Work Text:
She was a beautiful
dreamer. The kind of girl,
who kept her head in the
clouds, loved above the stars
and left regret beneath the
earth she walked on.
Robert M. Drake
**
Farkle Minkus is only seven when he meets his childhood sweethearts. And he may be young but he (Think he) already has a good idea of what love is. He’s seen it in the way his mother looks at his father. In the way, after long trips his father always returns. His eyes shining as he kisses his wife, and holding Farkle’s small body so close to his heart. Dropping a tender kiss to the crown of his head.
That's why Farkle knows, knows with all the cells in his body, when he encounters it in its purest form.
He is at a Halloween party, when he meets them; A brunette princess, and An unruly eyed blonde girl wearing a bag. Two girls with personalities so different they seemed meant to clash. But they don't.
He chops it down to theory, because he knows like forces repel.
He saves the princess from drowning in a bowl of bobbing apples.
“All you had to do was lift your head,” the young blonde girl, admonishes her friend. But, the princess is staring at him with a soft smile, ignorant of her friend’s frustrated muttering, Her eyes are an earthy brown, emitting a kind of warmth he can not explain away with simple science.
She introduces herself as Riley, and the girl at her side is Maya.
When he makes them promise not to laugh, he tells them his name. Maya chuckles loudly, and Riley grins widely.
Farkle’s been a goner ever since.
**
He is too young to have a heart attack. But what else could he call this twisting in his heart. This ache lodged in his throat. Maya is on the floor, eyes closed. Her skateboard is in pieces of to the side.
He is frozen. And there is blood. So much blood.
“You weren't ready for those moves,” he murmurs quietly, gripping Maya's small hand in his own.
It feels like hours have passed, though in reality he’s aware it could've only been moments. When Riley returns on Maya’s other side, chest heaving in exertion. Tears streaking down her cheeks, and soft sobs escaping her trembling mouth.
He has never felt so helpless. So heartbroken, as when the paramedics push Riley and him off to the side, as they lift Maya’s tiny frame onto a stretcher and put her inside the ambulance. Topanga hops in after them, her eyes alternating-at dizzying speeds-between the two paramedics as they checked Maya’s pulse.
She pays no attention to Riley, who's begging desperately to be let on. Topanga doesn't even look up when she speaks. “Farkle take Riley home, tell Corey, and have him call Maya’s mother. You understand me?”
Topanga is gone before he can answer.
And the siren echoes in his ears. Rings inside his mind.
He thinks he'll never forget the sound of Riley soft whimpering. He pulls her into his arms, wanting to somehow calm her. To comfort her.
**
It turns out he wasn't too young to have a heart attack. Riley is in surgery, getting her tonsils removed. And he knows there have been tremendous strides in modern medicine within the last century. But that's his woman in there, and if they made a mistake (however unlikely) he could lose her.
Farkle didn't want a world without Riley Matthews. His heart twisted roughly in his chest at the slightest suggestion of it in his thoughts. And he knows then with everything in his being that there isn't really a Farkle without his friends, without a Riley to make him feel special. Help him realize his potential. Yes, without her he'd still be a genius, but he'd also be a pretty cruel one.
Maybe that's why, to take his mind off things he goes into the hospital giftshop to look for a get well present. And when he spots it, he thinks of her. It's the perfect present. He knows she's going to love it, because he knows her.
Instead of buying just one stuffed animal, he buys two. He has a feeling she might lose the other one, somewhere down the line. He hopes that if she ever feels alone and inadequate, like she wasn't enough for the world, that she would hug the bear, and remember that she'd always been more than enough for him.
**
(Life was not on his side. Maybe it never had been.)
They are twelve. Just starting seventh grade. He is the epitome of nervous anticipation, he has not seen his ladies all summer. He is grinning, giddy with the thought of all that knowledge, of learning all the things he has yet to. And he can't wait to see Riley, and Maya.
He is sitting in his desk, when they arrive. Riley comes in with a particularly gratified grin on her face. Her warm eyes crinkling at the ends.
Oh no.
Farkle knew that look. The way her mouth moved faster than her mind could catch up. She is speaking gibberish, as if all her mental capacities have been stunned. Then he walks in. A boy, tall, with an athletic form, and green eyes. His name is Lucas Friar. The very the sight of him causes Riley to giggle brainlessly.
Maya smirked at her best friend’s reaction, rolling her eyes as she feigned examining her fingernails. Silently giving him all the confirmation he needs. Riley was infatuated with him.
When Riley glanced at him, her amber eyes sparkled in a way he'd never quite seen before. She was awed by Lucas’ very existence.
And that's really the day he should stop feeling so much.
Should stop loving two completely different people.
But he doesn't.
He can't.
**
Farkle had to get used to the idea of Lucas Friar. After all, Riley liked him. And anything she liked, loved, couldn’t be all that bad. His Sun could barely speak in Lucas Friar’s presence, could barely carry on a conversation without stumbling over her words, as she looked into his freakishly flawless face.
And all he had ever really wanted (other than becoming supreme ruler of the world) was Riley's happiness. So, of course he tries to accommodate him, tries his best to become the best friend possible to the incredibly lucky, Lucas Friar. He doesn't know any other way. So he ignores the strange pinching in his chest. Shies away from any conclusions at the slight tremble of his fingers as he attempts to let her go.
It hurts, aches deep in the hollow of his bones.
More so than he presumed it would, since he had never even considered the thought that one day he might have to.
**
Farkle kisses Riley before Lucas Friar ever does. He does it at their seventh grade play. Lucas is Romeo, and Riley is Juliet. He….the spear carrier.
And it happens like this. Lucas kneels beside a “dead” Riley, but when his lips begin to descend toward hers. Something inside his chest twitches, and quivers. Like the broken wing of a bird who can’t stop the instinct to take flight. Except this is Farkle’s heart, and it belongs inside his chest, and not outside of the confines of his anatomy on the cold auditorium floor.
His Night can't seem to stop speaking her mind, when Lucas is near. Doesn't stop letting him know just how annoying she finds his charming good boy nature. Maya promises to break him. He smiles, tips an imaginary hat, and tells her, he can't wait.
Her frame shudders, as she lets out a low groan of frustration
Farkle thinks that’s when he began to grow underneath Maya's skin.
Lucas Friar somehow swooped in, and took both his girls. Farkle doesn't even think he meant to. At least, not at first. But all he had to do to capture Riley’s affection’s was a well placed Prince Charming like smile. And Riley was lost to him.
Lucas was every prepubescent genius’s worst nightmare. He was aesthetically attractive, smart, and physically superior to most of the other boys. While Farkle was all hungry mind, reed thin limbs and heart too big for his small body.
How could he ever compete with that?
***
Lucas Friar becomes Farkle's best friend. He didn't expect it, or even want it. But somehow he has. Lucas is loyal, kind, and inherently good. Perfect for Riley in every way. Not to mention he makes Riley smile, and laugh in a way Farkle once wished he could.
Farkle's heart still occasionally (confusingly) trembles at the sight of her, but he's made his peace with that. He thinks (hopes) this feeling will fade, or eventually disappear with time. No matter how much it hurts him, he won't say anything about it.
He has more to lose now, should he be honest about whatever this overwhelming emotion is he has developed for Riley, the girl he's known forever. He doesn't want to hurt anyone, not Lucas, and especially not Riley.
He cared to much about either of them to hurt them in any way. But, Maya is still Maya who couldn't care less about riling his best friend up. Rather, she took immense pleasure from mocking Lucas and his Texan roots. Enjoyed dissembling all that perfection, all that calm collected-ness. It was as if she was trying to reach inside him, and find something only she could see. She wasn't enchanted by his every movement, his every word the way Riley was. Nor did she blush like Riley, when Lucas grinned at her. Only returned in with a challenging one of her own.
And maybe he should've seen that and saw its significance. But, he didn't.
**
He promised them he'd always love them equally. And he had. And he does. And he always will. But when Riley looks at him too long his stomach flip flops, heat flushing his cheeks. He isn't so sure.
**
(The universe was deliberately working against him. It was out to break his heart, his soul.)
He was only thirteen, but he knew with a sickening churning in his gut that he wouldn't be able to keep that promise. The one which his very existence revolved. He's so afraid of breaking his own heart, because for so long he believed they both had half of it. But, he was wrong.
Somewhere, sometime, somehow, he had stopped. Stumbled out of love with the mysterious blond jaw dropper. Whatever the reason he was not the same. He had grown up. And his heart that had at one time belonged to his two best friends, now only belonged to one.
And he was so very sorry.
**
Farkle had always known that he was smarter than the average person, had always known he was a genius. So it's not a surprise when the lady tells him he's gifted.
But when she tells him he might have autism. His mind goes quiet. And his stomach twists. He is scared, terrified that this somehow makes him different. That this stigma might cripple him, cut off his ability to understand the simplest of emotions. He might never want a hug from Riley, grow to dislike the way she tilted her head when she smiled at him. Or somehow begin to hate the way she wasn't in full control of her limbs, just yet.
What if the thin understanding he had on love, evaporated.
He grew cold. And there was no one there to hold him together.
***
He is at the Matthews' apartment when they find out.
Maya bolts from her seat, and too his side. Protective, and defiant. Rejecting the very thought that that there was something different about him. Riley stands behind him, assures him that no matter what he will always be Farkle. Nothing could ever change that. She places a soft hand on his back, and every particle in his body hones in on that tender point. On the way her fingers gently wrap around his shoulder, and squeezes.
The fear, and the guilt dissipate. He is and always will be Farkle. And his friends love him no matter what. He learns later that he does not have autism. And everything is okay. Except Smackle is hurt, sad. She leaves his classroom, her smile is happy for him, but her shoulders are droopy, and almost disappointed.
Farkle doesn't like it when Smackle's sad. When she hurts.
**
The girls push him toward Smackle. They say that if he wants to really understand love then he should go out and experience what it has to offer. So he goes, because Smackle is beautiful, and smart, and is like him, but is also not like him.
And for some reason he likes that about her.
**
Something is wrong with Maya. Farkle knows that. When she all but begs Lucas not to get on the bull. Her eyes desperate, worry marring her features. Frustration etched into her brow, as she gripped a wooden chair. She was scared.
It showed in the absolute sincerity of her threat, in the way she actually used Lucas’ name. It was there, for everyone to see, and for the first time she didn't seem to care. She closed the distance between her and Lucas until they were only a foot away from eachother.
She met his eyes. “Lucas, if you do this, I will never speak to you again.”
Maya had always been good at hiding things. She was adept at telling the truth without revealing too much. He thinks it has something to do with her father, and how much it hurt her after he left, and never came back. She was a tragic sort of mysterious.
A sad sort of mysterious that was not intentional.
It was the first thing that had drawn Farkle toward her. He was the first boy that had ever wanted to understand her, had tried to get to know her. And she cared for him, wanted to protect him from it. She loved him, had always loved him. But, only platonically.
Maya believed that good things weren't meant for her. She carried around a guilt, a regret she had no idea where to place, except upon her thin shoulders. So, of course Farkle had missed a few subtle signs. Maya had never really cared for anyone romantically.
She was too turbulent for that. Too unpredictable. And, all too easily able to hide herself when she wanted. When he was young, he had never been one to be deterred, to turn away from questions that plagued his mind. He always got results. Whether he was happy with them or not. So, he paid attention, watched for any slip ups. And when Maya finally told him, why she was the way she was. He understood, was sympathetic. Tried to comfort her as best he could.
if his father left him, he’d be angry at the world too. But, he couldn’t quite imagine the pain, couldn't quite understand it all. So, he failed. Farkle supposed he had been too far out of his element. He was always better at comforting Riley. But, Maya was still one of his best friend’s. And he could still read her, easily. After all, he’d known her since he was seven years old. She was terrified. Not of Lucas. Never that.
But there was genuine fear in hey eyes.
Only then did it occur to him; no matter how absurd, that Maya was frightened for a boy she teased on a daily basis. A boy she claimed wasn't her type. That she would marry anybody else in the world before she married him. Lucas Friar, the only boy, Maya Hart, bothered to make a hundred different nicknames for, and all pertaining to his ever noble intentions, and cowboy heritage.
Maya Hart liked Lucas Friar.
Something was also wrong with Farkle, because all he could think as Maya placed her head on his shoulder was; poor Riley.
**
There is a triangle. That in no way involves him. It couldn't, because he's with one; Miss Isadora Smackle now.
But it's Maya, and Lucas.
And it's Riley.
Riley Matthews, who is the sun; warm, bright, and lights up his whole day. Farkle wants to be angry at them. At him. But he can't, because they're all just kids trying to make sense of all these emotions. These unpredictable feelings. These tantalizing desires that they all try to hide.
But they aren't very good actors. Especially Riley.
And it hurts. But he knows with the way she gazes sadly after Lucas, and Maya. That she doesn't see Lucas as a brother. That her feelings are not in any way familial.
So, when she refuses to tell the truth. Of course he tells all of them. Riley likes Lucas, and Lucas Likes Riley. That Farkle is sure of, because how could he not?
He apologizes after, hoping that they (she) can forgive him.
**
The triangle is finally resolved after a lot of thought, and a whole lot of error.
It happens at the Mount. Sun Ski Lodge. Riley meets a boy named Evan, who wants to be a Sherpa. He wants to guide people onto their correct paths. So, of course once he meets Riley, he likes her and wants her to be happy.
They talk all night.
And when Farkle finds out, something heavy and unfamiliar rumbles through his chest. But, he dismisses it as Smackle wraps her arms around him, and presses herself into his side. The warmth of her arms is so comfortable, and her smile so dazzling he forgets himself. And let's these confusing emotions fall to the back of his mind. Where they could be further examined at a more appropriate time.
Right now, what mattered was The Triangle. And Lucas not breaking Riley's heart.
**
Lucas chooses Riley. Maya figures out that she doesn't like Lucas like that. That she never did. That she only ever liked Uncle Boing, who is Riley's older Uncle Josh.
And everything is resolved so pretty, so conveniently, Farkle should feel relieved. But he doesn't. Someone is lying. Or something is wrong.
And he doesn't know what or who.
**
Farkle is seventeen and at a party thrown by Billy Ross. He is attempting to unwind after a whole week of studying for Finals. There is a mixed cocktail in his hand, that makes him feel bubbly faster than he would like to admit.
Zay is slow dancing with Smackle, despite the music being fast paced, with a thrumming beat, that makes other teens sway their hips. Smackle doesn't seem to mind, as she pulls him closer and laughs in his ear.
Farkle smiles, because Smackle is happy. And he's always wanted that for her.
Riley slips quietly by his side, having long grown aquainted with her long limbs. He is thankful that after his growth spurt, he was taller than most of the members of their group. She leans against the wall, her hands unsurprisingly empty, and shoved into her pockets. Riley doesn't drink, since she has always had a lingering anxiety about parties. They make her antsy.
Riley's mouth is a thin line. "Disappointed?" She asks, motioning her head in the direction of Zay, and Smackle. Farkle shakes his head, smiling at her concern for his feelings.
"No. I'm happy for them." It still surprised him that he was genuinely pleased for Smackle, and Zay. Smackle, and him had broke up two years ago. A month after the breakup things had been a little awkward, but they had been through worse, so they made it through with their friendship still intact. Farkle wouldn't have let it be any other way. He loved Smackle, she was one of his bestfriend's. She always would be.
A dark brow arches high with uncertainty. She's not sure if he's telling the truth. "Are you sure, because if not, I'll-I will..." Farkle chuckles as she flounders to continue with something intimidating. Her eyes brighten. "I'll eat his cookie!"
A laugh is torn from his lungs. As a peculiar warmth expands inside his chest. She's not really serious, but she kind of is. And he appreciates her earnest smile, and the sheepish gleam in her eyes. He can't look away, can't take his eyes off her. If he believed in a higher power, he would think he (or she because Riley was a feminist and believed it was very possible that such a power could be a girl) collected all the most beautiful things in the universe, and used them to create her.
He shoved his hands in his pockets."You're wonderful, you know that?"
A blush blooms on Riley's cheeks. As she brushes a wayward strand of dark hair behind her ear. She looks down, kicks a foot at imaginary dust. Farkle is stunned, he was never quite so outspoken. So careless with the words that rest at the tip of his tongue.
"I don't know about that," it's a mutter, disappointment in its purest form as she glances at Lucas on the far side of the room. He was gazing glumly after Maya as she led her boyfriend, Steve?, toward the living room, that was serving as the dance floor. As they began to disappear amongst the crowd, Lucas began to follow but Zay came out of nowhere and held him back, a stern expression on his face.
Farkle's certain Maya's boyfriend's name is Stefan. Or maybe Sam. Something with an S. Either way, he didn't really care, since if Maya had her way, and she probably would the boy wouldn't last another week. Maya Hart-Hunter wanted commitment like she wanted an itchy rash. Her reasoning for this was that she didn't want to be tied down, didn't want anything too serious or intense.
She was meant to be wild. Free.
Which when translated to the language normal people spoke, meant; she didn't want to be hurt. She didn't want to care, want to love someone that was bound to leave her. It saddened him. Especially since, she deserved better than the jerks she dated, who only cared about how gorgeous she was, instead of who she was deep down. Maya deserved someone she could trust.
A year ago, Lucas had realized he loved her. That he had since the trip they all took in eighth grade to Lucas’ hometown of Austin, Texas. When Maya had come into his living room in that nice white dress, wearing that pretty green pendant. Lucas heart had contracted so hard, he thought he'd die, she was so pretty.
The blonde beauty. He'd thought distantly, so awed his thoughts were a dull whisper.
He had told Farkle and Zay as much during one of their gaming sessions.
Farkle almost couldn't believe after the triangle, after choosing Riley only for them to break up in ninth grade, after trying and failing to start a relationship that was deeper than just swapping saliva, and sharing bodies, after all these years he still carried a torch for her.
But she wouldn't have it, wouldn't hear of it. Every time he even hinted toward the possibility of them, Maya shut down. Farkle almost felt bad for him. Until, that is, he recalled that Lucas rejected her first. That Lucas had broken her heart, long before she ever broke his. And to have him only realize now, say something now, must've put her on edge, made her raise her guard.
That must be the reason she was holding on to her current boyfriend so tightly. She didn't want to give Lucas a second chance to hurt her. Farkle didn't need her to say it for him to understood that much. Maya may have taken the name of her stepfather, Shawn Hunter. But, deep down, no matter how much had changed, the history behind her was the same. She was older, a couple inches taller, and a little less rebellious. Still, she remained the same.
He bumpped Riley's shoulder gently, withholding a shiver at the slight contact. "Disappointed?"
An abrupt laugh escapes Riley. It is laced with disbelief, and regret. "In Lucas? No. It's been a long time since the break up."
“Talk to me, Riley.” His expression is stern, letting her know she's not getting away from him until she speaks to him about whatever is bothering her.
She sighs, the sound though soft, and small manages to carry a shameful regret. A sort of apology in the way her frame shakes with it. Like she's done something unforgivable. “I am dissappointed,” she admits, quietly, so quietly he almost doesn't here her over the thumping bass. Still, something in his chest shifts painfully at the words. He dutifully ignores it. This wasn't about his heart, it was about the state of her’s. For him, it was always going to be about her.
“I love Lucas. I have since the moment, Maya pushed me onto his lap on the subway. You know that. Everyone knows that.” She looks down, unable to meet his eyes. “But, now I understand, what I didn't then. And that is, the pressure I put on everyone to conform to my reality. To change themselves because I wasn't ready to make the world mine. And now people are paying for my mistakes!”
Riley had yet to look away from the crumpled expression on Lucas’s face. Farkle supposes that’s what one gets when they fall in love with two of their friends (who are best friends themselves) and chooses the wrong one.
Then, again maybe if him and Zay hadn't pushed Lucas so hard to make a choice, begged him for the sake of their group of friends, told him to decide before it destroyed all of them, then maybe he would have chosen differently.
But he had come to a decision.
Except, Lucas didn't actually tell them who he chose until they took a trip to the Mount. Sun Ski Logde, a place that held bad memories for Riley's parents; Cory, and Topanga Matthews. Triangles began and ended there. Love was almost destroyed there. The Mount. Sun Ski lodge and Matthews family didn't mix well.
History seemed destined to repeat there.
Lucas chose Riley. No one made him.
He nodded toward Maya who had kissed her boyfriend’s cheek, and from across the room Lucas flinched as if slapped in that very same spot. “That isn't your fault.”
Riley looked away from Lucas, and met his eyes, challenging. “Prove it.”
Farkle takes a pregnant pause, his silence long and dramatic. As if he has no evidence to dispute otherwise. As if he was for the first time stumped.
“Fineh!”
Riley laughs bright, and warm, and so beautiful it mystifies him. It always has.
Her voice is soft, almost a murmur when she says, “I love you, Farkle.”
There something different about the way she says it. A knowing that wasn't there before. Riley has loved him since he was seven years old. He knows this can't not be argued against. But, she never really seemed to love him, not like that.
Except, things were different now. They weren't as confused, and misinterpreting there feeling anymore. They had grown up. She had grown up. Did they know everything? No. Farkle doubted they ever would. But he knew one thing, one simple fact that encompassed all others; He loved Riley, would always love Riley.
“And I love you.”
“Thank God!” Riley shouted, her body relaxing. She pulls him into her, wrapping her arms around him, and humming tenderly into his neck. Farkle hold her waist as he chuckles, not even the least bit surprised that she was relieved. It was Riley, and she’d always had a problem believing that someone could love her.
He just couldn't understand why, because she was so good, and kind. It was a wonder everyone who met her didn't fall in love with her.
“It shouldn't be a surprise I've always loved you.”
“How long?” Her lips mutter the question against his collarbone. He ignores the shivers that overwhelmingly dance along his spine.
Farkle works hard to remain focused and answer. “You, Me, Mars. Lets do this thing!”
She raises her head to meet his gaze. Her amber eyes warm. “That long?”
Slowly realization dawn on Riley. She looks apologetic, and regretful, like she has missed so much time.
“Nope.” Farkle says, popping the P. She laughs, slapping his shoulder. He tugs her closer, or tries to since there already as close as physically possible. He rests his chin on her temple.
“I was a goner long long before that.”
Riley sighs, contently, tightening her hold on him.
Farkle’s breath catches, as his next words leave him. “It's been you since I was seven years old.”
“Sorry, it took me so long to get here.”
Farkle squeezed her side. “You don't have to be.”
She shifted, leaning her forehead against the crown of his. Gently nudging his nose with hers. “But I am. And I do want to be here, with you, Farkle.”
His eyes drift to her lips, “That's good.”
She laughs, “Just good?”
He leans forward, swallowing the rest of her laughter. When they break away, they are both breathless and smiling.
“Really, Really good.”
Riley grins, and he can't help but lean forward to taste that as well.