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It was a fine Tuesday at WWE High. Except it wasn’t because AJ Styles was really angry. The 5-foot-something puberty injected bowl of Georgian peach cobbler marched to the guidance office.
“MAMMAMIA!” exclaimed front desk secretary Mauro Ranallo who also had to share his single person desk with Tom Phillips, John “Bradshaw” Layfield, and David Otunga.
“Someone get that soccer mom out of here!” John “Bradshaw” Layfield aka JBL aka Bradshaw quipped while also not wearing his hat because the desk likes wearing it sometimes. I guess. Tom Phillips said something, but no one cares about Tom Phillips so it didn’t matter.
Yet that wasn’t enough to stop said soccer mom from storming past the secretary’s desk and into a small hallway lined with offices. Since AJ Styles cannot read, he took care to sneak a peek into every open office to make sure it was the one he wanted. Finally, he found the one and promptly barged inside of the green money-lined office. A cash register noise sounded to mark the whiny Southerner’s entrance.
“What can I do for you?” Shane McMahon, the offices occupant asked, looking up from a stack of $100 bills he was applying stickers of future hall of famer Chyna to.
“Why aren’t I on the Honor Society?!” AJ Styles yelled with his hoarse Southern accent which is heavily in need of a throat lozenge. “Y’all let John Cena, Bray Wyatt, Dean Ambrose, y’all let Randy Orton in and half of them don’t even go to class. Shit, Orton is a damn biology teacher. Why is he even in there?!”
“Well, AJ. First, you don’t have any transcripts.” The venerable money dad Shane O’Mac McMahon looked back down at his stack of money which had since multiplied in size by about 7. “You also can’t read.”
“The hell you mean I can’t read?!”
“AJ, your gloves say P1”
AJ Styles paused, squinting as he usually does whenever he looks at things, but this time in confusion. Taking a look at the gloves he usually wears, he paused. Then, he held them up PHENOMINALLY, displaying the design to Shane McMaco.
“It SAYS ‘Phenominal One’! I know because I told them to make it say that.”
“AJ, that’s a P and-”
“Yeah? And you’re a shit.” The greasy haired future soccer mom bit back, clearly also not knowing basic letters and numbers.
McMaco O’ Shan sighed and rubbed his temples as anyone probably would if they were interacting with AJ Styles and shook his head.
“I’m not letting you on the Honor Society until you learn how to read. In fact, I’ll set you up with some tutor-“ Shane MoneyMahon was not able to finish his sentence before AJ Style smashed him through a car window. A conveniently placed backseat camera recorded the entire incident, streaming it live on the USA Network. This wasn’t staged.
In that instant, school security guard and local rattlesnake, Stone Cold Steve Austin and bearded vegan and fist-to-face enthusiast cheerleading coach Daniel Bryan burst into the office, with Stone Cold giving the blue-clad redneck a stunner and dragging him to the principal’s office.
“Stephanie Mcmahon!” Brian Daniel roared upon entering her office. A small crowd of highly school spirited students appeared to chant YES YES YES YES during this, “This little snot just took out one of the guidance counselors! He needs to be expelled!”
Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley stood from her desk and walked over to look at the unconscious AS Jyles who was currently slung over the rattlesnake man’s shoulder.
“This must be the one Hunter accepted without a transcript.” The high-pitched snake woman mused aloud, “Hunter, what do you have to stay about letting this troublemaker into the school?” She turned to face Triple Hunter HHearst HHHelmsley who was busy collecting energy from the knees of other star pupils in the school and storing the power in the quad he injured back in 2001 to keep it strong. At that moment, Seth Rollin’s knee gave out.
“Cut the fat.” He shrugged the comment off, clearly not listening as Samoa Joe returned to the office, dropping a crumbled up Sami Zayn on his desk. Knees fresh for the harvesting.
“He’s expelled.” Stephanie turned back, deadpanned.
AJ Styles was then promptly thrown out the back door of the school and regained consciousness. Dean Ambrose quickly popped his head out of the dumpster he lived in back there to point and laugh at the rejected “Face that Runs in Place” before slamming and locking the door.
Now without a school, he knew he would have to go back to that really intense high school in Japan. Getting up and mentally preparing for the long journey ahead, the “Champ that Runs the Ramp” made it across the parking lot from the building before being blindsided and taken out by a humanoid object that had launched itself from the roof.
Shane McMahon then put on his cool guy sunglasses and did a silly dance back inside WWE High as it rained money money money money money money money money money money dolla dolla dolla dolla ching ching bling bling.
The End