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Part 1 of Made for Each Other
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2017-03-03
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1/1
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The Beginning and the Lasting

Summary:

Little Napoleon met little Illya at the school for the first time.

Notes:

The first part of this three-part series! Hope you enjoy! Comments absolutely welcome :)

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“Wait! I’ll be right back!”

Napoleon Solo, an 8-year-old little boy with black hair and deep brown eyes tossed the ball back to his friends in the playground. It was getting hotter, and Napoleon’s new jacket was making his whole body itchy. Unlike other boys who simply threw their extra clothing onto the side, Napoleon preferred to fold it neatly and placed it back into his locker. It was a rare quality for a little boy, and his mother was naturally very proud of it. Holding his jacket, Napoleon walked down the empty hall where children’s screams and laughter were heard. When he opened his locker, he saw a tiny figure emerged around the corner, looking bewildered. Napoleon eyed him curiously. The subject of his interest was certainly new. He was a few inches shorter than Napoleon with blond hair and very blue eyes. He wore a black turtleneck, and to Napoleon’s amusement, he was holding a Teddy bear in his arm. Even though Napoleon had quite a few stuffed animals beside his bed, he would never hold any of them in public, never. The boy spotted him and blushed slightly; nonetheless, his eyes displayed the same curiosity. Before Napoleon could walk closer to him, an elderly woman appeared and spoke to the boy in a language he didn’t understand. She held out her hand and the little boy followed her obediently. Napoleon’s gaze continued to trace them until they turned and disappeared down the hall.

Napoleon wasn’t sure what he had learned in school that day. He found his mind constantly drifting back to the little boy with blond hair and that strange language he had never heard of before. Who was he? Would he be in his class? What did the old lady speak to him? Were they speaking in some sort of secret codes? Then Napoleon found himself veered off-topic, dividing his stuffed animals into good and bad guys, and he was the hero who must save the world. When his mission was finally accomplished, he slumped back onto his bed exhaustedly, falling into a dreamless sleep.

……

The next day in class, while Napoleon was busy drawing a little flower with his crayons, his teacher brought in the little boy he saw yesterday. Still had his Teddy bear with him, the boy looked nervously around. The teacher clapped her hands to get the children’s attentions. She put both her hands gently on the boy’s shoulder and introduced him as Illya Kuryakin. Napoleon cocked his head aside trying to pronounce this exotic name over and over again in his mouth.

“Illya just moved here from Russia with his family.”

Napoleon tried to remember where he had heard that country before.

“Did any of you know where Russia is?” The teacher asked.

Several kids raised their hands.

“Very good, Tommy.” She nodded approvingly and used her ruler to point out a huge land on the map, which was hanging in front of the whiteboard.

Napoleon’s eyes moved from the map back to Illya, who flushed slightly like yesterday and held his Teddy bear even closer to his chest. Their teacher came back and pointed at the vacant seat beside Napoleon.

“You can sit beside Napoleon over there.”

Illya looked at his teacher uncertainly, but walked towards his seat as told. The kid in front of him passed him a sheet of white paper, and he stared at it blankly.

Napoleon turned to face his new classmate. “It’s drawing class now, you can draw whatever you like.”

He grabbed a handful of his colorful crayons on the desk.

“Take whatever you like.” Napoleon grinned at him as Illya took over the crayons and gave him a shy smile.

 

For the following weeks, Napoleon got to know more and more about his new Russian classmate. Illya was quiet and reserved; he seemed to enjoy being alone quite a lot (if you didn’t count his Teddy bear). However, he was never unapproachable. He was merely shy, as Napoleon soon discovered how often Illya blushed simply by talking to him. His curiosity only grew when he found Illya was also secretly observing him. This kind of attention usually made Napoleon unease, but somehow he was very pleased to know that Illya was interested in him too. It was until during one of their swimming classes did the two struck up a conversation. Napoleon watched in awe as Illya jumped into the pool gracefully and in just a blink of time, he was back to where he started. Illya was so at ease in water, and it made his whole person beamed up. He turned back catching Napoleon watching him intently. Instead of blushing, he gave him a rare sunny smile, and Napoleon felt his heart skipped a beat. Illya taught him how to swim and shared his learning experiences with Napoleon. When they finished drying up in the locker room, Illya was already laughing at Napoleon’s jokes. The following few days though Illya still didn’t talk much, Napoleon could already feel they become closer and closer.

......

Napoleon packed his backpack slowly and prepared to go home. Illya already headed for home after sharing a candy bar with him. It was a weirdly tired day, so he decided to follow Illya’s example, rather than joined his other friends in the playground. He walked out the school gate and continued to go forward. His home was just a few blocks away, so he always walked home instead of taking the school bus. He walked pass a tiny alleyway, where he used to find some stray kittens and fed them with his snacks. Napoleon hadn’t seen them for a while, so the noises coming within made him stopped his steps curiously. However, they didn’t sound like animals’ meows, but… Napoleon walked closer and saw several older kids standing in a semi-circle, shouting in words that his parents forbidden him to speak and laughing hysterically. He soon recognized the voice of one of the older kids, Tim Hampton, a 6th grader, who was a notorious bully at his school. His minions included kids from 1st to 6th grade. Hampton liked to pick on new kids, especially small and new kids. Illya! Napoleon wasn’t sure why Illya’s name immediately came up in his mind and sent a chill down his spine. The newly developed Illya sense told him that his new friend was in danger. And because he liked Illya, very very much, he’d do anything to protect him. Without thinking further, Napoleon threw his backpack aside and shoved pass two of the kids. He saw Illya crouching on the ground, his shirt was dirty and his hair was a complete mess. One of his knees was bleeding and he was looking up at the bullies trying to beat back tears without success.

“Stop it!! You’re hurting him!” Napoleon kneeled down beside Illya, trying to protect him.

“So what? Are you going to stop me?” Hampton stepped forward and grabbed Napoleon’s shirt with his fat hand.

Napoleon’s eyes widened as he suddenly realized he was facing a kid much bigger and stronger than he was, not to mention that Hampton’s minions were closing up at him as well. He swallowed and prepared himself for a blow in the stomach or a punch in the face, but neither of this happened, when one of the kids detected some adults walking towards their direction. Napoleon felt the grip on his shirt loosened and he slumped down to the ground. He struggled to his feet and saw Illya’s Teddy bear lying a few inches away from him. It was already covered with dirt. He picked it up carefully and tried to dust off as much dirt as possible. He also found one of the bear’s eyes was missing, the thread barely visible. Napoleon walked over to Illya, who drew his knees up around his chest and was sobbing quietly. Napoleon sat down beside him and laid a hand on Illya’s hair.

“Are you alright?” But he got no answer. Napoleon gave Illya his Teddy bear. “Here. I’m sorry I can’t find the other eye.”

Illya shook his head and grabbed onto the Teddy bear as if his life was depended on it. The wound on Illya’s knee was still bleeding.

“We need to clean this up. Can you walk?” Napoleon held on to Illya’s arm trying to help him up.

Illya winced as he started to move his leg. “Come on, Illya, let me carry you.”

Illya made no protest as he was carried up onto his back and Illya rested his head on Napoleon’s shoulder. Napoleon surprisingly found out that his friend was even lighter than he initially thought. He brought Illya back to the health center and held his hand while the nurse applied iodine on his wound. When she left to get some Band-Aid, Napoleon found a chocolate bar in his pocket and gave it to Illya. He wiped away his tears with the back of his hand and gave Napoleon a little smile. Napoleon smiled too. It was good to help his best friend and see him smile. Illya unwrapped the plastic cover while the nurse covered up his wound.

“Okay, kids, do you want me to call your parents to pick you up?”

Napoleon looked at Illya then back to her.

“It’s okay. I can walk him home.”

She looked at them quizzically but said no more.

“Very well. Be careful.”

“We will!” Napoleon held on to Illya’s hand and led him out of the school.

 

They didn’t talk a lot during their way back home, but interesting enough, Napoleon didn’t feel the least bit of awkwardness. It was like walking home with Illya was the most natural thing. He felt very right and at ease with his Russian friend. Illya finished the last bits of chocolate and smiled at Napoleon again as he threw the wrapper into the trash bin. Napoleon returned the smile. In a short time later, he’d discover one of Illya’s main interests- food. But right now, he just thought Illya loved chocolate.

“Maybe we should walk back home together from now on…” Napoleon murmured.

He really enjoyed this short walk, but it was mostly due to being with Illya.

“I mean, Hampton might still be waiting for you.” He added quickly trying not to sound so needy.

“I’m not afraid of him.” Illya looked up at him, his little face showed all the determination.

“Okay…” How should he continue like this? Napoleon thought.

“Not even a little?” He pressed, another desperate attempt.

Illya’s expressions softened and he lowered his head.

“Well… a little bit maybe?” Napoleon’s smile broadened.

“So it’s a deal?”

Illya nodded his head. “Deal.”

Illya pointed at a house a few steps away from them. “My home’s over there.”

“Well, see you tomorrow, Illya.”

Even though Napoleon knew he’d see his friend tomorrow, somehow, he didn’t want to leave.

“Bye bye, Napoleon, and thank you.” Illya stood by the door, watching Napoleon turned away. But he turned back immediately.

“Hey, Illya, do you want to come over for dinner?”

 

One hour later, Napoleon and his parents were watching Illya in amusement as the little skinny kid asked to refill his plate for the third time. Came to think of it, it was amazing how the tiny body could cram in such a large sum of food. They were all very happy. Napoleon’s mother had a satisfied smile on her face knowing her food was much appreciated; his father was glad that his son had a new friend in school, who was also very well-mannered. And Napoleon was happy, because, well…. He looked at Illya sitting beside him, spooning up another mouthful of food. Later on, the desert was also consumed by Illya with the same speed. Dinner finished, the boys helped cleaned up the plates and wiped the table.

“Mom, can Illya stay for a little while?” Napoleon asked when he walked in the kitchen with a pile of dirty plates.

“All right. But not too long, you both have school tomorrow and Illya’s family will be worried if he gets back home too late.”

Napoleon shook his head. “I won’t, just want to show him my room.”

Illya looked at one of the framed photos placing on top of the fireplace showing Napoleon, perhaps a year or two younger, dressed up as an astronaut in a Halloween Party. His expression was absurdly serious, and Illya couldn’t help but grinned. Napoleon gave him a puzzled look then grabbed Illya’s arm. They ran up the second floor and Napoleon opened the door that led to his room. It was a typical young boy’s room. The walls were painted in soothing light blue color and the bed sheet had a colorful cartoon-car pattern.

“Wow!” Illya widened his eyes when he spotted all kinds of toys around the room.

Instead of spreading around messily, they were arranged nicely. They jumped onto the fluffy bed and Napoleon started to introduce his stuffed animals placing beside his bed.

“This is Mark,” He pointed at a bear with a brown woolen hat.

“April,” Another bear with a red dress on.

“George,” Another one with a tiny black-rimmed glasses on.

“and this,” Napoleon pulled out a much larger Teddy bear with soft grayish fur. “is Alex.”

“Aw.” Illya took it and couldn’t resist resting his head on the soft surface.

“Where’s yours?” Napoleon asked when he suddenly realized that he hadn’t seen Illya’s own Teddy bear for a long time.

“It’s here. But I’m afraid it’s rather dirty now.” He placed it into Napoleon’s hands.

Napoleon narrowed his eyes as he took the dirty stuffed animal in hand. Right now, he felt his Teddy bears were living in a palace, while Illya’s had been struggling on the streets for years. Sensing Illya’s embarrassment at Napoleon’s frown, he turned back to comfort him.

“Don’t worry, my mom will know what to do.”

Illya followed Napoleon down the stairs and found his mom in the kitchen.

“Mom, can you help Teddy?”

“Who?” Napoleon’s mother turned to them in confusion.

She smiled when she saw the bear in her son’s hand.

“He’s wounded and in desperate need of a bath.” Napoleon said in a rather dramatic tone.

“Oh, I see.” She looked it over carefully. “I’m sorry, Illya, I’m afraid we don’t have the exact button that matches Teddy’s other eye. But if you don’t mind, I have a jar full of buttons you can choose from.”

“Thank you, that’ll be great.”

Napoleon brought out a glass jar from the drawer, which was full of various buttons with different size, shape, and color. Illya took a handful of them and examined them carefully in his palm. Napoleon picked up a few and toyed with them.

“Have you decided, Illya?”

Napoleon’s mother came back a few minutes later.

“Yes.” Illya replied as he held up a little purple button.

“Oh this,” she smiled fondly. “this is actually from one of Napoleon’s shirts, which was already too small for him. But the button is so special, I didn’t want to throw it away.”

Illya looked back at Napoleon and they both smiled.

 

Instead of staying for a few hours, Illya ended up in Napoleon’s house for the whole night. They laughed and played until both were exhausted and fell asleep snuggling together on Napoleon’s bed. It was until his dad came into the room to call the boys up did he find they were holding hands while sleeping. The two sleepy boys took turn taking shower. While Napoleon sat down for his breakfast, Illya appeared, freshly showered, wearing Napoleon’s t-shirt. It was a little too big for him, so it was natural that one side of the shirt slid down, partially revealed Illya’s pale shoulder. Napoleon helped him straightened up and was amazed once again by Illya’s enormous appetite.

......

From that day on, they became inseparable. It was weird when Napoleon thought about his friendship with Illya. He always enjoyed being with friends, and he was a child who was good at making friends. However, he never had a good enough friend that he wanted to share everything with him. But Illya was different. He shared everything with Illya without fear and worries, because he trusted Illya and knew Illya would share his secrets with him as well. If he knew the word “soul mate” by then, he would not hesitate to say he found one. It was at those times when Napoleon discovered Illya’s fear for dogs, especially big dogs. He would hide behind Napoleon when they walked passed a huge dog belonged to their neighbor. Also, during a trip to the amusement part, Napoleon knew Illya could finish three ice cream cones within ten minutes. In turn, he told Illya his biggest fear, which he never even mentioned it to his parents. They visited each other’s house constantly, and Napoleon came to know that the elderly lady he first saw in the school’s hallway was Illya’s grandmother. With both his parents at work, Illya was mostly being taken care of by his grandmother. She invited Napoleon to dinner and prepared traditional Russian tea and dessert, which he was not used to at first, but soon grew to like them. He even picked up a few words in Russian and told Illya jokingly that he could never say bad things in front of him anymore, because now he understood. They seldom fought, but even if they did, they always made up soon after.

It was again Illya’s turn to stay over at Napoleon’s place. They were lying on the carpeting floor taking a brief break after one of their own invented games was over.

“Napoleon, we should find our own secret base.”

Confused by Illya’s sudden statement, Napoleon turned to his friend. “Huh?”

“I mean, all the people should have their own secret bases, where nobody could find them when they do not wish to be found.”

Napoleon thought about it for a moment. “You mean like a safe house for secret agents?”

Illya’s eyes glowed in excitement and sat up abruptly. “Exactly!”

But he soon lowered his head and looked down at Napoleon. “But where? We can build a tree house outside… no, that’s too obvious…” He mumbled to himself.

“How about upstairs?”

“Upstairs?” Illya looked at Napoleon.

“Do you remember the attic on top of my room?” He pointed at the ceiling.

“Yes, but didn’t your parents use it as a storage room?”

Napoleon waved his hand. “It’s fine. They hardly use it. We can just put their things aside and make ways for our own stuff.”

“Sounds like a good idea.” Illya gave him a huge grin.

“And there is a window on top, so we can look at the stars when we lie down.”

The two boys spent no time but quickly got to their feet. They walked up the narrow staircase that led directly to the attic.

“Wait, we need a flashlight!” Napoleon ran down the stairs and back to his room in search for the item.

When he got back, Illya was gone and the door to the attic was slightly parted.

“Illya?”

Even with his flashlight, the dump and stuffy attic still made the hair on his back stood up. Maybe there was a monster here? He bumped into something soft and let out a scream, so did that object. Then he found out it was only Illya, they both laughed and searched for the light switch. Finally, the light bulb was on and they looked around the place. It wasn’t bad at all. Not too cramp, but not too big for two little boys’ secret base.

“Not bad, huh?” Napoleon asked.

“It’s marvelous!” Illya jumped up excitedly.

They spent the next few days cleaning up the place, dusting off the dirt, and decorated the little place with their toys. They were often the first to run out of school as soon as the bell rang. Napoleon’s dad had asked the boys what they were up to when he saw them running up and down busily. They only smiled secretly and ran away.

“Yay!!”

They lied down side by side after finishing up the final detail regarding their secret base. The two glanced at each other then back at the attic, both marveled by what big a change they had made. They made room in the middle and put their sleeping bags down. On the wall were their drawings and some posters they collected. They crawled into their sleeping bags and on top of them, they could see the brilliant stars through the little window. They automatically snuggled closer to each other.

“What do you want to be when you grow up, Polya?”

Napoleon never thought about this question before.

“I don’t know, Illya, what about you?”

“I’m not sure either, but I want to do something that helps people.”

“Like a police officer?”

“Something like that I guess.”

As the idea suddenly popped up, Napoleon exclaimed excitedly.

“How about secret agents? We can partner up and fight the bad guys! And we’ll be able to save the world!”

Illya smiled at the very idea. “Yes! I’d like that very much! You and me against the world!”

They grew quiet as it drained out all their energy to think of their future careers. The silent continued and Napoleon felt himself slowly drifting off to sleep.

“Will we be together forever, Polya?” He heard a soft voice by his ear.

“Yes, we will, Illya, go to sleep.”

He turned and rested his forehead on Illya’s and fell back to sleep.

......

Napoleon and Illya walked back home together as usual. Tim Hampton and his minions appeared out of nowhere and blocked their way. Hampton snarled at them as he folded his arms in front of his chest.

“Hey! Look who’s here! Isn’t that our dear little Russian doll?”

He and his companions laughed hysterically and he ruffled Illya’s hair roughly. Illya remained still and stared at him without saying a word.

“Hey!” Without a second thought, Napoleon stepped in front of Illya.

Hampton pretended to be surprised when he saw Napoleon.

“Oh, I forgot you have a boyfriend!”

They laughed again and Hampton snatched Illya’s Teddy bear away and tossed it on the ground.

“Don’t touch him!” Napoleon said as he tried desperately to protect Illya with his body.

“I can touch him as much as I like!”

He shoved Napoleon aside and pushed Illya, hard enough to make him stumbled back a few steps and fell down. It made Napoleon so mad that he swung a fist aiming at Hampton’s stomach, but unfortunately missed by a few inches.

Hampton grinned. “Nice try, but not good enough.”

He grabbed Napoleon’s shirt and shoved him up against the wall.

“Since you like it so much, I’ll take care of you first, then your blond-haired boyfriend.”

Napoleon closed his eyes and turned his head to the side. He felt disgusted at Hampton’s bad breath facing him and his saliva spitting on his face when he spoke. He only hoped Illya would use this time to run away, so he would not die under this tragic circumstance like him. Napoleon opened his eyes briefly and saw Hampton raised his fist in midair. No! Napoleon screamed and struggled, trying to kick his attacker. Then something unexpected happened.

“Don’t you dare hurt my friend!”

Napoleon heard a furious shout and he swore he saw Illya jumped down behind Hampton’s back and bit hard into his shoulder. Hampton screamed in pain and lost his balance as he fell to the ground, but Illya’s teeth were still firmly bitten into his flesh. Hampton tried to push Illya away, but the little Russian didn’t let go.

“Help me! Help me!” Hampton tried to get help from his minions, but they all stood around eyes widening in shock.

It was not until two of their teachers came out to stop them did Illya release Hampton. He rolled on the floor in agony, one hand covering his wounded shoulder.

“He bit me!” Hampton pointed at Illya accusingly in between sobs.

The teacher immediately took him to the nurse, leaving Napoleon and Illya behind. Napoleon quickly ran to his friend’s side.

“Are you all right, Illya?”

Illya looked dazed, it was only after a few seconds did Illya turn to Napoleon and blink.

“I’m fine. Did he hurt you, Polya?”

“No. You save me.” Napoleon chuckled, still couldn’t believe his eyes.

“I do?” Illya gave him a triumphant smile.

 

They were called to the principle’s office a bit later and was severely scorned by Hampton’s mother who insisted that her son was a good boy who wouldn’t even hurt a fly. She went on and on saying how could they allow savage kids like Napoleon and Illya harming her dear son. In between those ridiculous accusations, she comforted her crying son who had a thick bandage on his shoulder. The principle only nodded patiently and promised it wouldn’t happen again. Hampton’s mother gave Napoleon and Illya a furious warning glance then shoved her crying son out of the door. The principle looked back at the boys and sighed.

“Just don’t let it happened again okay, boys? You may go now.”

They raced back home feeling extremely proud and relief then they collapsed onto the floor in their secret base and laughed. They would be invincible as long as they were together. Napoleon smiled and looked at his best friend. For the countless time in his life, Napoleon was glad that he had Illya.

......

The semester was coming to an end, and both were extremely excited at the coming of summer vacation. They made a lot of plans thinking about where they wanted to go and what would they want to do. Their plans were all laid out on a piece of paper and they pasted it on the wall of their secret base. However, Napoleon began to worry when he found Illya lost his usual appetite and didn’t have much interest in his favorite games.

“Illya, are you alright? Are you ill?”

Illya shook his head and lowered his gaze.

“Hey, what’s going on?” He gently put an arm around his friend’s shoulder.

Illya suddenly burst out in tears and held on to Napoleon tightly. He was shocked by Illya’s sudden embrace, but he soon recovered and returned the hug tightly.

“We’re moving back to Russia, Napoleon…” Illya said as he buried his tear-filled face on Napoleon’s shoulder.

“Are you… sure?” He couldn’t believe it was true.

“Yes… I overheard my parents yesterday…” He said in between sobs. “I don’t want to go away, Polya, I want to be with you…”

“I want to be with you too, Illya.”

Napoleon felt the tears slowly filled his eyes and gradually trickled down his cheeks.

“When are you going to go back?”

They broke the embrace and Illya dried his tears on the sleeves.

“I don’t know, soon I guess. I already saw the moving truck by my house.”

Napoleon tightened his grip on Illya’s arm. “Don’t worry, Illya, I won’t let them take you away, I’ll hide you and they’ll never find you, okay?”

“Okay…” Illya said softly as the tears came down again.

 

When the day came Illya packed a few snacks in his backpack and secretly took off to Napoleon’s house. Napoleon and Illya had discovered a very well-hidden closet in their secret base and it fitted Illya perfectly. Napoleon thought on hiding Illya for a while, living on their snacks, and after all was clear, they’d run away and settle down in somewhere else. They mapped out the place they wanted to visit and collected a lot of candy bars, cookies, and chocolate. Napoleon quickly pulled Illya in and locked the attic door. He took Illya’s backpack aside and opened the closet letting him climbed in it. Illya looked at him worriedly.

“Don’t worry Illya, it’ll be alright, I promise.”

He nodded and Napoleon closed the cover. It was pretty quiet for a while and Napoleon opened the cover from time to time to make sure Illya was alright. Then he heard the doorbell rang followed by some footsteps. Napoleon opened the door and peeked out carefully. He saw Illya’s dad looking worried while talking to his dad. Then he felt the footsteps getting closer and closer, before he could turn away, he saw his dad standing in front of him.

“I didn’t see Illya!” Napoleon blurted out.

Seeing his father narrowed his eyes, he added. “He went home before I did today.”

“Son.” His father’s voice was gentle, but Napoleon could feel the weight in it.

He never really got angry at Napoleon, but from his voice, he knew he was in trouble. He didn’t say anything further, but stood out of the way for his father to unlock the door that led to the attic. He closed his eyes and prayed his father wouldn’t find Illya. But after a few minutes later, Napoleon’s father appeared holding onto Illya’s hand and led him out of the door. He left the boys alone for another few minutes and walked down to inform Illya’s father. Tears were falling down on Illya’s face and they held on to each other tightly. How Napoleon hoped Illya would be with him forever, didn’t he always believe that? How could this happen? He promised Illya they would always be together! Illya’s father was calling him and Napoleon picked up Illya’s backpack and handed it to him. He looked at Illya in surprise when he gave him the Teddy bear.

“Will you take care of Teddy?”

“Illya…”

Then the scene became a blur when Napoleon watched Illya through watering eyes as his friend ran down the stairs without looking back and got into a car that was waiting for him. That was when he felt his tears streaming down his cheeks. He didn’t realize his father was beside him when he put his arm around him.

......

Napoleon left the table without even touching his dinner that night, yet his parents did not call after him. He walked up the stairs leading to the attic wearily. Crawled into his sleeping bag, Napoleon clinched tightly to Teddy, hoping this last bit would somehow keep Illya close by. He looked up at the sky, the same moon shined as the day he promised Illya they would be together forever. But looking beside him, Illya was nowhere to be found. Turning to his side, Napoleon felt the wetness on his face. He didn’t know how to face his future without Illya.

The End?

(Of course not! To be continued in a sequel. Don’t worry! I’ll definitely give the boys a happy ending. They mean too much to me <3)

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