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Author likes busting clichés by Lurafita
Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
09 Jan 2020
- Words:
- 38,324
- Works:
- 4
- Bookmarks:
- 345
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Bookmark Notes:
me just walking along the street, totally innocent, and then suddenly this white panel van parks a few feet in front of me.”
Oh god. That was exactly how crime and horror movies started, wasn’t it? Was now the right time to have a panic attack? (”4 minutes to destination.”)
“And then this man gets out, pretty buff and tall and I was just a little bit jealous, because like, I can benchpress a french frying bus with no sweat and still have total noodle arms, and how is that fair”
“PETER!” This KID! (”3 minutes to destination”)
“Sorry! So, the guy asks me for directions to cityhall, but he doesn’t get it when I explain it to him, so he asks if I would ride with him and show him. And, like, my spidey-sense is this low buzz, like, this guy is probably up to no good, but not a real threat to me, right? And he said he would drive me back later and that he had some candy as a thank you, so-”
“You got into the van?!” Forget the panic attack, his fucking heart was about to stop!
“Did you not hear me mention the part where he promised me candy?”
Which arm was supposed to hurt again when you got a heart attack? This fucking kid! (”2 minutest to destination.”)
“Anyway, I climb into the passenger side and the guy starts the engine and all of a sudden my spidey sense is blaring and I slip down in the seat, before the guy that was hiding in the back can press his knife to my throat.”
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And last but not least, the Spiderling would have complained about the shiny Starkwatch that, thanks to nanotechnology, had become a spider-strength resistant, non-breakable, very permanent fixture on his wrist. ("Like, seriously, that one time I actually tell you about almost being kidnapped, and now you need to constantly monitor my vitals all the time? Can you say Helicopter parent?"
"Excuse me, did you just say 'that ONE time' you were almost kidnapped? Peter? Has someone tried to kidnap you before?! What the fuck!"
"... I meant: What a cool new watch! And it can even tell me the time. Would you look at that, time for patrol! See you later, Dad!"
"You swing your red and blue clad ass right back here, young man! We are so talking about this!")As Tony watched the teen draw his eyebrows together and scrunch up his nose, as one does when thinking about a particularly unpleasant topic, he decided to test the waters.
"So, Pepper is making me attend a share-holders meeting next week. I was thinking about coating the mark 34 in hot pink and showing up in that. Thoughts?"
"Yeah, definitely."
Well, to be fair, that was a bit inconclusive. After all, Tony had shown up to business meetings in one of his suits more than once. To Peppers ever growing annoyance. So, he tried again.
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"But Pete, I need you to understand, that if this Laramee guy turns out to be a douchebag, robot-alien-clone or otherwise, you can't web him to some bridge or something in Hell's kitchen."
Peter sighed dejectedly. "I know."
"Because if that asshat hurts May, we are going to shove him in one of the old suits and shoot him to the moon."
Because hell would freeze over thrice, before Tony would let some horned freak avenge his family.
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Bookmark Notes:
Bamf peter
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