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The Story Between
After returning to the Tower, Tony stays by Steve’s side. Bruce and Clint help Tony get Steve to their bedroom and into their bed. Tony lies down next to Steve and gathers him into his arms. The other two retreat quietly, leaving the men to be together. Steve shakes slightly and Tony isn’t sure whether it’s from the cold, the pain, or the memories. He just holds on to his lover and doesn’t let go.
“Shh…it’s okay, Baby, I’ve got you,” he murmurs quietly in Steve’s ear and kisses his temple softly. Tony feels small droplets of water land on his shoulder and he realizes that Steve is crying. Tony continues to talk quietly and provide reassurances until Steve falls asleep. Tony stares up at the ceiling and finally lets his own tears fall silently, so as not to wake the man in his arms. He falls into a dreamless sleep after awhile.
Several hours later, Steve jerks awake and scrambles off the bed as if he’s been bitten. Tony wakes as well and watches as Steve curls in upon himself in the corner of the room. Moving slowly , so as not to startle Steve, Tony notices that Steve is again shaking; not just small trembles, but full-blown body tremors.
“Steve, Baby, its okay…it’s me…I’m here…” he tries calmly.
“No, no one came for me and I’m frozen and this is all in my head. Why didn’t you come for me, Tony, Why? Agent Hill pointed to two words on the paper – Avengers Assemble – and you were supposed to come before it happened. I was so scared – am so scared – no one is going to find me and this time I won’t wake up.” Steve continues to talk quietly to himself, rocking back and forth.
Tony’s heart breaks listening to the man he loves mumbling about how he believes he is still caught in the ice. Very slowly, Tony moves from the bed to the floor next to Steve. He makes to touch the man, but then thinks better of it; he doesn’t want to scare Steve.
“Steve, you’re not in the ice anymore. You’re here in the Tower, in our bedroom, with me. I did come for you, Baby, and I’m sorry that it took me so long.”
Steve slowly looks up from his knees and his eyes clear to take in his surroundings. He reaches out for Tony and when their hands met, he launches himself into Tony’s arms. Tony is just quick enough to keep them from toppling over backwards, as he holds on to Steve. One of Steve’s hands immediately goes to Tony’s chest to touch the arc reactor, and he takes a deep breath, as if realizing that Tony is really there for the first time.
“Tony? Oh, God, Tony…you’re really here,” he says, reaching up to cup the side of Tony’s face.
“Yeah, Baby, I’m really here, and so are you.”
Steve leans in and kisses Tony gently, then with more urgency. Steve pulls back and looks into Tony’s eyes. “It really happened, didn’t it?”
“Yeah, it did,” Tony says, tired eyes filling with tears. Tony looks up, determined not to let the tears fall. “I was too slow, and by the time I got out of SHIELD, you were gone. God, Baby, I looked everywhere for you.”
“How long was I gone?” Steve can’t even bring himself to say it out loud.
“Two hundred and fifty-seven days,” Tony whispers as the tears escape down his cheeks. He sniffs and holds on to Steve as the reality sets in. “I’m sorry; I should have been there to stop them. I promised you. I failed you.”
“No, Tony, you didn’t fail me. We were both trapped. You did come for me, just like I knew you would.”
“But…”
“No buts, Tony,” Steve says, putting his index finger over Tony’s lips to quiet him. Tony kisses his finger and Steve smiles at him. “Let’s get up off the floor; my leg is really starting to hurt.”
They untangle themselves and Tony helps Steve off the floor and back onto the bed. Steve carefully shifts himself to get comfortable. Tony turns towards the door, as if to leave.
“Are you hungry, do you want something to eat?”
Steve reaches out and grabs Tony’s hand, his eyes becoming wild. “No, don’t leave,” he nearly screams as he pulls Tony up onto the bed.
Tony hugs him around the waist, careful of the injuries to his chest, while Steve holds onto him for dear life. “Ok, ok…I’ll have Clint or Bruce bring something for us. Bruce probably wants to check on your injuries, anyway. I promise, I won’t leave our room. JARVIS, could you ask Bruce to come up for us?”
“Of course, Sir.”
A few minutes later, Bruce arrives at their door. “How’s he doing?” he asks quietly when Tony opens the door.
“Okay…he won’t let me leave the room. Grabbed me like he was going to drown if he couldn’t see me. I promised him that I wouldn’t leave, so I’ll just have Clint bring something up for him to eat.”
“Sounds like a good idea,” Bruce says as he walks around Tony to enter the room. “How are you feeling, Steve?”
“Okay, I guess,” Steve says, a small smile on his lips. Steve looks behind Bruce and makes eye contact with Tony, as if to ensure that he really hasn’t left.
“Good. Would it be okay if I looked at your leg and your chest? I just want to make sure that things are healing like they should be.”
“Fine by me,” Steve replies, sitting up a little bit on the bed.
Tony walks around to the side of the bed and leans down to kiss the top of Steve’s head. “Baby, would you be okay if I went and grabbed a quick shower while Bruce is here? I promise I will be back in 5 minutes and I’m not leaving our room.”
Steve seizes Tony’s hand, eyes wild again.
“Steve, I’m here,” Tony says gently. “I promise, I’m not going any further than the bathroom, right over there. When Bruce is done, we’ll get you cleaned up as well, okay?”
Steve takes a deep breath to steady himself. Tony squeezes Steve’s hand after Steve nods carefully. Tony kisses his temple again. “I love you, you know,” he whispers.
“I know,” Steve whispers back, letting go of Tony’s hand.
Tony strides to the bathroom and gives one last quick glance at Steve before disappearing behind the door. He doesn’t close it all the way, and makes quick work of using the bathroom, showering and shaving. Tony re-emerges from the bathroom with a towel around his hips and goes to the closet to get some sleeping pants and a T-shirt. He isn’t going anywhere.
Steve, meanwhile, sits through Bruce’s examination watching the door that Tony had disappeared behind. He answers Bruce’s questions when asked, but otherwise, he remains silent.
“Steve, your physical injuries are healing very well, although more slowly than usual. How are you doing otherwise?”
“You mean, how’s my psyche now that I’ve been betrayed and frozen again for an experiment? Peachy,” he replies sarcastically. “Sorry, you didn't deserve that.”
“It’s okay,” Bruce says. “I would probably be feeling much the same way.”
True to his word, Tony is back in less than 5 minutes. He sits down gently on the bed and Steve immediately leans towards him, resting his hand on the arc reactor and his head on Tony’s shoulder.
“I’m here, Baby, I’m here. I promise, I won’t leave,” Tony mumbles quietly into Steve’s ear, and Steve relaxes a little bit. “How about we see if Clint will bring us something to eat? Are you hungry?”
“Maybe a little,” Steve replies quietly, stifling a yawn.
“Ok…let me walk Bruce to the door and let him know where to find everything. Between the two of them, Bruce and Clint should be able to make something edible,” Tony says, smiling stupidly at Bruce.
“Hey, I take offense to that!” Bruce exclaims, laughing, as he and Tony walk towards the door.
“So, how is he?” Tony asks quietly.
“Physically, he’s healing well, but rather slowly. He needs to eat. Mentally, however, is another story. I’m not that kind of doctor, so I don’t know for sure how this will go for him. I can make some calls, but we need to keep a close eye on him. He’s afraid to be alone and we don’t need him to flashback, shut down, or worse.”
“Got it. I’m not leaving him,” Tony replies.
“Don’t push him…let him come to terms with this in his own way in his own time.” With that, Bruce left the bedroom and went to the kitchen in search of something for Steve and Tony to eat.
Tony returns to the bed and Steve reaches for him. He snuggles right in to Tony and heaves a huge sigh, closing his eyes. “Hey, Steve, you need to stay awake a little while longer, okay? You need to eat something so that your body continues to heal. Steve…Baby…c’mon, wake up.”
It is no use, Steve falls completely asleep. Tony holds on to his love and hopes that everything will be okay.
XXXXX
Tony grows restless after a few hours of Steve sleeping. He gets up and moves to the small desk in the corner of the room. He always has a StarkPad handy and set to work on some of the projects that he has in the works. Tony puts his headphones on and turns up his music – it always helps him to think.
With the music, though, he doesn't see that Steve is starting to stir. “No…you said you would keep me safe…you don’t have the right to apologize – it doesn’t mean anything.” Steve’s voice grows louder and Tony looks up in time to see Steve launch himself off the bed. He is across the room in a second, and has Tony shoved up against the wall, yelling at him. “No one cares about me…I’m just an experiment to everyone. I thought you loved me and you would keep me safe.”
“Steve, Baby, wake up,” Tony squeaks as Steve pushes Tony further into the wall. His arm inches closer to Tony’s throat. “Steve, please, you need to wake up.”
When Steve shoves him again, Tony’s head connects with the wall and he sees stars for a second. He knows he needs to do something before Steve gives into his anger and really tries to hurt him. “JARVIS, get Clint and Natasha. Tell Bruce to…stay…away….”
“They are on their way, Sir,” JARVIS replies instantly.
The door to their bedroom bursts open and Clint and Natasha come running inside. Both freeze when they see that Steve has Tony pinned to the wall, his feet dangling off the floor by a couple of inches. Tony is starting to turn blue from the lack of oxygen.
“Captain, stand down,” Natasha says in her best military tone.
Steve turns, noticing for the first time that Clint and Natasha are in the room. “You! You’re members of my team and you let them take me! What am I to you? Just a teammate when the need arises, but nothing otherwise! You are nothing to me!”
Steve drops Tony to the floor and heads towards the door. Clint and Natasha move to block the door, but Steve just pushes past them. He enters the hallway and hesitates. Natasha follows him, but stays back.
Clint hurries over to Tony to make sure that he’s okay. Tony is coughing and trying to catch his breath, and waves Clint off. “Go…make sure that he doesn’t leave the Tower.”
Clint sprints out the door and follows Natasha. Tony heaves himself up from the floor and stumbles out the door, following the two spies. Tony makes his way to the kitchen area and finds Steve sitting on the floor at Pepper’s feet. He didn’t even know that Pepper was in the building. But Steve is just sitting there, staring off into space. “I’m sorry,” he states before getting up and making his way back to the bedroom. Tony hears the click of the lock before turning back to the others.
“What happened?” he asks.
“He came around the corner, saw me, and just collapsed onto the floor,” Pepper says. “He said that he was sorry and asked me to make sure you were all right. Then you came around the corner, and he got up and left. What the hell is going on?”
Tony makes eye contact with Natasha, nodsslightly, giving her permission to tell Pepper what happened, and then turns to head back the bedroom.
“Steve,” he calls quietly as he knocks on the door. “Baby, it’s me, can I come in?”
After a minute, he hears Steve call for him, obviously terrified, and Tony has JARVIS open the door. Steve is again curled in the corner he had been found refuge in earlier. His eyes are still clouded and Tony can see the pieces of Steve breaking and crumbling. He walks quickly but carefully over to Steve and reaches for him. Again, Steve leaps into Tony’s arms and holds on.
“Baby, it’s okay…I’m here…I've got you. Come back to me, come on,” Tony croons quietly to the top of Steve’s head, rocking them gently back and forth. Tony continues to murmur encouraging words and carding his fingers through Steve’s hair and eventually, Steve moves one of his hands to the arc reactor. Tony pulls back slightly and tilts Steve’s chin so he can look into the other man’s eyes. They are clearing up and Steve seems to be coming back from whatever nightmare he had been trapped in.
“Hi,” he says quietly, smirking slightly.
“Hi,” Steve replies, and holds more tightly to Tony, tucking his head under Tony’s chin.
XXXXX
The next nightmare isn't Steve’s, it is Tony’s. Tony remembers finding the place where Steve was frozen in the ice. He remembers getting Steve away with the help of Bruce and Clint, and warming Steve up to the point that he should be waking up. But he doesn't.
“Wake up! Damn it, Steve, wake up! Don’t leave me…you have to wake up,” he says in his dream, shaking the prone and blue body of his lover.
Dream Bruce and Clint try to pull him away from Steve’s body, telling him that the Captain is dead, but he fights them off, shaking the man he loves, the one he knows that he cannot live without. “No,” he shouts, “he’s not dead! He’s a fucking super soldier, for God’s sake! He can’t be dead!”
“Tony…To…ny,” Steve is gasping at him, as Tony shakes Steve by the shoulders up and down onto the bed, acting out what he’s doing in his dream. Steve manages to reach out and touch the arc reactor and his fingertips touch Tony’s skin over his T-shirt. Immediately, Tony stops and stares at Steve, sees those frightened blue eyes and collapses down on top of him.
“Oh, my God, you’re alive,” he sobs, holding on tightly to Steve and Steve wraps his arms protectively around Tony. Steve rubs his hand up and down Tony’s back, shushing him softly.
“I’m here, my Love, I’m alive,” Steve whispers while Tony cries and holds on, his body wracked with sobs so big, Steve isn't sure Tony can breathe.
After several minutes, Tony settles and pushes himself up off of Steve. He puts his elbows on either side of Steve’s head and cradles his face in his hands. Tony seems to be searching for something in Steve’s face, then leans forward and kisses him softly on the lips, just a short, chaste kiss.
Steve wants to ask about the nightmare, but knows that if he asks, Tony will either deflect or shut down completely. So he settles for, “I love you, you know.”
“I know,” Tony replies back immediately. “Are you okay, did I hurt you?”
“No, I’m okay. Think I’m getting a little hungry, though.”
“Good, that’s good. I’ll just go and get us something to eat,” Tony replies, but Steve doesn’t let go of him. Tony looks again at Steve’s face and sees the fear in his eyes. “Why don’t you come with me? You were always the better cook of the two of us.”
Steve takes a deep breath. “I can’t, Tony, I just…can’t.”
Tony nods, and then addresses JARVIS, “J…order us some pizza, wings, and that cinnamon stuff that the good Captain likes, would you?”
“Right away, Sir,” JARVIS replies.
A short time later, Tony gets up from the bed to retrieve the much needed meal from the front door. He turns and looks at Steve, who looks as if someone is stealing his puppy and he can’t do anything to stop them. Steve reaches out for him, and Tony walks back over to the bed, leaning down to kiss him softly on the temple.
“It’s okay…I’ll be right back,” Tony reassures Steve softly.
“Are you sure?” Steve questions softly, almost embarrassed to ask.
“Yeah, Baby, I am. JARVIS, are there any creepy people hanging around the Tower? Any government or military types?”
“There is a mail carrier in the next building over, and an officer doing his regular patrol of the area, Sir. I assure you, Captain, I will not be incapacitated again and you are completely safe in the Tower.”
“See, even JARVIS has your back. I tell you what, lock the door behind me and I’ll let you know when I get back and you can let me in. Does that sound okay to you?”
Steve heaves a huge sigh and nods his head up and down. He holds Tony’s hand as they walk towards the door. Tony cups Steve’s cheek in his hand and leans up to kiss him gently. “I’ll be right back with dinner. You look like you could eat an entire supermarket,” he says, grinning widely.
After slipping through the door, Tony hears the click of the lock being engaged. He hurries to the kitchen to grab some plates, napkins, glasses for drinks, then rushes to the door to retrieve their dinner. He tips generously, because the guy had to wait for like 10 extra minutes, and then rushes back to their bedroom.
“Steve,” he calls, “you have to open the door…my hands are full and this is getting kinda heavy.” He waits for about 30 seconds before quietly asking JARVIS if Steve is okay.
“Sir, Captain Rogers is currently in the bathroom, huddled in the shower area with the water off.”
“Fuck,” Tony swears, “Let me in.”
Tony puts the food on the desk, and then goes to the bathroom. As much as he wants to run and make sure Steve is okay, he needs to let Steve see that he has come back to the room as promised.
“You know, showers usually work better with the water on and without any clothes,” he says, trying to get a reaction out of Steve.
Steve looks up from his position on the floor and the look of relief in his eyes breaks Tony’s heart. “You came back for me,” Steve whispers.
“Of course I did…I love you, you know.”
“I know,” Steve replies, getting up from the floor carefully, his leg still giving him trouble. Tony walks over and puts an arm around Steve’s waist to help him back to the bedroom. Tony thinks back to the first time that they had said those phrases to one another. They had been watching a movie and Tony “fell asleep” on Steve’s shoulder as the movie played. When Steve thought Tony was asleep, he told Tony that he loved him. Tony mumbled back that he knew, but continued to “sleep.”
As he helps Steve get comfortable on the bed, he thinks about how much he really does love Steve. He pushes that thought aside, though, to focus on getting the good Captain fed and on his way to a full physical recovery.
“I expect all of this to be gone, young man,” Tony jokes, handing Steve a plate with three slices of pizza and a glass of soda.
“Yes, Mom,” Steve replies, taking a big bite of the pizza.
XXXXX
After two weeks, Steve’s physical body is completely healed. Steve has finally become comfortable enough to move about their apartment in the Tower, but he still refuses to go into any of the rooms without Tony present. Steve needs the contact, the safety, that he feels when he is with Tony. Bruce comes by regularly to check on him, but it isn’t the same. Clint had to return to SHIELD and work with Natasha and Fury to take care of the splinter cell of SHIELD agents that thought it was okay to experiment on Steve. Once the other members of SHIELD found out what they had done, it hadn't taken much to oust them and get Fury reinstated as director of SHIELD.
Tony did some of his own investigating of these assholes, and made plans to ruin each one of them. He didn't tell anyone, of course, and he didn't do it all at once, but each of them would find themselves in different “painful” situations over the next several months – losing their house, job, significant other (you’d be amazed at the skeletons in those closets). Tony is proud of himself for not just killing them, rotten people that they are.
Tony is still concerned, however. Steve seems to be sinking into a pretty severe depression, and he doesn't know how to help him. Steve will sit in the bedroom and stare out the window. Tony has Steve’s art supplies brought to the room, but they sit on the small table, untouched and starting to gather a thin layer of dust. Tony is taking Bruce’s advice, and not pressing the issue and letting Steve come to terms on his own.
On the fifteenth day, Tony walks out of the bathroom to find that Steve isn't in their bedroom. He looks in the walk-in closet, then out in the hallway. “JARVIS, where is Steve?”
“The Captain has gone to the roof,” JARVIS replies.
Tony takes off at a sprint to the elevator and waits impatiently as it takes him to the roof of the Tower. Tony’s heart is pounding a mile a minute, and he can hardly breathe. What is Steve doing on the roof?
The elevator doors opens, and Tony runs out, looking around frantically for the man that he loves. He finds Steve sitting on the edge of the Tower roof, just looking straight ahead. “Steve,” Tony calls, sprinting over to his side, but being careful not to startle the man.
Steve turns slowly and sees Tony’s expression, then moves back a few feet from the edge of the roof. Tony visibly relaxes, releasing a breath that he didn’t know he had been holding. Tony sits down next to Steve and just looks out over the city. He will wait for Steve to talk, if he wants to.
Neither man say anything for nearly an hour. Finally, Steve turns to Tony and says, “I’m sorry.”
“For what,” Tony replies, “you have nothing to be sorry for, Steve.”
“I do. You know that I remembered everything while I slept the first time. This time, I spent a long time being angry at you. You said that nothing was going to happen, and we made SHIELD sign those papers, and I was still treated like an experiment. I was mad at Agent Hill, too, because she pointed out two words on the consent form that they forced me to sign. Avengers Assemble. I thought that meant that my friends were coming for me, that you were coming for me. I remember being scared the first time I went down, but this…I don’t even have words for what I felt this time. Scared, betrayed, angry…I don’t know.”
“Steve, you know I came, right. It was my fault…somehow they managed to get into the security system of the Tower and take out JARVIS. If only I had been paying more attention, if only I insisted that we stay away from the Tower, if only we had just never gone back to SHIELD at all, none of this would have happened.”
“No, Tony, that’s not what would have happened, and you know it. I would not have let you keep me away from my duties with SHIELD. And JARVIS is amazing. The Tower is our home; we couldn’t have stayed away forever, no matter how much we might want to.” Steve takes a deep breath and then let it out quietly. “And I’m not angry with you…I don’t think I ever really was. I know it’s irrational to be angry and I’m not. I’m still sorry, though.”
Tony waits silently. He can tell by the look on Steve’s face that there is more he wants to say, so he does something that is totally uncharacteristic of him and keeps his mouth shut.
They sit in silence until the sun starts setting in the west. The sky is bathed in reds, golds and pinks, finally fading to purple and then darkness. Steve doesn’t say anything more, just gets up, offers Tony a hand up, and they walk back towards the elevator.
“I love you, you know.”
“I know.”
THE END