gonnafeelliketrash
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how do we forgive ourselves for all the things we did not become? by rainny_days
Fandoms: 9-1-1 (TV)
26 Dec 2025
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After the shitshow that’s been his life for the past few months, Eddie decides that the best way to move forward is to outsource his life decisions to Buck - after all, Buck has always known how to manage Eddie’s life better than Eddie could. And if it prevents Buck from moving out, then all the better.
Buck is trying to find a new apartment before he gets too comfortable in the Diaz home, but Eddie keeps asking him for things he wants too much to say no to. All he wants is to not hurt anyone, but Eddie seems to be determined to make that impossible.
All the while, there’s Christopher, the firehouse, and the love of it all.
Bookmarked by gonnafeelliketrash
28 Dec 2025
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“Everything about being with Eddie feels right, and good, so so good, Maddie. It’s not timing or logistics, or even—I know he’d say yes if I did ask to move in.”
“But you feel like you can’t?”
Buck shakes his head.
“Because I’m cursed.”
(or, buck needs a loophole. eddie needs to know buck needs a loophole.)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 28,789
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 210
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- 2,803
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- 897
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- 36,191
Bookmarked by gonnafeelliketrash
17 Dec 2025
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Eddie listens to the voicemail later. Buck sounds like he’s at a grocery store, absentmindedly talking into the phone. “Oh, I guess you’re with your sisters. Sorry to miss you. I just wanted to tell you about this call we had last night, but I gotta hear your reactions, so, later. Okay, uh, I guess I’ll just call back. Or text.”
It ends abruptly, without a goodbye. Eddie replays it a second time, closes his eyes as he sits in the truck. For a moment, he can pretend Buck is sitting in the passenger seat next to him. For a moment, Eddie is back in Los Angeles and his best friend is dragging him through the grocery store.
The voicemail ends, Eddie opens his eyes, and the fantasy breaks. Eddie is still in El Paso, parked in front of the house he’s renting, and there’s no one in the passenger seat with him.
Eddie moves to Texas. Buck moves into his house. There's a love story somewhere in here.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 99,788
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Comments:
- 400
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- 2,902
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- 1,074
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- 72,978
Bookmarked by gonnafeelliketrash
15 Dec 2025
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Re: Buck & Natalia’s Wedding E-Vite
Eddie [email protected]to buckleybuck
Thank you for your email. Here are my two cents:
Cent one: I will NOT be attending.
Cent two: I suggest you hire a better graphic designer than Chimney. This wedding invitation looks like it had been pulled straight out of the first free template on Google and then edited on PicsArt.With warmest wishes to the happy couple,
Eddie Diaz.
___OR Buck and Natalia get engaged, and Eddie flees the state about it. A petty email correspondence ensues.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 45,821
- Chapters:
- 14/14
- Comments:
- 2,575
- Kudos:
- 3,007
- Bookmarks:
- 698
- Hits:
- 57,521
Bookmarked by gonnafeelliketrash
11 Dec 2025
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“God, Dad. No.” He huffed in displeasure. “I'm not— It's Buck, Dad.”
Eddie barely ever heard that name anymore, except for an echo in his own head, and he went still, looking down at his phone and then replacing it by his ear.
“What— what about him?” Eddie asked, hoping he sounded less thrown off guard than he felt. Hoping he sounded less breathless through the phone than he did to his own ears.
“I got, um, an invite. To his wedding.”
OR -
A story told across five years. Eddie finds out Buck is marrying someone else and reflects on what brought them to this - and what, if anything, he can do about it.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 66,717
- Chapters:
- 13/13
- Comments:
- 977
- Kudos:
- 3,086
- Bookmarks:
- 867
- Hits:
- 57,588
Bookmarked by gonnafeelliketrash
10 Dec 2025