Chapter Text
When Bucky had gone into cryo in Wakanda, the question crossed his mind ‘How long will it be before they can help me?’ It could be measured in weeks or months, he hoped it wouldn't be measured in years. As things turned out it was just a few weeks. T’challa, true to his word, was determined to help Bucky find peace and ensure that nobody could use him as a weapon against his will. He had put the best scientific and medical minds he could find on the project.
Bucky had been revived from cryo and was pleasantly surprised that this time it was more like waking gently from a good night's sleep than all the previous times he remembered.
He had been given time to acclimatise, then was briefed on the procedures that he needed to go through to rid his mind of Hydra's control on a permanent basis. Steve had returned to Wakanda bringing Wanda with him as she was a vital part of the plan. She had worked tirelessly with the medics and scientists. Before long the procedures had begun and while it was not an easy process, Bucky had finally been freed from the programming and his mind was his own again.
The final test was to use the activation words and see what happened. T’challa had been confident that nothing would happen. Bucky was not so sure. He had insisted on having T’challa and Wanda in the room with Steve while he subjected Bucky to the words. But, even then, Bucky was not sure all three of them would be able to stop him. He had also insisted that his missing arm not be replaced until after he was sure he was free from the programming, pointing out that he was less dangerous that way.
When the final activation word had been spoken and Bucky was still Bucky, he felt a wave of relief wash over him. With T'challa’s words, “I had every confidence in Miss Maximoff’s ability.” still ringing in his ears, Bucky felt ready to undergo the procedure to attach his new arm.
Bucky remembered being asked to count backwards from 10 and then waking up with everything completed. The anesthetic left his system quickly thanks to the effects of the serum and the final task of calibration of the new arm was completed with only the odd minor hiccup. The large movements of the arm was much the same as before, but small movements of the hand proved a little tricky at first. Bucky had been told he'd get a greater sense of how much pressure he was applying to an object. To help with this Steve had appeared with a bag of fruit. He had carefully placed several large, ripe plums on the table in front of him. Bucky had attempted to pick one up, but had squeezed it so hard that it burst, he was showered with juice and the stone landed on the table next to his metal hand with a wet plop, to the amusement of all present except Bucky himself.
The new arm was much like the old one in terms of appearance, with the red star at the top, Bucky had insisted on that. The exterior plates were made of vibranium, the inner workings more sophisticated and quieter. It's integration to his nervous system allowed him more feedback. While it'd never be like his right arm, it was a noticeable improvement over the previous one. He had been informed that it's power supply was a small arc reactor. This came as a surprise as it must have been supplied by Stark Industries. Steve confirmed this is indeed where it came from along with schematics for the replacement arm and the broken off section of Bucky's original arm. Tony, it seemed, was trying to make amends. His motive for doing so remained unclear. Only Tony knew why and he wasn't saying.
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Bucky found himself with a fair amount of time on his hands and not a lot of things to do, other than sightseeing around Wakanda. While he may now be free from the programming and back in one piece, he wasn’t free to leave. There are still people out there who want to get their hands on him.
This morning he is sitting in the Royal guest apartments writing a journal entry. The same face keeps coming to him in his dreams, but he's struggling to remember who she is. Lacking Steve's artistic skills, Bucky has resorted to writing a detailed description of her. He knew something had happened with her, some kind of mission perhaps, but the details eluded him. It was during his time as the Winter Soldier, but she wasn't one of his handlers nor a target. Possibly, it was during the 1980s.
Bucky looked up from his writing as Steve approached.
“Morning Buck, you writing?”
“Yeah, I keep seeing a face in my dreams. Some girl, I can't place her.” Bucky explained, leaning back in the chair and pushing is hair back with both hands and holding it away from his face by lacing his fingers together at the back of his head.
“You know they have hair bands to do that for you.” Wanda said as she walked into the room and joined Steve standing next to the table where Bucky Is sitting. “Assuming your hair in your face is annoying you that is.”
“No, I'm kinda used to it.” Bucky released his grip on his hair, allowing his hands to rest in his lap.
Wanda stepped close to Bucky placing a hand in his shoulder, “Well it does suit you. Your hair is beautiful Bucky.” She paused for a moment looking down at the journal. “Can I read what you wrote?”
“Haven't you done enough poking round in my head to last a lifetime without also reading my journal?” Bucky teased.
“Maybe, but I heard you tell Steve about a girl in your dreams. So I can either read what you wrote or look in your mind for myself. Reading is less intrusive.” Wanda shrugged and stepped away from Bucky.
“Well I've already taken a quick look at this while you two have been talking, she sounds interesting, Buck.” Steve indicated the journal.
“Can't a guy get any privacy around here?” Bucky huffed, closing the journal, pushing his chair back from the table and standing up.
‘I'm sorry, Buck.”
“I'm gonna grab some coffee and find somewhere where I can write in peace.” Bucky muttered picking up the journal and pens and stalking off.
“Well he got real defensive really quickly.” Steve said scratching his head.
“She obviously means something to him, she's special.”
“I kinda gathered.”
“The problem is he doesn't know why. He wants answers.” Wanda explains, her face etched with sadness.
“You looked inside his mind anyway?”
“Don't be silly, I would never do that without his permission. Just an observation, plus I may have seen a few things when we undid the damage Hydra did to him. If she is who I think, then she's linked to his time as Winter Soldier. She was special to him, a rare light in the darkness for him.”
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Bucky found a quiet spot in the courtyard of the guest apartments. The space is planted with lush tropical vegetation and fragrant flowers. In the centre of the space is a water feature, a shallow pool with a three stainless steel spheres clustered together in the middle, each one has water flowing down the outside. A stone bench is nestled amongst the planting overlooking the pool. The journal rests on the bench next to him, the pens on top of it. Next to that is an empty coffee cup. The temperature is already rising and Bucky is grateful that the courtyard is cool.
He closes his eyes and the image of the girl’s face is as clear as day in his mind's eye and a name comes to him: Alison. He's by no means sure if it's her name, but it's another piece of the puzzle he hadn't had before.
When Bucky opens his eyes he's fairly sure he's not alone.
“You do know not too many people can sneak up on me?”
He pauses for a moment, listening and receiving no reply, he continues. “It's an inadvisable thing to do anyway. I may not be able to be triggered any more, but I still have all the skills. I can think of at least a dozen ways to kill you with just the objects at hand.” Bucky indicates the coffee cup and pens on the journal.
“But you will not harm me, Mr Barnes.” T'challa says a he steps out of the shadows on one side of the courtyard.
“Your highness.” Bucky stands turning to face T'challa.
“Please sit, you have no need to stand on ceremony here with me. May I join you? I understand if you would rather be alone.”
“Sure, let me move these.” Bucky replies, placing the journal and coffee cup under the bench.
“I understand from Captain Rogers that you blame yourself for the things you were forced to do as the Winter Soldier, is that correct?” T'challa asked as he sat next to Bucky on the bench, staring at the pool in front of them.
“Yes.”
“You are a good man, forced to do terrible things against your will, Mr Barnes.”
“Bucky, please call me Bucky. Mr Barnes is my dad, well in my mind at least.” Bucky interrupts.
“Very well, Bucky. In that case you must call me T'challa.”
“Okay.” Bucky's tone is one of uncertainty. “Is that not disrespectful?”
“Not if I have told you that it's acceptable.” T'challa turns to look at Bucky, a faint smile on his lips. “I am a man who has become king sooner than he expected. You are a man who appears to be no older than I, yet you are old enough to be my grandfather. I think that normal rules do not apply in this case.”
Bucky nods, a lopsided smile on his face. “A good point.”
“I know the darkness of your past troubles you, Bucky. It is not that which has made you seek out this spot and the solitude it offers. Something else is on your mind.”
“Correct.” Bucky replied chewing the inside of his cheek.
“I know your friends wish to help you, to support you, in this time of change for you. You have not been free from Hydra's conditioning for long. Let them help you, let me help you. This something else you are troubled by, I feel it is a good thing, but you are unsure how to handle it.”
“Steve and Wanda both wanted to know about this, but I wasn't sure I was ready to talk. So I snapped at them and walked away.”
“Yet here you are talking to me and considering talking about it. Why is that?”
“Because it feels like you already know what I'm going to say and it feels kinda weird but right to talk to you.”
“I can assure you Bucky, I do not know what you're going to say. Being inside someone's mind is not my specialty. But I feel I know people. And I know you struggle to deal with this because it is quite different to the darkness you are so accustomed to. While I am happy to listen to what you have to say, I feel your friends deserve to hear this too. This light in the darkness you are struggling to understand, they can help.” T'challa stood and indicated that Bucky should do likewise. “Come, share this with them.”
Bucky nodded, picking up the objects from under the bench and stood up. “I suppose it will stop any more worry lines forming on Steve's face if nothing else.”
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Inside the guest apartments, Steve is sitting near the windows of the living room, busily sketching. Wanda is curled up on a sofa reading a book. Steve looks up as Bucky and T'challa walk in. Bucky places the coffee cup on a table but keeps hold of his journal.
Steve looks up and nods to acknowledge Bucky. Spotting T'challa behind him, he stands greets T'challa, “Your highness.”
“No need to be so formal, as I have informed Bucky, T'challa will do.”
Wanda looks up from her book, also standing up. “It is good to see you, both of you.” She steps over to Bucky placing a hand in his shoulder, “I'm sorry we upset you earlier Bucky.”
“It's okay. I was overly defensive.” Bucky replies, looking down at the journal in his left hand.
“We understand.” Wanda replies, sliding her hand across Bucky's shoulder and down his upper arm, before letting go. She looks over to Steve, who nods in confirmation of her statement.
“I think that Bucky may be ready to talk.” T'challa informs them, looking over to Bucky who nods.
“Can we sit? All of us standing around is making me feel uncomfortable.” Bucky says moving over to the sofas in the living area.
“I think some refreshments may be in order. If you would excuse me for a moment I will have some sent over.” T'challa says excusing himself as the others moved to sit down.
Bucky sits on the far end of the sofa that Wanda is sitting on, placing his journal and pens on the coffee table. Steve sits to Bucky’s left on an armchair around the corner of the table. T'challa returns and sits in the middle of the sofa opposite Bucky.
“A selection of food and drinks will be with us shortly.” T'challa announces as he makes himself comfortable.
“Thank you.” Bucky says quiety. He adjusts his position so he's sitting with his elbows resting on his legs and his chin resting on his hands, looking down at a spot between his feet. His long hair falls forward partly obscuring his face. There he remains, silent and unmoving, except for the gentle rise and fall of his chest in time with his slow, rhythmical breathing.
After several minutes he looks up, aware of the others waiting for him to speak. “I'm not sure where to begin.”
“Take your time, Buck.”
Bucky looks up at Steve and looks like he's about to speak. Then a small group of servants walk into the guest apartments carrying trays of food and large pitchers filled with fruit juices and iced water. Bucky moves his journal to the arm of the sofa as the servants place the trays and pitchers down on the coffee table. They return moments later with plates and glasses. T'challa nods to them and they file out.
“Please help yourselves, conversation can wait until we have eaten. It will give Bucky time to marshal his thoughts.” T'challa smiles as he picks up a plate and selects some food.
“Sounds like a good idea, I'm hungry.” Wanda says picking up a plate and begins filling it quickly. “And you have to be fairly quick with these boys and their appetites.”
Bucky shoots a sideways glance at Wanda before looking at Steve. “Is she suggesting we eat a lot?” Doing his level best to look innocent.
“I believe so.” Steve replies also attempting to look innocent.
“Stop it you two, you're fooling nobody.” Wanda says pouring a drink.
“Gentlemen, your ‘Butter wouldn't melt’ act leaves much to be desired.” T'challa smiles as he reaches for a glass. “May I have that after you, Wanda?” He indicates the pitcher she's using.
“Allow me.” Wanda reaches over and fills the glass T'challa is holding.
The room falls silent as they start eating. The silence is broken by the occasional request to pass a pitcher or tray of food. After a few minutes, Bucky sets his plate down and picks up his journal.
“You remember that time my Ma caught us after we stole that pie she's put to cool on the windowsill?” Bucky asked. “It was still too hot and I burnt my mouth on it.”
“She said it served you right. We didn't feign innocence very well back then either.”
“If I recall correctly she didn't stay mad at us for long.”
“No, she didn't, you were a real charmer even at that early age.” Steve laughed.
“It's funny how things come back to you.” Bucky smiles. Opening the journal, Bucky turns to the page where he wrote the description of Alison, if that's her name. “I said earlier about the face of a girl that keeps coming to me in my dreams? Well I've written a description of her, but I can't remember much about her, other than she worked with me maybe 30 years ago. She might be called Alison and she was…. different…”
Bucky turned his head to took out of the window, staring off into the middle distance, unmoving. The others remained silent for a few moments wondering if he was going to continue. Eventually, he took in a deep breath and let out a sigh. Turning to look at Steve, he continues “you saw this earlier.” He hands over the journal.
Steve nods and glances down at the page and back up to Bucky.
“I wondered if you can draw her?”
“I can give it a go. If your description is detailed enough.” Steve replies as he reads.
“I may be able to help with this.” Wanda says. “When we worked together I saw many people in your memory. I have seen her haven't I?”
“Yes, you would have.”
“Good, with both of your permission I can create an illusion in Steve's mind of her, provided you can concentrate on her for me, Bucky. I guess if Steve actually sees her, the process of drawing a picture of her will be much easier for him, yes?” Wanda looks at Steve for confirmation.
“Yeah, Bucky's description is excellent, but it would be an awful lot easier if I could see her for myself.”
“Every time I close my eyes I can see her, clear as day. It shouldn't be a problem.”
“Bucky, you said this lady, Alison, was different. How so?” T'challa asks.
Bucky doesn't reply immediately, taking a moment to collect his thoughts. When he speaks his tone of voice is one of warm affection. “While my memories are still very fragmented, she stands out. I was around her for quite some time. When we were alone, she treated me like a human being. She was the only one who did that. I remember her patching me up, washing blood out of my hair and cleaning it off of my face. Her touch was so tender.” Bucky voice cracks and he stops speaking, taking a moment to clear his throat before continuing. “I'd like to know what happened to her.”
The room falls silent. Eventually T'challa speaks, “If Steve can create a good likeness I am certain we can find out for you Bucky.”
“Just from a drawing?”
“Yes. If you can recall any more details about her it would be useful. My resources are considerable. Her identity and what became of her will not remain a mystery for long.” T'challa replies.