Archive of Our Own ^beta

Canon divergence: What if Itachi had, instead, fucked off with Sasuke? as written by someone who hasn't read Naruto in 10 years (because this has been going on for more than 10 years) and was only recently dragged back into that nonsense ridden pit kicking and screaming, mainly at Hiruzen and the lack of non-cis, non-het, disabled and all permutations thereof characters.
This is my attempt at dodging the horrendously timeline inconsistencies, plotholes and slaughtered character arcs to write something cute, funny and mostly coherent. I have no shame and no interest in constructive criticism.
Spoilers for... everything. Warnings for everything canonical - events, attitudes, traumas, nonsense, themes and the fucking aliens.
Enjoy!

None of this is my fault. I am but a victim of the Hiruzen Haterz corps and direct all complaints towards it and them. You deserve it. You made me write Naruto in 2020.
That being said, thank y'all for the title, the soundboarding, the ideas, the canon knowledge, the enabling. Literally none of this would exist without you, you fuckers. Thank you, I guess.
Even more special thanks to Crissy, who checked for coherency while I wrote characters I know very little about with as many fucks to give and Aria, who reads over this clusterfrick with minimal Naruto knowledge because she loves me. I don't deserve it, but I will continue to abuse it ♥