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It had not been either of their intent to get locked in a broom closet, but there they were, trapped all the same. It had started out rather simple.
Kirk and Spock were walking back to their classroom from the Starfleet Academy cafeteria, where they had just been having lunch together. The two of them were almost at their classroom when Kirk spotted a janitor’s closet with the door ajar. He shot Spock a suggestive glance and grabbed his hand. Spock felt feelings of desire through their bond, and the two of them half-ran, half-fell into the closet.
The two of them were furiously making out in the dark room, touching wherever possible, maximizing the amount of contact that they shared. Kirk could feel himself being pressed up against a wall, and it was like the two of them were young again, their relationship still new and unexplored. Now, they were treading old and familiar paths, but the excitement was still there, never being dampened by time.
After they had spent a considerable amount of time doing this, Spock said, “We should return to the classroom. The class will be starting soon.”
“I don’t think it sets a good president for the teachers to be late for class,” Kirk replied and walked over to the door of the closet. He attempted to open it, but he found that he couldn’t turn the handle. “Spock, I can’t get the door open. For whatever reason, I can’t get a grip on the handle.”
Spock attempted to open the door as well, but he too was unsuccessful. “Jim, it appears that the door may be locked.”
“Well, do you have your keys?” Kirk asked.
Spock looked through his shoulder bag, and quickly found the small ring of keys that all teachers had. He was about to choose a key to open the door with when he found that the door had no keyhole.
“Why aren’t you opening the door?” Kirk asked, clearly growing impatient.
“This door does not have a keyhole that I can use a key on.”
“Why wouldn’t it have a keyhole?”
“Perhaps this door locks from the outside. That would make sense, given the fact that this is a janitor’s closet.”
“So does that mean we’re stuck in here?”
“It appears so.”
“Dammit.”
“Well, we could try to contact someone to let us out.”
“I’ll ask Bones. I’m pretty sure he’s in the building today,” Kirk said, taking his PADD out of his bag. He quickly composed a message and sent it to McCoy.
KIRK: Bones, Spock and I are currently locked in a janitor’s closet. Can you find someone to let us out?
Not too long later, he received a reply.
MCCOY: How the hell did you end up doing that? Whatever the reason, it can wait. Which one are you in? it said.
Kirk was just about to type, “The one near our classroom” when his PADD suddenly died. Frustrated, Kirk punched the door and only succeeded in hurting his hand.
“What is it, Jim?” Spock asked.
“My PADD died,” Kirk replied, still fuming. “Now we have no way of contacting anyone.”
“But you sent a message to McCoy, did you not?”
“I did, but I wasn’t able to tell him where we were. There’s got to be a dozen janitor’s closets in this school.”
“This closet is the closest to our classroom. Logically, it would be the best place to start.”
“Spock, I appreciate your optimism, but ‘logical’ is the last word I’d use to describe Bones.”
McCoy was not at all surprised when Kirk sent him a PADD message telling him that he and his hobgoblin husband had gotten themselves locked in a closet. Honestly, he was surprised that it hadn’t happened sooner. Either way, he had to find them. He was just about to arrive at the main administration office when he remembered that Kirk had a class to teach here. He quickly scrolled through his contacts on his PADD and settled on the group that contained all of the senior officers from their original five-year mission. It was originally started by Sulu as a joke, but it had actually ended up coming in handy many times, including today.
MCCOY: Jim and Spock accidentally locked themselves in a broom closet, and they can’t get out. Unfortunately, Jim’s PADD died before he could tell me which closet they were trapped in, so I need someone to cover their class at the Academy while I find them.
UHURA: No problem. On my way. T'Pring will come with too.
SULU: I was already in the area, so I might as well stop by.
CHEKOV: I’ve got your back, sir.
SCOTT: Well, I don’t wanna miss the party. I’ll be there.
Great. McCoy just got literally everyone to show up to try to teach Kirk’s class. Well, it’d certainly be an interesting experience for the cadets, if a bit of a headache to explain to administration. Wait, how the hell would they be able to explain their absence to their higher-ups? McCoy had a hunch about what the two of them had gone into that broom closet to do, and it wasn’t exactly something that they could use as an excuse. Oh well. They got themselves into this mess, they’d have to get themselves out of it.
The students of Professor Kirk’s Command class were getting very restless. Neither he nor Professor Spock had shown up to the class yet, and almost ten minutes had passed since the class was supposed to start. An old rule from centuries prior was being passed around the classroom that stated if a professor didn’t show up to a class after 15 minutes, the class was free to go. Regardless if the rule still applied, many cadets were still eagerly watching the clock. Even though this particular command class was a student favorite, many cadets just wanted to go back home.
After a few more minutes had passed, the doors to the classroom were opened, and two women, one human, one Vulcan, entered the room. They were very clearly not the professors, and yet they looked professional enough that all attention in the room turned towards them.
“Hello,” the human woman said. “I am Captain Nyota Uhura, and this is my bondmate, T’Pring. Obviously, we are not your professors, but there’s a reason for that. Professors Kirk and Spock are… running behind. They’ll be here shortly, but they’ve asked us to cover for them until they get here.”
This explanation was satisfactory for most of the cadets if a bit vague. Most of them were interested in what these two had to teach them.
“What have your professors been teaching you about lately?” Uhura asked the class.
A young Andorian cadet raised her hand, and Uhura called on her. “We’ve been discussing how to properly act under pressure.”
“Well, I could certainly give you guys some stories on that particular subject, but I’m sure you get enough of those from Professor Kirk. Why don’t we give you guys some scenarios that you might run into while in command, and you’ll split into groups to figure out solutions.” Uhura replied. For someone who previously had no experience with teaching a Starfleet Academy class, let alone a command track one, she was doing pretty well.
Things were a bit… difficult for Kirk in the janitor’s closet. He had already attempted to burst through the door several times, with his most recent two attempts being aided by a mop used as a lance. Spock, meanwhile, was sitting cross-legged on the ground, attempting to meditate. Needless to say, neither of them were able to do what they wanted to do.
“Jim, you are not going to succeed in opening that door with this method. Come sit down.”
Kirk set down the mop and sat down next to his bondmate on the floor. “I’m just annoyed that I was stupid enough to get us locked in a broom closet.”
“You were unaware that the door was going to lock behind you, and you did not know that this kind of door does not have a lock on the inside. Besides, the reason that the two of us are in this situation was not the worst possible option.”
“You’re wonderful, Spock.”
“I am aware of that, ashayam. You say it to me approximately 3.7 times each day,” Spock replied, and smoothly took his bondmate’s hands into his own.
“Brrr, is it getting cold in here?” Kirk asked, exaggeratedly shivering. “Well, I guess that we have no choice but to huddle together for warmth if we have any hope of surviving until someone finds us.” As he said this, he nudged himself underneath Spock’s arm and rested his head on the Vulcan’s lap.
“You could have just have told me that you wished to cuddle,” Spock said as this happened.
“But where’s the fun in that?” Kirk replied, curling up further.
Spock didn’t reply this time, only shifted his body so that Kirk was resting fully between his legs, and wrapped his limbs protectively around his endearingly illogical human husband.
Searching for Kirk and Spock wasn’t going well for McCoy, to say the least. He had found a janitor, but the Academy was quite large, and the fact that Scotty had struck up a conversation with the janitor wasn’t helping.
“So I told him, ‘If you mess with the Enterprise, laddie, you’re gonna have to answer to me!’ and then I socked him in the face.”
“Scotty,” McCoy replied. “You punched an ensign who was trying to do some diagnostics on the engines.”
“Well, he looked rather suspicious to me. Better safe than sorry, I thought… Oh! Remember that time that I fought that Klingon prick who said that the Enterprise was a garbage ship?”
“You nearly ruined any hope of diplomatic relations with the Klingon Empire,” McCoy replied. He respected Scotty’s love of the Enterprise, but his methods of going about defending the ship and her honor often were counterproductive at best.
“Well, do you have any idea which one they’re locked in?” the janitor, Mr. Brunelli asked.
“That’s the problem. Jim’s PADD died before he could tell us where he was.”
“Well that’s unfortunate,” Mr. Brunelli replied. “The good news is, there aren’t that many storage closets in this building. Also, how did he end up locked in a storage closet?”
“My guess is that Jim dropped something, it rolled into the room, he went in to grab it, Spock followed him, and the door closed behind them.”
“Wait, Spock? The Spock? So that must mean that Jim is… Admiral Kirk? The two of them are locked in a storage closet?”
“Yes, the very same,” McCoy replied and sighed.
“Oh, what a story I’m gonna have when I get home. The great Admiral Kirk and Ambassador Spock, accidentally locked in a Starfleet Academy storage closet,” Mr. Brunelli exclaimed and continued leading them down the hallway. “Why are the two of them here anyway?”
“They jointly teach a Command class here,” McCoy replied.
“Lucky kids, huh?”
“They aren’t the worst teachers, despite the fact that Jim has no idea how to follow a lesson plan.”
“Still, those two are living legends.”
“Speaking of the class, who’s teaching it right now, anyway?”
All things considered, Uhura was a fairly competent last-minute substitute teacher. The cadets were self-sufficient learners, so all she really had to do was give the cadets situations to work through, and occasionally answer questions or help them work through problems. Because of this, Uhura considered the day a success. At least, until Sulu and Chekov showed up.
Since Uhura was the first one to answer McCoy’s PADD message, she hadn’t seen that everyone else in the chat had also answered, and were coming over to help out. T’Pring was as much help as Uhura needed, and for all of Sulu and Chekov’s virtues, they were awful teachers. The both of them having learned more from hands-on experience than learning in a classroom, they had no idea how to teach the class, and only succeeded in confusing most of the class.
“Now, when I was growing up in Mother Russia, I knew that I wanted to be a space pilot! The main reason for this was because I knew that spaceships were invented in Russia, and I wanted to make Russia proud. These PADDs that you are using? Made in Russia. Now, most people don’t appreciate all of the contributions that Russia has made through the years…” Chekov explained to a group of amused cadets.
“Being a Starfleet captain is really difficult, but it does have its perks. For example, no one can get mad at you if you fall asleep in your chair. That may have happened to me back when I was still a Lieutenant Commander on the Enterprise. Now, I can sleep if I want to.” Sulu regaled
Uhura could tell that the class’s collective concentration was falling apart, and so she walked up to the front and took the microphone. “Cadets, you are trainees of Starfleet, not little kids. Please continue the work that I assigned to you earlier. And Chekov, Sulu, come with me.”
Sensing Uhura’s annoyance, the students quickly got back to work. Uhura sat down on the teacher’s desk, and the two officers walked over to see her.
“I appreciate that you two came here, but remember, today isn’t just a free day for the students. If you don’t know how to teach them, don’t try. You’re officers of Starfleet: act like it.” It was harsh, but she knew that they got the message. The two of them walked over and joined two groups of cadets, and Started talking to them about how to find solutions to the problems that they were given.
T’Pring walked over to Uhura, and Uhura quickly shared a Vulcan kiss with her bondmate. “Did you behave similarly to these cadets when you were their age?” T’Pring asked.
“Well, back then I was a confused girl who really wanted to learn as many languages as possible, so I’m not quite sure,” Uhura replied, chuckling.
Despite the stern expression on her bondmate’s face, she could tell that T’Pring was amused by the mental image of a younger Uhura.
“I certainly hope that McCoy finds them soon. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep this class in check.”
“Spock, have you ever considered how beautiful you look when you’re blushing? Green really suits you.” Kirk asked.
For the past 16.3 minutes, by Spock’s count, Kirk had simply taken to listing Spock’s various physical and nonphysical characteristics, and describing each of them as either beautiful or some synonym of the word. What surprised Spock the most was that Kirk had neither tired of the activity nor ran out of features to describe.
“Well, I’ve been listing everything that’s beautiful about you, why don’t you share?” Kirk said, rotating his body so he was sitting on Spock’s lap and facing him, instead of sitting between Spock’s legs.
“I find your eyes to be aesthetically pleasing,” Spock replied. It was a true statement. The hazel of his bondmate’s eyes was a good match with the rest of Kirk’s facial features.
“Do you have any more?” Kirk asked, slightly raising one eyebrow and smiling.
“I appreciate your body type, as I find it to be comfortable when we are sleeping together, as well as being generally attractive. The increased concentration of adipose tissue in your torso region as a side effect of aging also compounds this fact.” Spock explained.
“So you like the fact that I’m fat?” Kirk replied.
“That would not be an incorrect simplification.”
“I love you, Spock.”
“I feel the same way, Jim.”
“When do you think McCoy’s gonna find us?”
“Most likely not for some time longer.”
“Long enough to do this again?” Kirk wrapped his arms around Spock’s neck and leaned in close enough for their noses to touch.
“I would not object to such an idea,” Spock replied and leaned in to complete the kiss.
“How many closets can there be in this building?” McCoy asked for the umpteenth time.
“We’ve checked three closets, Doctor.” Mr. Brunelli replied.
“Still. Why haven’t we been able to find them yet?” If Spock had been there, he would have given some long-ass explanation about how it was statistically unlikely for them to have found the correct closet on the first few tries. Thankfully for McCoy, the hobgoblin was trapped with Kirk, and so such a sentiment wasn’t expressed.
“Dammit, Jim, I’m a doctor, not a search-and-rescue officer,” McCoy said to himself, too quietly for the other men to hear.
“Well, here’s another closet,” Scotty said, gesturing to a door up ahead and on their right. “Here’s the key, laddie. Why don’t you take a crack at it.”
McCoy took the key from Scotty and walked over to open the door. More likely than not, this was going to be another dead end, and they’d have to travel all over the school yet again to find the correct one. Instead, McCoy found that it was indeed the correct closet, though not perhaps in the manner that he would have wanted to.
He was treated to the sight of Kirk sitting in Spock’s lap, furiously making out with his bondmate. Thankfully, the two of them were still fully clothed, though they had yet to notice McCoy’s presence in the room. McCoy loudly cleared his throat, and finally got their attention. The two of them jumped apart as if struck by lightning, Kirk frantically attempted to stand up and only succeeded in falling backward, and Spock hastily stood up and crossed his arms crossed behind his back, green blush gradually blooming across his face. Finally, the two of them were both up.
McCoy sighed. “Why doesn’t it surprise me that’s how you two spent your time in here,” Kirk opened his mouth to reply, but McCoy continued. “Either way, you two need to get back to your classroom to teach. In case you both forgot, you have a job to do.”
The two of them left the room as quickly as possible, and half-walk, half-ran to their classroom.
“I’m sure we’ll learn all about what happened tonight,” McCoy whispered to Scotty. He then turned to Mr. Brunelli. “Mr. Brunelli, thanks for the help.”
“Oh, it was no problem. I’ve got half a mind now to ask the administration to get those two a key to the closets now. You know, just in case something like this happens again. Anyway, have a nice day, you two.” he replied, and he walked away, presumably back to his office.
“Well, I hope Uhura was able to hold the fort while we were gone.” Scotty commented.
“You and me both, Scotty,” McCoy replied.
All in all, substitute teaching hadn’t ended up being a total disaster. In fact, after she had disciplined Sulu and Chekov, things ended up running more smoothly than they had before the two of them had arrived. Having two extra people to help answer questions and assist cadets was a godsend, and Uhura made a mental note to suggest to Kirk and Spock that they might request TAs in the future, or just have any of them help again.
“Thanks for covering for us during that whole fiasco, Nyota,” Kirk said after the class had ended.
“It was no problem. In fact, I might look into helping out here more often. It was really fun to teach the cadets.” Uhura replied.
“Well, we can always use another helping hand around here.”
“Don’t get stuck in any more closets, you two!”
“We’ll try our best,” Kirk replied. “See you ‘round, Nyota.”
“See you too, Jim.”
After all of their friends had left, Kirk turned to his bondmate. “Well, what did we learn here?”
“It is a bad idea to enter an unfamiliar room without knowing if it is locked or not,” Spock replied.
“That’s a good lesson. You know what else I’ve learned?”
“What is that, Jim?”
“That if I had to be trapped in a closet with anyone, I’d want to be trapped with you,” Kirk said and smiled.
“As would I, ashayam,” Spock replied.
The two of them exchanged a Vulcan kiss, packed up their bags, and began their walk home.