Work Text:
"You know, if you don't stop eating like this, we're never going to make it to any real anniversaries."
"Real anniversaries?"
"Yeah. The first year is paper. The hell is a paper anniversary? Here. Eat a carrot and help us get to 25."
"One, the only vegetable I like on my plate comes fried and rhymes with schlemato. Two, why do you know that paper is for first anniversaries? I don't even know that."
"I know things. Eat the carrot."
"No carrots, and why do you know that particular thing? You wear a backwards baseball cap."
"Which you bought for me. Carrot!"
"No. And I bought it for you because your old hat was so old and gross it was growing spores. Men who wear gross hats shouldn't know about paper anniversaries."
"Can we get off hats and get back to you eating this carrot?!?"
"Get off hats...dirty."
"Ah, geez."