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So Fragile Inside

Summary:

Ten years after Blackwell, Max and Victoria discover they've both been invited to Rachel and Chloe's wedding. As the night winds down, they discover they're booked at the same hotel, and decide to share a cab — and an important conversation.

Notes:

For my buddy Xan! Happy birthday, pal!

Work Text:

Max surveys the scene around her, looking for the path through the trees and back to civilization. She’s had plenty of fun on the beach, but she’s got enough wine in her to think it might be time to call it a night. The bonfire still burns bright behind her, lighting the temporary tables and canopies that the catering company set up on the beach. Most of her friends are gone, only a few stragglers hanging about, too dark to see more than silhouettes. The lucky couple left hours ago for what is going to be, no doubt, an intense wedding night. It’s been good. Max is satisfied.

She spots her target and waves a goodbye to the silhouettes, who take little enough notice. As the cold sand filters over her flip-flops, she hears another pair of sandals coming up behind her. She turns and sees a familiar, tall figure, clad in a white-and-gold sundress and wearing her blonde pixie haircut as well as ever.

“Heading out, Max?” she asks, a soft smile on her lips.

“Victoria! I thought I saw you hanging around,” Max exclaims. “You going too?”

“Yeah.” Victoria cracks her neck. “Where are you staying?”

“Oh, uh, the Venice,” Max replies as they start heading towards the city lights.

“So am I. Share a cab?”

“Of course!” Max watches her step. She did have a fair amount of wine. Who knew Rachel had such taste?

“This is the first chance I’ve gotten to see you in at least a year. You’re slacking, Max,” Victoria teases. “How can I keep up a rivalry if my rival won’t show up?”

“I’ve been busy making photos, not displaying them,” Max retorts. “And you know you can just ask to have a visit sometime, right? We don’t have to do this whole thing where we happen to schedule showings in the same city.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Victoria asks, smiling down at her. “What, are you pretending we’re friends, Caulfield? You know how bad that would be for my reputation.”

“Enemies don’t usually have six-hour Facebook conversations at midnight,” Max counters, stepping up onto the sidewalk and holding her hand out for a taxi.

“That only happened five or six times,” Victoria scoffs, waving her hand dismissively. She spots Max’s hand and pushes it down. “Max, seriously, come on.” She puts her own arm out. “Leave this to the people with actual height.”

“I grew one whole inch since high school and you know it.”

Before Victoria can respond, the two are distracted by a cab stopping for them, and they take a moment to tell the man where to go and decide who’s paying (Victoria insists, “but just out of charity.”) As they get into the back, Max touches Victoria’s hand lightly.

“Seriously, Victoria, how have you been?” she asks, lowering her voice.

Victoria shrugs. “Same as it ever was.”

“Somehow I don’t think you’ve found yourself living in a shotgun shack.”

“What?”

“Hipster humor, ignore me.” Max buckles herself in. “It really has been a while since we’ve talked. Everything all right?”

“Nothing’s really come up, in all honesty. Still doing my projects, but you follow my blog, you know all about that. Still living in the same apartment, still seeing Nathan on the weekends. Still me.” Victoria’s shoulders slump. “It’s a pretty good life, I guess.”

Max has learned by now not to ask the “Anyone special?” question. Victoria always brushes it off. Privately, she’s always thought Victoria should actually seek out more friends in her real life, like human beings with physical bodies in her vicinity, but Victoria puts off an aura that dissuades one from critiquing her life. She’s always so busy.

Except now, apparently.

“So how is Nathan?” Max asks hesitantly.

“He’s doing better. I got a court order against his dad, he can’t visit anymore. It always made him...get worse.” Victoria looks out the window. “He’s not as angry these days. The nurses haven’t had to sedate him or hold him down or anything in over a year. Maybe he can get out soon, but I don’t know if he even wants to anymore.”

Max reaches over and touches Victoria’s shoulder. “Sorry for bringing it up like that—”

“No, no, it’s okay,” Victoria says, brushing her off. “You know, it’s good that you still care about him. Sometimes it feels like everyone just forgot he existed once he was committed. Even Taylor doesn’t really like talking about him.”

“He’s still important to you,” Max says softly. “That’s a good thing.”

Victoria snorts. “Yep, still my best friend. And what does that say about me?”

As the cab pulls to a stop outside their hotel, Max takes a second to think. “Victoria, do you want to come up to my room and catch up for a while?” she asks. “The minibar has a nice-looking bottle in it...”

“That sounds really nice,” Victoria admits.

They make their way inside, then up to Max’s room. Victoria looks more relaxed than just a minute ago; Max wonders how much she really does want company and is just too proud to admit the fact.  Max opens the minibar, pops open the bottle with the provided corkscrew, and fills a glass for each of them, sitting on the edge of the bed while Victoria takes the chair by the window.

“So I didn’t ask this yet, but how the hell did you end up at Chloe and Rachel’s wedding?” Max inquires, trying to lighten the mood a little in here.

“I was invited, of course,” Victoria says, putting her hand to her chest in mock offense.

“What? Since when are you friends with either of them? I mean, I know things have changed since Blackwell but I thought that bridge was well and truly burned.” Max takes a sip of her wine. “Spill it, Victoria.”

“One second.” Victoria grins at her, then downs her entire glass. She holds one finger up to Max while she refills it and takes a quick gulp, then sighs happily, throwing her head back. “Okay. So, I mean, Rachel and I started talking on Facebook after the whole Nathan situation exploded, sort of like me and you. Pretty low-key, she just wanted to say she was supportive or whatever.”

“Well that’s nice—”

“But.” Victoria rears her head back, and Max sees that she must’ve been fairly drunk before now and had been keeping her public image afloat, because she’s wobbling. “Butbutbut. Okay. So Chloe and I started being Facebook friends too, sort of anyway, she just added me because Rachel had me, and then...you remember that big fight they had a couple years back? Where they broke up for six months?”

“Oh, God, that was horrible,” Max groans. “Chloe was calling me every night crying.”

“Well, the first day that Chloe was out of their apartment, she knew I was in town because of my posts and asked if she could stay at my room. She brought a six-pack, and, well, we...”

Max’s eyes widen. “You didn’t.”

Victoria laughs, covering her mouth. “I did.”

“Holy crap, Victoria, I didn’t even know you were gay,” Max admits.

Victoria looks down. “I’ve known for a long time. Not public about it or anything.”

“Honestly I was starting to think you were asexual, since you never even mentioned wanting someone. But really, Chloe?”

“You know what’s funny?” Victoria asks. “I don’t regret it at all. She doesn’t either, they both thought it was just hilarious to invite me.”

Max has a dumb, stupid, idiot thought and blushes hard. But she’s drunk, and despite Victoria’s insistence to the contrary, she’s with a friend right now. “...what’s she like?” she asks quietly.

Victoria cocks an eyebrow. “Maxine Caulfield, are you trying to dig for dirty details? Got a little special interest you’ve been hiding?”

Max can’t believe she’s even saying this, but, well, Victoria’s admitting things. And God, she should tell someone. It’s been bottled up for too many years. ”I mean...”

“Oh my God.” Victoria chuckles. “I knew it! I thought for sure they’d implode and Chloe would end up with you. Who knew they’d get married?”

“I, um, during that big fight...when she was talking to me all the time for support...I thought, maybe she’d like to be with me instead.” Max takes a long drink of her wine. “I’m a little jealous.”

Victoria giggles, which is not a sound Max has heard often. It’s very nice. “And here I thought you were all cute and innocent.”

“I’m baring my soul here, Victoria.”

“Well, you definitely missed out.” Victoria relaxes back into her chair. “She’s kind of amazing. And before you ask, the rumor was true, she has piercings.”

“Oh my God,” Max mutters, taking a drink of wine to keep herself from saying any more dumb things.

“So I take it you’re still single?” Victoria asks, a glint in her eye. “What happened to that one guy, I wanna say Evan? Devin?”
“Devin,” Max confirms. “It just...I don’t know. It didn’t work out. It was okay, but, yeah, I don’t know. And hey, now you have to tell me what’s going on, since I’ve tried to be nice by not asking you about this.”

“You thought I was ace,” Victoria points out.

“Whatever, so I did. Is Chloe the only one?”

Victoria shifts uncomfortably. “No.”

“Victoria, you can’t just say that and not elaborate.”

“It’s...just...no one important. Women I met in galleries, or networking events, and things. Nobody long-term. That’s not what they wanted.” Victoria stares into her glass.

Oh. Dammit, Caulfield, you were supposed to be keeping the mood light. But now they’re on the subject, and Max feels for her. “Are you lonely, Victoria?” she asks, looking over her glass and trying to meet Victoria’s eyes.

“I mean...I’m fine. You know, it’s all right. It’s not like I make any real effort.” Victoria grips her cup with both hands. “It’s always someone else making the move, and they don’t want anything serious. Why would they?”

“Victoria—”

“No one’s gonna love me like Chloe loves Rachel, or how Kate loves Dana. That’s just not who I am.” Victoria sniffs. “I mean, isn’t that obvious? Everyone else from our school found someone, pretty fast too, and I’ve never even been on a date. ” She finishes off her second glass, sets it on the table, and puts her head in her hands. “I stick to what I’m good at, okay? I can take good pictures and I can take care of Nathan. So I do that.”

“And you can be a good friend to me,” Max says, wanting to reach out, touch her, comfort her. She’s seen this side of Victoria before, in those long Messenger chats when she came back from a tense visit with Nathan or got a rejection from a show she was hoping to do alongside Max. But she’s never been like this in person; their lunches and dinners are always lighthearted little affairs, poking and teasing at each other over expensive food. This feels like a new step, and one that Max can’t screw up.

“Bullshit,” Victoria counters. “I know you have better friends.”

“I...don’t know if I do, actually,” Max says, rubbing the back of her neck. “I know, you’re gonna say Chloe, or Kate, or Dana, but they’re all settled, you know? They have their own things happening and I’m a flake, I’m all over the place. That’s why...” She pauses, breathes. “That’s why I can’t keep anyone around. But you always make an effort, when you can. I think I talk to you more than anyone else I know at this point. I travel so much, but when I do, I see you so often.” Max looks down. “...it’s really nice.”

“Jesus, if I’m your best friend, things have seriously gone to shit for you,” Victoria spits. “I thought Chloe would always be there for you.”

“She...she has Rachel, and that’s a commitment,” Max says carefully, finishing her wine. “I don’t know. People grow apart. We did before, when I moved to Seattle all those years ago. The important thing is, Victoria, that I’m really glad that after all that nasty crap in high school...we somehow ended up here.”

“Oh, God, don’t mention Blackwell,” Victoria mumbles. “You know why I was so shitty to you?”

“I mean, you were the popular kid, I was the nerd, it was just—”

“I liked you.”

Max freezes. Oh. Oh.

She looks at Victoria again, studying her intently, seeing her in an entirely different light. She’s withdrawn into herself.

“I thought you were so cool. And you were cute, and everyone liked you, and I was closeted and scared and angry and I thought you were, I don’t know, a threat or something, and I was such an asshole for so long, and it was so unfair to you and I don’t know how you’ve ever forgiven me for that—”

Max shoots to her feet and approaches her, softly saying, “Hey, hey.” She sets her glass aside and crouches down, her hands on Victoria’s shoulders. “It’s all right. I said you treat me well now, and you do. High school was almost ten years ago now. I’m happy we are where we are.”

Victoria doesn’t say anything, looking hideously embarrassed, blush hot in her cheeks, hair a mess from all the times she’s dragged her fingers through it.

But this makes so much make sense, for Max. And she finds she’s not bothered at all by what Victoria said. And looking at her now...

“Do you still like me?” Max asks, running her hands down Victoria’s arms, stopping at her wrists.

“Of course I do,” Victoria murmurs. “How could I not? You’ve just gotten better and better the longer I’ve known you, you got more confident, you’ve helped me through a lot, I—I’m so sorry, I’m such a bitch, I was just — I never told you —”

“It’s all right,” Max whispers, taking Victoria’s hands. She thinks about how to approach this. How to tell Victoria it’s more than all right, better than all right. Something flashes in her head, and she smiles. “You know, you lied earlier.”

“What?”

“When you said you haven’t been on a date. What were all those evenings out with me?”

Victoria looks up at her, eyes wide. Max meets those eyes, squeezing Victoria’s hands, pulse pounding in her veins. She can feel herself getting short of breath, thinking about this, taking this step.

But what’s life without a little risk?

“You know, Victoria, when you take a girl out and pay for her every time, the least you could do is give her a kiss goodnight,” Max continues.

“Are you really saying...” Victoria swallows, still staring. “You...you want to—”

“Make up for lost time?” Max suggests. Victoria’s breath hitches.

Max cups her chin with one hand and brings Victoria’s lips to her own. She tastes so nice. Her lips are soft and hesitant but so eager. Victoria gets to her feet, hands splaying out on Max’s back, holding her close.

Victoria breaks off, shaking. Max hugs her, heart still in overdrive, smelling her perfume, feeling the warmth of her body. “Stay in my room tonight,” she whispers.

“M-Max, this — please, this can’t just be one night,” Victoria pleads, fingers clenching the fabric of Max’s dress.

“It won’t be,” Max promises. She stands on her tiptoes and kisses Victoria again. “Stay.”

And Victoria stays.

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