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soonyoung doesn’t cry.
well he doesn’t think he cries, but he might be very wrong considering the fact that he’s the only one to do so.
still.
he’s fairly disappointed in himself for crying non-stop, alone, in the bathroom stall, for the past 3 hours.
they’re one week away from debuting, and he still hasn’t finished the choreography for 3 songs, or any at all for the showcases with the composition changes that jihoon made.
everyone is so giddy and happy with the prospect of debuting, and he can help but think he’s putting it all in jeopardize because he can’t fucking get the key point for thumbs up, and because of that he’s stuck and another 2, and don’t even get him started in the change of key jihoon put in adore u for the live performance because that’ll just give him an excuse to cry more.
he’s a fucking moron for saying he could do it.
he knew that, but he just-
ugh.
he just wanted to prove to them that he could do it too.
each one of them were so fantastically talented, and he wasn’t even talking only about his unit, although they were just absurd. junhui and minghao coming from another country. junhui with his consolidated acting career, and is fighting skills, and speaking 3 fucking languages, minghao didn’t fall behind. and then there was dino, who just-
he loved the kid to death, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t thought about throttling him. he got scouted when he was 9 for crying out loud. and, soonyoung would never be caught saying this out loud, he was just as good, if not better dancer than him.
so he thought that he needed to make himself valuable, in order to not become disposable.
he had trained in japan, and he thought that made him stronger, so of damn curse he offered to be the performance unit’s leader, and hoho boy, was he wrong.
but what was done was done. the others counted on him, and he could not disappoint. so he wiped off his tears and got up off the floor, maybe too quickly seeing it was his 5th day awake in a row, and he was living off of a coffee iv practically, so he got a bit dizzy, and left the bathroom after slapping himself a couple of times in the face to try and not look so miserable.
as if i fucking could , he thought bitterly, while crossing the empty practice room to one of the two small sound studios attached to it. he sat in one of the chairs in front of the mixing table and played the first song while closing his eyes.
he was hoping for a miracle to hit him on the 4th listen, not a water bottle.
he yelped bringing his hands to the top of his head, while opening his eyes to see a angry- scratch that, an angrier than normal jihoon.
“you better not have touched anything i’m working on.”
“i’m just listening to it.” he said massaging his head while the younger sat on the other chair opening his laptop. “what are you doing here anyway, it’s 3 in the morning.” soonyoung asked with a raised brow eyeing the other.
“couldn’t sleep.” he mumbled plugging some cords from the mixing table into his device. “i could ask you the same thing.”
“well, as aforementioned, i’m listening to the songs.” well, song.
“oh right, i do like to get out of the dorm at 2 in the morning, taking, 3 buses, to come back to the studio, to listen to the same songs we listen to everyday.” jihoon said rolling his eyes.
“that’s where you’re wrong, in order to come back, i’d have had to leave this place at first.” he sighed passing his hands through his face not really bothering to hide how tired he was.
“you didn’t leave after practice?”
“didn’t leave after saturday’s practice.”
“it’s wednesday.”
“lemme tell you, the computer table 3 on the it room is the most comfortable surface if you’re in need of a revitalizing 15 minutes nap.” he joked crossing his arms in front of his chest, but jihoon clearly was having none of it, seeing he plugged his headphones on while rolling his eyes and went to focus on whatever he was working on.
soonyoung deflated even further, starting to play the first track again.
to say he adored the kid would be an understatement. he was absolutely mesmerized by anything lee jihoon related. from his absurd music making skills, to his will power, to his completely overpowering persona. it didn’t matter that the boy was almost 15cm smaller than him, which if soonyoung was going to be honest he found adorable, or that he was younger than him, hell would freeze over before jihoon let anyone boss him around.
he’ll never forget one of the times mingyu was taking a piss off him because of it, and it took 7 boys to get jihoon away from the guitar, and the guitar away from mingyu’s face. around 30 minutes - would’ve been less if wonwoo had helped them instead of laughing sterically and telling jihoon it was ok to hit him anywhere as long as it wasn’t the face, cause that one he needed - and some light scoriations.
jihoon just imposed himself and wasn’t gonna let anyone walk over him.
which didn’t mean they couldn’t tease the boy every now and then.
soonyoung’s favorite practices was when he was first rehearsing them with the boys, so he could put them in their marks and make any necessaries adjustment, so he could fuck with jihoon.
he remember the first time with the 13 of them doing adore u.
he was the first in the second row in the neoreul noraehae u hoo part with hansol on the front. they were doing it slowly, step by step, so soonyoung could access what was happening at all times, he looked at the mirror wall in front of them.
“jihoon, now jump.” he said, and from the middle of the 4th row he could see the flying recently dyed blond hair, appear and disappear. “great now i know where you’re at.” he joked making the others laugh and the boy turn pink in anger. “c’mon, all of you from the start again, i’ll watch and say who changes with who.” he said stepping to the side, and starting the song again, every now and then, calling someone out to trade places with jihoon, so he’d end up at the front at all times.
the boys thought it was just teasing. cause jihoon was small, and being in the front of them the contrast would just be made more evident. but in reality, something just didn’t set right in soonyoung’s stomach at the thought of people not seeing jihoon cause he happened to be standing behind wonwoo, or mingyu, or any of the other too-tall-for-their-teenage-lack-of-coordination boys.
it was just something that he started to do then. putting jihoon on front cause he deserved to be shown. it was soonyoung’s way of saying thank you.
and, of course, showing the boy off.
jihoon was a sight to sore eyes, in soonyoung’s opinion, and if he could he would just go around yelling here he is, the guy who makes it all possible. look at him. he’s amazing. appreciate him, love him, be amazed just like i am .
the taller blond shook his head and got up. he’d accomplish absolutely nothing sitting in the studio with the smaller version of jack torrance, so he went to the practice room. got his cellphone out of his backpack and put in that damned track again, doing all the moves he had so far.
after the 6th try, and still being stuck at the key point, he put it on shuffle, and just did a freestyle of whatever came on, hoping his body would do something his mind couldn’t.
he was just following the beat when, he landed a jump badly and his feet gave up under him, making him hit the floor hard. he grunted feeling a sore spot already forming where his thigh hit the floor and thought about what his dance teacher in japan would yell at him. probably something along the lines of useless korean boy or
“are you bloody stupid?” oh well, it finally happened, he finally lost it. he assumed it would happen sooner or later, but not like this, not hallucinating about his japanese, 45 year old, former ballerino, dance instructor yelling at him. except he wasn’t because he looked at the mirror in front of him just in time to dodge the slap he was going to receive at the back of his head by jihoon. “what do you think you’re doing?”
“i was testing if i could move between objects, but so far nothing.” he tried to get up, only to be pushed back on his arse by jihoon, who stomped across the room to get the older’s water bottle for him.
“you’re being reckless, that’s what.” he said walking back and all but shoving the boy’s bottle in his hand while sitting by his side. “did you stop to think what we would do if you couldn’t dance on our first showcase?”
“either cry in despair or have a collective meltdown.” he mused taking a sip from the bottle. “the second option would be funnier, please do consider it.”
“arsehole.” jihoon muttered shaking his head. they sat there in silence for a while before jihoon spoke up. “what were you dancing anyway? i couldn’t recognize the choreography.”
“uh? hm. i don’t know? just… whatever came on shuffle i guess.” soonyoung shrugged making jihoon snort.
“of course.”
“what?” he asked poking the boy’s shoulder, who apparently found something eerly interesting in this particular spot on the floor.
“nothing.” he shook his head and looked at the boy. “i thought dino told me that you were working on the track songs.”
“i’m on a block right now, so i thought-”
“you thought that a broken ankle would improve your dancing. such a fantastic train of thoughts.” soonyoung stared at him for a couple of seconds before snorting and getting up.
“of course.” he mumbled, testing his feet by doing a spin.
“are you fucking serious?” jihoon yelled getting that pink shade of angry he usually did. “you gonna keep jeopardizing yourself?”
“i’m the lead dancer. i dance. that’s literally my job.”
“your job is to dance to choreographies, not to come dance at 3 in the morning. everyone knows you can, it doesn’t mean you have to.” he was literally shaking in anger making soonyoung give a step back.
“what the fuck you’re talking about?” did i make him angry? how did i make him angry. i thought he’d understand why i work until late, he’s also her after all.
“you don’t get it do you?” the smaller stepped forward still shaking. “the rest of us, we actually have to work hard for this. we’re not just born talented. we get stuck and we get doubts, and we have fears-”
“jihoon-”
“no, you don’t get it because you just know what to do, you always know what to do, and here i am, losing my damn mind because i can’t find the right key to the 3rd track, and the ceo’s are on my back everyday, and if i fail this, i fail everyone-” in some point or another, jihoon just started ranting and what he was saying made completely no sense to soonyoung who just shook his head.
“you think this is easy for me? i haven’t been able to sleep in 5 days, going literally insane because i have 3 tracks to choreograph for who aren’t nearly finished and don’t even get me started on the showcases.” the older said waving his hands around making jihoon blink up at him.
“you’re… you’re stuck?” soonyoung let out a heartfelt laugh.
“i spent 3 hours crying on the bathroom, cause i’m such a useless piece of shit. everyone is counting on me to get these damn things ready, and i can’t, i just physically can’t-” he didn’t realized the smaller boy walking up to him, until jihoon’s hands were in the neck of shirt pulling him down and smashing his lips against his.
and wow.
soonyoung was expecting to get chased down the street with an ukelele for not doing his job, not this.
as soon as jihoon’s lips were there they weren’t anymore, and soonyoung watched with wide eyes as he got down from the tip of his toes and looked up to him.
and just like that soonyoung found out that staying in silence, starstrucked with his mouth closing and opening like a fish, wasn’t exactly what someone expected when they kissed you, seeing jihoon turned a different shade of pink, that he usually reserved for after doing aegyo, and looked away.
“sorry, that was- that was uncalled for. i just. i thought that- it was stupid to assume-” jihoon would’ve liked to have time to continue his half arsed excuse, and embarrass himself even further, but it was hard seeing soonyoung had his head between his hands and instead of smashing their mouths together was actively kissing him.
“what about the cowboy?” jihoon asked circling his hand in the air like he was yelding a lace, making soonyoung laugh and pull him down by his ankle, so the younger could sit on his lap.
“you’re as an incredible of a choreographer as i am of a composer.” he joked raising of his legs in a way that jihoon’s would be sitting taller than him so he could still look up at the boy.
“hey.” the boy feigned indignation slapping the boy slightly on the chest making sonyoung giggle. fucking giggle. i’m fucked , jihoon realized.
“don’t get me wrong, you can dance, and i can sing, but we can’t be responsible for each other’s job.” he said tucking a strand of hair that fell off of jihoon’s ponytail behind his ear. “we’re better complementing each other.” he said and laughed as the younger turned that particularly cute shadow of pink again. jihoon let his head fall forward and rest it on soonyoung’s shoulder.
“you know it’s ok to ask for the others help right?”
“hm?”
“i’m sure the boys would be more than thrilled to help you with the key point. and the way i know you, after you get that done, the block will go away and you’ll finish the others.” jihoon pushed back to look at the boy in his eyes.
“same goes for you, you know?!” jihoon took a deep breath. “not just the boys, i’m pretty sure the managers can hook you up with a few of the composers so you can work it out.”
“yeah but…” jihoon shrugged making soonyoung smile fondly. because he knew what the boy meant.
“let’s compromise ok?” he asked taking the boy’s head into his hands, making jihoon nod and bent a bit down to kiss the boy again. they rested their foreheads together with closed eyes, just enjoying this. this pressureless environment for as long as it lasted. jihoon took a deep breath and ended up yawning making the older boy chuckle. “tired?”
“yeah.” jihoon nodded. he also hadn’t had a proper night of sleep for around a week now. “but we have to be here for practice in…” he looked at his wrist watch. “45 minutes.”
“well come on then.” soonyoung said pushing the boy higher with his thigh and then getting up himself. he took the boy’s hand and started walking out of the practice room. jihoon frowned.
“where are we going?”
“it room.” soonyoung said passing his arm around the boy’s shoulder. “i wasn’t joking about table 3 being an awesome place to take a power nap.” he said kissing the side of the boy’s head as he laughed and hugged the older’s waist.
and they both thought that maybe, just maybe, if they had each other’s support, they could get through this.
well at least, if they failed, they’d do that astronomically bad, together.