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"How was the haunted house?" Marie asked Walter Jr. as he came through her front door, swatting at the fake cobwebs draped across it.
"Lame."
“You’re lame,” Marie retorted. “Where’s your costume?”
Junior gave her a smart-alecky grin, then looked back over his shoulder at Hank. “Uncle Hank almost crapped his pants.”
"I told you, that was that burrito I had for lunch," Hank said, and behind him, Gomie rolled his eyes. "I don’t think it was very fresh."
"Neither was that mummy when it came around the corner and you screamed like a little girl," said Gomie.
"Place looks good, baby," Hank said, showing more interest in the mantelpiece than he’d ever seen. "Leave it to you to find purple jack o’ lanterns. Hehe. Too bad my shirt doesn’t match." He gestured to his t-shirt, orange with a jack o’ lantern face.
”Doesn’t matter if it’s a purple pumpkin or an orange one, pal,” said Gomie, “I’m still calling you Plumpkin.”
"Don’t listen to that meanie," said Marie, rubbing her hands over Hank’s chest. "You’re a tasty pumpkin pie."
"You want whipped cream with that?" Hank said, pulling her in for a kiss. "Comere, you sexy little witch…"
"You two are gross," said Junior, heading for the kitchen, where Skyler, in a witch’s hat and robes with green makeup, was taking a sheet of cookies out of the oven. "Where’s Dad? Still at the car wash?"
"Bogdan’s making him stay late," replied Skyler with a sigh.
"That’s probably an excuse so he doesn’t have to wear that lame Cowardly Lion costume." Junior reached for a pumpkin cookie, but his mother swatted his hand away with her spatula.
"No treats for people who don’t dress up," she said.
"Geeze, Mom, you really are the Wicked Witch of the West."
"Thank you!" Marie said, disentangling herself from Hank. "I told you, Sky, Halloween is about sexy costumes." She indicated her own witch ensemble, with a teeny pointed hat set at a jaunty angle on her head and a purple and black dress with a deep V neck and mermaid silhouette.
Skyler shook her head as she went on arranging the cookies on a tray. “I thought this was supposed to be a family-friendly party,” she muttered.
"Sorry, Sky, I’m with Marie on this one."
"I don’t know, Hank," said Gomie. "You could stand a trip to the Wizard for some brains."
"How about you click those heels together and go home, asshole?"
"Hank, language!" hissed Skyler.
"I’ve heard the word asshole before, Mom.”
"He heard a lot of colorful language from Hank at the haunted house," said Gomie, laughing again.
"Maybe this should be Hank’s costume then."
They all looked up to see Walter standing in the foyer, looking sheepish in a shabby lion suit.
"What is this, Hallowmean?” said Hank.
"Well Dad did have the courage to get away from Bogdan," said Junior, swiping a cookie when Skyler left them to kiss Walter hello; she left a green makeup smudge on his glasses where her cheek brushed them.
"I’ll stick with being Mr. Plumpkin," said Hank, on his way to the kitchen for a beer. "And you," he pointed at Junior. "Stop being lame and put on your Scarecrow costume. Your Aunt Marie’s dying to take a family picture of you three. If you don’t, she’ll feed you to the flying monkeys."