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| I Do, But You Won’t |
The morning is exhausting. Makeup, getting her hair and nails done, putting her beautiful champagne coloured gown on. It doesn’t even give her time to think or have second thoughts and, quite frankly, thank god for that. As a little girl, Brooke had dreamed of her wedding day way too many times to count, but now that it is finally happening, there is no time to contemplate how lucky she is that her dream is coming true.
“Not now, Victoria!” Brooke screams as her mother goes on another rant about how she’s a failure. Or at least that’s what she thinks the older woman is saying because she’s pretty sure at one point she’s heard the words “I’m proud of you” distinctly. The husky voiced young woman has little time to respond though. Her mother is out the door and she’s walking down the aisle.
Brooke hears the marital march perfectly. Tears threaten to fall down her face but she contains them, in fear of ruining her makeup so early in the ceremony. “If you feel like crying, don’t blink. Don’t. Blink.” Victoria had been saying not too long ago.
She spots him and it’s like all the stress fades away; months of planning the ceremony and the reception, nerve wrecking days of deciding how to decorate and what to wear. They are all gone and they all had a purpose.
The purpose is standing in front of her. A smile on his lips that whisper, “you look beautiful.” His sky blue eyes shiny from the tears he doesn’t let roll down his face. His sand blonde hair tamed with so much hair gel it makes her giggle.
“I love you,” Brooke whispers back, too emotional for the usual nicknames.
Broody, Boyfriend, the latest fiancé. Cheery, Pretty girl, the girl behind the red door, fiancée. She can list them all in no time and they all remind her of different times in their relationship. It all came down to this moment and she will be damned if it wasn’t worth it.
The minister talks and talks. He talks too much and for so long, while Brooke stands there just wanting to get it over with. To marry him before he fades away. Except this time he doesn’t. They get to the vows.
“Lucas Scott, you are my world. You have always been my world. You saw something in me that no one else had ever seen before. You believed in me when I didn’t know how to believe in myself, you gave me strength, words of advice. Thank you. All my dreams came true and I’m not just talking about my career. My dream is you and you’re here now. Now and forever,” Brooke says, trying hopelessly to fight the tears. It couldn’t be helped. Not this time.
“Brooke Davis, it’s been a long journey for us. We stood the test of time, defeating a whole paraphernalia of other challenges along the way too. My life would not be the same without you, for you are my light. In the darkest hours, you were there always, you never failed me. I love you so much and I’m overwhelmed with joy that you’ll let me make you happy for the rest of our lives.” Lucas recites his vows like he knows them by heart, not without tears either. Brooke chokes back a sob.
They don’t get out of the church before she’s waking up. The light invading the room, invading the privacy of her subconscious. Brooke groans. These dreams that never went away, they barely let her move on with her life.
During the day she loves Julian. She truly does. There is a life for them, she would do anything for him. During the night, it’s a whole different story. Lucas moved away with her best friend Peyton over a year ago, but he stayed in Tree Hill. Like a ghost that won’t let her sleep peacefully, he comes back and haunts her every night.
Someone opens the door with the carefulness and respect for the should-be-asleepers of a scared elephant running through the jungle, stomping on fallen branches of trees.
“Wakey-wakey!” It’s Millicent and she’s bringing coffee.
“Why?”
“You know today is your wedding day, right?” The other woman laughs like Brooke is just a really silly girl who just woke up. The truth would shock her.
“Right!” Brooke sits up on her bed, accepting the coffee Millie is oh-so-kindly handing her. “Thanks,” she forces a smile.
She’s just done the getting ready for a wedding thing in her sleep, so really, how difficult can this be? Oh, but it’s harder in real life. Everything is real and her dress is heavy. Brooke has to focus on breathing and applying her mascara correctly and keeping on loving Julian.
She wonders if Lucas’ memory will ever go away and prays to god almighty it does. He scarred her in ways she can’t think about without feeling two things: regret and a painful stabbing type of hurt in the pit of her stomach. She kept her heart open for him for so long, only to have it broken like it was a game. But it wasn’t a game. Lucas couldn’t love her like she loved him and now she finds herself unable to love Julian like he loves her. Love is a sick, twisted circle. It goes around and around. Sometimes both parts spin around it in perfect harmony, like Nathan and Haley; other times, one point is chasing the other as the other chases another. It’s endless and ridiculously tragic.
She walks down the aisle later that morning, all smiles and tears. Brooke is happy and the memory of blonde hair is long gone as she sees Julian’s brunette head standing at the altar waiting for her. Jamie flashes her a cute little grin. She says yes later and she’s married and she’s happy.
She still has dreams about him sometimes, but they don’t matter anymore.
Lucas is her dream, he is but a dream.