Pranks
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Listing Series
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The Perils of Idiocy: Or, the Rah-Rah-Rainbows Glitter-Up-Your-Arse Sunshine-Straightjacket Jinx by Stinkerbelly
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
27 Apr 2026
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Summary
Harry gaped at Hermione. “You did this?”
“Might’ve,” she replied with a shrug.
Severus’s brain tried for: I already have a dreadful migraine, Potter, so kindly piss off before you make it worse.
What emerged instead: “Harry, you beacon of plucky perseverance, what happy twist of fate brings us your heart-warming sincerity and scruffily heroic energy today?”
A short, terrible silence followed.
“I think,” said Harry, very slowly, “I’d much rather be shouted at.”
“I would also much rather you be shouted at,” Minerva agreed.
“Right,” Harry said faintly. “Clearly I’ve walked into something much stranger than I thought.”
Severus’s brain tried for: Then kindly fuck off, you Potter-haired fuck-face.
But instead, Severus’s mouth chirped: “Keep believing in yourself, Harry! Gold stars, all around! And your hair is such a wonderfully spirited celebration of your individuality!”
Harry backed towards the door. “And I think I’m going to leave and let all of you sort out whatever—” he made a vague gesture, “—this is.”
Series
- Part 1 of Pranks
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Summary
"I would remind you that I am the Headmaster of this institution.”
“Oh, are we now just trading random facts with each other?” Hermione asked breezily. “Should we go round the table, in a circle? In this direction, then?” she drew a slow arc at Severus’s immediate left with her hand, conveniently landing on herself.
“Hmmm, very well,” she hummed, pressing her index finger to her chin in a caricature of contemplation. “Oh! I know! I have that gene—you know, the one that makes cilantro taste all soapy?”
Severus looked thoroughly unmoved at this bit of information.
“I am the Headmaster of this institution, Professor Granger. And your boss.”
“Are we just repeating our random facts?” she looked at him with mock confusion. “Okay: I still have that soapy cilantro gene. The very same one I had, you know, just thirty seconds ago.”
Severus let out a sharp, hard exhale.
“Even during the Carrow occupation I was treated with more respect than this,” he muttered to himself.
“Yes, well, that was during a fascist coup,” Hermione reminded him.
Series
- Part 2 of Pranks
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Summary
If you’re following my recent unplanned “Prank” series, this is Severus’s ill-considered reply.
Or, can one commission a Peeves?“Who’s Snapey wrapping this nasty boxed-up giftie for?”
Severus breathed out. “Professor Granger.”
Peeves stared at him for a beat, then drifted closer to Severus’s face, still hanging upside down.
“Book-witch Granger? Eyes like NO, and hair like BOOM?”“Yes.”
Peeves drifted even closer.
“Why’s Snapey sniff-sniffing around the Hairy-Haired Book-witch?”“That is not your concern,” Severus replied evenly.
Peeves suddenly went very, very still.
Then, suddenly, Peeves broke out in a grin.
“Oooooo,” he said.“No,” said Severus in a correcting-sort of voice.
“Ooooooooooooooooo!” Peeves clapped a hand over his mouth, delighted.
“Don’t,” Severus said, rolling his eyes.
“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”
Series
- Part 3 of Pranks
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On Bats’ Angry-Uglies & Batty Ache-Stuffing of Witchy Cupboards & Other Related Human Sexual-Relationship Nonsenses by Stinkerbelly
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
04 Jun 2026
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Summary
a totally bizarre chapter in my prank series.
peeves's quite aggressive (if sometimes oblique) Snamione shipping starts to ramp up in odd ways.Series
- Part 4 of Pranks
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Professor Granger's 3rd Annual Performance Review by Stinkerbelly
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
09 Jul 2026
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Summary
She leaned forward, saying: “Severus—those comments are a part of my official teaching portfolio, and I am entitled to access them. If you refuse to share them with me, I will simply request access to them through formal channels, if necessary.”
She extended a hand in demand, adding: “So either read me our students' comments, or let me read them myself.”
Series
- Part 5 of Pranks