stuckinmyheadlike



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    “Holy shit, dude,” Hayden whispers, too loudly, as he pulls Shane away. “No way you were just talking to Ilya Rozanov.”

    “Uh, yeah. We just met. Wait, did he lie to me?” Shane asks, looking back over his shoulder where Ilya is now standing next to a short but very muscular woman with long black hair. “What does he play?”

    Hayden stops, so Shane does too.

    “You don’t know who that was?” 

    Shane makes a face that says ‘no shit’, and waits for an answer. 

    “Dude. You are so innocent. Ilya Rozanov, ‘Russia’s Greatest Love Machine’?” Hayden says, like it’s obvious. 

    Shane looks at him blankly, and then Hayden laughs. Not like, a chuckle. He full on cackles, bending over like he can’t even contain it. “Man, he’s like prolific.”

    “At what?” Shane snaps, because he’s getting really sick of not being in on the joke. 

    “He’s a porn star, man.” 

    “A-” Shane says, swallowing thickly. “What?” 

    ---

    Ilya is a porn star, Shane is a hockey player, and their paths cross.

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    11 Feb 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    Shane’s whining beneath him, head thrown back, exposing the long column of his neck and rutting up against Ilya. Ilya licks up his throat, nibbling at Shane’s jaw, before his lips brush the shell of Shane’s ear.

    “Tell me what you want.”

    The reply is instant.

    “You.”

    ----

    or: after his drunken confession, shane keeps avoiding ilya. at a student party ilya finally gets the chance to speak to him.
    part 2 to Close to Me

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    23 Jan 2026

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    Ilya had sent them fully horizontal, grappling at Shane through his gear, pulling at his jersey and hair. Shane made a painstaking effort to not enjoy the returned contact. The reciprocated touch. He was using most of his energy to shove down the warmth building in his abdomen at the weight above him, leaving almost nothing to fight back.

    “Get off of me.” Shane said without much passion, shoving. But with Rozanov on top, he didn’t have much leverage against the bigger boy.

    No.” Ilya shot back.

    Or, Shane and Ilya are at a prestigious hockey camp and can't stop fighting each other. Luckily, they might have found another way to get out their frustration.

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    04 Jan 2026

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    The locks on Ilya’s car clicked, and he waited for Shane to look up at him. “Get in,” he ground out between clenched teeth.

    Shane was hardwired to follow Ilya’s every command. It was coded into his genetics, he thought, because the deep pull in the pit of his stomach to follow the accented order couldn’t be normal. He hated that part of him that was so willing, so ready to submit. Maybe it could be explained away by some sort of psychological terminology he was unfamiliar with, a desire to relinquish control, to relax and let someone else take the wheel for once in his rigid life.

    And maybe it was just Ilya.

    In Episode 4, Shane leaves the nightclub with Rose. In the book, he leaves alone.

    But what if he had left with Ilya instead?

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    18 Dec 2025

  5. Public Bookmark 58

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    “Hansol...” Seungkwan’s voice booms out only to trail off, and he sighs before calling for a break. Hansol’s expression off-camera turns sour, stressed. At the sight of it, Seungkwan feels just a little bit regretful, but this is something Hansol has to hear, no matter how harsh. “Come here.”

    There are steps in falling in love.

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    11 Dec 2021