vanillaamnesia



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  1. Rec *

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    Ilya had become very skilled at making people feel like he wanted them.  It was an advantage that he had honed to a very fine point. 

    He made them feel like they were the only person in the world, that they would be the exception to the rule; that the stripper would fall for them, would throw away his, in their eyes, sad, pathetic life to be taken away in their yachts and private planes and all the rest of it.  He didn’t want any of that, but his skill in making them think that he did had made him a lot of money.

    It was also, almost every time, a complete lie.

    Ilya had never felt anything for any of them.  It was a performance, just like his routine on the stage.  He crawled to them, danced on them, felt their cocks get hard beneath his thighs, and left them with a wink and the ghost of a smile, so that they would be eager to come back for more.

    He had only broken that rule once, and he had learned his lesson.

    He would never do that again.

    A Tubes of Neon Light, Refracted companion.

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    13 Apr 2026

  2. Rec *

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    “I am out for the season?”

    “Probably."

    “Are you by any chance looking for a trophy husband?”

    “Ilya.”

    “Yes? No?”

    “It’s one season, Ilya, we’re not—it’s bad because you’re hurting, not because—I’m not letting this fuck anything up for us, okay? We’ll figure something out,” Shane says, resolutely.

    or, you know what they say about the best laid plans

    ilya’s first year in ottawa looks a little different than originally planned, maybe sort of because he ends up spending it recovering a broken leg in his boyfriend’s apartment, but probably mostly because he meets jackie pike

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    14 Mar 2026

  3. Rec *

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    The Swiss National League doesn’t care about the legendary Hollander-Rozanov rivalry. When the MLH can’t negotiate with the Hockey Players’ Union in time to prevent a hockey lockout at the start of the 2015 season, the Zürich Lions jump at the chance to sign both Shane and Ilya to short-term contracts. For four months in Switzerland, they share a team, a line, a house, and a bed. 

    Then the lockout ends in January, and it’s time to go back. Back to different countries, cities, lives. Beds.

    Reentry is harder than expected.

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    21 Feb 2026

  4. Rec *

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    Ilya’s soulmate seems to care a lot, about some very, very, specific things. Ilya tries to imagine what it’d be like to be on the receiving end of that kind of focus, that intensity.

    He thinks of Hollander staring him down during their last face-off. Hollander had looked like he wanted to rip Ilya’s stick from his hands and beat him with it. It was kind of hot, if Ilya’s being honest. It was even hotter when Hollander won the face-off.

    Christ. Ilya really needs to stop fucking thinking about Shane Hollander.

    or:

    ilya rozanov has been ready to meet his soulmate since he was ten. he thinks it'd be great if they also got the memo, because he’s running out of space to keep all their ginger ale.

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    28 Jan 2026

  5. Rec *

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    Hi Mr. Hayden,

    We’re pretty sure you’ve never noticed, so you might find this funny. Over the years, a few of us have been piecing together the Rozanov-Hollander saga from your fanmails.

    In mine, Ilya Rozanov was chatting in Russian in the background saying some very colorful things about someone's something.

    For a second, I actually wondered if he was your secret lover. But at this point, aren’t we all just second-guessing?

    or: Hayden Pike finally realizes he never actually double-checked any of his videos

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    02 Jan 2026