Sweet Sweet Tom Riddle
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“Sorry, I’m just—how does Weasley impact you?” Abraxas asked.
“Because—” and this was trying Tom’s patience more than he thought it would “—if Hermione and I are in constant comparison, and if we are consistently regarded as ‘so similar,’ then Weasley is an unacceptable romantic option.”
“Wait. You don’t want Granger to date Weasley,” Rosier said, “because you wouldn’t date Weasley?”
Tom pinched the bridge of his nose, the beginnings of a headache budding behind his eyes, not sure why he was still having this conversation.
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Wherein Tom is jealous but also deep in denial, Hermione is dating the wrong guy, Ron is being kind of an ass, and Tom's friends are chaotic morons.
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Hermione has never mastered Occlumency, so she blocks her mind with violent thoughts whenever she and Tom Riddle cross paths. One day in History of Magic, she accidentally thinks of his penis while she tries to come up with new torture methods.
'Trust Riddle,' Hermione thinks, 'to not bat an eye at maiming and murdering, but the thought of someone touching his prick makes him freak out.'