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Jayden woke to the sound of someone knocking on his bedroom door. He glanced over at his clock, before he dragged himself out of bed. It was quarter past three in the morning. The gap detector wasn't blaring, and whoever it was on the other side of the door hadn't barged in and told him to suit up so he knew it wasn't Nighlok related.
Jayden pulled open his door and blinked. Antonio blinked back at him, equally startled, and Jayden noticed that he had a pillow tucked under his arm.
"Antonio," he asked, his voice sleep-rough, "is everything alright?"
Antonio fidgeted and then stared at Jayden with large sheepish eyes. "Can I come in?"
Jayden backed away from the door and Antonio understood the gesture to be the invitation it was. He followed Jayden into the room, closing the door behind him. Jayden flicked on the lamp on his nightstand and sat down at the edge of his bed. He wasn't surprised when Antonio sat down in the centre of it, taking up more space than Jayden ever would if their situations were reversed.
"What's going on?" Jayden asked, trying not to sound too worried.
Antonio hugged his pillow to his chest and lowered his head. "Can't sleep," he admitted. He seemed embarrassed. Jayden wasn't sure why until he remembered the horror movie marathon they'd all watched a few hours before.
"Oh," he said, the worry he felt leaving him as he exhaled, relief rushing in to take its place. "I warned you that the zombie flick would give you nightmares."
"Can I stay here for a bit? Please, Jayden?" Antonio asked, looking up at Jayden through his lashes, his eyes wide and bright. Antonio was his oldest and most trusted friend. He was someone Jayden would move heaven and earth for. This request was so small against the backdrop of their lives that Jayden half wondered why Antonio would even think that he would deny him a place to rest his head.
"Of course," Jayden said. Jayden shifted further onto the bed and lay down. He then took the pillow out of Antonio's hands and put it next to his own, pushing a third pillow out of the way to make room for it. Antonio curled up on his side facing him, and Jayden reached down, grabbing the blankets and covering them both before turning off the lamp.
Just as Jayden began to doze off, Antonio whispered, "It wasn't nightmares."
Eyes still shut and mind foggy with sleep, he asked, "Then what was it?"
Antonio huffed. "Thoughts."
"Thoughts about what?"
"Fear."
Jayden started, his eyes suddenly wide and he knew, despite the darkness that Antonio was staring back at him.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
There was a short pause before Antonio whispered, "Yeah. I think I do." Antonio didn't say anything for a minute and Jayden listened to his breathing, counting the exhales until Antonio said, "I'm not scared of zombies."
"Alright," Jayden said.
"Do you remember what happened at the park today?" Antonio asked.
Jayden thought back to that afternoon when a Nighlok had attacked. "We fought the Nighlok with Mia while the others got the civilians to safety."
"Do you remember what you did during the fight?"
Jayden had used his super samurai mode, but he was fairly certain that wasn't what Antonio was getting at. "What did I do?"
Antonio sighed, sounding resigned. "When the Nighlok pointed its lightning blast at me, you jumped in the way of it." The blankets rustled and Antonio rested his hand on Jayden's hip. His palm felt warm even through Jayden's pyjamas. "You took the hit for me."
Jayden had to think hard to remember it even happening. Jumping in front of a blast like that was what he did as their leader. It was hardly remarkable. He'd do it for any of them and he'd especially do it for Antonio. "I did," Jayden confirmed.
"Why?" Antonio asked, shifting closer until Jayden could feel Antonio's breath against his forehead.
"Because I'm team leader," Jayden replied.
"No. That's not the reason. I want you to tell me why."
"It's what I do," Jayden said, not knowing what kind of answer Antonio was looking for. "It's my job to protect you."
Antonio laughed softly. "That's strange. Last time I checked it was our job to guard you."
The words hit Jayden like a punch to the gut. Antonio was right. Jayden frequently jumped in front of attacks to save his teammates. However, if Jayden was, as he pretended to be, the only person in the world who could seal Master Xandred away, then that would be an absolutely ridiculous and self-defeating thing to do. He had never before considered the ways that his protective instincts could blow his cover and he wondered, terror snaking up his spine, what the chances were that Master Xandred had put the pieces together.
"Jayden?" Antonio asked and he didn't sound amused anymore. The hand Antonio had rested on Jayden's side slipped to his back and began to trace soothing circles.
"It's nothing," Jayden said quickly.
"That wasn't nothing," Antonio said, and Jayden forced himself to relax. Antonio didn't know, and if Antonio didn't know, then the chances of the Nighloks figuring out his little secret were pretty slim. Still, he'd have to be more careful.
"I'm sorry I brought it up," Antonio said.
Jayden replayed their conversation and groaned. Jayden was supposed to be the one comforting Antonio about his fears. "Don't be," Jayden said. "What were you saying about the park?"
Jayden felt Antonio tense, the hand tracing free-flowing patterns against his back stopping abruptly for a moment. "I don't like it when you take a hit for me."
Jayden swallowed against the tide of his own anxieties. "Why?"
Suddenly Antonio was pulling him forward and wrapping his arms around him, his face buried in Jayden's shoulder. "I'm scared. I'm so scared you don't care if something bad happens to you."
Jayden's breath left him, and for a moment he was motionless in Antonio's arms.
Jayden knew he was the less important sibling -- he always was and always would be. What happened to him was immaterial as long as his sister lived. He was just a decoy, and despite Ji's words to the contrary, Jayden reminded himself of his secondary status constantly.
Yet here was Antonio curling up against him, exposing his misconceptions for what they were. Antonio cared about him. Antonio was scared that his lack of self-preservation would get him hurt or killed. Antonio had crawled into bed with him at three in the morning to reassure himself that Jayden was alive and well.
Antonio didn't think Jayden was a decoy or a fake. Antonio didn't think Jayden was anyone but someone he loved and Jayden realized then that the way he treated himself was hurting Antonio too.
Jayden gasped, his breathing unsteady like his lungs couldn't get enough air, and his hands gripped the fabric of Antonio's pyjamas, holding on as his emotions tumbled out of him. Antonio pulled him even closer, whispering "Don't scare me like that" against his ear, and Jayden, unable to form the words he needed, clung back.