Comment on The Mage of Winterfell

  1. hmason (Guest) on Chapter 1 Thu 24 Mar 2022 01:34AM UTC

    i had to stop at

     

    "You would create a field that acts with a particular goal. In this case, it would be to create an enchantment that through a ritual would be one to expel a spirit with bad intentions would be taken from the body of a person. Very ingenious, interesting, and certainly well thought out. Andromeda has never been more proud than now to know that she chose a smart husband, with a more practical brain than her sisters

     

    the idea behind the story sounds pretty good and i'll finish the chapter but so far. i can already see you need a Beta. someone to look over the chapter for mistakes and general grammar. not misspelled words but making the sentences more cohesive, i also think you're letting your own views influence you a bit too much, i can't imagine Ted Tonks referring to Voldemort as an idiot it seems more like the authors viewpoint. you also had Cassiopeia saying they ALL needed to calm down but had yet to introduce anyone other than her and Arcturus so it didn't make sense. also there is no THE when referring to non living things or living things.

    i'm not trying to insult you this is genuine feedback hoping to help you improve the story

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