Comment on Darkness and Starlight

  1. BlueGlass54 on Chapter 4 Tue 18 Aug 2020 11:07PM UTC

    Writing this whole chapter in just a day is really impressive! Sorry about neglecting to comment on previous chapters, I still have trouble with the idea that my opinions are actually things other people might want to hear.

    You do a great job injecting an element of realism into the world, with traveling taking time and being arduous and exhausting. As well as removing a certain drilling machine, because boss fights just don't suit the tone of the story here.

    As expected of something written quickly, I noticed a minor grammatical error or two you might want to go back and fix at some point, though I can't quite remember where, sorry. There was also this bit:

    "But I'm a more recent recruit. I wasn't quite that precocious."

    "What exactly i you?"

    "Locke Cole, treasure hunter, at your service."

    Not at all sure what Celes was saying there.

    It will be interesting to see how Celes reacts when Team Sabin arrives and she learns it was already too late for Doma, as well as meeting Terra for the first time, which will presumably be next chapter.

    I'm really enjoying your writing and look forward to more when you get it done!

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    1. LaurentheFlute on Chapter 4 Wed 19 Aug 2020 01:58AM UTC

      Lauren dressed as Locke Cole, playing flute on stage

      Aha! You caught a little error that happened in the process of converting my formatting for AO3 (since I stubbornly insist on using a lot of italicized text at random, hence "i" in place of something italicized). Thanks for pointing out the typo; it has since been fixed!

      But I'm generally sitting here clapping my hands about your comments, so you can be sure that I appreciate them, although please don't let that make you feel pressured to comment on any chapter at any point. Knowing people read these words is a treat for me, and any comments I get are a little bonus delight, but there's no expectation there! But ... yes, apparently when I get my hands on a story, I have to sand down the parts that don't feel "real" to me (boss fights, geography, possibly a certain purple talking octopus...) and that will continue, in small and large ways.

      And it's nice to hear you anticipating what will come in the next chapter. I have already written chunks of it that I think won't need to be entirely remade ... I hope...

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