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Jan - always perceptive - noticed the way his eyes narrowed and his jaw tightened first. She even took his arm, before he could storm after Tony.
“Steve,” she said, “come on. Don’t go after him now. You’re angry.”
He swallowed against the knot that had been forming in his throat and then slowly, oh so slowly exhaled. “He made us forget who he is, Jan. He would have gone back to just being Iron Man.”
“And he came to us right away and made us remember again.”
She had yet to take her hands from his elbow, but her eyes were not pleading or judging. Janet was simply calm and trying to impart some of that calm on him. Steve wished he had any idea how to feel anything but unsettled right now. A minute ago, before Iron Man had walked in and taken off his helmet, Steve had forgotten who was under the mask. And Tony had known that, Tony had taken it into account when he had gone and erased his identity from people’s minds.
“Steve,” she said, “you know how he is. His secret was always important to him. He… I think sometimes he thinks Iron Man was better without Tony Stark and what we know about him.”
“I know that,” he burst out suddenly, regretting it the moment her eyes widened and she took a step back. “And he’s wrong. He couldn’t be more wrong.”
For some unfathomable reason that brought a smile to her face. “That he is. But don’t tell him when you’re angry. He’s going to think he’s even more right then.”
He narrowed his eyes and thought that through. She was right. He knew she was. But the unsettling feeling of having the memories of the last years, the close friendship and all the things he knew about one of his best friends altered, taken away… It scared him. He had always liked Tony, even when he’d not known his friend Iron Man and his benefactor Tony Stark were one and the same. Sometimes treacherous thoughts make him think that things between them would have been different if he had known from the very beginning. Tony had fascinated him. He’d liked the man from the start and yet he’d always felt he was keeping his distance from him and the Avengers. Finding out the truth had made so many pieces of the puzzle just fall into place - in a flash of naked skin and red thong.
They’d shared so many secrets over the years, had agreed and disagreed about so many things, but Tony would always be the man who had welcomed him into his home when he’d been washed up and stranded in a new time without anyone waiting for him.
“I don’t want him to think he’s right,” he agreed. “Because he’s wrong.”
Jan hid the lopsided smile behind her hand too late and when he looked at her sternly, still feeling unhappy with the whole thing, she didn’t bother any longer and laughed right in his face. “We all care,” she said. “Keep in mind that he really did come and make us remember. He cares about us too.”
Not ready to forgive that easily, he huffed. The unsettling feeling that something important could have been ripped from him, because Tony had selfishly decided he wanted things to go back to the way they had been once upon a time, was too unsettling.
* * *
Steve forgave. Of course he did. He would never really understand how Tony could go through life thinking that what he was doing would never be enough, but then he did understand how it felt to be targeted and what it meant to want your friends safe and feel powerless to make it so.
* * *
“Don’t tell me,” Steve said and his eyes were wide as he took in the purple blotches marring Tony’s face, the tape over his broken nose. “Mandarin is still alive and after you.”
Tony shook his head. “I think you could say a piece of Ultron tried to kill me. Although the masterminds at play here were chance and not enough foresight on my part.”
The word Ultron never boded well and he froze. “What?”
“I…” Tony faltered and shook his head. He looked tired. Worse for wear. Like he shouldn’t have made the trip to New York at all. “Forget I said that. I’m a mess. I… See the woman I was trying to built something with broke up with me over Iron Man and my inability to lead a normal life. And…”
“I’m sorry.” The words came out a reflexively. He was sorry. After all he knew how it was to be in that place, but he wasn’t really feeling it. At the moment he just wanted to know who the hell had beat up Tony when he’d been without his armor. “How did they get you out of the Iron Man to do this to you? Tony!” He reached for Tony’s cheek, remembered suddenly that they were in the middle of a street in New York and the only thing hiding Tony’s identity were his sunglasses, so he stopped himself.
“That’s the thing…” Tony said and he had that flippant way of brushing serious conversations away when he didn’t really want to go into unpleasant details. “It was the armor. I had…”
He knew he was staring, knew that all the things that were on the tip of his tongue about his own tech coming to kill Tony were things he shouldn’t say. Tony was down and he had come here anyway.
“It got a bit… intense,” Tony said. “It was following its programming and went a bit overboard in trying to… ehm… keep me to itself, I suppose.”
He opened his mouth, closed it. Stared. He was piecing things together in between all the things that Tony wasn’t even right out saying. “Why did you…? Why didn’t you…?” Ask for help. But he realized that any artificial intelligence like that could control communication channels.
But before he had figured out what he wanted to ask, Tony interrupted: “Thank you. That’s what I wanted to say. I don’t think I ever properly thanked you for all the hand to hand training you gave me. It came in handy. Haha, look at me cracking jokes.”
Tony was talking fast. He did that sometimes when he was rushing through a conversation he had planned in his head. Steve couldn’t help himself. He did not have all the details yet. He wasn’t sure Tony wanted to tell the whole story. He just knew his friend had been hurt - was hurting - and had come to thank him although he hadn’t even been there to help, hadn’t even been aware anything was happening. He pulled him into a hug, before Tony had even stopped babbling.
* * *
Not long after, he stepped in front of cameras, giving an interview to defended Tony. He was still appalled that a former friend was using his money and influence to systematically discredit Tony. He remembered being angry that Tony had modified people’s memories to protect himself and his secret. If these were the friends he had grown up with, then it was no wonder Tony was ready to go to any length to protect himself.
“Thank you, Cap, this means a lot.”
“I don’t think it helped much.”
“Perhaps not. Not against the things Ty wants people to believe. But it means a lot to me.”
When Tony smiled at him, grateful and easy, it seemed incredible, like a gift he needed to cherish.
* * *
Life never got boring. Not for Captain America and not for the Avengers.
“Have you seen this, Cap?” Jan pointed at the television set.
“What is it this time? Kree? Thor fighting Hulk? A Skrull disguised as me giving a press conference.”
Jan looked up at him with a pout. “Aren’t you in a good mood? No.” She pointed.
He glanced over, the news only getting his attention when the words Tony Stark and Iron Man registered and he realized that they weren’t mentioned as separate entities. “Tony Stark is Iron Man.” Shock pooled painful in his stomach until he saw the footage of Tony jumping to the rescue of… a dog, easily giving away his secret like he had been tired of the whole charade.
“Cute,” Jan said. “What do you think made him change his mind about keeping secrets?”
Steve shrugged. “Maybe he has realized that life is complicated enough without them.”
“Nah.” Jan shook her head. “Does not sound like Tony at all.”
“Well, at least he’s wearing more than a red thong this time.”
“I’ll never not regret that I wasn’t there for that. You seem to have fond memories of it.”
He did not blush. Captain America would not blush over a mission memory. But he had to admit that his thoughts stayed on the memory for longer than was necessarily appropriate.
* * *
Tony saving him with mouth to mouth, putting himself at risk so Steve could life and go on to defeat the Skull and the plague he was spreading across the nation, was the last straw. Steve, his skin still a little too red, his throat sore and his thoughts racing, could do nothing more than to stare at Tony, who was lying over in the next bed.
Wakandan Doctors and Stark Medical personnel had been running in and out of their room for hours on end, but things had calmed down. Tony was stable. The antidote had done its work.
Steve swung himself out of bed and moved over to the uncomfortable plastic chair beside Tony’s. “You’re awake,” Steve whispered, when Tony blinked up at him tiredly.
“Am I?”
They sat in silence, staring at each other until Tony gave in a looked away. “Don’t berate me now. I know, I know, I take too many risks and you don’t think it’s worth…”
“You gave me mouth to mouth,” Steve stated calmly.
Tony narrowed his eyes. “Yes, I…”
“In a contaminated area.”
“Yes, I really...”
“While I was half-unconscious.”
“Look Steve…”
It was enough. He leaned forward, just at the moment when Tony sat up. The angle gave him the perfect opportunity for a kiss that took Tony completely by surprise. He froze and Steve did not press too hard, pressed their mouths together and licked against Tony’s lips to make him realize what he wanted. Still surprised, Tony melted into it and then they were kissing, deep and real and perfect. He pulled away first. “Next time give a man a chance to enjoy it, when you press your lips to his.”
“Next time?” Tony nearly shrieked.
“And less dying all around,” Steve said. “I insists on that.”
Tony simply stared, open-mouthed, his lips still glistening with saliva and red and swollen from the kiss. “Steve, I… I’m… I’m not still unconscious, am I?”
Steve shook his head. “I think we both had our wake up call. Now get some rest. You did a stupid thing today.”
“Seems it was worth it.”
He huffed and quietly agreed. They’d been dancing around this, but his own feeling had never been as clear to him as they were today.
Yes, perhaps it has been worth it.