Work Text:
“You’ve reached MARVIN and WHIZZER! We’re not available right now, but leave a message right after the—”
Before Marvin knows it, he’s on the floor. His back is pressed against the wall, his knees are pressed against his chest, and he can’t tell if he’s having trouble breathing or breathing too quickly. Marvin is holding the phone away from his ear even though Whizzer isn’t speaking anymore. He doesn’t know how he didn’t think this would be a bad idea and he doesn’t know what to do now. Marvin tries to end the call but his shaking fingers are not listening to him.
“Whizzer,” Marvin says, the name coming out as a whisper. He tilts his head back and it hits the wall with a bang. He ignores the spark of pain. “I’m so sorry.”
The phone falls out of Marvin’s hand and onto the floor. He kicks it with his right foot and then turns his head to the left. He doesn’t want to look at it. He doesn’t want to think about it. He doesn’t want anything to do with it.
The tears start to fall and Marvin doesn’t bother to wipe them away. He lets himself cry. He’s vaguely aware that the last time he cried over Whizzer was at his funeral and suddenly he’s doing full-body sobs.
“I’m sorry,” Marvin says again, and reaches out a shaking arm to end the call.
Marvin is wearing one of Whizzer’s old shirts when the doorbell rings. He flinches but gets up and checks the window to see who it is. It’s Cordelia.
He opens the door and is greeted to one of his best friends. She smiles at him.
“I would hug you but…” She’s holding a large tray covered in aluminum foil in her arms.
“Come in,” Marvin says, holding the door open and gesturing for her to come inside. Cordelia enters, goes to the kitchen to put the tray down, and immediately wraps her arms around Marvin. She’s not surprised when he hugs her back tightly.
“I’ve been thinking about you lately,” Cordelia says when they pull away. Marvin knows that means she’s been worried about him lately.
“I’m fine,” Marvin says. Marvin is clearly not fine. His hair is a mess, he hasn’t been sleeping properly for the past few weeks, and he knows that Cordelia has noticed his shirt.
“I know. I just haven’t seen you in a while. Wanted to make sure you were doing okay.”
Marvin doesn’t know what to say. He appreciates Cordelia, he really does, but he just wants to be alone and wallow in this pit of depression that he can’t seem to get out of.
“How’s Charlotte?” he finally asks. Cordelia smiles so bright that Marvin has to look away. He recognizes that smile back from when people asked him how Whizzer was.
“Charlotte is great. She wanted to come with me to see you but she has to be at the hospital. She misses you. I miss you. We both miss you, Marvin.”
“Tell her I’ll see her soon.”
“Will you, though? As much as I’d like to think differently, I can’t see you going outside unless you absolutely have to.”
“What is that?” Marvin asks, gesturing to the tray Cordelia has brought.
She gives him a small, sad smile. “It’s not much, just something I whipped up to help you feel better.”
“Thank you.”
“Do you want to talk?” Cordelia asks. Marvin knows she’s not trying to be pushy, she is genuinely just worried. “I know I can’t even imagine how hard this is for you. But Charlotte and I lost Whizzer too and we want you to know that we’ll be here within seconds if you need us. And it doesn’t even need to be about Whizzer. If you need to talk about him, we’re here for you. If you just need to plain talk about anything, we’re here for you. If you just need a hug, we’re here for you. Just… we don’t want you to feel like you’re alone, Marvin.”
“I’m fine,” Marvin says. Then he falters. “Thank you.”
“I’ll tell Charlotte that you’ll give her a call.” Cordelia puts her hand on Marvin’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
Marvin smiles for the first time since Cordelia arrived. “Not your fault.”
Phone in hand, Marvin sits down on his and Whizzer’s bed. He takes a deep breath, shuts his eyes, and hits the call button before he can change his mind. He hears Whizzer’s familiar voice and laughter as the voicemail message plays. He remembers exactly when he and Whizzer had recorded it.
“...Whizzer,” Marvin says, his voice cracking. He cringes and starts again. “Hi. I don’t even know why I’m doing this. It’s not like you’re alive to respond.” He laughs bitterly and runs a hand over his face. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen your ridiculous face that I almost can’t believe you were ever even real. It feels so weird that you’re not here. I know it’s only been a month or so but it feels like it’s been years. I should be used to not being with you, right? Those two years after we had broken up were hell for me but I guess they helped prepared me for… this. You just had to go and leave, didn’t you? Everything was finally so good, so perfect, and you just…”
Marvin is silent for a minute.
“I don’t know what to do. I’m stuck, Whizzer. You being gone just turned my entire life upside down and I don’t know how I’m just supposed to cope. Cordelia came to visit me the other day and I could tell how worried about me she was. I haven’t seen Jason in weeks. I’ve tried telling myself multiple times that I can live without you. That I don’t need you. But I can’t do it, Whizzer. I can’t do it.”
“Hey, kid,” Marvin greets.
“Dad!” Jason says, rushing to hug his father.
Marvin holds Jason as tight as possible. He sees Trina and Mendel approaching.
“I’m sorry I cancelled the last few weekends—”
“Don’t apologize,” Trina interrupts Marvin. “We understand.”
Marvin offers a thankful smile as he ruffles Jason’s hair. “How’ve you been?”
“I’m okay,” Jason says. “Weird.”
“Yeah,” Marvin agrees. “I know.”
Marvin brings Jason home for the weekend. It doesn’t feel right, getting some normalcy back in his life. Nothing feels right without Whizzer.
When Jason is asleep, Marvin makes the call. He closes his eyes as the voicemail message plays.
“Jason misses you,” is the first thing Marvin says. “He hasn’t said it but it’s obvious. I know how much you loved him. I could see how proud you were every single time you looked at him. As much as you saw him as a son, he saw you as a father. He loved you as much as you loved him. He looked up to you so much, you know that? I hope you do. Did. I hope you didn’t die without knowing that. I feel so… I don’t know. Different. I never wanted to admit it but you changed me. You changed all of us. No, you know what I feel? I feel ridiculous, Whizzer. I’m talking to air because I can’t handle you being gone. We all miss you. Come back.”
Marvin rings the doorbell. The door opens and Trina appears, her face softening as she sees him.
“Thank you,” Marvin says to her, before turning to Jason. “I’ll see you next weekend, okay?”
Jason wraps his arms around Marvin, nodding. When they pull away, Jason heads inside.
“Are you okay?” Trina asks.
“Yeah,” Marvin says after a deep breath.
“I accidentally called your old number before,” Trina tells him. “It still has the voicemail that you and Whizzer made. I don’t know why I’m telling you this. Just in case you… want to change it.”
“Okay.” Marvin doesn’t tell her that he already knows. He can tell that she can tell that he’s not going to change it. “Thank you.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t even know what I’m sorry for anymore. If you were still here, you would laugh at me right now. You would laugh and I would scoff and say something back and you would kiss me and everything would be okay. I wish you could respond to me. Or at least that you could just hear me. Whizzer, I just… I can’t believe you’re dead.”
About a year later when Marvin dies, Trina understands. She finds that she can’t bring herself to change the voicemail recording either.