kintsugi
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are you lying to your therapist about being sober again? by lcstappen
Fandoms: Formula 1 RPF
21 Nov 2022
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Summary
It isn’t the sex that he thinks of constantly. It’s the after, with his soaped hands skimming soft over Max’s trembling thighs, with the kiss to Max’s temple that they both ignored - it was the after that has left Charles with sleepless nights and an aching heart; the idea of more, dreamt of for three days before Charles was painfully reminded of exactly what he was to Max Verstappen. A means to an end.
Charles knows that this isn't healthy, that he needs to deal with his feelings for Max following their hook-up, or he's going to find himself through the barrier at a fatal speed. He finds an unconventional solution in Daniel.
Series
- Part 1 of kintsugi
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Summary
Max never says anything outright over text. That amazing, brutal honesty only comes out when something else has his full focus; in the middle of a race, or after too many glasses of champagne, or when Charles was all over him in his bed. When he is more focused on not crashing through the barrier at 300 kilometres an hour, or on putting one foot in front of the other, or kissing Charles with his entire soul, he says things that he usually wouldn’t. What a blind fucking idiot, or if my father could see me now, or you’re so beautiful, Charles, you are so perfect.
Charles deals with the agreement he made with Daniel.
Series
- Part 2 of kintsugi
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Summary
Max and Daniel. Max and Daniel. Max-and-Daniel, MaxandDaniel, maxanddaniel. It sounds good, together, as one word, no space or pause or breath between them. He wonders what it would be like if it were him. Charles-and. Charles-and-what, Charles-and-who? He draws a blank. Maybe Charles-and will have to be good enough. He feels like the ‘and’ is fitting, he thinks he will keep it. Charles-and.
Daniel knows, or at least suspects, just how intimately Charles knows Max, what he likes in bed, how he sounds, where he’s sensitive to the point of ticklishness.
Series
- Part 3 of kintsugi
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Summary
Charles thinks that he will feel better, afterwards.
He goes into the bedroom under vague rules that are made up, only in his own head: that he is only there to watch, that he should not talk, that he should not draw attention to himself, that he is certainly not allowed to touch.
He does not feel better, afterwards.
Series
- Part 4 of kintsugi
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Summary
“Why don’t you talk to them?”
I’ve tried, Charles wants to say. I have tried and every time I do, I fuck it up and say something awful or agree to something stupid, he wants to sob through the phone. What he says, really, is: “You are right, Carlos. I will try."
When he ends the call, he realises that he has lied again; he has no intention of trying.
At least, he had no intention of trying.
Series
- Part 5 of kintsugi