry her friends felt for her. “We didn’t really celebrate Soulmate’s Day on the compound.”
Raelle’s expression became an interesting mix of disbelieving and incredulity. “Like, never? Never ever?”
“Never ever,” Tally confirmed. “We didn’t really need to. There wasn’t so much marrying and living a life together as there was....”
“Boning,” Abigail interrupted, breezing into the room and looking like she’d rather be having a root canal.
Tally smirked and pointed at Abigail. “Exactly.”
Raelle huffed, exasperated. “You two are just being stubborn. Where’s your sense of adventure? Your sense of romance?”
Tally and Abigail exchanged a look, and Tally couldn’t have said for sure what Abigail was thinking, but she sure as hell knew her thoughts on the matter, and they could be summed up in two words: stuff it! But she bit her lip, not wanting to hurt her friend’s feelings. Especially since she was so excited. It was rare that Raelle got fired up about anything. Tally refused to be the one to pee in her Cheerios.
Abigial, however, was clearly not of the same mind because she narrowed her eyes at Raelle and folded her arms across her chest. “I don’t remember hearing this much enthusiasm on last year’s Soulmate’s Day. Or the year before.”
“To be fair,” Tally chimed in, always trying to keep the peace. “The past two years were pretty hectic. What with all the fighting and the dying and the witch plagues and everything. No one really had time to be enthusiastic about anything.”
“Or maybe Raelle just wasn’t interested before Scylla,” Abigail said, taking a step closer to Raelle and scowling down into her eyes. “I mean, you guys first got together right after Soulmate’s Day and then she was ‘dead’ for what would’ve been the next one. Maybe you’ve gone all soft and squishy on us.”
Raelle, never one to back down from a challenge, took a step forward as well. “Or maybe you just don’t want to celebrate because you’re still pining over Adil!” Raelle shot back.
Tally’s heart lurched. She hated it when Abigail and Raelle argued. It had been a while since they’d really thrown down, too, which somehow made this that much more anxiety-inducing. Tally stepped between them and threw an arm around each of their shoulders. “I think what Raelle means to say is that Adil has been gone a long time, and we just want you to be happy.” She nudged Raelle. “Right?”
Raelle was silent for a long moment, and Tally held her breath wondering whether it would be better to pull them apart or run for cover when they started brawling. She was undecided. But eventually Raelle nodded her head once. “Right.”
Tally let out the breath she’d been holding and turned a slightly shaky smile toward Abigail. “See? And I’m sure you meant that you’re thrilled that Raelle has Scylla, especially after all the things that had to overcome to get here, didn’t you?”
Abigail rolled her eyes, but the corners of her mouth turned up slightly. “Yeah, sure. Whatever.”
That was all the opening Raelle needed, apparently, because her ardour was back in full force. “Great! So I was thinking we could leave soon because I don’t want to miss the—wait, is that what you’re wearing?”
Tally frowned and glanced down at herself. “What?” She thought she looked okay. She was only going along to act as company and moral support. Who did she need to impress?
Abigail’s expression had darkened again. “Yes,” she said through clenched teeth as if daring Raelle to comment further.
Raelle held up her hands in surrender. “Okay. Fine. So I guess we can go now, then?”
“Whatever gets this over with faster,” Abigail muttered under her breath.
Raelle either pretended not to notice or actually hadn’t heard because she kept up a running commentary all the way to the car and all the way into town. Tally thought it was sort of sweet. Abigail clearly was not in agreement.
“The first thing I want to do is go to The Raven’s Moon,” Raelle said. “I don’t know what the townies will be up to, but I heard some of the other cadets talking, and they all said The Raven's Moon was the best place to purchase your candles and draughts. I don’t want to risk them selling out before I get there.”
“You can get both of those things at Fort Salem. I don’t understand why we’re going all the way into town for something we have back at the base. Ours are probably better anyway. And bonus, we could be in our pyjamas!”
“That’s not as much fun! Fort Salem doesn’t have the rides or the candy or the games or the soul star hunts or the soul star decorating contest or the –”
“Okay, okay,” Abigail cut her off, sounding distracted and a little bored. “I’m sorry I asked.”
“Then,” Raelle went on as though everyone else was as fired up as she was, “After I do all of that, I want to go bobbing for apples, and of course I’m going to the dunk tank.”
“You do know what those are throw backs to, right?” Abigail said.
Raelle waved her hand, unconcerned. “Of course. But it’s one of those things that’s sort of evolved over time and become bigger than its origins, so I think it’s okay now.”
“That is never the case for anything,” Abigail said.
Raelle continued to ignore her. “Besides, I hear Anacostia is going to be up there for a bit to help raise money for the younglings orphaned in the Camarilla war, and I am all about donating to a worthy cause.”
Tally laughed. “And all about dunking Anacostia in freezing cold water.”
Raelle grinned at Tally over her shoulder. “Paybacks are a bitch. Ooh! Speaking of which, Abs, your mom might be an evil genius.”
Abigail took her eyes off the road and turned her head to stare at Raelle for an uncomfortably long moment. She was frowning. “Did you just call my mom a bitch?”
Raelle shook her head. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
Abigail shook her head. “No, you can say it. She can be a bitch. Being in charge has not made her easier to live with, that’s for sure. There have been a lot of unexpected drawbacks to Alder’s departure.”
“Heavy is the head that wears the crown,” Tally interjected, trying her best not to think about who’d worn the proverbial crown first and what she might be doing with herself now that she’d been usurped. Her chest ached, and she sighed as she looked out the window into the darkness.
“I just meant that it was a great move to get,” Raelle made air quotes with her fingers, “’the witches of Fort Salem’ fully involved.”
“Right,” Abigail said, her tone flat.
“But I guess she sort of had to, didn’t she?” Raelle said. “Optically, it’s a great play. Salem loved Alder, even though she discouraged, and borderline forbade, any of the cadets from Fort Salem from coming into town for the festival. So for your mom to go out of her way to try to integrate us with the town by allowing the cadets and officers to participate was very, very shrewd.”
“I’ll tell her you think so,” Abigail said dryly. “I’m sure she’d love knowing she has at least one fangirl.”
Tally bit her lip in consternation. She loved history. Fancied herself something of a buff, actually. Especially when it came to the subject of Alder’s history. So she had a lot of – in her opinion – interesting facts to impart about the origin and purpose of Soulmate’s Day as well as Alder’s role in both. But it was still so painful to talk about her. To think about her really. It left her torn on whether to jump into the discussion or just remain silent in the back seat.
“I think you should get a draught, too,” Raelle was saying when Tally allowed herself to drift back to the here and now. She glanced over her shoulder again and made eye contact with Tally. “Both of you.”
“Oh, here we go,” Abigail muttered.
“I’m serious.”
“Oh, I know you are. You’ve been trying to cajole me into this for weeks now.”
“Just hear me out,” Raelle almost pleaded. “I know I was a little bit out of line before, throwing Adil at you the way I did. And I’m sorry. But I love you, Abs. And I just want you to be happy.”
“What makes you think I’m not happy?” Abigail asked, sounding defensive.
Raelle sighed. “It’s okay to miss him.”
“I know it is,” Abigail snapped. “And I do. But that doesn’t get me anywhere, does it? Because High Atlantic’s don’t believe in soulmates. And even if we did, that wouldn’t matter because the only thing that does is the Bellweather line. I already have my mom breathing down my neck for me to find some suitable candidates and start cranking out daughters. I don’t need the push from you, too.”
The silence in the air was thick and heavy. Tally understood Abigail’s point. No one wanted to have their life decided for them or be told what to do and when to do it. Raelle should’ve understood that better than anyone. But Tally could also see that Raelle was blissfully in love and just wanted the same happiness for her friends...she sighed. This whole holiday just plain sucked.
“Do you ever wonder what you’ll do if you don’t dream of Scylla after you take the draught?” Abigail asked.
“I will,” Raelle replied confidently without missing a beat.
“But what if you don’t?”
“I will.”
“Okay,” Abigail said again sounding weary. She expertly navigated the car into a parking space before turning to Raelle. “For your sake, I hope you do.”
They all got out, and Raelle linked arms with both Tally and Abigail as she started almost skipping toward The Raven’s Moon. “What about you, Tal?” she pressed.
“What about me what?”
Raelle fixed her with a knowing stare. “I know things got real weird with Gerit real fast, but you’ve got to remember, he was only your first. That doesn’t make him your everything.”
This entire conversation was hitting a little too close to home for Tally. She really wished Raelle would drop it.
“What if she takes the draught and dreams of Gerit?” Abigail wanted to know. “Do either of you really want to go through any of that again?”
Both Tally and Raelle shot Abigail matching dirty looks. Raelle shook her head. “Ignore her,” she said to Tally conspiratorially. “What could it hurt to give it a shot?”
Tally didn’t have the heart to tell her it could hurt a lot. Raelle was viewing this situation from the lens of someone who was hopelessly head-over-heels and had the utmost confidence that her feelings would be validated with this old ritual. She was clearly only looking at the starry-eyed hopeful side of things; imagining for Tally the excitement of new possibilities. She couldn’t begin to conceive of the pain that could ensue if things didn’t go according to plan.
“Aren’t you a little curious?” Raelle wanted to know.
Abigail snorted as she shouldered opened the door to The Raven’s Moon.
Tally wasn’t curious. Not really. More like wary. Maybe even afraid. She didn’t have the heart to tell Raelle about the time she and one of her friends had snuck out of the compound on Soulmate’s Day to engage in just such an experiment. None of the mothers on the compound had believed in the practice, so it was more or less forbidden for anyone to engage in it. After her unauthorized foray, Tally could see why. No one had been waiting for her in her dreams then. She doubted anyone would be waiting for her now. She was fine living with the probability of that level of disappointment. She did not need to have it solidified for her.
But Raelle was looking at her with such hope and expectation on her face that Tally didn’t have it in her to tell her friend that she was pretty sure she didn’t have a soulmate. Instead, she smiled in a way she hoped wasn’t too sad and nodded. “Okay. I’ll get one.”
Raelle grinned and gave Tally’s arm a squeeze. “Great. I can’t wait to hear all about it.”
Tally nodded again, grateful that Raelle was now busy browsing the wares and didn’t seem to require a verbal reply. She felt that tightness in her chest again, and drew in a long, shaky breath. Her stomach fluttered and she glanced around wondering where the best place would be to throw up, should things come to that.
Tally spent the next several hours wavering between trying not to vomit and trying not to pass out. She and Abigail followed Raelle around the festival, and she listened to Raelle’s excited chattering which was occasionally broken by her and Abigail sniping at one another. The parcel Raelle had purchased for her sat heavily in her pocket. She had originally been resolutely against drinking the draught, but she admitted that was a lot easier to say before she’d had access to it.
Thankfully, Tally was able to muddle her way through the evening with enough normalcy that either her friends thought she was fine, or they chose not to address it, and before long they were going their separate ways. Raelle had her candles and her draught and was going to meet Scylla in whatever soulmate dreamscape paradise meant to them. And Abigail had managed to meet a man who didn’t believe in soulmates either but who did believe in having a good time, and the two of them went off together to get into some mischief.
“What about the High Atlantic view on good breeding?” Raelle teased as she turned to go.
Abigail laughed. “You and I both know that doesn’t apply here.”
Tally watched them both go with a heavy heart. She wished one or both of them were going to be around tonight to distract her. Actually, scratch that. She wished Abigail was going to be around to distract her. Because Abigail would take the vial from her without a question and throw it in the trash or dump it down the drain and then the two of them would watch movies together and eat a ton of junk food and forget that Soulmate’s Day was even a thing. That would've been heaven.
Tally watched Abigail and her mystery man walk arm and arm into the crowd, and she briefly debated calling her back. She knew Abigail would come in a heartbeat. If Tally said she needed a friend tonight, Abigail would drop that guy no questions asked. But then Tally saw Abigail smile at him and laugh at something he’d said, and the words withered on her lips. She held no illusions that the guy was Abigail’s soulmate, but it looked like he was on track to make her happy tonight. After the shitty year she’d had, Tally couldn’t take that away from her.
Instead, she hitched a ride back to base with a soaking wet and shivering Anacostia who spent several long moments cursing Raelle in mothertongue under her breath as she searched the trunk of her car for a towel. Under different circumstances, Tally might’ve laughed at that. Or at the very least smiled. Today all she could do was squeeze the vial tighter in the palm of her hand and worry.
They drove in silence for a bit before Anacostia finally said, “Okay, Craven. Out with it. What’s going on with you?”
Tally chewed on her lower lip as she tried to cobble together the question she’d been dying to ask for months but had been too scared to even broach. But she needed to do it in such a way that she wasn’t immediately shut down. The one time she’d tried to bring up the subject that was almost constantly on her mind with Anacostia, she’d been met with a resounding, “Nope,” before Anacostia had stalked away from her. Needless to say, that’d discouraged her from trying again.
But that didn’t mean she hadn’t been dwelling on it. Or that it hadn’t been eating at her day in and day out. And on a night like tonight, with all the fervour around and talk of connections and soulmates, Tally thought maybe she should give it another shot.
Tally cleared her throat and glanced at Anacostia, who was mostly focused on the road but occasionally peeked at her out of the corners of her eyes. Her nerves were jittery, which made her whole body quake. She sat on her hands and crossed her ankles. “I was just wondering if you’d heard from the general.”
Tally watched Anacostia carefully to gauge her reaction to the question. Anacostia’s expression darkened dangerously, and Tally felt a thrill of fear skitter up her spine. Anacostia shook her head and chuckled bitterly under her breath. “I can’t believe you’d have the nerve to ask me that.”
Tally was taken aback by the vitriol. She wasn’t sure what her best move here would be. “I just...I miss her. A lot.” It took a lot for Tally to admit that. Especially to someone who’d been – who might still be – so close to Alder.
“I can’t discuss that with you, Craven. I can’t discuss that with anybody. And you know what? Even if I could, I wouldn’t want to. Because none of you deserve to know. General Alder saved your life. Even after you betrayed her, she still saved you. She saved all of us. And how did people repay her? I’m glad you asked, Craven. People demanded her discharge from the army that she built, that she gave up centuries of her life to shape and mold and nurture. So, no. No, I will not tell you if I’ve heard from her. I don’t care that you miss her. The woman deserves to live out the rest of her days unbothered by the likes of any of us.”
The more Anacostia talked, the worse the ache in the pit of Tally’s stomach became, and by the end of the speech, she felt as terrible as she ever had about anything in her life. She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat and told herself over and over again that she wouldn’t cry. She could feel her lower lip tremble. She could feel the stinging behind her nose as the tears welled in her eyes. She tried to sniffle discreetly and wiped at her cheek with the heel of her hand, hoping Anacostia wouldn’t notice.
Anacostia’s words echoed and bounced around inside her head, becoming louder and louder with each replaying. Tally couldn’t argue with anything she’d said. But knowing she was right didn’t make this any better.
She reached into her pockets searching for a tissue, and her hand closed around the draught again. Her breath hitched, and her heart thumped painfully against the inside of her rib cage. Well, one good thing had come out of this night. After what Anacostia had just said to her, Tally was convinced she didn’t deserve a soulmate. In fact, she was positive that by virtue of her betrayal she had earned the pain and disappointment of being shown she didn’t have one. She welcomed it even. It was what she had coming to her after what she’d done.
And so Tally had resolved to drink the draught as soon as she got back to her room to reap the seeds she’d sown.