"the door swinging closed behind me with a soft, final click"
The grief at the start of the chapter was so powerful. Vivi has known Alex a long time it looks like. I wonder if we will meet/interact with remnants of our shared past as the story progresses. Part of me wonders if we will choose to pick up and leave.
****This line especially "Alex door was open. His room still messy. Still his. The sun was setting outside the window, painting the sky in deep red. Like blood. I closed my eyes." really struck me when posting this comment. I think I would draw that same connection if I was Vivi, the sun setting on his life as well as the room. our shared connection broken, covered in blood, ended in death but the pieces still there. Absolutely haunting***
*** lol, an already absurdly long comment getting longer. I think I am beginning to remember why I kept getting cold feet on compiling the comment for 3. but with a chapter in front of me I just noticed something else you did that I think is cool Vivi referring to the Infernus interchangeably as a medallion. of course she would. It is a cool way to show her how unfamiliar she is with demonica. I would wager she knows significantly less than Robin, who at least read some of that book in the basement. ***
***Also "Did we even have a contract? Not the standard version demonica mages secured through rites — but any at all? I wasn’t sure. Of all the SPADEs, demonica was the most secretive — full of gossip and half-documented rules. Most of the knowledge was passed from mentor to apprentice, and everyone knew that was why it was also the most expensive expertise anyone could ever hire. I had no clue where to even begin gathering information about the mess from hell I’d gotten myself into." is a cool contrast to Robin. who at least had confidence that the contact was 'a thing' and had Amelia, to fill in details.****
"No cameras. No-witnesses. No magical traces tying me to the warehouse." One thing that I wonder about reading the cannon, is how the magic community will deal with technology that could expose them, like cameras. Maybe the basic human technology and magic conflict. So unless you had a magic affinity allowing it, it is hard to capture magic on film? If I was magicpoll would look for a wide sweeping way to minimize the risk. Then again since this is set 20 years prior to cannon, cameras are probably a lot less pervasive... we might even be in the flip phone/pre-smart phone era which would defiantly help.
"I hid the Infernus in the drawer beside my bed. I didn't have the courage to wear it outside-not even tucked beneath my clothes." I love seeing and thinking about how different Vivi will be, in how she interacts with the Infernus. I wonder if she is going to put the onus of managing the infernus on him, treating it like a tool that belongs to him that it makes sense for her to carry sometimes. I could see this reaction making sense for her.
"Until one morning... And then I felt it."
I was musing about why I loved this set of lines so much. And I think it is because it such a pretty transition. Time is passing in a blur of grief and uncertainty. Then we narrow in to a moment: taste and scent of the coffee, feel of the stretched out t-shirt, sound of the quiet apartment/quiet city, sight of the steam rising from the mug. we step into everything vivi feels and right as we are fully in the moment. boom. Zavros. I think I got goosebumps.
"He stood there solid and silent..." Ok, I absolutely loved the alliterations and the 3 uses of "same" it was so smooth (pun intended)
Stood/solid/silent/slowly/same/same/same/stillness/sound/swallowed.
it gave me a similar feeling to when I am nervous and can hear/feel the beat of my pulse in the background
wasn't at sure if I should laugh or panic. He could hear my thoughts? -Word girl"
"I will stay hidden” which he is clearly very good at, even though Vivi doesn't know that yet. Seeing Zavros walk around I wonder if pretty soon Vivi will give him a, well I guess you live here too, house rules (knock if the bedroom door is shut, do we need to set up a shower schedule, here is the washer and dryer if you need it etc), where everything is tour. It would make sense with how she assumed he hasn't been out. And would also probably surprise him. ***"I grabbed two plates anyway, a few day-old pastries, and bottled water. Nothing fancy, but if he was hungry, it should be enough. We could work on a shopping list with his preferred food later." ah ha! mentally already settling him in I see. I think there is something cardinally human about the need to feed people.***
***Going through Alex's stuff was probably tough, but good on her for jumping on it. it shows Zavaros she is serious about the promise. and is probably her only shot currently at a lead. even though "a girl’s name I didn’t recognize and a bookshop address, marked with an absurd demon doodle beside it." isn't much. but this whole operation was pretty secretive***
I liked how you handed the cultural norms on food and sexual activity. Allowing the conversation to happen this early is a great way to set the stage for a fresh story. With how lighting fast we have seen Zavaros react, it was interesting to see the pauses in this. I found myself desperately wanting to get into his head, while also having some pretty good theories on where his thoughts were going.
Personally, I have always loved slow burns, so set ups that facilitate that make me excited/hopeful.
"Already absurdly long comment getting longer. I think I’m beginning to remember why I kept getting cold feet on compiling the comment"— never fear, long comments are awesome ;)
Your focus on detail amazes me. You touched the note I already prepared for chapter 4 or 5 about the timeline: if canon starts in 2018, then this fic is set in 1996 — no smartphones, no internet (as we know it now), no social media. Easier to blend in, harder to gather info.
I hope I don’t overstep in saying this, but after reading your comments, I have to say I love how sensitive you are to… how to call it… the emotional resonance certain words have in their sound? Very rare :) and amazing. It makes me wonder if you play any instrument (don’t feel compelled to answer), because it’s usually people with a musical background who are trained to notice things like this.
‘I found myself desperately wanting to get into his head’ > the next chapter is from his POV ;)
Comment on Demonized: Hiding Demons for the Unprepared
BreathOfFire3 on Chapter 3 Fri 14 Nov 2025 05:11AM UTC
Last Edited Fri 14 Nov 2025 06:32AM UTC
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Abteris on Chapter 3 Fri 14 Nov 2025 08:31AM UTC
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