Archive of Our Own

'Karu found the remains of a garden in a corner of the backyard, practically crawling into the wooden fence, the first summer after they'd moved into the house. It didn't look like much. Weeds had overtaken anything that might once have grown there. 'Karu thought about the tulips that had bloomed in front of the house across from them when spring had come, and the honeysuckle crawling along the gate of the house caddy-corner from them.

'Karu was seven when he ended up in the cages. He didn't remember a lot from before then, and what there was were mostly just sense memories. He remembered the sick swaying pitch of being on a ship, the heat of too many other bodies. He remembered the feel of a metal fence beneath his fingers.

He also remembered the feel of dirt beneath his bare feet, and somehow it was a comforting memory amongst the rest. He dug his fingers into the ground and yanked at a weed. It felt good, prying it loose, clearing out the floral predator to make space for something to grow. Before he knew it, Jamie was crouched beside him saying, "Hey," and half the space was devoid of weeds. He wasn't even sure how long he'd been out there.

'Karu looked at him. "I'm allowed to use the money Tony gave us for Christmas any way I want, right?"

"Yes," Jamie said softly, but with a fierce certainty behind it.

'Karu smiled at the ground in front of him, and whatever Jamie saw, it made him laugh a little. "C'mon, let's get you presentable for the dinner table."

'Karu's fingers made rivulets in the dirt. He wondered if they would still be there the next time he came to weed.

*

'Karu found a book in the school library about plants good for beginning gardeners. He used some of the hundred dollars Tony had given all the kids—even Joanna, and Billy, Vin's half-brother who only lived with the Larabees for half the year—toward gardening supplies, and seeds for phlox, asters, yarrow and penstemon.

He followed the instructions on the seed packet and in the book to the letter, and in late summer and early fall, his first crop of flowers came in a riot of color. 'Karu spent every day he could out by the little spot, digging his toes into the earth and considering what he could do next spring. Bones had already suggested that expanding the garden would be nice, if 'Karu wanted to. 'Karu was pretty sure that actually meant Bones was giving him the chance without making him ask. Bones did things like that for the three of them all the time.

He couldn't wait.

*

His interest in the plants for more than just the peace of mind they allowed him began in the middle of winter. In history they were doing projects on Native American practices, and 'Karu chose to research what they did with plants because it was at least something to which he could relate. He looked into the kinds of flowers he'd grown, and some he was thinking of putting in the coming spring. He'd added hosta, catmint and winter aconite to the list of things he planned to grow when the earth thawed.

Bones asked him, as he always did, how his day at school had gone. 'Karu told him about the medicines his plants could make. Bones, instead of laughing, said, "We'll have to set up an area for dry storage in the basement."

'Karu blinked. Mostly, he'd just felt like this might be something he could share with Bones, something that would make him seem worthy of the effort Bones was always putting out for them. Bones mussed 'Karu's hair a little, and said, "I might have the only kids in the world who need to be taught to be a little more high maintenance."

Without realizing he was going to say it, 'Karu murmured, "Clint and Jo and Ronon."

Bones laughed. "And all of the rest of them. Yeah, yeah."

*

That summer, when Jamie took a turn too quickly on the bike Bones had gotten him for his birthday, 'Karu mixed up a poultice and used it to clean out and pack the resulting road rash. Jamie never looked uncertain it would work, even though 'Karu had been. Bones was seemingly confident as well, because 'Karu knew he'd never have been allowed to even try if Bones had a single doubt.

'Karu liked the faith they had in him. He could only think about it for short bursts of time or it overwhelmed him, making his chest burn and most of his fears ricochet around his head. But he still liked it.

*

The poultice and a few other plant-based remedies proved useful and efficacious over the summer. As such, when Nyota thought she was coming down with a cold, she came to him, eyes huge, nose red and asked, "Can you fix me with your plants?"

'Karu thought he probably should be telling her to talk to Bones, but he understood her reasons for not wanting to. Sure, they had all been nicely fixed up at the hospital that first time, and they trusted Bones, but not the others, and the hospital was full-up with others. Plus, actual medical care involved bills, and Bones had already bought a house because of them. Nobody wanted to push the limits.

He nodded, and went down to the cellar to pick off some dried yarrow. He'd start with tea.

*

Either the tea worked, or she just wasn't very sick, because Nyota's cold disappeared before it had even really begun. Unfortunately, Jamie managed to catch it in that time. Jamie's immune system had kind of fallen to pieces after their release. 'Karu had never known him to fall sick once in the cages, but in the eighteen or so months they'd been out, he'd had no less than three major infections and two viral breakouts. Inasmuch, once he'd caught the bug, Jamie started to feel crappy pretty quickly.

He didn't even have to ask for 'Karu to make him the tea. When that didn't work, they tried a eucalyptus steam treatment. 'Karu had to buy the eucalyptus, not having a hothouse on his hands, but it wasn't hard to find.

Jamie acted as though he was feeling better the next day. 'Karu knew something was off, but he hated calling Jamie on things. Jamie always took on whatever guilt there was to be had, even when nothing was his fault. 'Karu just made him more tea and hoped with the extra sleep Jamie was being good about getting he'd start to feel better.

*

Only, the following morning when they woke, Jamie's face had swollen to where he was nearly unrecognizable and his breath was coming in wheezes. He was trying to evade Bones, 'Karu could tell, and he hated to be a traitor, he really did, but the sound of Jamie's lungs was scaring him.

He dragged Jamie downstairs and said, "I tried, I'm sorry, I should have—"

"Whoa, hey, slow down, kid," Bones said, while rushing to kneel in front of Jamie. Jamie pretty much collapsed on him. Bones had him up in his arms within seconds. He looked back at 'Karu. "You and Nyota aren't going to be much good for anything today, huh?"

'Karu looked over at where Nyota was watching everything from the stairs. They were having a silent conversation about which one of them was going to lie when Bones sighed. "C'mon, get in the car. We've got to get him to the hospital.

*

'Karu listened, watched carefully as they used machines to clear Jamie's breathing passages, along with a flush of epinephrine, since Jamie hadn't been suffering from a cold. Or, well, maybe he had, at first, but the tea and the sleep had taken care of the problem. Rather, it turned out he had an allergy to pollen that had slowly gotten worse the more Jamie was outside until the point where it was becoming deadly.

Jamie hadn't had long before his throat closed up entirely. When 'Karu had determined Jamie was fine, and Bones and Nyota were there, he slipped away to hide. Clint and Tasha had made them all good at it, so he was fairly confident the by-way he tucked himself into wouldn’t be found.

Only, Nyota teamed up with Bones and she found him, then abandoned him to deal with Bones, who definitely loved Jamie the most. And 'Karu had almost just killed him.

"What's going on in that too-busy brain of yours?" Bones asked, sliding down to sit next to him on the floor and putting an arm over his shoulder. 'Karu knew he shouldn't, but he pressed in, wanting the contact so badly, especially if he was going to be sent away.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"For?" Bones asked.

"Should've…I was stupid. Thought I could help." 'Karu shook his head. The thought of Jamie dying after everything, after they'd already lost Pasha, after they'd finally gotten free, was terrifying and painful enough to make 'Karu's stomach hurt violently. And he'd almost just let it happen.

"'Karu." Bones's whisper was so soft 'Karu could barely hear it. "Jesus, kid."

'Karu dug his palms into his eyes to keep himself from crying. "Sorry."

Bones squeezed a little bit tighter. "Let me guess: Jamie came to you feeling like he had the cold Nyota had that all of you thought I didn't notice. You gave him the same stuff as her, because it worked in that instance, but he just got worse until you told me."

'Karu didn't respond for a moment. There was nothing to say. He'd already apologized. Now whatever was going to happen, he'd have to deal with it. Just as Bones was drawing breath to speak again, 'Karu found some words within himself. "I just wanted to be good at—I mean, be…useful."

There was a pause before Bones asked, "Why do you think you're not?"

"You take care of us. Jamie takes care of us. But I can take care of the plants, I'm good at it, and I thought maybe I could be good at being helpful, at taking care of you and Jamie. I promise that's all I wanted."

"Okay," Bones said a little slowly. "So, if I'm understanding correctly, the times when you make flower jewelry for Nyota to make her smile, or wake Jamie and sit up with him after he's had a nightmare, or help me with dinner and dishes after a long day at work, none of that counts for anything if you can't cure allergies even modern medical science is sometimes stumped by?"

'Karu swallowed. "He saved my life. So many times. And you saved all of us."

"And if you ask Jamie, he'll say the exact same thing about you and Nyota. He might make it his task to watch over you, but he never feels as though he's done an adequate job."

'Karu was about to argue, but he couldn't. That was true of Jamie, it had just never occurred to him it might be true of him, as well. "But I didn't tell you. And he—his lungs—"

"I wish you had told me," Bones said. "But not because it was out of control. Because I wish you all trusted that I will take care of you no matter what happens or what is needed. I don't think it was wrong of you to try and help. Not when he asked and when it had worked before. Sometimes things just need a different approach. Happens with drugs, too, believe me."

'Karu found that his hands were clenched in Bones's shirt, seemingly unable to let go. Bones didn't mention it, just kept holding him, murmuring, "We're all gonna be all right."

*

They were able to take Jamie home mid-day. There were instructions on his medications, particularly the breathing treatments. Bones handed them over to 'Karu and said, "Figure out what we need to do, when, and let's make a schedule."

'Karu looked down at the papers he was holding. Bones was already making his way to the car, rolling Jamie down the hall. Nyota was behind them, throwing a glance over her shoulder for 'Karu. He ran to catch up.

He'd read all about how to take care of Jamie in the car. Bones trusted him to handle the whole situation and he would. He smiled, looking down at the floor. Nyota bumped a shoulder into him and took his hand. 'Karu twined his fingers into hers.