8 Works by akkrays
Listing Works
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“He knows, Eddie!” Buck couldn’t stand this anymore. Eddie was upset at him for all the wrong reasons. He was worried because he disappeared out of thin air without an explanation. There were a lot worse things for him to be holding against him right now. Like how Buck’s secret being revealed had exposed a private part of Eddie’s life. “He knows about me and you, what we’ve been doing.”
He watches as Eddie’s hands come up to his face, rubbing at his eyes. He begins to pace back and forth in front of the window, his restlessness contrasted by how still Buck stood in front of the bed. “How did he find out?”
Series
- Part 1 of buddie 5sos5 songfics
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He lets out a scream, startling himself awake as he lurched himself forward in his bed. “Yohan,” he hears, the voice oh-too-familiar, causing him to swing his head towards it. Isaac? Why was he still here? And why was he reaching out to him? “Go away,” he cries out, voice much weaker than usual, wanting the hallucination or whatever it was to just leave him alone. He was awake now. Why was it still here? He fights against what he though was the older man as he tries to wrap his arms around him. The room was too hot and it felt like the walls were coming in on him, and his nightly demons had decided to materialize into his reality to strangle him once and for all. The more he struggled against the arms around him the tighter they got. The man was speaking to him, but the pounding of his heart overpowered his ability to compute what was being said. Until he could, “Yohan, it’s Gaon! You’re safe now.” The pleading voice practically begged.
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However, looking at it from a mythical point of view felt even more fitting. Two halves of a whole being separated and forced to find each other to be complete once again. He and Nubsib were so different, but able to fill in the holes within each other’s empty spaces. He believed that they both had helped each other to become better people and they both encouraged the growth the other needed to become their best selves. So, yeah maybe he still shuddered at cheesy romance novels, and even his own boyfriend’s over the top lines of devotion, but he was open to the idea that if soulmates existed Nubsib would be his.
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He hears the bedroom door open, and that’s when he knew he was fucked, “Sib?” His eyes dart to where his boyfriend was stumbling out of their bedroom towards him, glasses still glued to his face. His expression seemed to be a mix of worry and annoyance…he must have been in the middle of an important chapter. Nubsib just had to go knock stuff over and interrupt him. How could he be so fucking stupid. “I’m sorry,” he manages to sputter out. Was that his voice? Why did it sound so raw and broken? Gene stares at him for a moment, the younger man was too far gone to get a read on him, before walking over to gently remove the liquor bottle he still had in his grips. It was as if that was the very thing that was keeping him grounded, his knees giving out from underneath him.
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what do you want to be when you grow up? by akkrays
Fandoms: นับสิบจะจูบ | Lovely Writer the Series (TV)
02 Jun 2021
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The room was dead silent for a moment, as it seemed like the younger boy had never considered the question before, or perhaps as if it had been replaying within his mind to the point it had tugged at his young soul. He looks up at Gene, and there was that look again, that look the older boy decided in the moment he despised, “I want to be happy.” Gene honestly wasn’t prepared, nor mature enough, in the moment to internalize the severity of those words. So, he didn’t.
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From childhood to now Nubsib had countless memories of being called obsessive. Things always had to be perfectly in place and he had to know exactly what to expect going into things. He wouldn’t necessarily call himself obsessive just from those particular parts of himself though. He was just a bit of a perfectionist who was uncomfortable when he felt he didn’t have any control of situations he was put in. It was just a safety net for him to fall into. Lots of people were like this! Probably…
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emptiness and the lack thereof by akkrays
Fandoms: นับสิบจะจูบ | Lovely Writer the Series (TV)
26 May 2021
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Emptiness - “The state of containing nothing.” No matter how many times his fingers traced over the letters of the words there was a disconnect. Being empty was not that simple. The words didn’t go into depth on the pain and the hollowness that accompanied it. To at one moment have warmth and happiness and love within your reach then to have it violently swept away. The connotation of a state of containing nothing could never compare to the harsh cold it left behind in its wake. The shell of a person it makes.
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Is this real or just a fever dream? by akkrays
Fandoms: นับสิบจะจูบ | Lovely Writer the Series (TV)
24 May 2021
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The itch to look at the younger man, to make sure that he was still there and real refused to leave his mind. As he watches the clock switch from 03:29 to 03:30 he lets out a frustrated sigh, begrudgingly giving into the need. It triggered a memory of the eerie calm before the storm, the night before the meeting between the directors and the casts, the night before he lost Sib for four months. Neither of them had been able to sleep, the feeling that something bad was going to happen intoxicating the air and weighing heavily on their hearts. They had fallen asleep within each other’s arms, holding onto each other one last time. This time when he turns around though it’s different. The air was just air and the weight was only in his chest. It was a heavy package of guilt mixed with the anxiety that this was not real and that if it was he did not deserve it.