Chapter Text
"Will he live?"
The Firelord was facing towards the window, amber eyes fixated on anything but the shell of what his son had been some four hours ago. Before he had placed his hand on the child’s left eye and the ear and burned it till the smoke was enough to choke all fifty seven of the guests present in the Agni Kai chamber, and hopefully himself too. His hands were clasped together behind his back in the perfect imitation of a tyrant. Not that he wasn’t one already, Chief Healer Pongdakorn decided privately, before wishing that there was anyone even close to a waterbending healer present in the room. The young Prince needed— Agni, he needed a miracle to stay alive. He already knew that Ozai’s question was not one of fatherly love or any affection- it was as cold as his heart and merely a formality.
Something to show to the public along with the lies that they would get fed.
He remembered the Agni Kai. He remembered every cursed moment of that sham of a sacred duel in excruciating detail, and how he wished that he had gouged out his own eyes before seeing the boy crumple to the floor within seconds.
Ozai still hadn’t removed his hand from Prince Zuko’s face.
The horror was visible on the faces of a few, and the ones who had truly felt nothing but emptiness, as dark and deep and brutal as the ocean- had their faces frozen in a twisted smile. Just like their Firelord and Crown Princess.
The healer cleared his throat, not particularly caring of the bile in his stomach that would be lying on a puddle on the floor the minute the Firelord had stepped out of the room. “I… I don’t think so my Lord.”
“Then I don’t see why you’re needed here.” He spun on his heel in one graceful movement, gracing him to a probing stare, and Pongdakorn’s carefully maintained mask slipped for a split second before finding its way on his features once again.
“I didn’t understand my Lord-“
“I said.” And Ozai’s voice had a velvety feel to it, making his nerves sting with hatred and fury. “I don’t understand why should I waste medical faculties and supplies on a person who’s already about to grace the spirits. And thus, there is no need for your services.”
'So this is what death feels like", Zuko's mind whisped to him, creeping into his thoughts like ivy.
Seeping into every cell of his body like poison.
Father killed him.
Father killed him.
Father killed him.
His heart head hurts.
He is dead.
He doesn't understand why his mind is spitting back the same loop of five sentences at him. He knows that he's dead. He know's that he's a dishonour to his family. He knows that his father eliminated the weak link.
What a man.
Killed his own son on the stage in front of everyone.
Azula was laughing when he fell down, and smiling gleefully when he begged like a citizen of the Earth Kingdom.
Maybe he was meant to be a peasant anyway.
Un- Uncle Iroh.
Uncle Iroh must be ashamed of him too.
Stupid, foolish, crazy him.
Couldn't shut his mouth for a meeting.
Azula would hav-
Azula would have begged for forgiveness too.
Azula wouldn't have begged for forgiveness.
He was dead.
Then why was he thinking?
Dead people couldn't think.
His eyes opened, a gust of wind flowing on his face, his hair whipped backwards, his burn cooling within moments.
(I DON'T NEED ANY CALMING TEA-)
(Azula always lies. Azula always lie-)
(I just want my honor back-)
(You're just a child!)
(Our daughter looks beautiful, just like you Mai-)
(Hello, Zuko here.)
(Why am I so bad at being good?)
(I understand.)
Zuko understood, even if those whispers only made him more confused.
Images flashed in front of him, just as the whispering ceased.
A glowing boy in an iceberg, a crowd of people bowing to him, even more cheering, Azula chained to the gutter, his father's corpse being burned with four people in attendance, someone named Kiyi, a bearded man and a woman who looked like Mai naming their son Iroh, a new nation, him standing in front of Sozin's portrait while Azula jeered, him confronting his father, him hugging a tattooed boy, a pair of siblings fr-
"AAGH!", He screamed, his throat hoarse and dry, and he jerked his arms and legs, thrashing as though he was trapped in one of the infamous quicksands of the Earth Kingdom.
He couldn't move, even if he felt as though as he could.
It was almost as though he had been paralysed, not unlike how he was paralysed with terror moments into the first and last Agni Kai of his life. He tried to open his eyes, forgetting that they were already open.
Darkness.
It was a damp, terrifying abyss of nothing but darkness, blinding him, choking him, making his existence seem like a mistake in the history of everything that had and had yet to exist.
But something in him told that he had to keep still, follow the policy of neutral jing of the Earth Kingdom unlike the positive jing of the Fire Nation.
A mere hour ago Zuko would have spat at the very thought of acting anything like peasants, but anything was better than slowly suffocating to death.
He was already supposed to be dead.
He suppressed every human urge in him to start flailing his limbs and stayed as still as he could, praying to every spirit that could hear him to allow him to live another day.
"Interesting.", A voice mused.
Zuko tried to turn his head to where the voice had a come from, only to recieve an amused chuckle from his right.
The voice seemed to be omnipresent, making him fear that he might have found way into a ancient spirit's belly.
(How did this happen? He woke up, prayed to Agni, wore his armbands, got killed by his father all the while the image of his sister smiling was imprinted into his mind-)
He opened his mouth to speak, but no words left his lips, or if they had then he must have been deafened in those moments.
The voice lost all emotion it had earlier, turning into a cold and unflinching whisper, one which creeped into his bones, "Interesting indeed."
A million thoughts raced through his mind, a thousand questions and the massive headache from witnessing both the past and present made him want to claw his eyes out, his eye out.
It spoke in a tired tone, one which Zuko was familiar to, after being labeled a failure by nearly every noble his father had in his fist, "Stop it child. I can hear every thought in that head of yours and I must say, you are interesting. Your past and future are such contrasts, yet the shift between the two of them is so swift, that I'm rendered speechless. Trust me on this, even if you shouldn't trust me about anything else."
All Zuko could do was pray to Agni.
The voice chuckled, with no warmth present in their tone, "Agni can't save you boy. I could trap him in a loop of time for all the eternity till every flame in the world extenguishes."
Zuko's eyes widened with panic, and he tried to keep his mind as blank as possible, no thoughts finding way into his mind so that he could protect himself further.
The voice seemed to be amused yet again, "You've been trapped in here for three years now boy, dead to everyone who ever existed or ever will. You're nothing but a shadow of an existence, hidden by me."
He was talking to a madman.
"I think you mean mad spirit."
"You're all crazy, where am I?", He somehow strangled a few words out, before his throat tightened of its own accord and he was choking on nothing once again.
He could feel the approval he was being regarded with, "Impressive young Prince, breaking out my bounds isn't an easy task. You might be a failure in comparison to your entire family, but you have something they don't. My grudging respect."
Zuko narrowed his eyes, trying to make out who was speaking to him.
A pair of glowing black eyes appeared out of nowhere, inches away from his face and Zuko had never been more thankful for how the spirit had essentially forbade him from as much as whimpering like a kicked deer-puppy.
He had no idea how black eyes were glowing in infinite darkness surrounding them, and that too without exposing a single body part of the spirit, that is, if the spirit had a body.
"You have my full permission to speak."
The invisible band around his neck, threatening to close his windpipe at any moment loosened, and he took a deep breath, damp air rushing into his nose. It smelt of rotten carcasses, and Zuko could only wonder if he was the first to survive the onslaught of the spirit.
"Who are you?", He asked, his right eye narrowed in what he hoped was anger, if only to mask how terrified he truly was.
"None of your concern."
"Then what's the use of letting me speak?"
"Why, I wanted to hear your voice tremble."
"I can't remember a single thing that happnened in the past three years, and I doubt that you'd leave me comatose or wipe my memory if you wanted to see me beg and plead."
"I'm suprised by how much I seeped into your soul, and that too in mere three years."
"You think that three is small?", Zuko questioned, his daring growing second by second.
"The last person I infected took some thirteen years to even start acting like me.", The tone was way too casual, and nonchalant, as though the two of them were discussing the time it took to grow a tree, not.... not whatever the eye said.
"You're infecting me?"
"That is what the last person said, but I prefer the word inspiring."
"The only thing you're inspiring me to do is to kill you."
"Many people have tried, including Kuruk, but ultimately they all failed. Their skeletons adorn the wall, you know?"
Beads of sweat were on Zuko's upper lip as his eyes widened in horror, hoping that he had misheard the words, or it was just a very cruel prank the spirit was playing on him.
"You just told me that I can't trust you. Why should I believe that there are... are-"
"Keep going on like that and I might lend you part of my soul so that you can return to the mortal world."
Zuko chose to ignore the last words, his focus only and only on his survival, "What about those flashes of memories?"
"I was just toying with you.", The eyes showed an emotion which Zuko was sure was cheekiness.
Every pulse of his body felt as though it had been ignited by lightning, furious enough to yell in a voice which would make the voice, or rather the eyes to finally show something other than either no emotion, or something which made it very clear that Zuko was nothing more than a pawn in a very elaborate game of pai sho.
And Zuko didn't have any tiles left, while the spirit knew each and every move Zuko could possibly play in a desperate attempt to beat him.
That was too far of a stretch, all he could do at that moment was to make sure that he had a single tile remaining in his grasp, far away from the reach of the spirit.
"You would have been yelling at me right now if I didn't have you in my captivity for over three years.", The voice remarked in a tone which suggested that it was discussing which tea to drink.
"What do you mean by that?"
"You're so hotheaded Zuko, almost like Sozin. The family resemblance is uncanny. Not that I have toyed with you enough, I think I should tell you my version of the story."
"Who are you?", Zuko asked again, his voice laced with irritation and anger.
"One of the more ancient spirits, born a few weeks after the world was formed. I can chose my form, but my preferred form is a dark blue cloud, because it's easy for me to visit the mortal world in that manner."
Zuko openly gaped, and regretted the decision within seconds, a thick liquid dripping down from Agni knew where onto his tongue and he coughed, the acidic taste reminding him of how he had once ate fireflakes doused in- well. It didn't matter anymore.
"What you saw is what would have happened if your father had let you live, a meaningless search for the Avatar till you became a golden name in the name of the world, the Firelord who ended the Hundred Year War, the one who brought an era of peace, but unfortunately for you. You died. I made a pact with the other spirits, provided that you allowed a part of me to reside in your left eye. I'm afraid that you don't get a choice."
The next time Zuko opened his eyes, he was greeted by the a bald monk (how did he know who he was? why was everything from his left eye clear as day when it had been burned into a slit narrower tha-) looking at him with a mixture of curiosity, apprehension and fear.
He decided to go with what happened in the memories he had witnessed.
"Hello, Zuko here."