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One of my favorite moments is when I show up randomly, no warnings, and watch her reaction. Some of the individuals that have associated with the Winchesters would jump away with wide eyes and open mouths but not her. She always keeps her gaze fixed straight ahead, as if she is studying the lines of the road but the edges of her mouth quirk up just enough to make it obvious that she notices my presence. She almost always ignores me at first, talking to Dean or Sam over the blare of music, one of the men shift the conversation around towards me instead.
Tonight however it’s different, technically it’s early in the morning, but stars still hang in the sky over the open stretch of highway. Her head is slumped against the window and there is a fog against the glass from the heat of her breath. Her hair is wild around her face and sticking up in the back, but it is the serene expression where no lines mar her features, reminding me of the way I felt in Heaven before there were signs of the Apocalypse. Where humanity was something that intrigued me endlessly even if I felt so far removed.
That was why I did it, alone with her in the backseat, only there for a few seconds before either of the Men in the front of the car even acknowledged me. I took my hand pushed her hair away from her eyes, reveling in the way the moonlight made her skin glow, her flesh was so soft and warm under my fingers it made me wish with all my being that I could be human if only to be closer to her than I could be as an angel.
“Cas?” Her voice was thick with sleep, but she raised herself up to turn towards me.
“Hello y/n,” I was at a loss for words, because at that moment her eyes were mixed with the silver glow of the moon and she was something greater than humanity or angels could ever design.
“What are you doing?”
I wasn’t sure what to say, maybe I should tell her that I could hear her dreams, faded voices that were calling my name and pulling me to be in this moment. Instead I make up an excuse, Dean always needs my presence to help assure their safety, “I am here to help with the case.”
As her grin widened to the point where most of her teeth were showing, her cheeks dimpled and eyes sparkling with pleasure, I felt as if I was going to implode with the loveliness of her.
“No, I mean what are you doing,” she said as her fingers brushed the back of my hand.
It was the moment I knew my grace was being corrupted because the human emotion I felt was overwhelming embarrassment when I realized that I never removed it from her face. As I tried to jerk it away hastily her fingers slipped between mine, and held me firm, ensconced between her own flesh.
Dean’s eyes were watching us in the review mirror. I could see the way he was holding back obvious laughter at the strange moment, as I did my best to distract myself from the swirl of energy that was dancing between y/n’s skin and my own, and then he broke down in snickers causing her to drop away.
“So Cas you have news on the ghost or did you show up just to make eyes at y/n?” He was speaking between muffled laughter.
“I don’t have news,” uncomfortable and trying to think up some type of excuse, “I just thought with my powers I could be of use.”
His laughter died down, “alright well we could always use some extra muscle.”
“Yeah Cas, we love that muscle,” y/n said as she nudged me gently in the ribs obviously trying to loosen the previous tenseness of the moment.
I was unable to try and match their banter, too occupied with watching the way she began to wake up fully. Her arms extended as far as she could make them before they bumped up against the dark leather of the front seat. The curve of her back and the way she rolled her shoulders shouldn’t have been sexy, there was nothing erotic in the moment but it was, it was like a precursor to a dance and was intoxicating to watch. When she shook out her hair and tried to untangle it with her hands I caught the scent of her fruity shampoo, the type that Dean had bought her as a joke, but was a defining feature of the image I created of her in my mind.
A slight sliver of her stomach was exposed, and I had to clasp my hands together tightly in my lap, trying to force myself desperately not to reach out and feel the heat of that skin again. I couldn’t help the way that my eyes lingered there, for a moment too long it seemed, because when I finally did look back at her face she was squinting at me and my apparently unscrupulous behavior.
I needed to do something, the sound of the engine rumbling along the pavement, and the way that the mingling of our heated breathing in the tiny backseat were suddenly forcing me to action.
Instead of taking her hand in an obviously romantic gesture I grabbed the upper portion of her arm, feeling the soft knit of her t-shirt under my touch. Then we were standing in one of my favorite places, and I was even more pleased when her expression had morphed back into the one I had chased back in the past whenever I popped into existence next to her in the car. It was pleasure but there was the obvious attempt at hiding it from me.
“I wanted to talk to you in private.” I knew she wasn’t angry so I didn’t try and come up with a better reason for taking her away.
“About what?” She was turning in a slow circle with her head bent back as she looked towards the high points of the various evergreens that enclosed the forest. The light was dappled as it fell through the foliage, and it was no longer nighttime but the middle of the afternoon.
“This,” and as I pressed my lips against hers I noticed the way her eyes widened in surprise, her pupils vast and dark and eyebrows raised up, her mouth slack.
Kissing her was strange, it held the emotion that I so frequently pushed away, it was as if time was relative again holding only meaning to other beings that were far removed from this place. The outline of her body was soft against the lines of nature behind her, making her even more striking against the setting of the background. Her eyes stayed opened but started to relax, there was a warmth behind them and she moved her mouth against mine, it felt like she was putting in her own emotions.
When she pulled away I felt hesitant and even more so when she started to speak.
“Your supposed to close your eyes when you kiss someone.”
“But your eyes were open also.” I thought back to her shock and wondered if it was on her face because she hadn’t wanted it to happen.
“Exactly, yours should have been closed because then you wouldn’t have seen how much I wanted to watch you do that, what took you so long?” Her smile was sly but it was an expression I knew too well, she was only joking.
“I don’t know, maybe we should try it again the correct way?”
And when her lips touched mine, I let everything go dark. There was the smell of dirt and foliage mixing with her scent. There was her hair that was just slightly damp underneath my fingers. Being with her was so intoxicating I didn’t even need to watch her to be completely lost in the moment.
All I could hope is that it would never end.