Chapter Text
A letter written on ecru letter paper slipped into the case Lizzie keeps her laptop in and discovered when she reaches her office.
November 1, 2013
Dearest, Loveliest Elizabeth,
I woke up in the middle of the night and could not get back to sleep. It’s a long story, but I somehow found myself rewatching your old videos. I did not start at the very beginning. I began with Halloween. This may shock you, but I laughed this time when you said, “Well, why don’t you watch my videos.” Your expression of horror is perfection. My befuddlement is amusing in hindsight.
I still cringe over my own behavior and words in many of my guest appearances on your vlog, never mind the things I said to you off camera. But it stings a very little to see your disdain now. The pain is rather hazy— distant. The last six months with you have washed most of it away. My joy is so intense that I am quite transformed. I do not recognize myself in the best possible way. The difference is not limited to my own perception. One of my father’s old friends stopped me the other day after a meeting to intimate that I looked more like my old self. I wasn’t quite sure what he meant at first, but GiGi understood. She dug up an old photograph of me from the summer after I graduated from high school. I’ve never been precisely lighthearted, but I did smile more in those days. Certain pressures and responsibilities had not descended upon me then and it shows even in the way I am standing in that old photo. But now… I look easier, happier. I’ve been accused of foolishly and absently grinning by Fitz. That’s entirely down to you.
I watched through to the final video. My felicity is not less than it was at the start of our relationship. It grows and deepens. I sat for several moments savoring the knowledge that I need only walk twenty feet to see you sleeping peacefully in my bed. You’ve been putting in long hours so I did not wake you.You’d kicked off the covers and I resisted the urge to tuck them back around you because I know you don’t like that and it wakes you up. I did kiss your shoulder and possibly your right ankle. Then I took myself off to a rather cool shower.
If you feel well rested and can get away I would like you to meet me for dinner this evening. Although we should by rights celebrate your birthday as the start of our relationship—I’d like to mark today. Because one year ago today I wrote you that first letter. That letter was the beginning of everything that changed between us. You began to see me more clearly. Once you’d excoriated me and recorded it I saw little point in huddling behind defenses. I believed you would always despise me, but I wanted you to at least despise me and not the lies that Wickham told you about me. I never expected everything that has followed, which makes it all the more rare and wonderful.
We’ve passed the six month moratorium on the expenditure limit we agreed to. We can renegotiate, but in this gap I am afraid I took advantage of what I view as a loophole. Is it too much to beg you to take pity on me and accept anything I may give you with good grace? Know that I believe I restrained myself though you will no doubt disagree in your own lovely way.
Lizzie, I adore you more than I thought was possible. I think before I met you I wasn’t capable of this level of passion, but you carved hollows and valleys into me as relentlessly as a glacier excavates lake beds.
I quite miss writing these missives. Shall I pick you up at 7:30? Please let me know whether to fetch you at home or at your office.
Utterly and forever besotted,
William