The Steve FIles
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From the Ciaphas Cain Archives: Chapter XVII: The Case of Steve the Guardsman (The STEVE FILES BOOK 1) by Sendaz_Mesmer
Fandoms: Warhammer 40.000
21 Jul 2026
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Ciaphas Cain has survived Tyranids, Orks, and Chaos cultists, but nothing in his career prepares him for Guardsman Steve.
He’s tall, he’s silver, he’s held together by rusty staples and human skin, and the Valhallans would happily march into the Eye of Terror for him.
A short comedic tale of Imperial bureaucracy, misplaced squad loyalty, and what happens when a nearly indestructible xenos horror just wants to be "one of the lads.
Series
- Part 1 of The Steve FIles
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Extract from the Private Papers of Inquisitor Amberley Vail (The STEVE FILES BOOK 2 ) by Sendaz_Mesmer
Fandoms: Warhammer 40.000
30 Jul 2026
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Section XVIII: Data Fragment "Steve-01"
The following transcript was recovered from a damaged Cogitator unit in the 12th Valhallan "Ice Falcons" logistics depot following the reclamation of Sector 4. It appears to be an automated, self-compiled daily log written by the individual known as "Guardsman Steve."How a Xenos construct managed to format its internal cognitive diagnostics into standard Departmento Munitorum report-gothic remains a mystery that I suspect is best blamed on severe logic-core corruption—or an utterly heroic amount of denial.
I have inserted footnotes where recovered military logs and subsequent investigation provide... shall we say, a necessary reality check. Readers wishing to compare this construct's delusional observations with Ciaphas’s own perspective should cross-reference his memoir excerpt, "The Case of Steve the Guardsman," though I advise taking his claims regarding his own composure with the usual pinch of salt.
-A.V. Ordo XenosSeries
- Part 2 of The Steve FIles
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The following account is not drawn from the Cain Archive, nor indeed from any human record. It was extracted from a data-crystal of impossibly sophisticated crystalline architecture, delivered anonymously to my quarters aboard the Inquisition vessel Externus Exterminatus by a scarab-shaped construct that vanished into thin air immediately afterward.
While I normally treat xenos intelligence with extreme prejudice, the contents of this recording offer an unprecedented, and frankly staggering, insight into an anomaly that has puzzled the Ordo Xenos for decades. I present it here in full, translated from High Necrontyr.
Inquisitor Amberley Vail, Ordo Xenos
Series
- Part 3 of The Steve FIles
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Tau Sides to Every Story (Book 4 of the Steve Files) by Sendaz_Mesmer
Fandoms: Warhammer 40.000
08 Aug 2026
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A quiet, technically illegal trade agreement between an isolated Imperial world and the T'au Empire should have been a routine diplomatic assignment for Commander Shas'o Vior'a Kai.
Then the Imperial delegation arrives with Steve.
Steve is nearly eight feet tall, wears dead human flesh over a metallic skeleton, carries a lasgun, answers to an Astra Militarum captain, and insists that he is an Imperial Guardsman.
Kai's scanners insist that he is a Necron.
The Guardsmen insist that he's Steve.
Water Caste diplomat Por'la Vash sees an unprecedented opportunity for cross-species cooperation. Kai sees a security nightmare. Steve sees some unusually clean quartermasters who have brought the replacement parts everyone has been waiting for.
As an already questionable trade agreement becomes something far more serious, Kai is forced to reconsider not what Steve is, but the considerably more difficult question of who he is.
Another entry from The Steve Files.
Series
- Part 4 of The Steve FIles
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When Tyranids interrupt a perfectly good war between Orks and the Imperial Guard, Guardsman Steve takes the practical approach and negotiates a temporary ceasefire with Warboss Grubnob Skullkrakka.
The bugs come first.
After that, Steve and Grubnob have some unfinished business.
Unfortunately, nobody can quite agree who won.
Series
- Part 5 of The Steve FIles
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Amberley Vail has spent years annotating the strange career of Steve, the seven-foot-tall Guardsman who appears in impossible places, survives impossible wounds, and leaves behind records that never quite add up.
Now she starts looking properly.
What begins as an investigation into a probable xenos infiltrator becomes a trail stretching across decades of Imperial history: battlefields, evacuation reports, altered records, defensive veterans, inexplicable equipment, and one truly dreadful blue scarf.
The deeper Amberley digs, the less interested she becomes in what Steve is.
What matters is what he has chosen to be.
Series
- Part 6 of The Steve FIles
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The investigation into Steve is closed.
Unfortunately, the paperwork is not.
Interrogator Helena Voss is assigned to assist Departmento Munitorum auditor Alphonse Dorian Marius Ignatius Noll in reconciling more than a century of contradictory records left behind by one unusually helpful Necron.
What begins as an administrative exercise soon reveals something stranger: somebody else is quietly searching the same history, through channels Helena and Noll cannot identify and for reasons they do not understand.
For once, the paperwork may be the least complicated part.
Series
- Part 7 of The Steve FIles